"Im sorry... I can't do this..." Was I all I could choke out, I ran and ran and ran until my feet were killing me.. I wasn't at home, wasn't at the dorm, or even near home. There was this old but very lively dance studio I came across a few weeks ago. I visit when I can so that I can help with the students. They passionately dance while I silently sneak by to the teacher.
"Ah, N/n (nicknames), Why are you here? Come to visit?" I smiled, He was an older man mabey in his late 40s but his dancing was still something I enjoyed seeing.
"I just came to ask a personal favor. I'm going to talk to my dad as well. Can we talk outside for a moment?" He seemed a bit confused but didn't hesitate with his answer.
"Of course, Five minute break everyone!" He spoke softly to me and then such proudness with the others. We walked outside in silences and stood by the bridge and looked up to the old but yet pretty oak tree. We have them a lot where I grew up but these were just something different.
"So what's going on my dear?" He was standing waiting there while I searched for a way not to cry. I bet my eyes were already red and puffy.
"I decided I was going to live in the UK or go to australia for about a year. I really don't wanna go home so I was hoping I could stay here and help with the studio for awhile." He gave me looks my grandfather use to when I was with my preves parents. I'm still sad to hear or think about them but they were going to stuffer cause of the accident and im glas they don't have to now.
"I wouldn't mind you staying but is there a reason why? You know I don't have children or grandchildren but I'm here to listen if you need some wise sayings." He chuckles like the first time I met him...
"I just don't want to burden some people, I don't have confidence in myself so i'm afraid I can stand where I need to and I only follows those who I have to. I don't show myself as me I show it as if Im just doing as i'm told, Like a puppet." He stood and didn't speak so I continued, "I love them, All of them but I don't want to be a burden, they haven't even started their career and people are already leaving because of me. I can just sit and let them take care of things anymore. I don't want to be around to see my problem burn them to the ground."
"I don't think your following as your told. I think your to afraid to speak your mind for the fear of being left, hurt, or most likely hurting others. You seek to make everyone happy but yourself so to the help them you take yourself out the picture. What do you truly want right now? More than anything in the world?"
"YAH! Turn it back on!" Jay was so mad when they turned the tv off when we were watching the good part of the movie.
"Hyung, Your loud, shush! I'm tired.." Niki... He was sleeping on my lap, I look around to see Jungwon and SungJoon talking with Jake. I looked over on my right to see Heeseung just listening to music while writing. These... These are the people I love the most, The one the I want most...
"Ha, I guess you're right. " I looked at the older man, Li, "I know what I want and to be away form that is to much for me to even think right now." I smiled up at the tree.
"Good, Your always welcome here if you need me or anyone's help. You've done so much for us." He's eyes disappeared into his face. I giggled and said my goodbye to everyone. All I could thinking about was returning to my babies. I grabbed my phone and called Jay.
"Yin! Where are you? I'll come get you." His voice and the others... I couldn't help but cry.. I wanted to hold them, them to hold me, I wanted them around me at that moment so bad. I never felt like this before so i'm emotion.
"I'm... *sniffs* at the cafe. I'll wait *sniffs* for you." He hung up and for the next 5 minutes all i could do was wait and cry. I was curled up by the wall crying.
"There she is!" Niki's voice is a bit louder than others. I looked up to see a blurred image of 7 boys. I felt a hand on my lower wait and under my legs. I looked to my right to Heeseung picking me up and without question I put my arms around him. I cried a little harder this time tho.
"Your okay. We got you, Love." Jake's australian accent is something I love the most. I couldn't open my eyes yet but I could feel us getting into a car. Heeseung didn't move you, He just let you sit in his lap the whole time.
"Where here." Jungwon was the one in the front of the car. I could hear them get out and I felt someone grab me form Heeseung. I looked up to see Sunghoon. He was now trying to pick me up princess style, but I stopped him. I could walk now and my tears slowly stopped.
"I can walk. Im fine." I kiss his cheek and intertwined are hands. Jake put his arm around me and I put mine around his waist. The others were a bit jealous and It showed.
After calming down..
"The reason I left was cause I felt like a burden on you guys. I'm not help when It comes to your work and you'll have to go on tour and everything. I won't be able to come and you all have just started your career I couldn't do it to you. I went and talked to someone and he made me release that it was just me wanting the best for you and I wasn't thinking about myself. I want to be with you but there's so much we all need and want to do so I'm going to go to Japan and study for a few years and then go to america for year. When I come back let's get married and try to settle down as much as we can. I want you to grow a artist and people but to do that you don't need distractions and i'm a big one right now. You guys only need me around for the first few weeks. The separation will give me time to think about what I really want to do with my life, the things I want to learn and have when getting older. Im breaking up with you but I think I want a distance relationship until we are older. Do you understand?" We were sitting in the dorm living room and the boys were all surrounding me. They gave me some looks but they are understandable looks.
"We'll agree to it but next time don't run just tell what your feelings. Were all here for you and you don't need to feel like a burden cause you aren't. Right now may not be the best time to have a relationship ,yes, but are love is going to stay with you so don't feel like we're letting you go cause we aren't. We also want what's best and if you wanna go and study the do that. We can't hold you back." Heeseung spoke with tears in his eyes, the rest of the boys were either crying with him or trying to hold them back. I couldn't help but smile at my boys
A few years later..
A few year have passed and I finally know what I want to do with my life. I want to be an actress, dancer, and model. I want to be in the entertainment business , I want to have kids, I want to marry my 7 babies. I want a peace life.
I want them
The boys grew and they became just like BTS but I like they grew more than them only cause people all over the world watched them grow, they watch these reckless kids turn into fine men. They watch them as they fought through everything together. I believe the longer you know someone the more you follow them or understand them. I believe Engenes love and adore Enyphen because they watch them grow and understand the pains, the funny moments, the anxiety, and everything. Like me they want what's best and if disbanding to marry is what they want they happy expect that with smiling faces and lot of love.
To all K-pop fans, Your idol is someone you look up to you adore and love them, but understand they want a normal life like you do. They turned into a idol they weren't born like that so there always going to have the same mindset as you. They want a family, love, and kids. We have to let go when the time comes though it may be hard that's the best goodbye gift a Idol can receive from a fan. It shows respect and hope and love from you.
(This is what I feel sorry if you don't agree.)
Author: I want to let everyone know that I'm not happy about BTS disbanding soon or even thinking about it but they are getting older and I bet everyone of them wants a family. I won't deny them that cause there just like us with popularity and stuff. There cool, hot, handsome, and pretty cool people, but they want to move on from life and i'm going to let them go with the best hopes. To any BTS member or Enyphen to ever read this (probably not) I hope you live the life you want, don't look back just keep going. We'll support you even if your not a band. I'm a fan of Enyphen now, its kinda sad they remind me of you all. They shine in away that catches your eyes. Niki reminds me a bit of Jimin for some reason. It's not looks but they dance with such emotions it catch my eyes. That's why both Jimin and Niki are my biases. I've loved dancing since I was young I stop doing that after elementary and now im in high school. I wanna thank you two for changing my view on life. I stopped dancing cause I felt like no one would look my way twice but Niki's 16. He's only a year older than me and he's an idol. I want to dance again I want that bliss and they peace that comes with dancing. Im not going to do it for anyone but me. I love the breathless moment as soon as your done with your dance. Nothing could replace what I felt when I do that. Follow your heart and don't regret it cause that shows your time was wasted. You do amazing things everyday by just setting an example, keep doing that , and change more lives
~Love from EJ~