kamisato ayato put down the quill and massaged his temples.
in the dimly lit room, his desk looked like a battlefield. papers piling up and spilling, emptied bottles of ink littering the free space, and those three empty teacups staring at him accusingly, as if prodding him with "you haven't slept for three days, you're going insane."
kamisato ayato was well aware, but like most adults he had no time to bother himself with little things like sleep and sanity.
suddenly, a warm voice interrupted his tiny pity session.
"master," the voice said. "the young lady asked me once again to convince you to go to sleep earlier. earlier than six in the morning, i believe."
"thoma," ayato said quietly in an exhale. "i told you nearly million times. do not call me m-"
"master, i'm well aware. as well that you hate when people interrupt you, yes i know."
"you're going almost as insane as me. glad to know."
thoma cackled and entered the room, walking towards ayato's desk. it took him a while to move the papers and cups aside, but eventually he made himself some space and sat on ayato's desk, looking down at his hands.
it's true that they were both going a little insane. who in the boarders of inazuma wouldn't taste madness when the civil war bloomed and the shogunate collected jars of blood to satisfy the higher reasons unknown to the mortals? but unlike the mortals, both ayato and thoma faced a different taste of despair.
ayato drowned in work per usual. his social battery ran at 0% and he was still dragged in and out. on top of that, he was hiding a wanted criminal.
the said wanted criminal, on the other hand, couldn't leave the estate and it made his muscles twitch and his brain knock around the room. he was going insane from boredom and uselessness, wanting to either smash something or somebody, preferably himself.
little did it help that their routine was suddenly broken by the appearance of two most wanted criminals at their doorstep, one injured one carrying an unconscious one, both of them looking like death spit them out because their taste was disgusting.
ayato stared at thoma carelessly sitting on his desk, and very deeply considered smacking that ass once and for good.
"tell my sister that sleep was not in the contract i signed."
"what are you, the lord of geo? you can't pass out now, we don't have any spare beds anymore."
"right..." ayato sighed. "how are the two of them doing?"
"asleep again. tomo briefly woke up, threw up all over and went back to sleep. kazuha probably rebelled against the sleeping pills and still sits on his bed."
ayato leaned on his desk, taking a piece of fabric of thoma's clothes and rubbing it between his fingers, "is the medicine ready?"
"it'll be good in the morning, most likely in time for them to leave. unless you allow me to go now which will be faster and-"
"you're not leaving this house unless i say so or unless you step over my dead body."
"..."
"i said what i said."
"young master is truly heartless."
kamisato ayato could not restrain himself anymore. gathering the weak amount of power he had, he slapped thoma's butt to the sound of him yelping in surprise. ayato sat up straight and then got up, hearing all the bones in his spine creak and crack mercilessly. his vision went black briefly as the pounding in his head intensified.
"uh, gods..."
he had thoma's hands gripping his arms and firmly holding him in place within a sparkle of a second. the dizziness melted away to the blood pounding through his temples, and he opened his eyes ready to face thoma's wrath.
"bed. now."
no one could resist that fierce look on thoma's face, even though it was hilarious considering most of the time he looked and behaved like a puppy. ayato didn't really care about the possible consequences of his equally possible rebellion, but he didn't have much energy left in his muscle to protest.
the most he could do was slap thoma's butt again as they walked, hearing thoma growl into his ear.
"a change of plans."
kamisato ayato was then picked up bridal style and couldn't even feign surprise. he deserved anything that was to come, but he first remembered something important, "wait."
"no."
"someone has to tell kazuha and the other that-"
"kazuha knows, they'll do what they consider right."
"okay. one last request."
thoma rolled his eyes, "yeah?"
"be gentle, my back is killing me."
thoma laughed mercilessly.
---
kaedehara kazuha felt his neck break with the tiniest of movements.
he didn't know what time it was when he woke up with his cheek on his arm, and his arm on the edge of the mattress. he looked around in confusion. only after a minute did the pieces fall back together.
they made it to the kamisato estate. they were safe.
tomo was still fast asleep on the big white pillow, paler than the pillow. under all these lights and bedsheets, he truly looked pathetic. it was all those colors that evaporated, and the cheekbones prominent in the shadows, as well as the fact that when he slept he was vulnerable to the bone.
kazuha stared at him and couldn't stop his hand from reaching out and pushing a strand of sandy hair away. tomo moved a little and exhaled.
kazuha's fingers brushed against his skin gently like a touch of wind, marking their way through his forehead, down his temple, and resting for a bit on his cheek. all the while kazuha bit down hard onto his lip, trying not to let his breath detach tomo from his sleep.
the first tear fell down unnoticed. the second one made him blink. as the third and fourth followed, kazuha gripped at the bedsheets and gave up.
finally.
finally he had allowed himself to cry.
he didn't remember when was the last time he let the weakness take him over. was it on the first day after? maybe. now it had a different taste to it, a different shade of blue. he was crying in relief, crying in hopelessness and crying because tomo was so beautiful and so destroyed, lying here deprived of memories and chased by arrows, and kazuha could only carry the weight of their past alone.
when the daybreak came, the sun poured through the curtains. it was still too early. everyone in the estate was asleep.
only kazuha had his eyes open staring inside a nowhere.
little did he know he was not the only one.
tomo's eyes carried a shadow of recognition he knew would fade away soon. he knew his memories were a seeve and didn't stay with him for long. at most, he could connect emotions and link them to the pictures briefly scattering through his head. and they were all undeniably connected to the boy who cried on his bed.
kazuha took a shaky breath in and glanced at tomo again. his eyes widened coming in contact with a pair of lilac ones that were so aware.
tomo watched him in detail like he wanted to write him over and over again, like all those phrases on a piece of paper he didn't want to forget. it was there, he thought staring at the scar on kazuha's cheek. it was there, he thought staring at kazuha's lips. it was you, he realised coming in touch with his eyes.
kaedehara kazuha didn't understand, but he guessed right to let the silence float between them.
the awareness burnt bright in tomo's eyes. and when he opened his lips to speak, it almost felt like a fever dream.
"kazuha," he whispered. "how long have you been alone?"
have you waited for me all this time? or did you try to move on and live the life i wanted us both to have?
kazuha swallowed down and whispered back, "since she took you away."
tomo reached his hand out and touched the red streak in kazuha's hair. the other didn't dare moving away. his hair felt like fine silk underneath his dry skin. tomo smiled, "you should have moved on."
"i couldn't."
"i'm soon going to forget again," tomo spoke quietly. "i will not remember a single thing."
kazuha's lower lip trembled, "i'll bring you back home, don't worry."
tomo gazed at him long and quiet; the lilac in his eyes fading at the edges.
"help me," he whispered. "help me remember. please, kazuha."
kazuha nodded, leaning down. he could see tomo's eyes lose the contact with himself, and he acted fast before he never could again.
the kiss was brief, almost like a nothing. but it left his lips trembling as he stood up almost immediately, running to the window and clutching at the curtains. he didn't want to look back. he didn't want to hear him lose it again.
"kazuha?" the voice spoke; empty, distant, remembering nothing. "where the hell are we?"
kazuha inhaled sharply and wiped the tears away from his face, "we made it."
and we will make it again.
one day, i will bring you back home.
----
the servants brought them tea and breakfast, along with the bottle of freshly brewed medicine packed carefully in the bag. they put a lot of extra stuff they lacked in the camp, so much kazuha couldn't help but wonder how they were even going to smuggle it in without being noticed.
as their plates were empty and stomachs full, a tall man with long silver hair greeted them from the door.
"it's a pleasure to finally meet the key part of sangonomiya resistance," he spoke. "we heard a lot about you."
"i assume none of it was any good."
"we don't like hearing about the good stuff anyway. how are the two of you feeling? your arm?"
kazuha looked down at his arm carelessly; he actually forgot there was a three centimetres deep cut that almost had him bleeding out to death and had to be stitched. it burnt despite the hectolitres of medicine he was forced to drink but he genuinely forgot about it.
"it's healing already. i find no proper words to thank you for your kindness to-"
"kindness my ass," kamisato ayato interrupted him, leaving kazuha buffled and downright shocked. the look on his face must have been a sight to see, because tomo choked on the tea he was drinking. "we're on the same side of the war. it's not kindness, it's the duty."
"besides," another voice spoke out, and a head of a youthful boy appeared in the doorframe. "young master tends to like little rebels bleeding out in his chambers."
"don't listen to him, he's going insane. he hasn't seen the sunlight in a while and his vital organs experience failure."
thoma took all he had inside him so as not to make a comment on whose insides were in a better shape after the night. instead, his eyes rested on tomo, who was wiping the tea from the table.
"but i have to admit that finally meeting you is a point on my bucket list. i feel entirely fulfilled, i can totally die now."
the pyro vision hanged from his hip how it should, strikingly different against the hydro vision on ayato's belt. the two of them didn't seem like something that could work, and yet they gave kazuha a nostalgic feeling. especially when the eyebrow above ayato's right eye twitched, and he smiled a smile of upcoming disaster.
"forgive him," he said. "he will go back to his room to reflect."
"yes, i will. but first, i will walk the two of you out. not that i'm hurrying you to leave, of course, but-"
"but we have to," kazuha finished for him. "we need to hurry back and give the medicine to the general."
ayato nodded, "judging by what you said yesterday, the situation at the front is even worse than gossips suggest."
"it's hell," tomo answered. "not a day goes by without a catastrophe."
"wars are meant to leave a mark. i wonder how long it will last and how many lives will be lost until one side finally acknowledges defeat."
kamisato ayato fixed the navy blue sleeve of his robe before looking them in the face again.
"the shogunate must have a strong reason to keep pushing at your boarders, and i believe the reason is sitting in front of me. however, with the memory loss you're experiencing, it might be both a downside and a common benefit."
tomo scowled, "i don't really know."
"say, what if the thing you forgot is the thing that can defeat the shogun and put the end to her reign? what if she's the one blocking the memories from spilling?"
"she is," tomo replied. "i never really had doubts about it."
"if such is the case, bringing the memories back might be the key to the finality of the war."
"or," thoma added from where he stood, "it can bring more disasters. either way, we won't find out unless we make it happen."
kazuha couldn't help but butt in, "what does that mean?"
kamisato ayato and thoma shared a quick look before replying to them, "if you go north-east of the estate through the shore, you'll see a break in the cliffs. it is littered with the same blue flowers as the one you saw in chinju forest. there's something you might want to see if you intend on carefully calling back for those memories. but this something... that may not be careful at all."
kazuha froze, "what does that mean?"
---
descending there took less time than kazuha thought, even though the road down and up again was tiring. they couldn't miss the place; the blue flowers lit up shadows, and the circling electro crystalfies brought in the mystic aura of something eerie to be seen.
kazuha was the first one to stop dead in tracks before tomo followed.
on the pile of dirt and stones shaped in a mould before them, facing all three walls and the ocean, there was a single blade protruding from the rocks; stone heavy and familiar.
kazuha was the first one to drop to his knees. tomo didn't follow.
no words could possibly describe the wave of pain washing down kazuha's chest. to see that broken blade again after years, even if it pierced an empty grave, was something kazuha could not explain in words.
even if the grave was empty, even if the owner of the dead sword stood right behind him; kaedehara kazuha couldn't help his knees from digging into the sacred ground.
he expected something, any shadow of reaction from the one behind him. but tomo stared at the sword in confusion, visibly not moved.
"what is it?"
kazuha looked at him and remembered the promise he made; the promise to bring his memories back regardless of the cost.
but if he told him the truth now, would it change a thing? if he told him, would he believe?
this was the sword you owned, the one that died for you. the same one we sparred with every day. the one you got on a whim, the one that grew with you. it is filled with your soul, it obeys your commands only. it's shattered like your memory but it's all you, it's a piece of you you have to gain back. and this is the grave of the man you were, a memory and a shadow.
"let's take it," kazuha whispered. "please."
this time tomo's memories didn't rage inside; he pulled out the sword and carried it with him without a change to his expression. kazuha, on the other hand, felt shaken to the bone.
but time waited for no one. they held their heads up and set a cruise back to the heart of the wretched from the heart of the divine.
---
"kazuha! tomo! you're back!"
"move," kazuha whispered, pushing through the entrance. somewhere at the end of their road he started running. he didn't even know why his body told him to dash, but he ran through the sunset and ignored everything, a sick feeling wrenching his gut.
what if they were too late?
he could not stand the idea of being late again, to the bitter consequences and years of regret.
inside, the tent smelled like sweat, medicine and death, but kazuha fell at the edge of gorou's bed and put his hand againsty gorou's forehead.
it was scorching hot and pulsing but gods, it was pushing with shimmering life.
he took the medicine out and shook gorou awake, bringing him up to his chest. the boy murmured unclearly without opening his eyes. kazuha unscrewed the cork and brought the bottle to gorou's lips.
"drink it. gorou. drink the goddamn thing."
it was a struggle but eventually the medicine rolled down his throat. kazuha didn't wait, putting him down gently and working out the bandages on his head. his wound looked horrible and nasty, so much kazuha hissed at the sight but ducked down to browse through the items the kamisato estate gave them, finding the right cleansing water and ointments.
he worked for hours, continuously checking the wound, putting cold cloths to gorou's forehead and pouring the medicine and water down his throat. he did not dare to close his eyes until he finally felt gorou's fever go down, and the boy's eyes fluttered open tiredly.
kazuha flopped down on the ground, his head buried in the sheets of gorou's bed. he felt like a single word was going to make him cry again.
gorou coughed and hissed in pain, but that didn't stop him from blurting out a mess of illogical words and only one that made sense.
"you're fucking ugly when you cry."
kazuha burst out crying. the sobs ripped through his spine and ribcage, and had somebody burst through the door, probably expecting to see gorou dead and rotten. what they did see was the opposite. kazuha sobbing in the bedsheet and utterly terrified general patting his head and profusely apologising, "i didn't mean that, i swear! you're not THAT ugly."
kazuha cried even louder.
gorou looked frantically at the two boys in the room, "help me i think i broke him."
aether laughed out loud in relief he didn't feel in ages, strolling inside to clean the mess of bottles and dirty bandages. tomo followed behind and picked kazuha from the ground like a ragged doll, "you're going to sleep now."
kazuha didn't even protest much to everyone's astonishment, but simply and gracefully passed out in tomo's hold, too tired to hold on.
----
waking up felt like being hit by a meteorite.
it took him a good while to find out why; it was still dark outside. even the everlasting storm was asleep and didn't rage as much. it was right now that kazuha woke up, his sore muscles singing the ballads of pain and agony while his brain refused to rebuke.
so he laid there in his bed, ribcage tight and eyelids heavy. he felt warmth at his side and nuzzled his hand in the fur of a certain white cat.
funny enough, ever since he came here, tama would make it a habit to sleep in his bed. perhaps this was the number one reason why tomo stopped glaring at him angrily but instead suspiciously. even so, nothing mattered anymore.
gorou was safe. they were back. the day hasn't started yet.
he found it to be a great opportunity to reflect and successfully overthink everything.
his thought steered back to those precious memories of years ago, when tomo would still wear those flashy red clothes of his and ask for a fight out of genuine boredom. kazuha missed the clothes; they were really soft to the touch.
especially when he pulled it up and threw aside.
a blush creeped onto his cheeks when the shade of memory burst out before his eyes and dragged lines on his skin. he could still feel him heavy and hard, hot skin pushing the breath away from him. when they intertwined, the illusion of time was wiped out to the feeling of being filled to the brim, the feeling of being touched everywhere, more omnipresent than the wind that listened to him.
kazuha blinked his eyes open and slapped himself back on track. this was not the right moment to think about... this.
but his body suggested something else, and kazuha cursed out loud before getting up to smack himself with a bucket of cold water. or better, get out in the rain and get electro-shocked back to decency.
the cold night air felt brisk, and the rain on his temples for once didn't piss him off. he stood there cooling down, with the white cat watching him curiously from the entrance and a pair of lilac eyes from just around.
"good evening."
"FUCK!" kazuha screamed, tripping and falling into the rain puddle. it soon had horrible consequences approaching, one of which being gorou's sleepy yell awaking the entire camp.
"IT'S THE AMBUSH EVERYBODY GET UP."
"NO!" kazuha yelled back. "IT'S ME!"
"OH! FUCK YOU THEN!"
the guards at the gates who had their watch tonight were all a little amused; there were scarcely any times worth a laugh these days. kazuha's utter misery brought them the time of their lives. meanwhile tomo was suffocating from laughter, gripping at his stomach and tears rolling down his cheeks.
"oh god... oh my god, pfffft!"
"you... what in the name of-"
"wait a moment- fuck, i can't breathe... oh god, ahahaha!"
kazuha got up to his feet angrily, the embarrassment making his knees shake as he strode back to his room but not without calling for the wind to wash the mud from his clothes, very accidentally aiming it at tomo.
soon enough, tomo called for vengeance and followed kazuha inside. taking a look at his cat, the betrayal, sitting on the wooden chair and licking her paw, he snorted.
"and here i kept wondering where she went again, you know, like a fool."
"perhaps you stink," kazuha shrugged. tomo's presence in his room was the worst that could be happening now. but the shock of the rain and sudden circus definitely worked to calm down what needed to be calmed down. now he was just being petty and flustered, quite a typical sight.
tomo leaned against the wall and stared at him with a nasty little grin, "perhaps if i took a shower in the rain, i would smell like roses."
"you can go outside and try, i will not stop you."
but tomo didn't listen. he marched inside, picked his cat up and sat on the chair with her on his lap, affectionately scratching her behind the ear. all this time kazuha rubbed his face tiredly as he slumped back on the bed, knowing damn well he was not getting any sleep tonight.
which brought the question he wanted to ask, "why aren't you asleep anyway?"
tomo shrugged, "who needs sleep?"
"you do."
"in that case, i'm still not getting any tonight."
kazuha glanced at him and sighed. tomo kept scratching tama's fur without looking at kazuha much, and that frankly made kazuha wonder why he even asked.
"the weird dreams again?"
tomo simply shrugged. after that, he let tama jump from his lap as he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket.
"i understand even less than before," he said. "and i know that coming here constantly and looking for help at your feet is selfish, and i also know i'm probably a huge bother to you."
"you talk too much. show me the paper."
tomo shook his head.
kazuha blinked surprised.
tomo then looked at him heavily and spoke, "i remember that you kissed me last night."
in an instant, all the air escaped his lungs.