I draw my sword from the Trikru man's chest. Blood and sweat cover me after a close battle. It seems like yesterday was the first time I murdered someone. I spent whole nights trying to control my crying and forget about what happened. Trying not to affect me so much, after all he had murdered the bitter witch. Questions like if he have family or friends torment me. The same doubts come to my mind after sheathing my sword. All these soldiers that I killed in battle, will they have someone waiting for them at home?
I move those ideas to the bottom of my mind. I did what I had to do. My only consolation is that it is them or me, and I much prefer my life. It is not my first battle, but it has not gotten easier over time as I have hoped. Every death haunts me in dreams, they try to take revenge for my daring to steal something as precious as life.
In the distance I saw a woman approaching Darius, who has become war chief and our commanding general after the death of the bitter witch. I move back the pain of her death and take my bow. Nomon gave it to me before going to war. I have decorated it with strokes on the wood made by hand, by me. I have also tied some ribbons to it. It was made to my measure, it is the perfect bow.
I aim and shoot. The arrow sticks to her throat and she dies before she can do my general any harm. I have become his second, and one of his best warriors. To occupy my mind and not think about my demons I have dedicated myself to train harder, to do as many tasks as possible. Everything to keep my mind occupied, not to think about my problems.
Mom sends me letters supporting me, but they have long ceased to be a comfort. Two years away from her side will soon be completed. Two years that have changed me. I have distanced myself from ai nomon, I avoid Roan and spend more than five minutes in the same room, I train whenever I can and I kill in cold blood. I am physically unrecognizable too. My body continues its development. I grow in height and my figure is modeled.
But what I have changed the most is the protruding scar that runs from the corner of my right lip to my clavicle on the same side. It's what the first man I murdered made me. When I woke up in the hospital tent, the healer said they would give me stitches, but I refused. Roan argued with me that it was for the best, but I didn't desist. Finally they bandaged me so that I would not continue to bleed.
The result is this outstanding scar on my features. Nobody understands why I wanted to keep it, with the stitches it would hardly have been noticed. For me it is a reminder of many things, how betrayal feels, how people are not what they seem and how it feels to kill someone.
Neither are pretty memories, but I don't want them to be either. This scar marks the day that Clarke died and Skai Prisa was born. With each battle I lose my humanity even more. I walk away from my loved ones, hurting not only them but also myself in the process. I feel broken and the adrenaline of war is the only thing that excites me.
I look up and search the crowd for Roan. We will be in a bad moment of our relationship, but he is still my brother and I don't even want his death. I don't need to lose someone else. Panic surrounds me when I can't find him in the crowd. We have won, the few surviving soldiers are chained to be taken as prisoners of war, but Roan does not appear.
I run between the bodies, trying to find him. With each face that I recognize or not, I despair even more. Trikru soldiers and Azgeda compatriots, but not my brother. I start screaming his name and ask everyone I meet if they have seen him. Nobody. Absolutely no one knows where it is. Pure panic invades me, I must find him. Even if he no longer breathes, I must.
"Roan!" I keep shouting his name in a loop, wishing he heard me.
I stumble across the entire battlefield, about to give up when I hear it. It's just a whimper, but it's there. I call his name again and the moan responds again. I run to where I think it is and the noise gets louder.
"Roan!" I finally saw him. Underneath some bodies, wounded, but alive after all.
"Clarke...." It's just a whisper, as if it hurts to speak.
"Here I am. Everything is going to be fine, you are going to be fine." My eyes fill with tears that I still don't allow myself to shed. "I need a doctor, now!"
For the first time in a long time I am grateful that I am Skai Prisa and that everyone is devoted to the crown. Our healer quickly arrives. Among other soldiers and I, we freed my brother, who must have played dead so they wouldn't kill him.
Suddenly Roan's eyes close. "No, no, no. Roan. Roan, wake up. You can't leave me." He seems to struggle but he must have lost too much blood.
The warriors and the healer carry Roan on a stretcher, trying to get to the medical area as soon as possible. I hope they arrive on time. I run after them holding their hand, please don't leave me bigabro.
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The doctor tells me that he was lucky, that he is still alive. For now. The wound may have become infected, but we won't know that for a few hours. The only thing left to do is wait and pray that he recovers. I sit in a chair next to his bunk and squeeze his hand. Things might get cold between us, but it's family. Family is the most important thing and I don't want to lose him, not him.
I stayed by his side all night. My weapons and I are still covered in blood, but I don't care. The only thing that matters to me now is that my brother wakes up. I'm not moving until that happens. I still resent him, but his near death made me realize something.
Nobody has his life insured. He could have died, or even me, and I would never have forgiven him. I should live with the burden that he died without forgiving him. And that would be something I could never forgive myself for. I rinse the tear that has begun to fall, this is not the time to cry. Even if he was already dead. A warrior does not mourn his death until the war is over. There will be time to heal the wounds.
I rest my head on the mattress and close my eyes. It has been a tiring day. The battle has exhausted me. I don't have any major injuries. Some small bruises and cuts that will heal over time. I have been wounded in battle before and this has been the one I have come out of the most unscathed. Physically speaking, because emotionally I break even more with each fight, with each death. The demons chase me until I fall into the arms of Morpheus.
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Roan has started to have a fever, which is not a good sign. It means that the wound has become infected. If we were in the Ark, my mother would have saved him, but we don't have that much technology here, so we just have to wait and see if he recovers. Darius has come and forced me to wash, change my clothes and eat. About resting, I have slept little. Only when my body can no longer resist being awake.
I have dark circles, scars and all my clothes have old blood stains. I look like a ghost with my pale skin. It is not in the conditions in which you would expect to see a girl, much less a princess. Minute after minute, hour after hour, and it has become days and nothing, Roan does not improve.
The news that my brother is on his deathbed has spread and a week later my mother shows up at the camp. She enters the hospital like a soul in the wind and runs towards us. First she notices Roan, who remains unconscious, delirious with fever. Then her eyes land on me. She seems to be amazed at how much I have changed, how much her daughter has grown.
She opens her arms and I throw myself into them. I burst into tears with her and we both cried for a long time. I update her on what has happened, from the bitter witch's death, to how things got worse between him and me. She comforts me and encourages me to work it out with him when he wakes up. If he does.
Nomon is busy most of the day planning the next move, while I divide my day training and the nights with Roan. I visit him whenever I can, trying not to neglect my training. After all, we could be sent to another battle at any time.
Another week has passed and my hopes are on the ground. I lose faith that he's going to wake up. I hope for the best, but I prepare for the worst. The doctor has said that we do not hope for the best, that if he were to wake up he would have already done so. I try to give him strength by talking to him and encouraging him to come back to us, begging him to listen to me.
"Please, Roan. Wake up, bigabro." I whisper an anguished night.
I started to cry into his chest, wishing our situation was different. Suddenly a hand caresses my hair. "Calm down, strisis. I told you that I would never leave." His voice is barely a whisper, but it's there.
"Roan!" I shout and hug him through tears. He tries to comfort me, but I don't cry out of sadness. I cry with joy, pure joy that I have not felt for a long time. "I thought I had lost you." I say coming out of my hiding place in his chest.
"But you didn't." He barely smiles at me. "I'm sorry."
"Why that?"
"Because of what I told you. For not having been there for you. You are my strisis, I should have taken better care of you. Do not let you go through all this alone." His voice is broken, hurt by my indifference towards him.
"Shhh, that doesn't matter anymore." I tell him stroking his hair, which now reaches his shoulders. "What matters is that you're fine. And everything will improve." We smile at each other through tears and hug again.
How I missed his hugs. I should have forgiven him earlier. But I cannot go back in time, so I must not waste the future. Life has taught me a lesson again, no one is safe from death. I was lucky not to lose him, but maybe I won't be so lucky next time.
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Ai nomon explains our situation to the captains and their deputies. I am in the meeting because I am the second of Darius, who with the arrival of my mother to the camp, has been relieved of his position of maximum authority. The final battle is coming, the one that could define our future. If we win, Trikru will be under our control. But if we fail, we will be at the mercy of the forest leaders. The idea makes me shudder.
Two weeks have passed since Roan woke up. His recovery is slow, but steady. The healer considers it a miracle and much luck. I stopped worrying about it and concentrated on the part where he is alive. Our relationship has improved and we have become almost as close as before. I hope we continue on this path. His injury has knocked him out, which is a comfort to Mom and me. Knowing that we are not going to lose him in battle is a relief.
"The battle will take place in the valley to the east, right on the border. It will be dangerous, we will lose most of us, but this has to end somehow. With our victory theirs. We will leave at dawn." The captains nod at my mother's words . "You're dismissed. Not you, Clarke. I want to talk to you in private." I had turned around, but I froze when I heard my name.
Everyone leaves the tent, leaving us alone. We haven't had time to be together, so if she's taking it, it must be important. "Okay, shoot." Me and my subtle way of addressing her.
Her face and voice softened at my mere presence. "The end of the war is approaching." She walks towards me, changing to gonasleng for me. She places her hand on my cheek. "You have changed so much, strikon." She did not call me that for so long. "You have become one of my best warriors." Her voice is tinged with pride. "But you are my daughter and the princess of Azgeda. And that's why you won't go to battle tomorrow."
"What ?!" I asked indignantly. "You don't think I'm capable of fighting and surviving?"
"Of course." She interrupts me calmly. I am totally upset, how dare she? "I cannot lose you. Not like this."
"You can't do it!" Stop holding back, it's my time to explode. "I worked so hard to be the best, to learn how to survive this damn war! And now that it's over, you don't want me there!"
"Clarke...." She tried to interrupt me.
"No!" I blurt out. "You won't be able to stop me, I'll go anyway! Like it or not, I will fight that battle! And you will have to accept it!"
"Well, I'm not asking you!" Wow, I never saw her so pissed off. "As your queen and mother, I commanded you and you must obey!"
I clench my fists. I glare at her and stomp out of the tent. I go to the only person with whom I can vent. Roan listens to me, but he agrees with Mom, he agrees that it is dangerous and he cannot lose me. Grumpy I go to bed, thinking about how I will avoid the guards that my mother assigned me so that I do not escape.
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There is little left until dawn, when the army will depart. I look at myself in the little mirror fragment in my store. I dip my hand in a special white paste for our war paint. I draw a line from my forehead to the beginning of my scar. I clean my hand and dip two fingers into the black one. First I outline my eyes, then I make a line from where my hair ends, to the middle of my dark circles. (In case you do not understand it is the same design that she use at the summit as Wanheda, but with a white line)
I clean my fingers with a cloth, which still remains black. I hide several daggers and knives all over my body, making sure I'm not unprotected. I put my sheath on my belt and sheathe my sword. I hang the quiver with the arrows behind me and take my bow. My mother thinks she can stop me, but it was child's play to run away from Roan's tent after he fell asleep. The guards are incompetent. If a girl can get around them, I think we should be concerned.
I'm ready to leave the tent when Roan walks in. "Clarke, what the hell are you doing? Nomon said that you were forbidden to go to battle."
"Well, I told her I would go anyway, so help me or get out of my way." He just crosses his arms in front of the entrance of the tent. "Come on Roan, I don't want to hurt you."
"Then don't do it." He replies. "Look, I know you are a great warrior and I don't doubt your abilities. I also know that you have changed, but you must not go. I can not lose you."
"I need it, Roan." I say defeated. "I need to be there when this is over. Whether we win or not. I must see with my eyes how this war that has taken so much of my time ends."
"I understand," he says, "But I'm not going to let you go. You are my strisis, and I promised mom that I would protect you."
"You can't stop me!" I yell at him angrily. "I'm no longer your responsibility, Roan!"
My words seem to hurt him, but I don't care. I must go before they leave without me. "Okay, sorry. But you really must stay, I could not bear to lose you." He still tries to convince me.
"I'm sorry too." Before he can react, I grab my knife and hit him on the head with the handle, knocking him out.
I sneak out of the tent before someone notices and wakes up. Soon I found the group that was leaving and mingled with them. War calls me.
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Standing in formation we wait for the arrival of the enemy army. The sun is in all its splendor, noon. It's too sunny for such a dark time. Today, thousands will lose their lives in this very valley. Maybe I am one of them.
A soldier notices the arrival of the army in the distance. They are many, although we beat them in number. However, it does not mean that we have the advantage. My mother on her horse takes the lead and prepares for her speech before leaving for battle.
"Brothers and sisters of the Azgeda people." She begins with a powerful voice. "This day will remain in history, it will mark our destiny. For decades we have fought our neighbors, but today it will end. We'll win. For our parents, for our brothers, for our friends. For those we have lost. But more importantly, for our people." I always admire her ease in talking to people. "Jus drein jus daun!"
"Jus drein jus daun!" I shout along with everyone else.
My mother's gaze meets mine. I hold it. Even from here, I notice her eyes get wet. The disappointment marked on her face. She couldn't stop me, we both knew that I would make it, that I would fight. But hope is the last thing you lose. She turns around, ready to lead us to victory or to our imminent death.
"Kom wor! (To war)" She exclaims raising her sword and a chorus of war cries follow her, my being part of them.
A horn sounds, starting the battle.
We begin to advance, I am in the first row. Having sneaked in, I don't have a position, but my goal is to survive. If I am destined to die, I will take on as many enemies as possible with me. Suddenly, from the trees to our right, an army comes out of nowhere, with a black horse leading them. The person on top of him has a piece of red cloth that blows in the wind. It's.... no, it can't be her.
"Em pleni! (Enough)" Shouts the commander, causing both armies, Trikru and Azgeda to stop. "There is no need to continue shedding blood. Both clans have agreed to be part of the coalition, so fulfill your promise of peace. Stretch out your hands, settle your conflicts, and form a truce. Soon, the coalition will be created. Let's start showing the other clans that peace is possible. We act as if war is easier than peace. A ceasefire and treaties is what we need. Learning to collaborate with each other, being good neighbors. It is possible, only if we try." We all listen attentively, hypnotized like idiots by her words. "Jus nou drein jus daun!"
Ai nomon approaches her and unexpectedly kneels down. Soon Trikru's leader does the same. Then the captains and so on. I find myself on my knees, before I finish processing what just happened. The commander stopped the war. A coalition will be made. There will be peace. Peace. Yesterday I only dreamed of that, today it seems possible.
We got up and without thinking I shouted raising my bow to the sky. "Long live Heda!"
Some start shouting it after me, until we all come together in a loop, repeating those words over and over and over again. The war is over, peace will come. I want to cry from the emotion that I feel. We will return home. We will mourn the dead and heal the wounds. I hope the coalition lasts, I don't want to live another war.
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As soon as I enter the camp, Roan hugs me. I bury myself in his chest and hug him tightly.
"Clarke, what were you thinking? Are you OK? Are you hurt?" He asks me in a rush.
"Yes. Yes, I'm OK. I'm perfect." I say smiling. "The war is over, bigabro. Now we will have peace."
"What?" He asks me confused. Sure, he doesn't know what happened.
"Heda interrupted the battle before we fought. She announced that we would make a truce and that soon the coalition will be formed." I explained as briefly as I can.
He opens his mouth to tell me something, when Mom's sharp and angry voice cuts him off. "Both, to my tent. Now."
She begins to walk and we hurry to follow. She'll probably punish me for running away, but I don't care. It was worth it. We get to the tent and she stands with her back to us. She massages her temples, sorry to give you so many headaches, mother. She lets out a tired sigh.
"You disobeyed me." She turns around and pierces me with her gaze. She is trying to intimidate me and I certainly am.
"I'm sorry." I bow my head, but not sorry. Just for give her a tremendous scare. She crouches in front of me and hugs me. I hug her back as hard as I can.
"I thought I would lose you, ai strikon." She tells me with her sweet voice that makes me feel a bit guilty. Barely. We part and she looks me in the eye. "Never do something like that again."
"I'll try." I'm not going to promise something that I know I won't keep. She makes a face, but nods.
She gets up and looks at Roan. "And what happened to you in your head?" We both looked at each other and started laughing. Mom looks at us confused.
"Yes, I'm sorry about that." I tell him sincerely.
"No, you are not." He says smiling to me. "I must admit that I didn't think you were so strong. Much less enough to knock me out." I smirked at him, proud of me.
"Clarke!" Exclaims nomon."You did that to him ?!"
"Oops." It's all I say.
A good scolding comes over me and a punishment of the worst. Well, at least the war is over.
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I sigh and release the arrow. It hits right in the deer's eye. I smirked with my shot. I accommodate my bow on my back and walk to my prey. I have found hunting to be a relaxing activity. Alone in the forest, with the only company of my bow. Yup, this is heaven.
After months of negotiating, Azgeda and Trikru reached a peace agreement. All under Heda's close scrutiny. I don't know that woman, but I am her fan. She ended the war in seconds. Well, I met her once, but meeting and knowing is different.
The other clans have gradually accepted the idea that it is possible to have peace and have agreed to join the coalition. In a week we will travel to Polis, the capital. I've never been there, I only imagined it from rumors. I know that is where the commander lives and where the summit to form the coalition will be held.
As successors and part of the royal family, Roan and I must go. Our relationship has only grown and is even stronger than when we were younger. We no longer play pranks, or steal food, but going hunting together, swimming in the lake, or even socializing with other children are among our favorite activities. He and his charisma have earned him several friends, but I have not really been interested in the subject.
Perhaps, when I was younger, I would have managed to have a good number of friends, but now I focus more on analyzing them. I always come to the conclusion that they are not worth interacting with. On the contrary, Roan was more reserved when he was younger, but maturity seems to suit him well.
Several bitches have tried to approach him, but as a good strisis, I always scare them away. He has sworn to me that he will do the same with my suitors. If I don't break their noses first, bigabro. As the war has been erased from my thoughts, it has given new ones like, that boy is handsome, or that girl over there looks good.
Which has brought me several headaches and long talks with my mother. She has helped me understand why I feel so confused. Apparently part of growing up is getting you to like other people. In my case, I have been attracted to both men and women. Which according to Roan makes it difficult for him to protect me. Now he should not take care of one, but of both.
He has also forbidden me to go out with anyone. He says I'm barely fourteen and that I must wait until I'm thirty. Well no, bigabro. You were a year older than me when you lost your innocence, you are precisely not the one to claim anything. Turning a deaf ear to my brother, I gave my first kiss.
Well, maybe more than one. With a boy, then with a girl. Then with another. Then they went from innocent kisses, to exchanging a little more saliva. But I still maintain my integrity, so he can't complain. Of course I haven't told him. Neither him nor nomon. I'm sure he would claim me too.
I pluck an apple from a tree and take a big bite out of it. I like this feeling of calm now that there is peace. I really hope that the commander manages to maintain this coalition. That I can stop worrying about surviving and we can focus on living.
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Hi
So, here's a new chapter.
I know that maybe the story is going slowly, but as I said on the summary, it will be more focused on Clarke's development.
Although, in the next chapter clexa will meet again. However, Clarke is just fourteen, so you'll have to wait a little bit more until she grow more.
I hope you like it. I'll try update again today.
Bye