It was the evening of January 30th and Severus was in one of the worst moods Emma had ever seen him in. All night they'd spent waiting for Lily, because it was her fifteenth birthday and she'd promised to come see them. Severus had gotten her a present, wrapped up in lovely sky-blue paper, even raided the kitchen for sweets, all for Lily.
But now it was five minutes from curfew and they knew she wasn't going to show up.
"I'm sure something just came up," Emma said for the umpteenth time. "We'll talk to her tomorrow."
"Merlin, Emma, will you shut up?" Severus snapped, stomping through the hallways towards the dungeons. "She obviously chose her Gryffindor friends over us. And I can't even blame her."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Severus stopped in front of her so suddenly, she jumped back. "Why would she want to hang out with us?" he said. "I'm a Slytherin; Gryffindors hate Slytherins. And you... Look at you!"
She glanced down unconsciously. "What about me?"
He scoffed. "You're a Hufflepuff," he said as if it was the most disgusting thing in the world.
Bile rose in her throat. "And?"
He stepped back, staring her down. "See, that's what I mean, you don't even see it. Hufflepuffs are such dim-wits."
"Don't call me a dim-wit!" She went to swat him, but he grabbed her wrist and twisted it painfully. "Ow! Severus, let me go!"
He pushed her back and turned around to walk away, muttering something of which Emma only caught the word, "... idiot..."
Her eyes teared up as he walked away from her. "You know," she called after him, "just because Lily let us down, doesn't mean you have to start acting like a twat as well!"
She didn't let the tears fall until she was safely back in her dorm.
Emma did not remember how she made it back home. The way back to Hogwarts was a blur of rain, tears and dizzying regret. I should never have told him that, were the words that haunted her mind. What was I thinking?
Upon entering the castle, she made her way straight to her quarters, avoiding people as much as she could. Luckily, no one stopped her.
When she finally reached her office, she locked the door behind her and sunk into her chair. She cupped her hands over her face, forcing the tears back.
Stop. Don't go back to that. She'd learned long ago that it was pointless to cry over Severus. Why could she still not control herself?
She sniffed loudly, leaning forward in the chair. What was she going to do? Severus knew her big secret now. He knew that she was in love with him. Surely he couldn't be friends with her anymore. She didn't even know how to face him after that.
Taking a deep breath, she wiped the last remaining tears from her face. Enough. It's going to be fine. I can do this without him.
I can do this without him.
I can –
Four loud knocks on the door startled her out of her thoughts. "Emma! Let me in."
Emma gulped, gripping the armrests of her chair until her knuckles went white. I don't think I can do this. "Go away, Severus!"
At the sound of her voice, he pushed the handle down, but it didn't budge. She'd locked it, after all. "Open the door, Emma."
"No. Leave me alone."
A silence followed and for a short moment Emma thought he'd given up. Then the door swung open and Severus stepped in, wand in his hand.
She jumped up, glaring at him. "That was locked for a reason."
"Yes, and I opened it for a reason," he said, tucking his wand away. "We need to talk."
"No, we don't." Emma cringed as she heard her voice crack. She cleared her throat and continued, "Look, I made a mistake, alright? I don't know what came over me, it was a dumb thing to say. Can we just... move past it, like adults, and go our separate ways?"
She could've sworn he paled at those words. With two large steps he stood by her desk. "No," he said. "No, I refuse to let that happen again."
"Severus..." Feeling the tears come up again, Emma took a step back and wrapped her arms around herself, as if that could protect her from drowning in his deep, dark eyes again.
"No." He laid his hand on her upper arm. She fought not to shiver under his touch. "I'm sorry, Em. I'm truly sorry for hurting you for so long. I don't know how to make that up to you, but I will. If you give me a chance."
She avoided his gaze. But even staring at the floor beneath their feet, she found herself unable to shake off his hand.
"Please. I cannot lose you again. Not over something I did, or neglected to do, ten years ago."
Ten years ago? She looked up curiously, to find him staring down at her wide-eyed.
"I did so many stupid things back then. You know that better than anyone. Do you think we can leave this behind us, like all the rest?"
"Leave it behind us?" Does he think...?
"Ten years is a long time," he said, hopefully. "I'm sorry for being so blind back then. But please don't let it stand in the way of our friendship now."
He thinks it's all in the past, she realised with a jolt. He thinks I'm over it!
Her head swirled. She'd assumed her big secret was out, that they couldn't be friends because of that. But he was still as oblivious as ever. Could she go back to pretending, after all this?
Yes, she knew. If it gets me my best friend back, I can pretend anything.
She nodded slowly. "Alright."
The relief-filled smile that broke out on his face was dazzling. Her knees turned to pudding as he wrapped his arms around her and whispered thank-you's in her ear.
A nagging feeling settled in the pit of herstomach; one she couldn't let go of. She knew she'd have to tell him the truthone day. It would destroy everything. And when it did, she'd have to be readyto pick up the pieces.
Emma spent her time well. She knew it was only a matter of time before she'd lose her best friend all over again, and she did everything she could to make it the best time of her life. Every moment outside of class or counselling went to him. She'd often convince him to play chess with her, instead of marking the essays they both knew were waiting.
When she got to the Great Hall one Sunday morning, it was half-empty, as was the High Table. She was late today; most of her students and colleagues had probably already eaten. She was pleased to find Severus still in his seat, nibling on some scrambled eggs.
"Hey," she said, sitting down beside him.
"Morning." He let her fill her plate with a full English breakfast, before adding, "What are you up to today?"
Emma chuckled. "I'm probably marking the homework I didn't get to yesterday."
The corners of his lips tugged upwards. "Fair enough. My classroom? I have a potion to brew for tomorrow."
She agreed happily, before digging into her breakfast.
"Oh, this arrived for you."
Curious, Emma picked up the letter he slid towards her. The parchment was different from what she usually received. Heavier.
"I hope it's not him again," Severus grumbled. "I'll gladly send him a message to stay away from you. One he can't ignore."
But it wasn't him, nor her aunt. The handwriting was different. She folded it open, spotting the Ministry of Magic logo, the big M, at the top of the letter. What do they want from me?
It took only a few words before her heart stopped and the letters started to swim before her eyes.
No.
She furiously blinked them away to continue reading. This had to be a mistake. She must've misunderstood. But the words did not change.
No. No, please, not this.
She gasped for air as her lungs gave up.
"Emma?"
At the sound of his voice, the world reassembled around her. The students' voices were suddenly much too loud, the smell of bacon and eggs sickening. Her lungs begged for air, as her eyes watered. She couldn't let the kids see her cry. She had to get out of here.
"Emma?"
She stood up. Her chair fell over as she pushed it back. She glanced down at it, but it seemed so unimportant. So inconsequential. With the letter gripped tightly in her fist, she stepped over the chair and made her way to the door behind the High Table, leading to the little back room.
As soon as the door fell shut behind her, Emma sunk to her knees. With her shoulder leaning against the wall, she let the tears overtake her.
The door opened and shut behind her, but she didn't have the strength to look up. It was all she could do to keep breathing as the sobs racked her body.
"Emma." Two hands gripped her shoulders tightly. "Look at me. Tell me what happened."
"It's..." She gasped. "It's m–" She choked on a sob and coughed, before burying her face in his shoulder.
Slowly, gently, Severus pried the letter from her fingers. She felt him stiffen, before tossing the parchment to the floor. "Oh, Emma..."
"Aunt April," she choked out, finally finding her voice, cracked and hoarse. "Aunt April died."