The first thing I notice when I wake up is a spot of heat on the back of my hand. I wiggle my fingers a little and feel the weight of something on top of it. For a second, I forget where I am and think it might be Noah. I start to drift off again before suddenly remembering. I'm at the beach house. Noah's at home. And Soren is asleep next to me with his palm on the back of my hand.
My body stiffens and I quickly open my eyes. My cheeks are as red as a baboon's butt, i can feel it. I try to slow my nervous breathing and ponder how to best go about this. I don't want to wake him up. He was literally just saying how exhausted he was. Or was that just now? How long was I asleep? I try to pull my hand out from under his extremely slowly, hoping not to disturb him. The second I'm free I scan the room to see if anyone saw me. Not like i did anything wrong, but I know Noah wouldn't appreciate it, mistake or not, so I'd rather not risk him finding out. He doesn't seem to understand that not every guy is just waiting to pounce on me. Maybe I should be flattered that he thinks i'm so alluring, but it just makes me feel like property. The girls are nowhere in sight while Noel, Connor, and Luke are asleep on their sleeping bags. I look around to see if Robin is there, too, but a thud from upstairs stops me.
Guess I can't go in my room for a while.
I slowly stand up, stretch, and tip toe to the kitchen to grab a drink. I can still feel where Soren's skin touched mine. My hand feels as if there's glitter in my veins, warm and tingly. It makes me smile for some reason. I fill a glass with water and take a moment to check my phone, my cheeks still burning.
The first thing I notice is that I actually have notifications from people other than Noah, which is surprising considering all my close friends are here at the beach with me. I'm not exactly the most social person in the world, so i've only managed to make my core friend group. It's rare that I hear from acquaintances.
I decide to check my texts first since that's where important messages usually are. The first one I open is from one of my study buddies at school, Kennedy. I'm surprised she texted me as we're more of an in-class kinda friendship instead of a real-life friendship.
KENNEDY: i'm so sorry, here for u if u need me <3
That's weird. Why would I need comforting? I decide to go through the rest of my messages before responding since I have no idea what she's talking about. The next message is from Gabi who I usually share notes with in AP English, and it's equally as confusing.
GABI: u deserve better girly ily x
Okay, what is going on. None of these messages make any sense. I wouldn't say stuff like "ily" or "here for you" to these girls unless something really bad happened. It's not our usual kind of interaction. Something bad must've happened. But how can i not know why I need comforting when it seems like the rest of the world does? What did i miss? Panic ceases me and I desperately search for an explanation. Is mom okay? Did dad get hurt? But no, there's nothing from any of my aunts or uncles, only people my age. Still, it must be bad to have this many messages. What's going on and why is everyone so vague?
I scroll through a few more similar messages from friends and acquaintances. I'm about to start asking these people what in the world they're talking about until I read a text from Hannah. She's my neighbor and childhood friend, though we've drifted apart and haven't really talked in years. Another person I wouldn't expect to hear from on the regular.
HANNAH: hey did you see McKenna's Instagram post?? Did u guys break up??
Finally, a message that gives me a clue as to what to look for. But I barely know McKenna. Just that we were in the same grade at school. I don't know if I've ever even had a real conversation with her. Why would something she posted affect me?
I click the link Hannah sent me to try to get some clarity on whatever the hell people think I need to be comforted about. For a second, I'm confused as i stare at the 3 pictures she uploaded. In the foreground is McKenna, happy and glowing with a red solo cup in her hand like any other typical instagram post. She's at some summer party in a nice backyard I don't recognize. I scroll through the three photos multiple times before seeing what everyone else seems to have picked up on. Finally, it clicks in my brain and my stomach drops.
Behind McKenna's left shoulder is Noah and some red headed chick. And they're not just talking. In the first picture, her arms around his neck and he's grabbing her ass. They're smiling at each other like there's no one else around them. Like they're the happiest people alive. In the second picture, they're a complete jumble of limbs. I can't separate who's arm is who's. Their lips are locked together in what looks to be a very passionate kiss. I don't even have to be there to know they're using tongues. But it's the third picture that really breaks my heart. Because in the third picture, the girl has disappeared inside the house while tugging Noah by the hand. He's grinning like the cat that ate the canary and it seems like they're heading off in search of a more private spot. If i had any doubts about what they planned to do, the little silver square Noah is pulling out of his pocket gives them away. A condom. I almost want to laugh. He has time to think through the idea of protection, but doesn't think about his girlfriend who's only a couple hours away? I try to convince myself it's not him, it's just someone who looks like him. Until I look at his feet and see them.
He's wearing those god damn boots I bought him last Christmas.