Rick paced around in the church, asking our people to turn over the missing guns. A Glock 9 and a .22. I couldn't pay attention to what was being said. I couldn't focus on anything as Rick spoke and pleaded for someone to turn the guns over.
Is there anything we can do to fight them? Is there a way? If we convince the Hilltop to fight with us, we might have a chance, but with what guns? They've taken everything. It's not easy finding guns, either. Rick's warm hand wrapped around my wrist, bringing me back to real life and out of my thoughts.
"Look, we're not in charge anymore," Rick sadly announced to our people, "Negan is." I felt my stomach drop as Rick admitted the sad truth. Negan is in charge now. He's stripped us of everything and is leaving us defenseless. We need the guns—now more than ever.
Without another word, I stormed out of the church and down the street. It's just two guns, and not everyone is accounted for. Carol and Morgan are gone. They could easily have the two guns that are missing. Michonne is outside the gate. She might have them, but I doubt it. We'll be okay if I talk to Negan one-on-one. I paused as I approached the pantry doorway, looking at the two goons who guarded it. Giving them a curt nod, I walked inside and shuffled towards the backdoor. Negan sat on a bench with Oliva, his arm thrown across the back as they casually sat silently.
Negan's eyes lifted and brightened as he looked at me, his signature shit-eating grin lighting up his face. Daryl stood off towards the side, his eyes firmly on the ground as I walked forward, seemingly unaware I was there.
"Well," Negan began, extending his hand towards the bench opposite him, "To what do I owe this pleasure?" I rolled my eyes and sat on the bench, leaning forward and crossing my hands over my knees.
"The guns," I murmured, dropping my gaze and bringing it back up, batting my eyelashes, "It's just the two?" Negan hummed and copied my actions, leaning over with his hands crossed over his knees. His deep brown eyes twinkled with amusement and curiosity as he stared at me. "You're taking everything. Can't you just drop all this?"
"I think you and I both know that I can't," Negan mused, and he leaned back, resuming his original position, "We make an exception, and next thing I know, you're barging in on my home with guns blazing and shooting us all down." I shook my head and released an exhausted sigh, dropping my gimmick. He's not going to fall for it.
"Come on," I stressed, "You know we can't do that. Two guns? You think we'll slaughter you with two little guns?!" I threw my hands in the air, "And where would we get the manpower for such a feat?" Negan chuckled, not bothering to hide the fact that I amused him.
"You can never be too careful," While I agreed with him, he's just ridiculous. I shook my head and looked at the sky, not understanding why I even bothered. No matter what I say, he won't listen. He won't budge. To him, I'm just a bitch who helped slaughter his people.
"Ni siquiera se porque estoy tratando de hablarte," I muttered to myself as I placed my hands over my stomach again. Negan cocked his head at me and smiled wider, his bottom lip catching between his teeth.
"What did you say, darling?" I looked at him and rubbed my lower abdomen, my head shaking, "Was that Spanish? Hot damn, now I'm regretting not taking you with me when you offered! Spanish women are on the tippy top of my hotlist, baby." I didn't try to hide the groan of disgust that left me. I lifted my gaze and frowned, letting my dislike for this man be known—I'm done being nice and trying to sway him.
"I'm sure you won't want me in my current predicament," I sneered at him. Negan licked his lips, and his eyes fluttered to my hands that caressed my lower stomach, his smile widening even further as he connected the pieces in his head.
"Oh, I won't be so sure about that, mama," He chuckled, "This just means that my baby juice won't fight to fertilize you." Daryl's head snapped up suddenly, and I could feel his eyes on me as I leaned toward the demented man before me. I could feel the hatred for this man in every fiber of my being.
"Maybe this could awaken a kink I didn't even know I had, especially once your milk comes in," Negan leaned forward and raised a hand to my face, his hot hand stroking my face before gripping my cheeks tightly, "Maybe I could marry you and keep you as the wife I constantly knock up." Oliva gasped and kept her wide eyes on me in disbelief. I smacked his hand away from my face and scowled at him, my nostrils flaring and my anger starting to reach its peak.
"Fuck you," I seethed and jumped to my feet.
"Please do," Negan chuckled as I walked away. I spared a final glance behind me and paused in the pantry doorway, my eyes finding Daryl. His face was hard to decipher, but his eyes gave him away as he watched me worriedly. My secret is out, and the man I hate the most in this world is the first to know.
~*~
I watched from the sidelines as Negan started to pack up, waiting patiently for Rick to return with the guns we were missing. A hand gripped mine tightly, and I turned to see Rick and Carl standing behind me, Carl's hand in mine. I couldn't force a smile as I looked at them. Instead, I nodded and turned my attention back to Negan. His eyes were on me again, and he smirked. Rick stomped towards him, producing a bag.
"What you got for me, Rick?" Rick handed over the bag, and Negan looked inside, his annoying smile returning, "Well, would you look at that! They were here after all." Negan turned and handed the guns to the closest person beside him, "Funny how a little, 'Holy shit! Somebody's gonna die!' lights a fire under everybody's ass!" Oliva whimpered and wiped a tear away from her cheek as she cried. I let go of Carl's hand and walked over to the men, my eyes on the crying woman.
"So, tell me, Rick—which one of your fine folks almost cost Olivia the rest of her days?" I looped around the men and wrapped an arm around Olivia. She rested her head on my shoulder and continued to sob.
"Does it matter?" I snapped at the man, my eyes burning holes into his face.
"Of course it does!" Negan beamed, "See, you need to get everybody on board. Everybody. Or, we just go right back to square one." This man exhausts me, and I'm positive he loves to hear the sound of his voice. "Let's roll out!"
I let go of Olivia and looked at her, watching as she nodded and sat down on the steps of the pantry. Rick and I walked behind Negan and started to walk towards the gate. His men loaded up and drove their vans ahead. Negan kept shooting me teasing glances here and there, his eyes twinkling each time. We paused when we reached the gate, his men coming slowly as he turned to face us.
"Well, this is a hell of a place you two got," Negan said. I nodded and looked towards the church, my eyes squinting as I saw Michonne in the window.
"Give me a second," I murmured lowly. Negan scrunched his eyebrows together and looked behind him, catching a glimpse of Michonne as she turned away.
"Can't do that, precious," Negan smiled at me. I licked my lips and looked down, not making eye contact with him.
"Please," I hated how my voice sounded as I pleaded with him, "Just one second?" Negan looked at me and didn't say anything. His face was smug, and I lifted my eyes to look at him. He didn't say anything as he smugly beamed at me, eyes scanning my entire face and body. Finally, he motioned an arm out, permitting me. I nodded at him and jogged towards the church, my heart in my ears as I rushed to meet Michonne. I pushed inside and paused, watching her lower the large duffle bag.
" 'Chonne," I breathed, a small smile playing on my lips and quickly falling. I can't even fake it anymore. "I'm sorry, but I need the rifle." She took a cautionary step backward, and her eyes softened as she watched a downcast look overtake my features. I hate how obedient we are—this is precisely what Negan wants.
"What?" She asked, almost as if she was trying to seem innocent. I pointed to the bag and sighed heavily.
"I know you have a rifle in the bag," I muttered. She's been sneaking out for a few days now, taking the rifle and whatever ammo she can grab. Jacob's been trying his best to cover up for her, giving me excuses, but I can see right through them. I'm not stupid. "I know what you've been doing out there,"
"What have I been doing?" Michonne snapped, her eyes squinting at me. Her face contorted with mistrust, and she glared at me. The last time I saw her look at me like this was when we first met.
"You've been practicing," I rubbed a tired hand over my face and dropped my eyes, "We had to give up all our guns. All of them,"
"We can't!" Michonne snapped with a whisper. I raised my eyes and fought the urge to break down. Ugh, stupid hormones.
"Do you want someone else to die?" I asked her, "If you keep this, someone will die." I whispered, pleading with her to give up the rifle, "I'm not losing you, or Jacob, or Carl, or Selena, or Rick! I don't want to lose anybody else." My hormones got the best of me, and a few tears slipped from my eyes as my voice got thick with emotion. I wiped away the tears that fell from my traitorous eyes and sniffled.
"I'm giving it to them, love," I whispered, wrapping my arms around my stomach, "Are you going to let me?" I watched as Michonne thought to herself, her lips pursing. It felt like an eternity passed when she finally met my gaze again.
"June," I frowned at the look on her face. I couldn't decipher it—it was guarded, "I'll give up the rifle if you tell me one thing." I stepped forward and nodded rapidly, my arms dropping to my sides. Michonne searched my face for a few seconds before they lowered and landed on my midsection.
"I've been watching you for a few days, and I've noticed some things," I felt my breath get caught in my throat as she took her time to finish her sentence, "You're constantly sick, and when you aren't feeling sick, you're exhausted or starving. You've been more withdrawn lately, almost like you're hiding something." Michonne took a few steps and grabbed my clammy hand, "Are you—"
"Yes," I answered, knowing what she was going to ask. "I'd appreciate it if you kept it to yourself. We need to figure this Negan situation out first." Michonne nodded and dropped my hand, retreating a few paces to grab the duffle bag. "Thank you, 'Chonne." She grunted and grabbed the dead deer, slinging it across her shoulders and following me out the door. She kept close as I led the way back to the gate. I could feel her worry radiating off her as we walked up to Negan.
"She was out hunting," I explained to Negan and gave him the bag with the rifle, "We keep this near the line." Negan grabbed the bag from me and opened it, taking the rifle out and marveling at it.
"Look at this!" Negan sounded like a proud father, "This is something to build a relationship on, Juney baby. This is readin' the room and gettin' the message. The two of you are special!" Rick stepped up and grabbed my hand, the warmth calming me slightly.
"We've proved that we can follow your rules," I started, catching Negan's curious attention, "I'd like to ask you if Daryl can stay." Negan laughed heartily and held onto his stomach with one hand as he leaned back.
"Not happenin'," He answered abruptly, cutting off his own laughter, "You know what? I don't know. Maybe Daryl can plead his case. Maybe Daryl can sway me." I looked at my beat-up best friend and felt my eyes water as he glued his pale blue eyes to the ground. I took a single step forward, his name caught in my throat. Negan placed a gentle but firm hand on my stomach. His hand lingered on my stomach longer than necessary, and a dangerous look spread across his face as he eyed the area.
"Don't make me do something I'll regret," He whispered deathly low to me, "Well," Negan said, resuming his loud show, pushing me away gently, "You tried. What you and Rick got to do is climb over that tall wall of yours and try harder out there. Earn for me." I took a few steps back and stood beside Rick, my hand reaching for his as sadness overcame me. I just want Daryl back home. "Because we're coming back soon, and when we do, you better have something interesting for us, or Lucille, she's gonna have her way."
"I'm gonna say it again," Negan stressed and approached Rick and me, getting in Rick's face, "If you don't have something interesting for us, someone's gonna die. And no more magic guns." I looked at the ground and stepped back, not liking how close the man was to me. "Arat, grab that deer. It's getting late. Let's go home." I turned and watched Michonne angrily drop the deer to the ground and stalk away, our eyes connecting briefly.
"Man," Negan said, his arm wrapping around my shoulders while the other went around Rick's, "I love a gal that buys me dinner and doesn't expect me to put out," He chuckled and dropped his arms. I looked toward Daryl and felt my heart shatter as he remained motionless. I wanted desperately to run to him and hug him tightly, clear the air on what he had heard earlier. Negan turned to look at us, but his words fell on deaf ears while I looked at the broken man off to the side. I've never seen him this beat down, this cracked.
The sound of bone breaking brought me back to real life, and I turned to see Negan use a candlestick to take down a walker. I jumped at the noise and felt my back stiffen as Negan finally reached for the bat. Rick looked dead inside as Negan leaned in, whispering loud enough for the both of us to hear.
"I don't know if you caught on," Negan looked beyond humored as he eyed Rick, "I just slipped my dick down your throat, and you thanked me for it." Rick looked angered as Negan walked away and climbed inside of a truck. I watched him purse his lips and wrap an arm around my waist, guiding me to step aside so the trucks could pass. Together, we watched Daryl stare at us from the back of the truck, his body limp and broken.
I started moving, my hand closing around Rick's hip to drag him with me. We walked back inside the community, and I waited idly as Rick closed our gates. Today has been exhausting, and I've had to face the truth for the first time since I learned my earth-shattering news. There's no way I can hide this indefinitely. I will have to tell Rick at some point, but now is not the time.
We still don't know what to do about this entire situation. We haven't said the words, but we both know we can't sit and let that man walk all over us—especially not after what he did to Abraham and Glenn. Rick closed the second gate firmly and rubbed his eye, his other hand extended towards me. I walked towards him, wrapped my arms around his waist, and buried my head in his shoulder. Rick kissed my head and started moving forward, a deep sigh escaping him as his eyes settled on Spencer.
"Spencer," Rick called out as Spencer closed the back of a van, "We took the guns you had in your house. The Saviors wanted ours, all of them." I looked up at Spencer and frowned as he swallowed thickly and looked away.
"There were two missing from the inventory," I explained to him, "They were gonna kill Oliva." Spencer kept his gaze on the van before him and shook his head.
"You went into my house?" Spencer asked, sounding mildly offended. Out of everything Rick and I have just said, that's what he took away.
"They were gonna kill Oliva," I repeated, stressing the word 'kill.'
"Look," Rick sighed, "I'm not faulting you for having the guns. I did myself, but the food and liquor?" Wait, what? He's stashing away food and booze? What the hell? Rick sighed and let his arm fall from my shoulders, "That's 'cause you're small, Spencer. You're weak. You got lucky with the walls. You got lucky with us." Rick's words shocked me as they tumbled out of his mouth. Just because he's hiding food and alcohol, he's weak? What? I don't know; my tired brain is having difficulty playing catch-up right now. Rick grabbed my hand and turned to walk away, dragging me with him.
"We should've made a deal with them when we could've," Spencer shouted after us as we walked away. "Oh, yeah, we're so lucky. The two of you led us all to the Promised Land! Isn't that right, Rick and June?! Here we are!" I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose. I'm exhausted and don't have enough energy to fight with Spencer.
"I guess Glenn and Abraham were lucky, too?" I stopped in my tracks and felt my eyes widen as he delivered the low blow. My exhaustion from earlier wholly dissipated, and a new emotion surged through me: Pure anger. I turned and let go of Rick's hand, my fists balling as I tried to contain myself.
"Talk to us like that again. I dare you." I seethed, pointing a finger at him, "I'll break your jaw and knock your teeth out. Do you understand?" Spencer glared at me, his eyes squinting against the sun as it blared down on us.
"Do you understand?" Rick repeated, his voice dangerously low, "Say yes." Spencer looked hesitant to answer, but finally, he did.
"Yes," I turned around and stomped forward, my frustration and rage overwhelming me.
~*~
I held Judith and rocked her as she slowly fell asleep. My eyes scanned over her peaceful face, taking in all her features. As she gets older, she looks more and more like Lori, but there's also a dash of Shane in her. She has his eye shape but Lori's eye color. Her hair is blonde right now, but it will darken like her father's when he was growing up. She calls me Mama, but I plan on telling her about Lori when she gets older. Maybe Shane if Rick agrees to it. We're not her biological parents, but I'll be damned if someone tries to tell me she isn't my kid. A knock on the door grabbed my attention. Selena stood in the doorway with her arms crossed in front of her chest.
"We're not just going to lay down and take it, are we?" She whispered as I put Judith down in the crib. I turned to face her and slowly walked forward, my boots echoing through our barren house.
"Rick and I need to talk about what we're going to do, but no, we aren't." Selena uncrossed her arms and stepped forward, her voice dropping to a barely audible whisper.
"If war breaks out," Selena paused and searched my face, her lips in a tight line, "I don't want you to fight." I grabbed her hand and pulled her into me, resting my head on hers.
"You know," I muttered, earning a nod from her, "How?"
"The health book you gave me back at the prison." She murmured, "Once you learn the symptoms, it's pretty easy to spot."
"This is between us, okay?" I pulled away and met her eyes, "Don't worry about me. It won't be the first time I've been in a war. I can take care of myself."
"It's not just you anymore," Selena's voice came out strangled as she hugged me tightly. I held her at arm's length and smiled, reassuring her that everything would be fine.
"This doesn't make me handicapped," I whispered, "Don't tell anyone." Selena nodded and turned to walk out of the room, her eyes finding me once more before she turned and climbed down the stairs. I brushed my hair aside and walked out of Judith's room. Across the hall, Rick set up blankets on the floor in our bedroom. Rick looked up and motioned me to join him in the room as he laid down another blanket.
"They took most of our mattresses," Rick explained, laying down two pillows. I nodded and leaned against the doorframe, reflecting on everything that had happened today. "What's wrong?" I looked at Rick and frowned, fully walking into the room and shutting the door behind me.
"We're not going to lay down and take this," Rick frowned and sighed, stopping what he was doing.
"We made a call," Rick looked back up at me and shook his head, "At least this way, we have some sort of life,"
"You call this living?" I asked, my arms extending all around me as I motioned to everything, "Giving up half of everything we have? Living in constant fear that that psycho is gonna beat one of our heads in?"
"June, we don't have the numbers to fight them," Rick stood up and placed his hands on his hips, "We're outnumbered and outgunned."
"We can get Hilltop to fight with us. What if they know of other communities?" I suggested. I can't continue to keep doing this. I can't continue to let that man scare us into submission.
"We'll still be outnumbered."
"We can't go on like this!" I whispered sharply, trying to keep my voice down so I wouldn't wake Judith, "We can't let our kids grow up like this!"
"Our kids?" Rick snapped, "Carl and Judith are my children. MINE." His words stabbed me right through the heart, wounding me deeply. I closed my mouth and blinked furiously as tears pooled in them, threatening to spill.
"Last time I checked," I swallowed thickly and glared at him, "Only Carl is yours." The air grew thick, and I immediately regretted the words as they left my mouth. Rick looked down and pinched the bridge of his nose, his head shaking. I took a hesitant step forward and wiped my eyes, trying to rid them of the moisture, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
"No, you shouldn't have," Rick nodded, his blue eyes meeting my plain brown ones, "But you're right. Judith isn't mine." Rick leaned against the wall and sighed heavily, "I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm just as stressed out about this as you are."
"That's why I want to find a way to get us out of this," I murmured. I looked at the blanket by my feet and leaned down, my hands fisting it as I kneeled and smoothed it over our makeshift bed. Rick shook his head, changing the subject.
"Carl loves you as if you're his mom. He always worries about you and looks to you for guidance just as much as he looks to me. And Judith—" Rick kneeled opposite me and helped me smooth out the blankets, "She loves you so much. She wants to be around you all the time. She wants to go with you when I have her, and you walk into the room. She throws tantrums when you leave and calls you mama." I looked up at him, eyes betraying me yet again and overflowing. "They're your kids just as much as mine."
"Aren't you forgetting someone?" I questioned, fighting against the thick ball in my throat. Rick smiled and grabbed my hand, squeezing it.
"I could never forget Selena," Rick whispered, "She's ours too." I looked down at the blankets and shook my head, knowing my back would hate me for the next few days. Did they really have to take our mattresses? "I need you to be beside me on this, sweetheart. I need you to stand with me and try to accept that this is our new reality."
Could I lay down and take the abuse Negan and his goons are going to throw our way? It'll be harder to be secretive as time passes, and I won't have any other choice but to tell Rick and everyone else. It'll be harder to fight if we eventually decide on that. They still have Daryl, too. Can I stand by and let them do whatever they're doing to him? Despite my reservations, I looked at Rick and got lost in his eyes, knowing that I would try my damndest to stand by him, no matter what life hurls our way.
"For you," I whispered, tightly squeezing his hand, "I'll try."
----*----
The cat is officially out of the bag! June Gomez is pregnant.
I mean, come on, I think I left lots of hints, and I'm sure the majority of you figured it out, lol.
Also, can we just take a minute to talk about Negan?
That man seriously cracks me up! It's like he has a direct line to my funny bone.
Favorite Walking Dead villain lol
Con Mucho Amor,
InMyDarkystHour