Y/n's POV
"Guys I told him that I would give him a chance to at least be around her... for now, so just try and not look at him like your gonna kill him." I said
"So we're just gonna act like he didn't leave you as a pregnant teen." JJ said angrily.
"Ok well you guys have to remember he's still her dad and I know what it's like to grow up without one and that's not what I want for Saylah. So please at least try and be cordial." I said before walking away to my room. I shut the door behind me and Rafe was in my bed with Saylah chewing aggressively on his shirt.
"She won't let go." Rafe chuckled.
"Ok mamas come here." I said prying his shirt out of her mouth.
"So she's probably gonna fall asleep but you can stay for awhile." I said
I leaned in my pillows and pulled out my boob as she latched herself on. I looked over to see Rafe staring intensely.
"It's not anything you haven't seen before why so nervous?" I smirked.
"I-uh it's nothing, just um yeah it's nothing." He stuttered causing me to laugh.
"Oww god damn it, she's gonna start teething soon." I said pulling her away as she bit down.
"What happened?" He asked
"She bit my nipple." I wined as she latched back on.
"You use to like that." Rafe giggled.
"Ok that was only like twice you weird fuck." I said blushing.
"You still like it though." He laughed.
"Shut up no one needs to know that." I laughed with him.
"I really missed you." He said
"I missed you to. But you know this doesn't mean we are getting back together right away." I said
"Right away?" He asked
"Yes not right away. That's something we can talk about another time." I said
He sighed and laid on his side.
"Who was in the hospital with you?" He asked
"Well John B was there the whole time and JJ and Kie came literally right before she came." I told him.
He stayed quiet and I could tell he was contemplating.
"I'm sorry." He said
"You already apologized." I chuckled.
"I know but I feel like a piece of shit and I want to be there for Saylah. I don't want her to have a shitty dad like we do. And I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me." He said quietly.
"Just promise you won't disappear and I'll be happy." I said
"I promise." He said drifting into sleep.
I smiled down at him before putting Saylah in her crib. I went to my bathroom and wash my face putting on a big t-shirt and shorts.
Then I went out to the living room seeing JJ and John B.
"So like what's going on?" John B asked
"Look, we still need to talk more but he wants to be in Saylahs life and I don't want either of them to miss out on having a relationship. I don't know what's going on with us. But he seems like, not okay. Even though he left me I still care for him. And it took me a really long time to get over him. To be honest I don't know if I really am. But that's something that we are going to talk about. I can't pretend like what he did didn't happen but I still love him." I said be completely honest. I was angry for sure, but I didn't feel like it was ok for me to tell him he couldn't be in her life. At least he came back before she was old enough to realize he was gone.
"Well, ok then." JJ said
"I'm smoking you wanna smoke?" I asked JJ.
He nodded and I started to roll up.
Once I was done I lit it and passed it to JJ. He hit it and then passed it to me and we continued till the blunt was gone.
I was really chill just thinking about shit while JJ was annoying John B. with his high thoughts.
"Ok I think I'm gonna head to bed." John B. said.
"Yea me to"JJ said standing up and walking to the guest room.
"Goodnight." They both said.
"Goodnight." I replied quietly.
Now I was there left with me and my thoughts.
I really didn't know what to do about Rafe. I mean of course I still love him, but he really fucked me over for a little bit. He hurt me and I didn't know what to do with myself. I never stopped caring for him though. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about him or about what he was doing or who he was with. I couldn't help but think if he was with other girls or if he was out doing drugs which he clearly was. I hated the fact that he left me but I couldn't help but want to be around him and with him. I wanted him and I couldn't have him. But now that I have that opportunity I don't know if I should take it or if I should wait. Something keeps telling me that I need to take it no matter what happens. But I don't want to make the wrong decision.
I decided to roll up again when my door creaked open. My head shot up to see Rafe standing there.
"Hey, are you good?" I said.
"Yea I was just seeing if you were ok." He said.
"Yea I'm ok, you wanna smoke?" I asked him.
"Sure." He said sitting down next to me.
"I think I have some of your clothes if you want to shower or change." I said licking the blunt one last time.
"You still have some of my clothes?" He smirked at me.
"Yea, I wore them when I was pregnant. They were comfortable and pretty much the only thing that fit me." I said
"That's cute." He chuckled running his hand through his hair.
As we started to pass the blunt back and forth my eyes started to get heavier. I leaned into Rafes side and he placed his arm over my shoulder.
"Can I ask you something?" I said
"What's your question?" He asked
"Did you ever miss me?" I asked.
He was quiet for a second.
"I missed you everyday. I just didn't know how to approach you." He said shamefully.
"I really needed you Rafe." My voice cracked as tears brimmed in my eyes.
"I was so scared. My mom kicked me out. She told me she wasn't gonna have a whore living under her roof. When I got settled here Big John went missing. I almost lost Saylah due to so much stress. When I had her, she was breathing really shallow and they took her to the NICU they minute she came out. I didn't even get to hold her. I yelled and John B. to go with them. After I almost miscarried I found out that Adrian was starting to do coke. I just went through so much shit and I was so mad at you. I wasn't mad that you left, I can understand that part. I was mad because I knew that while I was here alone and pregnant without anyone my side other than my best friends, you were out living your life as a teenager, having fun, drinking, smoking, getting into trouble when I knew that this was both our mistake it just mine." I sobbed.
"Y/n I don't know what you want me to say. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you I would change time if I could but I can't." He said
"I don't want you to say anything, I just wanted you to know. Can we go to bed?" I said
"Yea let's go." He grabbed my hand and pulled me up as I put out the blunt.
We walked to my room silently.
Once we entered I saw that Saylah had woken up. I picked her of from her crib and held her close. I looked at Rafe to see him staring intensely.
"Do you want to hold her?" I asked. He nodded putting his arms out as I placed her in them. He swayed around the room getting her to sleep as I brushed my teeth.
Once she was back asleep she went back in her crib and I laid down in my bed.
"You can lay down, it doesn't have to be awkward." I said flipping the covers on the other side of the bed so he could get in.
He slipped under the covers as I scooted closer.
At first we were just laying next to each other, but the growing tension in the room was killing me. So I decided to just cuddle into him.
I threw my leg over his waist and I laid my head on his chest as my hand placed itself under his shirt.
He was shocked at first but once he got comfortable he placed his hand on my thigh and pulled me closer by the waist.
"Goodnight Rafe." I said
"Goodnight Y/n." He replied quietly before we both fell asleep.
Skip Time
John B.s POV
It was the next day and no one else was up yet. JJ had already left so it was just me.
I sat in the living room watching tv when Rafe came out of Y/n's room.
You could tell he was hesitant on saying something.
"I didn't know you spent the night.." I said
"Yea she said it was fine, I was just coming to get some water.." he said
"This doesn't have to be awkward, I still don't really like you very much but I know that just because I don't like, doesn't mean that Y/n doesn't. But you better treat her right. Idk what you guys are but I'll fucking kill you. And if your gonna be in Saylahs life you better not leave her like you left Y/n. I had never seen her so sad before. But yea get your water, I'll be out on the porch." I said before getting up and going outside.
Rafes POV
To say it was awkward was an understatement. I could feel him staring into my soul, which means he meant what he said. I don't really blame him either.
I went to the fridge to get water and looked around a little bit. Not really I just kind of stood there and browsed.
But as I was looking I couldn't help but think that this is what Y/n and Saylah have been living in. I mean to go from a 4 story house with an in-ground pool and a tennis court to this was pretty shitty.
I heard crying really close to my ear when I saw a baby monitor on the counter.
I turned it off and went to Y/n's room to see if Saylah was ok.
When I walked in Y/n was still sleeping, she was always a heavy sleeper. I walked o we to Saylahs crib to see her trying to kick the small blanket on her body off.
"Hey princess." I said picking her up.
As soon as I picked her up she stopped crying and looked at me. One of her hands was gripping my t-shirt while the other was on my cheek. It was like she was taking in my figure, or like she knew who I was.
"Rafe?" Y/n woke up.
"What happened is she ok?" She asked jumping up.
"Yea she's ok she just woke up." I said bouncing Saylah as she chewed on my shirt.
"Oh... are you ok?" She asked
"Yea I'm ok, what's wrong you seem nervous?" I questioned sitting on the bed.
"Yea I'm, it was just a dream." She rubbed her eyes and laid back taking a deep breathe.
"You wanna talk about it?" I said looking at her.
"Um yea, I have to feed her though." She said.
"Ok then you feed her and talk and I will sit here and listen." I said sitting next to her as she took Saylah from my arms.
She got herself situated before leaning back and sighing.
"Ok, well I was here and so were you and Saylah. I was laying in bed and you were holding Saylah next to me, when John B. came in with 2 cops. They told me that I was an unfit mother and that you needed to give them the baby or they would take her from you. Obviously we said no. Eventually they took her and then I don't really know why but they took you to. They wouldn't let me go after you guys. I couldn't say anything, I couldn't scream, I couldn't do anything. I was just stuck, like I was paralyzed." She cried out. Her story didn't make sense but it did at the same time.
She pulled Saylah closer to her and she took a shallow breath before swallowing back all off her tears.
I took her hand in mine causing her to look at me.
"Look, I know I haven't been around, but I promise no one is gonna take Saylah away okay? I'll make sure of it." I said to her.
She looked at me and then my lips causing me to lean slightly closer, and before I knew it, her lips were on mine.