"Have you finished that spell yet?" Severus asked as they made their way across the lawn towards the greenhouses.
It had quickly become a running joke between them. Severus had been very much correct last year, when he said creating a new spell wasn't easy. Especially for someone who'd only been studying magic for just over three years. But Emma wasn't giving up.
"I've run into an issue, actually."
"You've run into an issue?" Severus lay a hand on his heart in mock surprise. "Who would've thought you'd run into an issue in the process of creating a whole new spell? I, for one, thought it was going to be a breeze."
Emma laughed and swatted him. "Merlin, you're so annoying."
She froze when he fell over, face-first on the grass. For a split second she thought she'd shoved him too hard, but then she heard the laughter behind them and her heart sunk. Not again...
"Did you see that, boys?" James Potter exclaimed with a mirthful grin on his face. "Slimy little Snivellus can't even stand on his own two feet!"
As Emma took in the scene – the four Gryffindor boys laughing and pointing so uproariously that other students stopped to watch, while Severus scrambled to his feet, doing his best to suppress the look of panic on his face – something snapped inside her.
She swooped between them and raised her wand at the Gryffindors. "Get lost," she growled.
The boys hooted and jeered. "Ooh!" said Black. "Look who's found her courage all of a sudden."
"Courage?" Emma scoffed, slowly stepping forward. Rage rushed through her veins, making her wand tremble in her hands. She gripped it so tightly her knuckles went white. "You wouldn't even know what that word means. Always four against one. Always attacking him in the back. That's not courage, that's cowardice. You're a disgrace to your House."
Potter laughed again, but Black paled, pulling his wand out of his pocket. One of the other boys, Lupin, held his hand up, glaring at Black.
"Emma, don't..." Severus muttered behind her.
"That's where you draw the line, is it?" Blood rushed through her ears until she couldn't hear the students around them jeering anymore. "Afraid to attack a girl? You spineless pricks."
Black jumped past Lupin, his wand aimed at her. "Say that again," he hissed. "I dare you."
They stood face to face, their wands almost touching.
"Go on, then!" Emma snapped. "Go on, do it! I'll get you expelled. I bet they've been looking for an excuse to kick you out anyway."
She waited for him to cast something. Anything. She didn't care whether she got hurt. In fact, irrationally, she hoped she'd get hurt. As badly as possible. Because that way the chances of him actually getting expelled were higher.
"Do it," she hissed again.
He wasn't shaking like her. He stood perfectly still. But his eyes betrayed the storm raging inside of him.
Before he'd come to a decision, Potter and Lupin stepped forward, each placing a hand on his arms.
"Let's go, Sirius. She's not worth the trouble."
She didn't move as she watched them leave. Not until Severus stepped in front of her, blocking her view of the retreating bullies. There was something in his eyes as he gently pushed her arm down. Something eddied in them like a whirlpool as he wrapped one arm around her and pulled her close.
It wasn't until much later that she understood that what she'd seen in his eyes was worry.
Hogsmeade lay quiet as they approached. A man shouted, then roared with laughter somewhere on the edge of the little town and a few birds tweeted to each other, but those were the only sounds to disrupt the peaceful silence. Ahead of them, an older woman swept the pavement with her broom. Further down, someone used their wand to water the plants in their garden.
She shouldn't bother, Emma thought, craning her neck up to the sky. It'll start raining soon. The sky was dark for the time of day. Dreary, grey clouds stretched so wide she couldn't even see the edges of them. Not even a watery sun broke through.
It didn't matter, not today. Emma didn't need the sun to cheer her up. The past few weeks had been the happiest yet, since her return to Hogwarts. She and Severus were not only on speaking terms, they were slowly going back to the friendship they'd shared ten years before.
She'd spent a lot of time with him; marking homework together, patrolling the halls at night, having dinner. They hadn't fought once since the troll incident. She'd been so busy with Severus and with her new School Counsellor role, that Charity had complained this morning that she never seemed to have time for her anymore. They'd agreed to have a ladies' night that Sunday.
"Are you okay?" Severus' baritone voice broke her out of her thoughts.
"Yeah," she smiled. "Better than I have been in a long time. Where would you like to go first?"
"I need some supplies from Potage's cauldron shop. Shall we start there?"
"Sounds good." They turned right to enter Hogsmeade. "Your limp is finally fading. Is it feeling better now?"
"Much better. I hardly feel it anymore."
She tilted her head to the side. "And you still won't tell me what happened?"
"Nothing you need to worry about," he said gruffly.
Emma chuckled. It wasn't uncommon for him to keep secrets. He was the type of man who needed his privacy. She'd learned to live with it long ago. Besides, it wasn't as if she didn't have things she'd rather not share.
"Well, hello, you!"
The honeyed voice she knew so well finally wiped the smile from her face as she froze. With her hands balled to fists, Emma turned around. The sight of the tall, handsome man in front of her threatened to overwhelm her with memories she'd tried so hard to suppress. The anger she thought she'd let go, came back twice as forcefully.
"What the hell are you doing here?" she spat.
"Oh, come now, Emmy," Jordan smirked, stepping closer. "That's no way to greet your boyfriend, is it?"
Emma scoffed, unable to find the words to express just how disgusted she felt.
"Look," he said, softer now. "I made a mistake. But we both know you missed me. And I missed you, too! You've read my letters, haven't you? Isn't that why you're here?" He took another step forward and put his hand on her cheek, the way he always used to do when she was sad. "So why don't you leave that dreadful school and come home, eh?"
In a fit of rage, she slapped him across the cheek with all the strength she could muster and hissed, "That dreadful school is my home."
Jordan grabbed her wrist before she was able to pull away. "How dare you," he spat.
"Get off me!" She struggled against his grip, but he only tightened it further. He'd always been stronger than her.
"You're coming home with me."
All of a sudden, he froze. A wand pricked into his neck. "I think the lady was clear," Severus snarled beside her. "Let her go. This instant."
Jordan pressed his lips together in annoyance. When Severus gripped the wand tighter, he finally released her. Emma took a quick step back, her hand cradling her painful wrist. Severus immediately swept in between.
"Who's this then?" said Jordan. "Your bodyguard?" He scoffed. "Don't tell me you sunk so low as to sleep with this freak."
In a reflex, she reached for Severus' free hand. His temper was almost worse than Jordan's, and he'd never taken insults well. Jordan's eyes flicked down at the movement, but she didn't care. He could think what he wanted.
"I'm not coming back, Jordan. Ever. Stay away from me."
"Fine," he said, backing away from the wand. "But don't come crying to me when you finally realise what you're missing out on. You're making a huge mistake, Emma, and you know it."
With a final glare, he turned and walked away. Emma blinked the tears out of her eyes, before marching off in the opposite direction. She didn't know where she was going, but it didn't matter, as long as it was far away from Jordan.
Soon, heavy strides followed behind her. Heat crept up her neck at the thought of the scene he'd just witnessed. If only she'd never gone out to Hogsmeade with him...
A lump formed in her throat; one she couldn't seem to swallow away. She let her feet take charge, until she felt a hand on her lower back, steering her to the left.
"You need a drink."
Unable to meet his eye, she simply nodded. For a while, they walked in silence, broken only by their footsteps on the pavement. She caught him glancing at her several times but pretended not to notice. The blush crept up to her cheeks. When did I become the type to make a scene in public?
When they reached the Three Broomsticks, Emma chose a table while Severus ordered the drinks. She sat down in one of the booths, rubbing her hands over her face. She'd finally started feeling like herself again. Why did Jordan have to go and muck things up?
With her head in her hands, she stared down at the dark wooden table. It was rough and worn, with dents and chips all over. In a corner, someone had carved S + M into the wood. She ran her finger over it, feeling the rough, splintery etching against her skin.
You've read my letters, haven't you? Isn't that why you came here? For some reason, these were the words that had lodged into her brain. She'd received Jordan's letters, but she'd stopped opening them weeks ago. Perhaps if she'd just read them, this whole thing could've been avoided. Perhaps she wouldn't have been so embarrassed in front of Severus.
Emma barely had a minute to herself, when Severus already came back with the drinks. He set hers down in front of her and slipped into the seat opposite her.
"Are you alright?" There was hesitation in his voice, as if he didn't really want to ask such a question.
With a sigh, she picked up her glass and took a swig from her firewhiskey. It burned all the way down her throat, but even that couldn't dissolve the lump in her throat. "I'm fine," she muttered. "I didn't need your help, you know. I had it under control."
"I know."
"Then why did you jump in?"
Severus swirled his whiskey around in his glass. "You can't expect me to stand idly by while someone hurts you."
"It didn't hurt that much."
His eyes shot down to her wrist, where an angry red mark displayed exactly what Jordan had done. Emma pulled her sleeve down. "I'm fine," she muttered again.
"I know," he repeated.
She sighed. "I don't know why he came all the way here just to get me back."
"Perhaps he really does know he made a mistake."
"Then he should know it's not a mistake he can take back." She took another swig from the whiskey and watched Severus follow her example.
"Those letters you've been getting... The one you burned. Were they from him?"
She nodded. "I'd hoped he'd get the message and leave me alone if I ignored them, but..." She shrugged helplessly. "He's the type to want things he can't have. The type to believe that he should have everything his heart desires. Maybe that's why he wants me back so much. Maybe he just can't have it that someone like me dumped him."
"Someone like you?"
A dark chuckle escaped her. "I used to be bullied too, remember?"
"Yes, but..."
When he didn't finish his sentence, Emma glanced up. He stared into his glass, swirling the contents in a slow, almost hypnotising manner. "But what?"
Severus smiled, finally looking up to meet her eye. "No one would bully you now, Emma."
"What does that mean?"
Taking another sip from his drink, he said, "It doesn't matter. What's done is done. Though I don't know what you ever saw in... What did you say his name was? Pissface."
Emma snorted, the lump in her throat finally lifting a little bit. "It's Jordan."
"Are you sure? Pissface seems to fit him better."
"Yes, Severus, I'm fairly certain his parents did not name him Pissface." She grinned, though it did not quite reach her eyes, before finishing her drink. "More?" When he nodded, she stood up to get the next round, the firewhiskey still burning in the back of her throat.
As the bartender, Madam Rosmerta, poured the two drinks, she wiped her hands over her face. Get it together, she berated herself. Jordan's an arsehole and he's out of your life for good now. It's over. Get it together. For Severus. She glanced at the booth, where he sat waiting for her. As she picked up the drinks and thanked Rosmerta, she nodded to herself. For Severus. Her antics had ruined enough of his day already.
"Thank you," he said, as she set down the glass in front of him. He took a sip and sighed with content as she sat down. "This is nice," he added. "Like old times."
"Yeah," said Emma, glancing across the all-but-empty pub. The only other patron was an old man in a corner very close to the bar, who looked like he spent all his time with Madam Rosmerta and the liquor in his hand. "Except it used to be busier here."
Severus hummed, following her gaze, before his eyes landed on her again. "I missed this, you know. I missed you."
Her heart skipped a beat. The lump, that hadn't really disappeared, swelled again. "Yeah," she muttered. "I missed you too."
"Can I ask... Why did you leave?" His eyes had gone darker and the smile on his face had disappeared, melted away like hot butter.
"Severus..."
"Please, Em, I need to know. I've always thought it was because I became a Death Eater, but you said that wasn't the reason. If not because of that, why did you leave?"
Emma averted her gaze, staring into her drink. She felt the tears resurface. Blinking wouldn't get rid of them this time, as the memory of those last few moments with her best friend came rushing back. The look he'd given her when she told him she wasn't coming back. The panic in his voice as she walked away. They'd haunted her nightmares for years.
Her voice felt thick as she said, "I would never have left you for being a Death Eater."
"Then what was it? What did I do that was even worse than that?"
What have I done? he'd yelled, as she turned and walked away. Emma, you can't do this to me!
She sniffed and wiped a traitorous tear off her cheek. "Severus, please..."
"What did I do, Emma? What was it that made you hate me so much?"
"I didn't hate you!" she exclaimed, appalled. "You were my best friend!"
Emma, please! You're my best friend! Emma! EMMA!
She gasped for air and wiped her eyes, unable to keep the tears from flowing. "You were my best friend. All those years at Hogwarts, you were all I had. And then Lily got married and you still couldn't let go of her."
His jaw dropped, but Emma was too busy wiping the tears from her cheeks, as those haunting memories overwhelmed her.
"I don't understand. What does Lily have to do with you leaving?"
"I left because I loved you, Severus! For seven long years, I waited for you, but all you could see was her. And then she got married, and you still didn't see me." A sob escaped her. She buried her face in her hands.
It was out. She'd finally told him. The one thing she'd kept from him for seventeen years. Now he knew.
He leaned back in his seat, pulling a hand through his hair. "I... Emma, I had no idea..."
"I know," she said, swallowing another sob down. "That hurt even worse. Everything we've been through, and you'd never even considered it. I left in an attempt to distance myself from you. To get over you and start over." It didn't work though, she thought, hiding her face in her hands. Even ten years apart didn't help me get over you.
"Emma... I'm so sorry."
When he reached out and took her hand in his, she jumped up from her seat. "I should go," she said, trying one last time to wipe her face clean. "I uh... I have to go." Holding her breath to keep in another sob, she rushed to the exit of the Three Broomsticks, and disappeared into the rain, where nobody could see her tears any longer.