I threw myself on my bed in a desperate attempt to forget about Michael being here. I didn't want to think about him worrying about me. That would be torture for him to care but reject me.
"Katrina?" Michael's voice flooded my room as my head shot up.
"What," I asked exasperated. Why wouldn't he just leave me alone?!
"Where were you?" He asked more gently this time.
I watched him carefully as he sat at the edge of my bed. He hardly looked at me but I wasn't sure why.
"Why does it matter?"
"You are my mate and I am still responsible for you. Who were you with?" He asked calmly.
My jaw just about hit the floor, "You mean who was I fucking," I retorted violently.
"If you would like to use such crude language, yes that was my question."
I laughed, "You have no faith in me, do you?"
"Have you given me any reason?"
I shook my head absently, "You know, when I was alive my parents were diehard Catholics. They never had a spiritual experience but they still had faith God was there. Shouldn't you practice what you preach?"
He looked shocked for a moment but rolled his eyes, "This isn't a game, Katrina. Who were you with?"
"I wasn't with anyone," I shot back, "Not that it's any of your fucking business but I spent the year in solitude."
His expression showed that he didn't believe me which infuriated me beyond reason.
"Why are you even here? I told you to never speak to me again, Michael. The least you could do would be to respect that," I said as void as possible. Still, the hurt seeped into my voice and gave way to my true feelings.
"Unfortunately, I cannot leave you alone. Like I said, you are my responsibility and I will not be lied to."
My temper soared at his comment. It was as if he had slapped me across the face. I quickly got to my feet and stormed out of the room. I couldn't let him see me in such a broken state. I couldn't let him know he had such an affect on me.
I fled to the Garden of Hades to find solitude. Samael couldn't make me spend a year in Heaven. I couldn't possibly avoid Michael there. Running wasn't an option anymore since that seemed to work so well for me this time around.
I left the palace for the serenity of the magical gardens. Giant weeping willows carefully hid stone benches next to a quiet crystal clear stream while a small waterfall trickled a few feet away. I loved being here especially alone but as my luck would have it, Avina joined me before I could notice or protest.
"Michael does care for you," she said quietly as she gently rubbed my back.
"He doesn't. He made that quite clear," I said just as quietly as if I had been too loud the gardens would shatter.
"He does, Katrina. You must prove to him he was wrong about you. Understand his position," she tried.
"The thing is, he was right. I am an absolute disgrace and I have no business being with him. I couldn't possibly be good enough for him, Avina."
"He is your soul mate, Kat. He is stubborn; he has always been stubborn. You just need to show him the great person I know you are and he will accept you," she urged.
I thought about what she said. She wasn't telling me to change myself into something I could never be. She was telling me to be myself. She was telling me to still do my job but show him I wasn't this slut he had envisioned.
I bit my lip, "Should I talk to him?"
She nodded gracefully, "I think that would be a great idea. Michael doesn't admit when he is wrong so it will be interesting to see him in this situation."
I nodded. It was time to face him even if I wasn't ready. At least my conscience would be clear. If he couldn't accept me for who I had become at least I would know I did everything in my power.
I stood and raked my fingers through my hair. A deep breath filled my lungs but did nothing to calm me. How would I ever approach this conversation? How would I make him understand I wasn't some tramp that slept with everyone? Damian was the only man I slept with and Ivan was the only man when I was alive. Two men in one hundred eighteen years seems like a good track record even if one of them murdered me and the other was recently married.
I offered Avina a small smile and made my way down the cobblestone path back to the palace. I knew I wouldn't waste my time trying to prove something to Michael he didn't want to see. He wanted to believe I was a promiscuous girl and nothing I could say would change that opinion. But, I could skew it enough so he could see past my behavior even if for a moment.
I looked around the main floor instantly spotting Michael being fawned over by one of Samael's wives. I felt my fury hit an all time high at her displays and the fact that he wasn't stopping it. Wasn't he suppose to be this holier than thou man with an impeccable history?! Wasn't that why he rejected me?!
"Don't you have a husband to annoy," I asked through my acid coated voice.
She turned her attention to me for a moment before an evil smirk splashed on her face, "Oh, hello, Katrina. I see you're without Damian. Such a rare occurrence," she commented.
"About as rare as your legs staying closed," I retorted.
She glared at me and slipped away.
I couldn't look at Michael, the fucking hypocrite. How dare he judge me but stand there and encourage a married whore to fawn over him! At least I started sleeping with Damian long before he met Avina and long before I knew of Michael.
I simply walked away unable to form a coherent thought. Why did he make me feel this way? Did he take pleasure in dangling women in front of me? Did he honestly not care what I thought or how I felt? Since him, I knew I couldn't be with anyone else which made life much more difficult. I couldn't even have a physical distraction from him because I couldn't possibly want anyone else!
"Katrina," he started.
"Don't," I barked over my shoulder.
"It wasn't what you think. I would never-"
"I don't fucking care. Do whatever you want, Michael."
"Katrina," he tried once more but I wasn't having it. I refused to be so humiliated. I would never show him how much it killed me to see him allow such a thing. But perhaps I deserved it. Maybe this was how he felt when I was with Damian. Doubtful. He didn't give two shits about me and the only reason he cared about my relationship with Damian was because it tarnished his perfect angelic image.
"Stop," he commanded. Being such a low rank in comparison, I was forced to obey his direct order. Naturally, I was beyond furious he would use such a tactic to get my attention.
"What," I demanded in a low, deadly, tone. If he couldn't hear the warning in my voice then there was something wrong with him.
"Listen to me," he paused as if gaining some control, "You walked over at the wrong moment-"
"Like I said, I don't fucking care Michael," I furiously fought the tears but they flowed on their own accord. I hated that he reduced me to this emotional mess.
"Haven't you done enough to make me pay? Haven't I suffered enough for the things I've done to Avina?" I painfully whispered.
He stayed quiet at my question but I wasn't done. I wanted to know why it was so important to him to hurt me. He was the one that tried to have something done about me being his match. He was the one that told me I was a disgrace. He knew about me before I ever knew about soul mates or that he even existed.
"Honestly, Michael. Tell me why Avina is so important to you. She would forgive Damian without a second thought for all of this so why can't you forgive me and realize that I'm trying to change?"
"Because you have made it abundantly clear that you do not wish to be with me!" He blurted. He sighed in frustration, "Why bother trying to forgive you when you only care about Damian and yourself? I would love to be with you the way we were intended, Katrina, but you have proven over and over that is not what you want."
"You never asked! How would you know what I want?! All you've done since meeting me is judge me. Every little thing I do puts a scowl on your face!"
He took a step closer to me with all rage present but there was something else there; an undercurrent of jealousy swept through his perfect features.
"That is because every time I see you, you have just finished another round with him. That jealousy you felt when Avina touched me? Try knowing your soul mate is sleeping with another man. Try knowing how deeply she cares for a man she doesn't belong with. I know you hate me, Katrina. I would be a fool to believe otherwise but the fact that you can stand there and play the victim only justifies my action to break our bond. You are a spoiled child with a title so don't pretend like what I do and say hurts you."
I couldn't stop the cry that fell through my lips. I knew everyone was watching at that point in stunned silence but no one would interfere. They were too terrified of me and Michael was the highest ranking being in the realm.
A surprised look crossed his face when I completely broke down. He wasn't expecting me to actually be hurt by his words but they destroyed any ounce of stability I had left. I thought I couldn't get any lower but I found a new bottom and I was reaching it fast. I understood his anger. I really did and I accepted it. I hugged myself as if that could hold the pieces of myself together.
"I understand," I managed to whisper.
With that, I left for Earth.