This might get confusing so pay attention... Let's find out why Satine and Diana left home :)
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OCTOBER OF 96'
It was late October of ninety-six and Satine was sitting on the porch swing outside her family mansion. Swinging backwards and forwards, with nothing to do but watch the gardener do a terrible job at cutting the hedges, she hoped her friend would turn up sooner rather than later. She was always running late, sometimes to the point where it would be classier not to turn up at all.
They had gotten in late the night before, only because Satine was hell-bent on finding herself someone to end the night with. Diana, of course, had her lips puckered and fixed to her boyfriend, Austin Martinez.
To say Satine was frustrated was an understatement. She went from being alone to owning the whole world with Diana; then back to being alone again.
Okay, fine, she was overreacting and she knew that. Diana spent just as much time with her as she did before, it's just the thought of her friend having someone else to rely on sort of niggled at her.
"What are you thinking about, gorgeous?" A voice called as they skipped up the drive.
Being broken out of her daze, Satine rolled her eyes at her friend. "Took you long enough."
"I was getting laid."
"Well that makes one of us."
Diana slouched down onto the swing, resting her head on her friend's lap and looking up at her with a playful gleam in her eye.
"Don't look at me like that, traitor. You blew me off for a mechanic."
"I'm in l-o-v-e, that's why," she replied with her hand pressed against her heart. She was in love, but in the superficial way where Satine could see straight through it. "God, you're such a killjoy lately. What's crawled up your ass and died?"
Flicking her friend's forehead and making her wince in pain, Satine crossed her arms.
"I've run out of things to do. I want to get out of this place and it just seems like more and more things are convincing you to stay."
Diana sat up straight away, looking sombrely at her friend. Years of friendship and she still struggled to read her sometimes.
"What are you talking about? New York's got our name on it."
Ever since they met, they both shared the same dream of moving to a city. There were many to choose from, but something was drawing them to the big apple.
"You sure?" Satine raised a brow, side-eyeing her friend. She had a real problem with false promises, especially where New York was concerned.
"One hundred percent. Though, I would like to travel first. I want to see Europe; I want to keep a diary logging all of my discoveries. I could use it as inspiration for a book one day."
"You and this book," Satine scoffed. "We haven't exactly lived an interesting life. It's more tragic than anything... especially yours."
"Hey! My life isn't tragic, it just hasn't begun yet." Dissimilarly to Diana, Satine knew her friend like the back of her hand. That's how she knew she was pretending like her childhood wasn't a big fat mess.
Satine nodded and picked at her nails for a while, ignoring Diana's tender gaze.
"Look, Star, one day something will have us flying from this place and we'll welcome it with open arms. We could do it now but that's not exactly my style, is it?" Diana's upbringing had moulded her to favour practicality over spontaneity.
"I suppose not," she pondered the idea. "But when the time does come, we'll do it together, right?"
"Of course. I'd never leave without you, baby."
Bopping her friend on the nose, Satine smiled warmly as Diana turned, intrigued by the clanging and banging coming from the next house over.
"Didn't the Anderson's move to Manhattan like three years ago?" She questioned.
Yes, they did... Satine having a part to play in their relocation.
"Why did they move in the first place?" She was expecting Satine to know the answer, who did know of course, but that was the one secret she could never tell.
"Suppose they wanted a change of scenery, just like us," she gulped, begging her heart rate to settle.
There was a small glimmer of hope left in Satine's heart. A glimmer that had convinced her she was the reason for his return.
***
The day after, Diana laid in bed with Austin, who lived in a tiny flat above his garage on the edge of town. It was falling apart at the seams but something about it was homely. It was definitely better than half the foster homes she'd been in and out of over the years.
"I really love you, you know that right?" She whispered as she snuggled into her boyfriend's neck.
He chuckled, tracing circles around the small moles on her shoulder. "Only because you tell me fifty times a day."
"So, do you love me too?"
"Of course, more than anything."
Back when Diana first moved to town, she'd set her sights on Austin who ran the auto-repair shop down the road from her foster parents' house. They hit it off straight away, flirtatious banter, unnecessary trips to his repair shop, and courageous invitations to the local bar.
It wasn't until she met Satine that Diana wanted him even more. Satine had this way of scooping up the town's men, and for a while it seemed Austin was going to be no exception. But he was charmed and utterly obsessed with the little brunette parading about town in her little denim shorts and white shirts tied above her stomach.
"So if I were to tell you I could decide to leave one day... what would your response be?"
There was a silence, one that Diana couldn't put her finger on the reason for. There was the obvious; the fact that he loved her so much that he didn't want her to leave. The other option was that he was trying to find a way of working himself into the equation.
"Why would you just get up and leave? Would you not tell me?" There was a level of distaste to his tone.
"No, of course I'd tell you. It's just it's something Star and I are planning to do together so I'm wondering how you would feel about it?"
Sitting up and ripping his arm out from underneath her, he stared in disbelief.
"I'm not exactly going to be fucking happy about it, am I? I've only just locked you down after how many years we've been fucking around with each other. Now that you're finally mine, you're deciding to leave?" He was raising his voice now.
It only took that long for them to get together because he refused to get involved with a kid. It's not like she wasn't even mature for her age back then, she was like a twenty-five-year-old in a teenager's body. For some reason he was fine fucking her, but a relationship was off the table until she was at least twenty... or until it wouldn't hurt his image.
Diana stood up, furrowing her eyebrows at her boyfriend. She knew he had a temper but never experienced it first-hand.
"This is my future we're talking about... I'll still be yours, but it'll just be from afar for a little bit. I want to travel; I want to experience new things. I want to learn and feel free for once!"
"YOU CAN DO ALL THAT HERE!" Austin yelled, standing up in front of her. "IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU, I'LL TAKE YOU ON HOLIDAY! YOU DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING LEAVE FOR MONTHS ON END!"
"Stop shouting. I didn't want it to come to this. We can talk civilly."
Austin shook his head, sticking his tongue into his cheek.
"No, you can't leave. If you want to know what my reaction will be if you do, then I'll make it clear. If you go, then you'll be coming back to another woman in my bed."
Diana was taken aback by his coldness and how he'd openly admit to cheating.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" She snapped. "You're fucking joking, right?"
"You can't expect me to wait for you. If you really loved me then you wouldn't fucking leave in the first place. I've been working my ass off trying to scrape up the money to buy us a decent house."
She didn't know what to do, she was so shocked by his reaction. A date hadn't even been set; it was all hypothetical.
"I'M NOT EXPECTING YOU TO WAIT FOR ME, I'M EXPECTING YOU TO WANT TO WAIT BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME!"
"WELL I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO!" He bellowed into her face, making her stumble back. "I promise you that the first person I stumble across after you leave, I will fuck until you're nothing but a figment of my imagination."
The pain radiating through Diana's body was too much to handle and so she punched him. Her little fists were too weak to do any real damage, but it sure did make him angrier.
"YOU CUNT, YOU FUCKING CU-" her screams were cut off by Austin delivering a hefty slap across her face, tossing her body to the floor like a rag doll.
She laid curled up in a ball, whimpering as she covered her reddened cheek.
Walking over and lifting her by her wrist, he angrily spat in her face. "Get the fuck out. If you're going to leave me then do it already."
Diana was sobbing in fear, trying ever so hard to push him away.
"FINE! I'LL FUCKING GO AND YOU'LL NEVER FUCKING SEE ME AGAIN!"
"Good."
With that, she turned and fiddled with the doorknob with her trembling hands and ran to her truck. She was terrified and confused by the person he'd become in the split of a second. But a part of her expected it, a part of her knew he had it in him.
Glancing over her shoulder at the bag she always kept on her back seat. She took a shaky breath before slamming her head against her steering wheel.
Satine would never forgive her... but she had to get out of there. Her tether had snapped, and this was the final straw.
She reversed at full speed, almost hitting a tree in the process, and then drove out of sight.
***
Satine never had anything to do at home except study with her maid, that's why she was rarely ever there. She much preferred the company of questionable people... Well, only when she was feeling particularly dare-devilish.
The local bar was at least three miles from her house, and she could honestly say she had slept on the bar top there more times than her own bed. She was thinking of making her way down right then and there if it wasn't for the heavy knock on her door.
"Je vais ouvrir la porte, Marie!" She called out to stop her maid from rushing to the door.
She sauntered her way over to the front of the house, not even bothering to look through the side windows first before opening. It could have been an axe murderer for all she knew, but Satine didn't care. She wasn't afraid of death; she was afraid of not being remembered.
"Martinez?" She screwed her face up when he came into view.
"Is she here?" Satine didn't like it when people spoke so bluntly as if she was nothing but smeared shit on the bottom of their shoe.
"Who, Dotty?" She questioned, trying not to gag at the view of his body dripping in sweat. "God, did you run over here or something?"
"Yes, Dotty, who fucking else?"
"No, I haven't heard from her all day." A wave of dread fell over her in that moment. "Why, what's happened?"
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, a softness behind his eyes that wasn't present before.
"I don't know what to do. She's not answering my calls or texts. I think she's gone for good."
A lump formed in Satine's throat. She didn't know how to decode that riddle of a piece of news.
"Slow the fuck down and get inside."
She guided him to the lounge and watched as his sweaty body hit the couch with a thump. He was a hulk of a guy, handsome too - if that's what you're into. His dark hair and dark eyes made him every women's fantasy, and even Satine was flustered the first time they met, but she knew of his temper. She'd witnessed a handful of his fights at the bar.
"What do you mean she's gone for good?"
There's no way Diana would go anywhere without telling Satine first or bringing her along. It was contracted into their friendship; the betrayal would feel like a fourth degree burn if he was correct.
"We argued, okay! A little one, it wasn't a big deal. She said something about leaving to go travelling with you and I said no. I only just locked her down and now she's trying to run off to the other side of the world? No, it's not happening."
Satine stood opposite with her arms crossed.
"A little one, huh? Now I don't believe that for one second. Dotty doesn't know how to argue, she prefers to deal with her feelings... civilly." She knew that her friend wouldn't get into a fight for no reason. "Go on now, spit it out."
Looking awkwardly around the room, Austin took a deep breath. "Okay fine, I was taunting her. I told her I-" Satine was drawn in by the mystery. "I told her that I was going to find the first woman I could after she left and fuck em', alright?"
Scum.
"Is that why you're here?" Satine questioned. "I'm sorry to say this but you're not exactly my type. Plus, I would never do that to Dotty."
"Save it, Star. I love her."
"Just checking." Even though he was undeniably attractive, Satine was honestly grossed out by the filthy man dirtying up her father's favourite ivory divan. She felt as if the lounge was going to need an excessive scrub down after he left.
"She's gone for good..." he sniffled. Satine was convinced he was going to cry; he was toxic enough for it.
"She'll be back. I don't mean to break it to you, but I mean a whole lot more to her than you do. We have an agreement." If Diana did in fact leave, she would have broken every promise they'd ever made.
The oily man stood up, looking like he was gearing up to burn the place down. Satine wouldn't allow it, but he sure did look like he could do a lot of damage.
"SHE'S NOT COMING BACK! NOT AFTER WHAT I DID!"
Pursing her lips at his unruly attitude, Satine narrowed her eyes at him. "And what exactly did you do, huh?" She scanned his face, feeling the air thicken. "That bruise looks fresh, she give you that?" A slight red mark circled his right eye that she dismissed at first due to the nature of his work.
He turned his back on her. "I didn't come here to be grilled. I came to see if she was hiding out."
It just wasn't adding up, her little Dotty punching someone? No.
"What did you do, Martinez?" She sighed. "What did you do to have my best friend hightailing it out of town?"
"Star, look-"
Keeping herself calm, she asked again.
"I'm going to ask you one last time. What did you do?"
"Listen to me, Star, it was an accident. It was the heat of the moment getting the best of both of us."
"You hit her."
He was actively trying to defend himself. It would have been better if he came right out and said it. "I would never lay a finger on her intentionally. I love her."
Satine knew what kind of guy he was. From the first time he set foot in the local bar, he demanded attention. With tiny little Dotty plastered to his side, afraid to look at another man in fear of what he would do, Satine knew she was in for a ride. She knew the heartbreak was going to be hot, sweaty and heart-wrenching, but she did everything in her power to support her friend.
"Tell me the truth."
Letting out a growl of annoyance, he swung his body around to meet Satine's. "FINE! I fucking slapped her, okay? But she deserved it."
She motioned for him to follow her. "Come," she deadpanned, completely ignoring his admittance for the most part.
Listening to her command, he followed her to the front door. The golden gleam of her hair blew in the nights breeze as she swung the door open and pointed outside.
"Go and find her and hope to God that she chooses to come back, for your sake," Satine whispered, her head facing the floor. She was heartbroken.
"Where do I go?"
"Try Europe," with that, she slammed the door in his face.
Satine's back was fastened against the wall, trying to hold back her cries. If what Austin had said was true, he had driven Diana away. He had snatched her out of Satine's life, only to throw her away. Her small whimpers transformed into heavy breaths of anguish, and soon the door handle was loose from its screws.
She was never going to see her best friend again and the pain was debilitating.
***
Forty miles down the road, Diana sat in the gas station parking lot, hyperventilating after realising what she'd left behind.
Forget Austin, forget what he did. She escaped in such a hurry that she didn't even see if her best friend had any advice. Satine would never forgive her if she'd actually left. It was a rash decision, a rash decision that Diana regretted wholeheartedly.
Wiping away her tears and blowing her nose, she took a deep breath and turned back towards home. It was getting late now but she hoped Satine would still be up. She was probably sitting with Old Al', having him fetch her unlimited amounts of strawberry ice cream. Diana smiled at the thought - Satine always loved anything sweet.
The drive back was way longer than expected, probably because the majority of the journey there she was driving blind. She'd been parked up in that gas station for six hours and hadn't even bothered to get herself a drink. She was too busy crying and staring into nothingness.
She loved Austin with all her heart, but he had truly frightened her.
Sighing in relief as she passed the sign to her town, she knew she wasn't far from Satine's after hearing the soft swoosh of the creek that sat behind her mansion.
It was eerily quiet for a Friday evening but that was just what it was like with that place. Either everyone was down at the bar or locked away in their houses - It wasn't exactly the safest town, you were stupid if you didn't sleep with a gun under your pillow.
Her truck came to a halt outside the large iron gates and she internally cursed herself for not coming sooner. The entrance was at least half a mile away from the actual house and that meant that if no one knew she was coming, no one was there to open the gate.
With a heavy sigh, Diana grabbed her bag and decided to do what she normally did and jump the fence. It was probably a bad idea for such a small girl to tackle such a high wall, but Diana was agile. Years of getting up to mischief with Satine proved most useful.
The walk was long and there was still a slight warmth in the air that had her brown hair clinging to her forehead. She was going over what she would say to Satine, knowing that her best friend wasn't exactly the biggest fan of her boyfriend.
As her boots scraped along the path blanketed by overhanging trees, she gazed up at the brilliant white-pillared mansion sitting within the large grounds surrounding. It was truly beautiful; the type of place Diana could only dream of growing up in.
She picked up her pace as she saw the front door open, thanking God that her best friend was still awake as her gorgeous glow of hair blew in the evening breeze. However, her speed declined again once she realised she wasn't alone.
As Satine motioned for whoever it was the leave, that's when Diana's heart dropped out of her chest and rolled along the floor.
Stepping out in his big leather boots and oil-stained overalls was Austin. His head glanced from side to side as he left, checking his surroundings. He was looking around like he was guilty.
She paused, putting two and two together.
An inaudible gasp escaped Diana's mouth after she realised what had happened and she ran over to the trees, bending over in shock. He promised her. He told her if she were to leave then he'd find the first woman he could and fuck her.
She just didn't think the first person would be her best friend.
Clutching hold of the tree, her fingernails dug into the bark for support. She wanted to scream. It was agonising. The pain in her empty chest rattled throughout the rest of her body, leaving her feeling excruciatingly numb.
She felt that way for all of twenty seconds before the anger settled in.
And what an unruly anger it was.
The colour had drained from Diana's face, leaving her an empty shell of a human being. The usual spring in her step ceased to exist as her heavy feet dragged along the gravel to where Austin was discreetly heading for woodland creek. It was a shortcut that not many people knew of, mostly because if you weren't loaded, you had no business being on this side of town.
He was still looking around guiltily, and it fucked her right off.
She wanted him to suffer the same heartache or worse.
With her fist in her holdall, clutching hold of what could only be described as a reckless decision, she quickened her pace. It wasn't long before Diana had reached the edge of the woodland, her teeth baring as she watched him hesitantly step onto the bridge.
She had only two outcomes to choose from. She could run and stick to her word this time. Or she could go out with a bang.
Either way, it was going to be the last he'd ever see of her.
-
Getting back into her car with tear-stained eyes, Diana punched the steering wheel repeatedly until she could barely feel her hands.
"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, dragging her nails through her scalp.
Her heart was beating faster than it had ever done before and it was agony. The pain was crippling but for some reason she liked it. She liked it because she knew she deserved to suffer.
There was no happiness left in town for her. Hell, there was no happiness left in the country. She always did say something would have her flying out of that place, she just didn't realise it would be so soon.
***
Calming her shaky breath, Satine passed the back of the Anderson mansion, sneaking in through their garden to get to her back door.
She found that shortcut almost five years ago after needing a quick getaway.
The lights lit up the stately home and Satine admired from a distance. Her house had never been occupied enough for that many lights.
"You're trespassing, Star," his voice came out deep and gravelly, somewhat harsher than the last time they spoke.
Her intestines felt as if they'd knotted in her stomach.
Alexander Anderson, aka her first downfall.
"Fuck Alex, you scared me!" She gasped as he walked towards her slowly, putting his cigar out against the statue she was hidden behind.
"Because you're up to no good... Nothing's changed there I see. Though, I will say you've developed into a fetching young woman."
"Was I not before?" There was a level of seduction to her voice that he used to adore.
He smirked, pushing his dark hair back.
"You were a child." It was bold of him to admit his indecencies.
"Well, you didn't treat me as such." She took a step forward to meet him. "If I remember correctly, you used to fuck me like a-"
His face transformed into a heavy frown. He knew the implications of his actions and he knew getting away with it was never going to be easy. Especially not with her.
After a long pause of just staring at each other, Satine piped up again.
"I didn't keep it."
His uncomfortable expression deepened, but this time Satine noticed a softness behind his eyes.
"Well to be honest, I didn't have a choice. Adolescent pre-eclampsia they called it," she spoke so matter of factly. "I wouldn't have gone through with it anyway, no point putting a baby through that. I already know what it's like to have an absent dad."
"Would you keep your voice down?" He rested his head back and breathed out to compose himself. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."
She nodded, perking up alarmingly fast. "Well you're back now though! That's all that matters."
And in a matter of seconds, her heart was broken again.
"I didn't come back for you, Star. I came back because I wanted my kids to grow up with land and not fifty story buildings surrounding them. I didn't even think you'd be here! You were supposed to go off to college and put that brain of yours to good use!"
No, she'd dropped that dream to follow him to Manhattan.
Satine burst into a fit of crazed laughter. "Sure... you probably found another kid to fuck over in New York and Adelaide found out, right?" His wife was always suspicious.
"Shut your mouth."
"Or what?" She teased, licking her lips. "You gonna do it for me? You always loved it when I gagged." His eyes rolled back as her gloved hands traced his belt, slowly inching down to his crotch. "I suppose we shouldn't, Adelaide might see. She might suspect you're doing the same thing with little Katie, is it?"
She shouldn't have expected anything less, but as his face turned a shade of purple and his teeth bared, she was truly frightened.
"You little bitch," he growled, slamming her body against the statue.
Gasping for air, Satine's heart hammered against her chest as he caged her under his arms. "Keep my daughter's name out of your God damn mouth. You're not a kid anymore, Star, you're a grown up. Don't forget that I can fucking treat you like one."
On the verge of tears, she pushed him away. "You said you loved me and then fucking left like nothing ever happened! You left me all alone, pregnant and scared!"
"Star," he pushed his fingers into his eye sockets. "I had to leave to protect my family. It was an accident; I thought I pulled out! I'm forty-one years old, I'm old enough to be your dad for Christ's sake. We had our fun and now it's time to move on!"
"But I can't!" She was unable to understand how he could be so horrible. "You're everything I've ever wanted." The tears were pouring out now, blemishing her face with a blotchy red rash.
He watched her pitifully, knowing it was all his fault. He had groomed her, taken advantage of her vulnerability and wondered why she fell in love. The worst part was that it was all true; he did love her in his own fucked up way, but it was all led by desire.
She was the prize - young, wild and beautiful. The type of girl men fell to their knees for. But that was the problem. Satine Fontaine was a man's downfall in human form.
"You'll find someone," he reached forward and took her in his arms. "Someone young, rich, handsome and successful. Someone that loves you for you and that intelligent brain of yours."
She wasn't listening, she was too busy breathing in the remnants of his scent.
Ripping himself from her trembling grasp, Alex backed away to his back door. "I love my wife, Star. It was always her, and it will always be her. It's just something you'll have to live with."
It was like somebody had torn out her throat; she was unable to talk or cry. She was just another meaningless statue in his garden - but this one had one too many cracks. It was only a matter of time before it shattered.
He was wrong, she wasn't going to learn to live with it.
Squeezing through the small gap in the trees, Satine snuck through her back door, quietly climbing the stairs until she reached her room.
She looked around in a panic, before setting her eyes on her hold-all. She rushed around her room, filling it to the brim with whatever she could; toiletries, underwear, money,"
"Madame? What's happened?" Her maid knocked frantically after hearing her stomping around.
"I'm leaving, Marie. I can't stay, I have to go."
"What? Why?"
"There's nothing left for me here. If I don't leave now I never will!"
"Speak to Miss Dotty, Madame!"
With a wicked smile, Satine tossed her bag over her shoulder. "No can do, she left town without so much as a goodbye. I'm just following in her footsteps."
"Pack some warm clothes, mon étoile, please!"
"I don't think so," she looked down at her little white summer dress and her brown wedges and sighed. "Can you burn all my clothes for me?"
Her maid couldn't have looked more stunned if she tried.
"Tell everyone I've gone to stay with Papa, and tell Papa I've- Oh who am I kidding? He doesn't care."
With that, she brushed past Marie who was in visible terror.
"Au revoir."
That was the last time anybody saw Satine.
The sun was rising over the back of the Anderson mansion as she marched past, trying to hold back her tears. Who knew two men would be the driving force between the girls leaving town? Probably everyone come to think of it.
Arriving at the bus station, Satine's heart lulled as the next coach to New York flickered on the screen.
Nothing was better than a new beginning.
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:)
Long chapter, ay? A lot of information too!
Ask any questions you want, I'll try and answer. It's important to go back and reread that text message in chapter 7!
THOUGHTS? I've had this chapter sitting here for donkeys years. Remember what genre this book is? It's all in my authors notes!
Monica Bullucci in Malèna 🤤 Who our dear Satine is based on.