Chapter 2:
Jake's P.O.V
I don't know why I did it. I wasn't thinking, and I'm sure I've just made everything worse— well was anything good about this, to begin with? I was just sick of these feelings, wait— was I sick of them, or did I just want them to be real? To bring them to life— that would simply make my world. But, I remember the day everything started like it was yesterday.
*Flashback A Month Ago*
"Where you running freak?!" I called out to the Gothic boy who was now running from me. This was normal; he never stood up to me, only Trent or Dylan. I laughed as I ran after him, gaining on him quickly, before pulling him into a classroom, proceeding to close and lock the door. I smirked as a panicked look crossed his face. My smirk faltered slightly. I began to feel bad for doing this,
"Don't be scared Freak— this won't hurt— much," Where did that moment of weakness come from? It was so sudden it shocked me, but before Felix could notice I pulled myself together, and the panicked expression excited me. It simply made me want to hurt him until he was useless, ha, like he wasn't really. I shook my head and regained my sanity before advancing on the freak and lifting him up by his shirt. He didn't even bother trying to run away from me, it was useless now.
"Let go of me." His words were strong, but the fear was evident. I scoffed at his lame attempt of trying to escape,
"Or what, Freak? You gonna set your girlfriend onto me?" The word 'Girlfriend' left a bad taste in my mouth, but what was baffling was Felix's confused expression,
"I don't— have a girlfriend." For some reason, I felt happy about that. But, I thought he was dating that weird Goth chick he hangs out with. Oh well, I guess I was wrong.
"Then no one can help you." With that, I punched him in the stomach, but something felt weird about it. I felt like pins and needles were up to my arms, making them useless against Felix. I then dropped him to the ground, annoyed that my arms didn't want to work. I lifted my leg back and slammed the tip right into Felix's ribcage, the same feeling appearing again in my foot.
My eyes widened and I took a step back from Felix, confused about what was going on. I wanted to hurt Felix, but somewhere deep inside of me, I felt bad for doing it. Before I could stop myself, I had turned around, unlocking the door and I bolted out of the room and away from Felix as fast as I could.
*Over*
That night the dreams started. They weren't ordinary dreams, they were about Felix— and he and I were together— doing stuff, like sexual stuff. It freaked me right out, but after a while I liked it— I liked him. At least I think I did. It took a bit of getting used to, but soon enough, my feelings for Felix really were real, and all I wanted was to be close to Felix.
But I knew I couldn't do that. I was his bully, and if I were to be close to him, it would be to bully him. And if Trent and Dylan are around, then I really can't do it. Every time Trent or Dylan suggest we should beat Felix up, my stomach churns and I want to hit them for suggesting something so stupid.
Then today I lost control. I made sure not to mess with Felix. Trent and Dylan never start anything unless I start it first, so we just walked past. But I needed contact; so I ditched Trent and Dylan and went out looking for Felix. When I found him, he was having a heated argument with Sam Conte, my sort of friend.
When I cut in, Felix was pissed. But his demeanour changed the second he looked at me. I made sure not to look at him because I knew I would be screwed otherwise. That's when I looked at him, and I knew I had to do something, even if it would screw me for life, my feelings beginning to take over control of my body and brain.
"Sam, I think it's time for you to go." I panicked as soon as the words left my mouth; I know I would now be alone with Felix. I watched Sam nod. Sam may have been my friend, but when he is a part of an awkward situation, that boy gets out of there quicker than lightning.
"Yeah, me too— Later Dudes." I watched as Felix tried not to scoff. I smiled at him, but it disappeared quickly so he wouldn't see it if he did I think I would be screwed. Felix wasn't concentrating on me, so I took the opportunity of Felix being distracted to move close to him, so close I was touching him. I wanted to cry out in happiness. Felix was about to scream out so my hand quickly lashed out to cover his mouth,
"Make a noise and they will find us okay?" Felix nodded as I whispered those words to him. I instantly knew that he wouldn't say anything now. I had control over Felix, but it was through fear. He was the only person I want to control with love. But I can't ever let him see that side of me.
"I'm going to take my hand away now okay?" Felix nodded and I resisted the urge to smile when Felix didn't move or scream when my hand left his mouth. I didn't move away, as Felix talked sassily back to me,
"What do you want?" I sighed before moving even closer. Felix yelped, it was so cute, but I had to cover up so I placed my hand over his mouth again. Felix sighed rolling his eyes again, he was so cute— he then looked into my eyes, as I looked into his. I sighed and asked the question that has been bugging me, ever since the feeling started,
"Why do I bully you?" Felix's eyes widened at my question. Felix squirmed as much as possible to try and get away, but I was too close, it was inevitable; he wasn't getting away until I moved away. Oh, I wanted to kiss him so badly. But by being so close, meant that I was that almost all of me was touching almost all of him.
Neither of us could move without feeling awkward, well I guess that it what Felix is feeling, I felt so happy right now, but I couldn't show it. I finally moved my hand away from his mouth again. I then moved my hand to hold Felix's wrist. Felix's face changed, as if he was thinking about something, or feeling something. He finally answered my question,
"You bully me because I'm a 'Freak'." I sighed. Felix, you're not a freak I am. My face saddened. Does he actually believe that he is a freak? Was that my fault? Oh god, if it was I want to take it back. Felix, you aren't a freak!
"But you're not a freak. I'm a freak, or— I think I am I don't like labels." My choice of word caused Felix to scoff at me. I frowned; I can't believe I made him hate me so much. I don't really know where my original stemming of hateful bullying came from, but sometimes I feel like I do it to try and get my father's attention, and fail.
"Yeah right— you don't like labels when you're the one that gave me that name." I couldn't believe he hates me so much. I didn't know he actually hated me so much. Well, I mean of course he would. I'm the asshole that has spent the last two years bullying him! I'm surprised he's not trying to hit me right now, he just looks— scared.
"I think I was reflecting my self-vision onto you, Felix. You were the perfect candidate." I think Felix was officially confused, Felix looked so scared.
"Jake— please just get off of me." My name. I raised my eyes from the ground as I caught Felix's gaze, causing the Gothic boy to freeze.
"What did you say?" I asked, what did he say; I needed to know why can't he just say it? Felix's silence was horrifying. Does he think he'll disappoint me? Impossible, I know he doesn't like me. This is all just one sided, but really, what did he say? "Did you say please Felix?" I could tell I affected him by saying his name.
Felix nodded in answer to my question, unable to form words. I frowned but moved closer to him; so much my legs and chest were touching his, with no space at all. My nose touched his and I watched as he gasped.
At this proximity, I could see Felix's face clearly. His pale skin, bringing his soft brown eyes out. It was cute because around his eyes was black smudged eyeliner, and it looked adorable and I just wanted to see him wearing it properly and not just leftovers.
"What are you doing Jake? Get off me," Felix's reaction to my proximity was to begin fighting, but I didn't want that. My brain wasn't working as Felix almost screamed, but he didn't. After quietened down, he tried to push me away, but all I had to do was grab his wrist that was not already in my grasp. It was too easy for me to grab it. I had to tell him, but I couldn't, I knew I couldn't tell him; otherwise I would be done for—Felix was everything in my eyes, and I was acting like a five-year-old having a tantrum in a candy store, and Felix was my candy.
"I don't know why I'm doing this Felix. Just don't go," Felix winced as I moved my face from in front of his to in the crook of his neck. Felix froze again and stiffened. I felt so happy I was affecting him; I was just hoping it was in the way I hoped. Felix was stuttering as I lightly smelled him.
"Jake, I— you hate me— you bully me— you can't be doing this. I have to be dreaming, or you're just playing a joke on me— just please let go of me." I gasped, before nodding. He thought I was playing a joke on him, or that he was dreaming— does that mean he dreams of me like I dream of him? I smiled quickly before it faded. Of course, he doesn't, I was just thinking stupidly like a love struck puppy.
"Just one thing," I muttered and Felix sighed, I get the feeling he didn't want to be here right now. Well, I'm his bully, I'd want to run away too if I were him.
"What is it, Jake?" I froze before moving slightly and biting down on his neck. My brain didn't ever register that I was actually biting someone. Felix cried out at the feeling.
My senses were simply overloaded with Felix. He tasted even better than he smelled. For some reason, my brain just thought of vampires from weird movies saying that, but I wasn't drinking his blood, merely— tasting his skin. Yeah, that's not any better.
It's just Felix smells so— yum, it must be his deodorant or something. Felix froze again, before squirming hard. I sighed in my head, finally let go of his wrists, meaning he was finally able to use his hands to push me away. After I was off him, one of his hand lashed up to his own neck, it seemed he was checking for blood because he quickly pulled it away. He looked happy about the sight of his hands— what?
"What the hell was that for? You don't just go around biting people," I sighed, before collapsing on the ground and staring at the ground. Felix took the time to run off. I felt like crying, fuck I scared him. That wasn't supposed to happen, jeez, I wasn't even supposed to like him.
I need to go find him and apologise. I sighed, standing up and followed him in the general direction I could see him going. When I almost caught up to him when he spotted me and merged into the crowd. Fuck, now I can't see him as well, because you have to admit, if you are going to wear all black to school, you are going to stand out like fuck.
I smirked as I spotted him in the crowd, running over to him, before dragging him into an empty classroom. Seriously, what is it with all the empty classrooms in the school? I sighed before closing and locking the door, giving me a sense of déjà vu.
Felix's P.O.V
I couldn't scream, it was caught in my throat. I get the feeling this is where Jake is now going to beat me up— ah fuck, I'm done for. Everything that just happened outside ran through my head. What does that all mean?
"Felix, calm down." I froze at Jake's calm use of my name. He seemed different, again. Why does he have so many personalities today?!
"Why Jake? What do you want? To freak me out like before? Don't Jake, I just— don't understand, why would you do something like that?" Jake sighed. Why was I reacting this way? Where has my cool, level head gone? Is it because it's Jake? What's so special about him?
Only just now, I realised his back was to me. I frowned, walking over to him, touching his shoulder. Why was I so concerned about him? This guy was my bully, bully! Not friend, bully! Yet, all I want to do right now I comfort him.
"Jake— are you okay?" I asked as my hand touched him. Jake froze before grabbing my hand, turning himself, and myself around, so now my back was to him, and my back was touching his chest. He used his arms to trap my own arms around my waist. I yelped at the feeling of his arms around my waist, I tensed at the feeling of Jake's breath on my ear,
"Why is it like this Felix? Why can't we be friends?" I stiffened at the feeling of Jake's lips on my ear.
"Because we're different, you bully people, and I'm the freak with a disabled brother because it's my fault." Jake sighed, tightening his arms around me,
"It's not your fault your brother is in a wheelchair," I growled, and managed to turn myself around in Jake's arms. His grip tightened even more. My arms moved up to sit on his chest,
"Seriously just let me go, Jake, you're just messing with my head." Jake sighed, before looking me in the eyes,
"Is this messing with your head?" With that, he kissed me, on the lips— hard. My eyes widened at the feeling of Jake's chapped lips on mine. What is this? This can't be real.
"Jake—?" I mumbled out Jake's name in the kiss but he cut me off.
"Don't talk— just kiss," As Jake spoke, he didn't break the kiss. But for some reason, I couldn't fight it, so I kissed him back. My mind no longer in control as my hands moved from his chest to have one sit at the back of his neck, and the other holding his cheek, moving him harder against me. My mouth opened up as I began to kiss Jake harder. These feelings were weird, but I didn't care.
"Felix—" I sighed, suddenly annoyed that Jake was trying to talk. I continuing to kiss him, hoping he would be quiet. "Felix."
"What?" I mumbled and Jake pulled away from me.
"We need to go," I frowned, a confused look crossed my face. Why did I feel so stupid at the moment, this was my chance to get away, yet here I was, standing here stupidly.
"Why?" Jake laughed, his cheeks tingeing red slightly.
"The bell went. We'll be late for class." I gasped, my eyes widening as I pulled away from Jake, the taller boy letting me go for the first time ever.
"Sorry— that shouldn't have happened. I need to go," The words left my mouth and Jake nodded sadly as if knowing something I didn't.
"Yeah, of course," I frowned as I grabbed my bag, which had dropped off my shoulder as I was pulled into Jake's grip earlier. I was about to leave when Jake called out to me,
"Felix." I froze, turning around to face him.
"What, Jake?" Jake sighed, a shy look on his face.
"Meet me here at the break. Please?" I didn't agree or disagree.
"Maybe," And with that, I ran off to my locker where Ellen was waiting with a pissed look on her face,
"What crawled up your ass and died?" Ellen scoffed at me.
"You ditched me." I let out a bitter laugh at her, confused about her actions today.
"Ellen, you ditched me." Ellen scoffed again. What is with her? No, what is with everyone?! Are we in a weird world?!
"No, you ditched me," I frowned, confused about why Ellen was so adamant about me being the one to ditch her when she ditched me.
"Ellen, you ditched me after I made that comment about Jake and his gang," Ellen growled at me, a pissed off look on her face.
"To think I like you. Leave me alone," My eyes widened as I backed away from Ellen. Did Ellen just confess to me? What— what the fuck?!
"You like me? Like— a crush like?" She scoffed and nodded lightly,
"Of course I liked you. Do you really think I would hang out with you all these years if I didn't? God, you're horrible, I can't believe I liked you. Don't talk to me again— ever." With that, she stormed off. Okay, that was weird. Did she expect me to realise my feelings for her and run off after her, confessing my love for her or some shit? Oh my god, today has been insane and it's not even nine.
I shook my head, dropping the thought from my head. I grabbed my books from my locker and shoved them in my bag running to class. I arrived right on the bell, so technically, I wasn't late. My teacher, Mr Bates, turned to the door as he saw me,
"Ah, Felix, just in time, that's new," I rolled my eyes before taking a seat up the back. There was still an empty seat next to me, but everyone was in class— except for Ellen. I sighed resting my head on my hands which were in front of me on the table.
The class flew by, and it was now break. In the whole hour and a half, I had been locked in that room, I couldn't stop think about Jake. The kiss we shared before— the one I didn't reject. It just— I liked it. I just— I have never been kissed before, but it sure seemed like Jake had.
Sudden thoughts about how many other people Jake kissed in his life came into my head, and I was extremely worried now. I refused to believe that no one had kissed him before. I furrowed my brows as I thought more about whether or not to go to the classroom or not. If I go, will he pull a prank on me, or is he serious about this whole thing? Because I have no fucking clue.
Jake was being one of the most bipolar people I have ever met, and I'm friends with Ellen who ditched me, then comes up to me saying I ditched her— and then she confesses— oh yeah, I am so done with today.
I sighed as I walked to the classroom. I know I am going to regret this. I stood out front of the door for a minute before actually going in. If I get attacked, I need to remember to stay away from Jake as much as possible, and even if I don't get attacked, I am going to stay away from him as much as possible, which may be hard because, for some annoying reason, I really don't want to be away from Jake.
Great— I am either going to my death or going to my death. This is going to be fun— not. As I slowly slid the door open, there was Jake sitting on a table. His head lashed up and he smiled lightly, this new side of Jake weirding me out.
"Hi." I frowned as I closed the door locking it. Yep— I just got myself killed,
"Hi Jake, what do you want this time?" Jake frowned, confused about why I didn't know what he wanted. Well, how was I supposed to know? I'm not telepathic!
"You couldn't tell?" I shook my head at him, annoyed that he thought I was that smart because honestly, I'm not.
"No, you didn't give me that many hints. How the fuck was I supposed to know?" Jake smirked suddenly and fear pumped through my veins.
"I thought it was obvious," he said as he hopped off the table and moved towards me. I felt like I should back away, but my body refused and I moved closer and closer to my doom.
"Why are you doing this Jake?" Jake smiled, his smirk now gone. He looked nicer when he smiled, not as— sad.
"I don't even know, but I like it. I like you, a lot. And I can't control it anymore." I frowned, his words baffling me— is he confessing now too?
"And how long have you been controlling it exactly?" By now I was right in front of Jake. He placed his hands on my hips and lifted me up sitting me on a table. I squeaked and grabbed the table as soon as I was sitting.
"Do you remember the last time I beat you up?" I stopped and thought about it for a moment,
"Was that the time you stopped after only hitting me a few times?" Jake nodded, spreading my legs to stand in between them. I gasped as his hand rested on my leg,
"Since then— that's how long I have liked you. When I was hitting you, I felt something. And it scared me so I ran off. After that, I couldn't touch you without feeling that feeling. And I loved it, so I stuck with just bumping into you and not hitting you. I can't stop thinking about you Felix— I just—" he trailed off. I rolled my eyes, a new courage taking over me,
"Oh just shut up." And with that, I grabbed both sides of his face and kissed him. I watched as his eyes widened at my advance, before smiling and returning my kiss. The hand that wasn't on my leg moved from where it was onto my cheek, holding me close. While my hands moved from holding the table to holding onto Jake's neck.
It was bliss, and both of us knew it was very wrong, but for now. We would forget about the truth because quite frankly it hurts. For some reason, it hurt to know that Jake liked me— I mean, he bullied me for years! And now we are making out in a school classroom, I don't believe it. And I really, really hope that I am not dreaming right now.