"Halcyon," I lift my eyes, "do you still talks to a therapist?" I shake my head. "You feel as if your doing better?"
"I am doing better." She gives me that look, that damn look I recognize, the we've been here before look. "I am."
"Of course," she nods, all this nodding, her head might fall off, actually if I think about it, if it'll speed this up I wouldn't mind. "You can always talk to your partner now." I nod.
"Is it okay if we take a quick look around, to check if you've got anything hidden?"
"Of course," I stand and so does she. I watch her from a distance check my bathroom cupboard, bedroom draw and closet and then my kitchen cupboards.
"Thank you for letting us in, you have a lovely home by the way," I follow her to the door, "be sure to take care of yourself."
"I will."
"It was nice seeing you." She smiles me then and shut the door behind her. I don't even go back to where Tamir is, he hasn't moved yet, I just go back to my a kitchen and sink bring my knees to my chest.
This part of me is so humiliating, gosh if only he knew how much I was really messed up back then, how much times I faked recovering just to get out of rehab, how many times I relapsed. He would call me sick.
I hear him stand then his footstep come closer and closer to me, it stops and I lift my head, not to meet his eyes but just enough to see his shoes. They're clean, like they always are and then they move to me.
I believe he's going to sit down next to me but he just starts moving around, I sit and listen to him open and shut my cupboards just like Amy did but this time the sound of dishes are thrown in the mix. "Here." I lift my head to see a mug in my face.
"Thank you," I reach out and take it.
"It's not going to taste that great," he sits next to me and I glance over at his hands, he too is holding mug. "Nothing like yours."
I raise the cup to my lips and taste it. Wow. It's...bittersweet almost. I don't complain, I drink it even with its off taste, how does one mess up coffee?
I let my legs down mirror him. As much as I want to, I don't know how to start the conversation of why I wanted him not to come, he too doesn't seem like he wants to talk on the subject but I do have one thing. "It's not about trust," I let out, "that's not why I didn't want you to come."
I want to say more, to tell him it's because I was sacred of his judgment or just the plain truth, I'm very ashamed of that part of my past. I look up to him sipping his coffee. Nothing.
Good. His silence does pays off and I'm very grateful. I know one thing, I'm taking up his hour he usual enjoys sitting in the coffee shop and observing me form a far.
"We should get tattoos."
"What?!" I turn at his sudden words.
"Matching ones."
"When did you...what?"
"Why not?" He looks over at me. "It'll be the first for both of us. Yin and Yang...in guns."
"Guns?!" Put my cup down, "Why guns?"
He shrugs doing the same. "You see many yin and yang guns tattooed on people?" I want to turn him down but I'm intrigued for some reason. "We'll race, loser pays."
"Why do I have to pay for a tattoo I didn't suggest?!"
"If you don't want to pay" he leans in, "win."
"You're unbelievable." I shake my head then press my lips onto his. I remember our date sex and just how we can no longer keep our hands to ourselves for a long period of time since then. He kisses me harder and pulls me onto him.
"What did your doctor say about birth control?" He's short of breath but still continues to kiss down my neck.
"I'll be..." I can't form the right words trying to fight myself against his inviting kisses. "Next week." We just have to wait a week for it to be effective then we can go back to having sex feel like the first time.
"Jeans my love," his hands run my side, "seriously?" He starts to stand taking me with him, I giggle at his comment. He opens the door all the way to my room and the places me on my bed. I hope he has enough time for this.
He makes time. Fitting his hips so perfectly in between my legs, having me moan his name over and over again, putting me on top, I almost feel like whining like a child when he tells me he has to go.
To tuck myself with a sigh watching him button his shirt up, he did only make an hour, and it was for his coffee. He moves to my bed tying his shoes before he throws his tux on, just my luck his phone rings.
He picks up. "Yes, I'm on my way." He moves to me and kisses me on the cheeks. "I love you." The words fly right over my my head at first, and he clearly didn't notice them either as he moves out.
"Tamir!" I sit up faster then light, he turns by my door. "What did you just say?"
"What?" He frowns. "No not you." He says into his phone.
"You said something." I love you. "I didn't hear you properly...what...what did you say?" My heart drums at him about to repeat himself. He can't be serious could he...
"I didn't say anything...no I said I'm on my way! Start without me then-give me a second." He says back into his phone.
"Oh." My heart, which was on cloud nine, falls smashing into my stomach. "I must have misheard you."
"Saturday." He nods to me. "Don't forget to lock your door!" He walks out. "Go ahead, I'll all ears."