One Week Later
Life is...life. At least I'm still living.
I look at the cast on my left arm and wince. The doctors told me that this won't be coming off for several weeks. But, it's ok because according to my grandma and everyone else, that gives me the whole summer to heal and rest up.
I would love to say that the people who jumped me were found, but they weren't. After they got through beating the shit out of me, they left me where I was hidden from the public. Malik told me that I had to have been in that same position, unconscious for six hours. From what I've been told, my grandma got a call about four hours in, that I hadn't been home, and that's when she started her own search team. My soldier of a Grandma got her connections together and sent as many people as she could, combing my area. Somehow Malik and my brother had been paired up, and by chance, both found me. I'd spent a few days in the hospital recovering from the heavy bruises, a broken arm, broken noise, and a slight concussion, but now I'm at my grandma's house, living in a room that she had set up for me.
My third day in the hospital, she had told me that I would be at her house, and that she wanted me to relocate to her side of town and finish school there. I think that was one of the happiest days in my life. I probably cried.
After being jumped by the anonymous people, my Grandma didn't feel comfortable with letting me stay with my Dad. He hadn't had any insurance on me, so much of the cost had to be divided between my Grandma and Uncles.
The hood doesn't love you, but sometimes your family does.
A tap tap sounded at the front door. I looked away from the t.v. in the living room and clicked at the door with the t.v. remote with my good arm "Come in."
A few people had been by to see me since I'd been released from the hospital. My sister had been by the day before, apologetic and regretful for being so mean to me. My brother had come with her, too sheepish and proclaiming that he was going to give up weed for me so he could be a better brother. I'd stood up, dragging the bottoms of my long pajama across the floor and tried to hug the both of them with my good arm Daddy had made an excuse about why he couldn't come, but I was ok with that. He hadn't been much a father anyway.
Now, a dark head peeps through a crack in the door with a shy smile, "Can I come in?"
I click at him with the remote and roll my eyes "Uh, yah. I told you, you could Malik. Walk on in."
He does, closes the door behind him, and in some bag that I had failed to see, he brings forth a teddy bear with pink fur, "Ta-Da!"
I smile, mostly because this guy has proven to be a better friend than anyone else and we're not really friends. This is his first time visiting, all I've heard about him has been hearsay so far, but I know that it's the truth. I motion for the bear and when he gives it to me, I press it to my nose with my good arm, smell the scentless fur and beam up at him "How did you know I had a teddy bear fetish?"
"I didn't" he drops down, tall, dark, my hero, into one of Grandma's arm chairs, "but I was hoping that you were that type of girl."
"Indeed I am," I settle the bear in the space between my crossed legs on the couch and can't help but blush, "I know I've been a jerk to you for a really long time...and I just want to tell you thank you, for helping to find me."
Malik is cuter than I've given him props for, and with a head full of wooly hair and dimples to match, I see him as the epitome for African American male strength. He grins, and my heart tweaks a little. I'm not one to rebound, but if I could do it without feeling bad, I'd do for Malik in an instant. I guess that's why you're supposed to wait a while after a break up before you start dating again. It's just, seeing him sitting there, and me feeling this bear in my lap, and me knowing that he cared enough about me and Grandma to look for me, it makes me feel some type of way. I love Jamal and everything, but this guy has trumped him without even trying.
"I've never disliked you, you know?" Malik looks down at the arm rest, it's a cream colored couch with pastel pink flours covering it, and continues "I was caught up in wanting to dislike you, but you're too sweet to dislike. You know? Maybe we can be friends. Look out for each other? I heard your grandma wants you to transfer to my school. I was thinking we could look out for each other while there. You don't know a whole lot about me, but I promise you I'd make sure you were ok...is that weird?"
I've been holding my breath for a long time, as long time I've been holding out for him to proclaim his love for me so I can throw Jamal under the bus and tell him that I have a new nigga. Thankfully, Malik just wants to be friends.
That's cool.
I nod, thankful for a new friend, and hopeful that I'll make some more.
"Yeah, we can be friends."
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One year Later
My group and I aren't much for throwing parties, much less graduation parties, so we've decided to hit up a party of one of our mutual friends.
I'm not slutted out like I would have been if I had come with Jamal. I'm wearing my outfit from earlier, a fitted beige dress that ends an inch above my knee, complete with unfashionable (yet very very comfortable) sandals, my graduation robe from earlier, and my, slightly stretched, but still very curly surrounding my dark face like a halo. Malik has his robe on too, complete with his dress shoes, white dress shirt (devoid of a tie that choked him out for the entire graduation) and black slacks. His hair, an unruly mess of wool that I'm going to tease him about later, because I love his hair.
We've enjoyed the day so much that changing out of our ceremonial outfits didn't make any sense. We grin at each other as we step into the medium sized house. We can tell that the party is going to last until the early morning of the next day. It's that hot.
Malik grasps my hand and shivers, "Nice party, huh?"
I lean into him so that he can hear my soft voice despite the harsh music "Yeah."
I know he'll deny it, but later I'll tell him that I know the real reason why he's been holding my hand since we graduated. It's because he can't bear to tell me goodbye, and this is his only way to do it.
I grip his hand hard and carry over the sentiment. We might be going to different schools, but that won't change how much I'll miss him. Over the past year he's become my best friend, we have other friends, but I know that there's something special between him and I, and I don't think distance is going to kill that.
We weave in and out of the crowd, grasping each other's palm and searching for somewhere to sit so we can talk about our plans for the next few years. He's dead set on going to Xavier University, and I'm on my way to Texas A&M College Station. So much has happened this year and I have been motivated by so many people. If it wasn't for my grandma, Malik, my church family, and my awesome teachers, I don't think I would have made it this far, or hoped this much. I had no idea that a change in environment would change me too.
Soon, we find a group of friends going over college plans, and why one thinks that being an English major would be stupid. I sit on the arm rest of the couch and scowl at the handsome Latino "Bobby, how would you know how stupid being an English major is? You haven't even started college, yet."
Bobby sips his beer and winks at me, before tapping at his forehead with his index finger "I know it up here. That's why I'm going to be an engineer. Money, EVERYWHERE!"
Angelina tosses her long black weave to the side and says in her most proper manner, "Well, I know for a fact that English majors can do just about anything they want. Like my sister, she's going to law school with an English degree."
I look over at Malik, holding a beer that he probably won't drink because he keeps telling me that he's "straight-edged". He sinks onto the coffee table and launches into the conversation, "I think that all majors should be treated equally."
I stick out my tongue at him, "Copping out again, Malik?"
He holds his hands up and smirks, "I'm all about peace and love."
Two hours into the party, we've managed to lose each other. I'm alone, sifting through the crowd, enjoying the festivities.
I'm all chill until I see a familiar face followed by another familiar face.
He spots me, still handsome, still smiley, and moves towards me. His girl follows him.
"Hey, Jamal," I smile and concentrate on calming my crazy heart beat. I've seen him off and on, but until now, I haven't spoken to him since the last day of school. He never showed up to the hospital, but he did grace my cellphone with voicemails and text messages telling me how sorry he was. I knew then that he didn't really give a shit, that he probably never had "Ciara."
And she was right, her cookie was so good that she can't hide her growing belly under her graduation robe. She doesn't look so proud anymore: I can see her squeezing Jamal's hand. She smiles weakly, "Hey."
This is me with no beef. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm undisturbed. I am disturbed: she was right. Jamal was never going to go anywhere. I gulp, and tell myself that I'm better now.
"Can I touch your belly?" It's my way of squashing this awkward situation. I like babies, and I have a thing for touching pregnant bellies. Don't call me weird haha.
She nods and smiles sadly. I avoid Jamal's eyes because I know he's searching my face now. Ciara may have him, but I know there's a part of him that's in tune with me still, I can sense it from his tense stance. He used to call me his "Soft-spoken Virgin", I doubt he's forgotten that.
I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, smile through my cherry-red lips, something different from what Jamal has seen and press a soft palm against Ciara's rounded belly. I can't help it, despite how much I still dislike her, I smile and say "Wow, that's amazing."
And it is amazing. I can picture my belly rounded like that in the next ten years (because I have actual goals now), married, working on a dissertation while in a PhD program, in my own house with my husband running around somewhere. My smile is wide, and I feel tears pricking at my eyes. Ciara and I's friendship didn't end very well, but I know, despite that, she has a good heart, just bad influences. I tell her that she'll be a great mom, and I know she will, because she's always loved kids.
When I stand back up, she's wiping at her eyes, her shoulders shaking, and her lips quivering as tears flow down. She looks at Jamal, he's looking at the floor, and then she looks back at me and pulls her hand out of his, "I can't do this right now," and loses herself in the crowd.
"Is she ok?" And I actually am concerned. It surprises me, "Maybe you should go after her."
Jamal shrugs and wears a thin-lipped smile. He's gotten larger, less boyish. He's starting to look like a man, "She will be."
"Are you excited about the baby?" It does hurt a little bit to talk to him. I think about him and Ciara together behind my back, and I feel pressure in my throat.
He takes a deep breath and lets it out as if it pains him, "Yeah, I guess. It was an accident."
I nod, that's what all men say, "But you'll do right by her?"
Jamal's hand finds mine, and he takes a deep breath, "I didn't do right by you. I didn't appreciate you when I had you, and I miss you. I miss your innocence, I miss everything about you, but I can't undo anything."
I nod again, but I take my hand out of his, "It's ok Jamal. My life is different now...I'm leaving for College Station soon. I've been accepted into Texas A& M. It's not Harvard, but it's close."
He clasps his hands in front of him "Yeah, you've changed a lot. Wow, you look different. Did you get taller or what? I love your lips, remember when I begged you to wear lipstick?"
"I do," and I hated that. I wear lipstick because I want to now.
"Texas A& M is great. I've been scouted for and I'm thinking about Ohio University, but Ciara doesn't want to go out that far." He laughs, "I don't know how we're going to raise the baby together if we're in different places."
My defenses are finally breaking, "Yeah."
And then I feel a hand slip into mine and Malik is there greeting Jamal with a happy smile. With his free hand he shakes Jamal's hand "Hey, man, how you doing? You don't mind if I cut in do you?"
I'm so grateful for him, I could cry with happiness. Jamal steps back, "Y'all know each other?"
"Yeah, we do," I know it's hard to believe that he's the only guy that I know. I tug at Malik's hand, "It was nice seeing you Jamal, but Malik and I have to head out."
I tug him away from Jamal through the crowd until we find the open patio which is surprisingly free of anyone. I release his hand and wipe the stray tear from my eye, "He got her pregnant."
Malik pats my shoulder, "I know."
I face him and shrug, "I'm sorry for being a mess about everything."
He folds me in his arms, and presses me against his chest, "You're not a mess, and I know you're sad now, but you've made it. You've made it out the hood. You're going places, and I'm going to be right there with you."
I look up from his chest, sniffing and smiling, "Black and intellectual?"
He flicks the tip of my nose, "That's the only way for Malik and Roshini to be."
"Yeah," I bite my lip and nod. I can feel that smile coming on that he always brings out, "You and I against the world. Two teens who've made it out the hood. We're going to show the world that we can be more than black. We're more than our color, right Malik?"
"Hell, yeah!" I pull myself out of his arms and wrap my right arm around his waist.
"Let's get out of here, you hungry?"
Malik nods, "I'll take you somewhere fancy."
I wrinkle my nose, "nah, I'm thinking we should find some lame movie, go to a fast food place. And later, we can do something sappy like lay out a blanket at the park and look up the stars."
We move through the crowd, him agreeing about the plan. He stops just before we hit the door, kisses the side of my temple and whispers into my ear, "And I can tell you that I love you?"
I'm not even shocked. I kiss the side of his lips, watch him blush and respond, "And I can tell you that I love you back?"
"Deal," he grins.
We start moving again, "Let's make this an awesome night ok? Let's paint the world black."
And we do. We enjoy the night, no sex involved, just us: two black kids who are steps away from becoming more than their environment, more than themselves, more than their color.
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A/N: It has been two years you guys. I suck for that, but college and not having a laptop really -put a toll on me. I thought about how I wanted this to end and this is what I've came up with. I hope you guys like it :) and thank you for sticking with me! Also, I have a few plot holes I need to fix and my grammar is soooo sketchy...so...yeah.
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Update: There is currently a sequel: A Black Woman...and I need a cover...so...anyone wanna help me?