𝕮𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗧𝗛𝗥𝗘𝗘
━━ 𝙒𝙃𝘼𝙏 𝙄𝙎 𝘼𝙒𝘼𝙄𝙏𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙔𝙊𝙐
THE DAY OF their departure arrives and Selyn is a nervous wreck. Her fingers are cold and restless, and an uneasy feeling that brews in her stomach slowly wanders over her whole body, spreading nausea like poison through her veins.
The freighter ship that is taking them to Crylles is waiting for them at a landing platform in Coruscant's upper levels. The journey there and the time after passes in a blur - Selyn doesn't notice much of it, her mind is too busy jumping from one thought to the other.
The grey metal jungle that Coruscant is towers up all around her, sky-high steel constructions, flashing holo-adverts and speeders rushing past with reckless speed. The city's face is still shrouded in mist from the night, wisps of fog stubbornly clinging to the buildings and condensing in cold, little droplets on Selyn's skin.
Years old memories resurface, finding its way up to the centre of her attention, shimmering and dazzling in vibrant colours like fish being fed in a pond.
Selyn has few memories of her home, and therefore keeps them close to her heart. They are precious to her, more than anything in the world, and she hoards them as if they were jewels, flipping through them as if they were a picture book from time to time to make sure she doesn't forget anything.
Her mother's face. Her father's stories. Cleodys and Aren and their silly little games. A shady place in their backyard. An orange cat curling up on warm stone. Her mother's songs and fragments of music from their radio.
They're all bits and pieces, like stones from a mosaic she can't recall the whole picture from anymore. But she gathers them nonetheless, tucking them away safely in the deepest corners of her mind.
Sometimes it's just a colour of a feeling she can't even name, sometimes it's a whole conversation or scene.
She knows despite her efforts to remember them correctly these memories have been distorted and stained with inaccurate details, like darkened pages in a worn-out book. Some pages must be missing entirely, blown away and forever lost in time.
But they're all she has, and so she clings to them even more.
Anakin and Obi-Wan are by their side, she sees Anakin shooting glances towards her from time to time but is too nervous to talk.
After they enter the spaceship, the group is shown their accommodations for the journey, two small, but comfortable shared rooms.
Selyn and Nadia take one, Obi-Wan and Anakin the other.
For dinner they eat with the other passengers in the dining room, bland food that tastes like ash in Selyn's mouth. Nadia and Obi-Wan are engaged in a lively discussion, and Anakin participates in it from time to time. Selyn knows that they are watching her, Nadia rather worriedly and Anakin and Obi-Wan with curiosity, so she tries her best to put on the mask of a calm, relaxed impression. It flickers from time to time.
Later, she finds some peace in a small, deserted hangar for little shuttles. It is not the same as the Jedi Garden, but it is quiet, and most importantly it is empty. If she closes her eyes long enough, she can convince herself that it is warm sunlight on her cheeks and not the cold light of the spaceship, that the constant humming of the engine is the rustling of branches, the wind's whisper in grass.
From a far distance she hears water crashing against the shore, steady like her heart pumping blood through her veins. Fine mist seems to sprinkle her skin, cooling her down until she can focus entirely.
As she opens her eyes again after some time, she sees Anakin standing a few metres away, leaned against a large transport box.
"Hi," he says, as if unsure what her reaction will be.
Selyn greets him with a nod, pointing towards the empty floor before her. An invitation.
Minutes pass, and they are silent - a warm, easy silence. Selyn would not call him her friend, she doesn't have many, but they have been rather close in their time as padawans and they still share a silent bond of companionship. It has faded a bit in the past years since Selyn likes to see him as a competitor and due to their missions they didn't spend much time together, but in moments like these it is still present.
"Do you think you will see your family again?" he asks carefully.
That is what has been bothering Selyn the entire morning. They used to live in the capital, her mother even served in the Queen's guard. So it is likely.
"Maybe," she finally answers. "They...they lived close to where our mission is going, so our paths might cross."
"Hm-hm," Anakin says, drawing lines on the floor as he thinks. "You know, my mother is on Tatooine."
Selyn's gaze falls onto his figure and stays there – she never heard Anakin talk about her. He seems distant, almost absent as if lost in good memories whilst talking about her, similar to how Selyn has felt the entire day.
"I left her there when I was found by the Jedi, and I haven't heard from her since." This is nothing unusual for a Jedi, but he adds: "I miss her every day."
Selyn is surprised by his honest answer. Warm empathy rushes through her as she looks at him. "I had two siblings, and my parents, but my mother was pregnant at the time I left." She looks down to her feet. "It's funny, that thought – I have a sibling that I never met. And then there's Aren, my brother, and Cleodys, my sister. I missed them so much when I first came to the temple."
"And you still do?"
"I- I think so," she admits. Because she really does. "But I don't know how much they will have changed if I saw them again, I probably don't even know who they are anymore."
"I would love to see my mother again," Anakin says, smiling sadly. "So see it as a chance. You have a chance to see your family again."
And thence adds softly: "I'm happy for you."
THE SHORT CONVERSATION with Anakin has left Selyn a bit more relaxed as she cuddles up in her cot this night, the blanket tightly wrapped around her body.
After she returns Nadia's whispered good night, it still takes her some time to fall asleep, and when she finally does, she is greeted by the warm embrace of memories from sunny days and children's games.
The light is dim under the trader's table, and everything is tinted in reddish tones from the sunlight pouring through the canvas that covers the wooden stand. The busy sounds of the market are a constant, almost calming background noise – the clattering of metal boxes with goods in them, the shouts of the traders and the chattering of the people attending the market. Children are laughing, and the heavy feet of banthas swirl up the fine dust covering the sandstone floor.
Selyn and her siblings have found their very own hiding spot, their sanctuary there.
Toben, the trader whose stand it is that they are hiding under, is by far their favourite. He uses to give them sweets from his stands, and some fruit that has little spots or is too small to be sold. He is a funny guy, always humming a melody and always smiling under his large hat.
Aren and Selyn sit cross-legged on the floor, facing each other. Selyn has just turned five, and Aren extremely proud of being already twelve years old.
"Do it again!" Selyn demands, hands clasped together in excitement. "Please!"
Aren laughs, overly dramatically fishing another piece of shili sweets out of the package. It is a desert fruit, coated in powdered sugar, and extremely popular among Selyn and her siblings.
"Okay, you ready?"
Selyn nods, and he throws it. Before it falls onto the floor, Selyn catches it with her mouth wide open.
She laughs giddily, clapping her hands. "Ha, did it! Again!"
But Aren critically examines the number of sweets left for him. "No."
"Please!"
He shakes his head. "You've got enough already. I want to eat them now."
"Please!" Selyn begs as he takes another one out of the package. She tries to reach for it, but he takes it out of her reach.
"Selyn, no! They're mine!" But a smile is finding its way on his lips; he enjoys their little game of trying to catch the shili in his hand.
Again, he takes it out of his little sister's reach, but this time Selyn is faster. Unbelievably fast. Her hand flashes forward, snatching the fruit from her brother's hand with impossible speed.
Triumphantly, she puts it in her mouth, but her smile fades as she sees how her brother looks at her.
"How did you do that?"
"What?"
His eyes are wide. "You were so...fast. How did you do that?"
Selyn crosses her arms before her chest. "I didn't do anything. You were the one who wouldn't give it to me."
"Because you were greedy!"
"I wasn't! Liar!"
"You-"
"Stop, stop," a new voice interrupts them. The canvas is flipped back and a blonde-haired girl stretches her head through the opening. It is Cleodys, Selyn's ten-year-old sister. Momo, their cat is following her on the feet. "What is going on here?"
"Nothing," Aren says quickly.
"Then stop fighting," Cleodys decides, as she moves into the little tent, sitting next to Selyn. And with that, the matter is settled. Even though Cleodys is not the oldest of the three, she has always served as some sort of mother-substitute when Adlysa isn't around. She settles disputes, her judgment is fair and true, she always got the best ideas and there is something commanding about her tone that Selyn and Aren always follow everything she says.
Just like they do now.
"Look what I've got." Cleodys holds up another bag of sweets, a different flavour. "How about if we share all of them between the three of us? Then it's more for everyone."
If seen the mathematical way, Selyn is the only one who gains from that trade, but neither her nor Aren question their sister's words. If Cleodys says so, it's true.
And despite that, sharing enriches in a very different way anyways.
The sweets are laid out on the floor, and the atmosphere relaxes again. Momo settles down on Selyn's lap, her breath warm against Selyn's ankles, and Cleodys starts running her fingers through Selyn's hair.
"What if we play a game of guessing?"
"I'll start." And Aren begins telling his riddle. Whilst his sisters are trying to guess the answer, Cleodys starts parting Selyn's hair into sections and braids them as she always does when she is bored. Selyn leans back, closing her eyes and humming the song of ash and fire.
The cat is warm and heavy on her lap, Cleody's fingers gentle in her hair, and she hears her siblings laugh from time to time in their little hideout. Palm trees whisper above their heads and people walk by, debating about the price of exotic spices and fabrics or gossiping with their neighbors. Toben hums a little melody as he puts out the goods for his sales stand above them, and drops three jogan fruits next to the three children as always.
This is one of Selyn's favourite memories. The taste of the sweets, the carefree atmosphere, the little patterns she draws into the dust with her fingers. Her siblings.
The place that once meant home.
SELYN STANDS ALONE at the window as she faces what once meant home again.
The upper window of the spaceship is wide, and all that width is filled with Crylles' surface. The red and orange sand of the deserts seems to glow under the shimmereing atmosphere, and Selyn can see the dark brown ridges of mountains breaking through the endless wilderness like jagged scars, she sees the dusty swirls of sandstorms and the saturated green of an oasis.
Selyn's eyes follow the rocks floating around Crylles in the vastness of space, forming beautiful rings. She thinks of her ancestors who are supposed to be buried there, forever guarding her home.
A huge, glistening orb, and she is so small.
A strange mixture of awe and sadness rolls over her, and the nervosity in her stomach is heavy like a clump of ice.
It looks so beautiful, so familiar.
The dream she had crosses her mind again. Vivid images of her past, bittersweet memories she has clung onto way longer than she should have.
She wonders what they are doing today. Her family.
It makes her unbelievably sad that she has no idea what their lives look like, how time has changed them. She doesn't know if they would be strangers to her if she sees them again, if too much time had passed.
Her mother Adlysa used to be a guard in the Queen's security, freshly made second commander by the time Selyn had to leave.
She remembers that day, it is another one of the memories she holds dearest. After they were told that her mom received this great honour, they had a spontaneous party in the living room – Aren and Cleodys, Selyn and her mother, even her father was there. They watched holomovies and ate sweets and they ordered dinner at their favourite shop.
Later they danced to the songs from the holoradio, turned up on full volume until the neighbours knocked against the wall.
And Selyn remembers sitting on her dad's shoulders while he danced through the kitchen, she remembers her sibling's faces, shining with excitement, grinning widely, and she remembers how proud her mother was. The high spirits and the festive atmosphere, a tingling, golden sensation rushing through her, a magical excitement that she only knew from the great celebration on the last day of each year.
That night, the radio played only good songs.
She thinks of her father - he used to work for one of the holometal mining companies, shipping their goods to faraway planets.
He wasn't home often, but when he was Selyn sat on his lap, listening to his adventurous stories about what he and his friends saw, about giant monsters and narrow escapes, about magical forests and giant palaces. He always smelled of metal and space and so different. Like adventure.
Looking back, Selyn knows that most of them must have been made up, but it doesn't matter. What matters is how much they inspired her.
It makes her sad that she does not know what happened to Cleodys and Aren, or that unborn child her mother had carried when they took her. Maybe Cleodys became a gardener – she had this little square in their garden, just for her, with the most beautiful plants, carefully groomed, some of them even a gift from her father that he brought from a different planet.
Her hands nervously clutch together.
What happened to this family that used to sing and dance to the radio in the kitchen? Are they still the same?
"Selyn." Nadia's soft voice interrupts her thoughts. She smiles. "I figured I'd find you here."
Nadia lays her hand on the younger girl's shoulder, squeezing it gently. For a moment they stay like this, watching Crylles and the impossible task it means to Selyn grow bigger and bigger.
"You're anxious," Nadia finally says. "About what you will find."
Selyn sighs. There is no point in denying, especially not to Nadia. She always sees right through her. "I am."
Nadia shakes her head. "It's horrible, quite honestly, of the council to send you here. They know how hard it is for you."
Selyn stares back at her master. It is nothing unusual that Nadia talks like that about the council, but still- "It shouldn't be hard for me. After all it's supposed to be...well, in the past."
Nadia just smiles gently. "I think that we both know it isn't. And that's alright. Really."
Selyn nods slowly, looking at her feet to hide the fear creeping into her eyes and until she is not able to hold the truth back any longer. "Nadia, I'm scared."
And she is scared. Scared of what she will find, scared of the chance of meeting her family again, scared about how this will make her feel. And deep, deep down a tiny bit of anger stirs upon the jedi council for willingly putting her through this.
"I know." Nadia cups Selyn's face with her warm hands. "I know. I would be scared, too. But I promise you, whatever it is that we will find there, we'll face it together, okay?"
Selyn's throat feels too tight. "Okay."
Nadia smiles. "Come on, sit down and I'll do your hair." She taps onto the metal boxes besides them.
It has become a ritual before their missions, Nadia braids Selyn's hair and the other way around in tight, thick braids lying closely to their head, suited for combat and running so that their loose strands of hair would not get in the way.
And, of course, it provides a comfort Selyn rarely finds elsewhere in the temple.
She knows she can be extremely thankful for that - if Nadia's heart wasn't so big, she wouldn't be here today with another padawan.
Because Naida has once had a padawan before Selyn. A twi'lek boy, called Paur.
And she lost him.
It has been a terrible accident, Selyn doesn't know much about it - but not because Nadia wouldn't tell her but because she doesn't want her master to talk about it. The sadness that creeps in Nadia's eyes when she does is too much to handle for Selyn, so she doesn't ask, she does not want her to revisit those terrible memories living in the darkest corners of her mind.
What Selyn knows is that no one expected Nadia to take another padawan again. Because someone who cares as wildly as her, who is so devoted to the people she is close to would have been wrecked, destroyed and it would not have been a surprise to never form an attachment like this again since the fear of loss is too overwhelming. Many would have never again exposed themselves to the threat of being destroyed like that, Selyn knows that.
And Naida has been wrecked, she has grieved deeply and she still does, Selyn knows that too. But her master is also brave, so extremely brave to not hesitate for a second and to commit herself to someone else fully again. It takes a lot of courage to make one's happiness so dependant of others, especially after such loss.
Nadia has this courage, and it makes Selyn extraordinarily proud.
She is the strongest person Selyn has ever met. So strong, because she is so afraid, so unyielding, because she is trembling deep down. She is Selyn's master, her friend, like a mother to her – but sometimes Selyn has this unexplainable feeling that she is the one to look after Nadia, she feels like an older sister, obliged to protect her.
It is when she sees the fear creep in her master's eyes, when she sees the shadows of what has happened once lingering on her face that she decides once more that she will to be strong. For her. To protect her, that such thing will never happen again.
It is an oath she swore to herself, one that is more important to her than anything else.
An oath that reminds her to be eternally grateful for Nadia's presence.
"Why don't you tell me about your sister? What do you think she's doing now, do you think she still has that garden?" Nadia starts parting her padawan's hair. Of course she knows everything about Selyn's family.
Selyn smiles. "I don't know. I hope she still does, it was so pretty. And maybe...maybe she's kicking ass with my mother in the guard now, how knows?"
Nadia laughs. "We will find out. I'm so excited, maybe we will meet them!"
Selyn's posture tightens. "I haven't seen them in years. Maybe they don't recognize me anymore, maybe I changed too much."
"They will, and they will love you. You will see."
Selyn sighs. "I guess I will."
Crylles shimmers beneath them, a rough beauty of sand and rocks with the delicate swirls of clouds above it. Marvellous place of dragons and golden cities, of old stories and new beginnings. Such a huge planet, but at least Selyn isn't alone anymore to face it.
THREE CHILDREN HIDING under the market's tables. A place filled with endless stories, with the echo of laughter, the faint magic of their games still lingering in the air. A childhood like sweet fruit, soft like the flowers they used to take from their garden and put in their hair. Memories as bright as the sun and as distant as the stars.
Toben, the trader, is not there anymore, the red canvas that covered his sales stand is gone as well and the rain washed away their names written into the wood. The last remains of their childhood.
But a bit of it is still aflame, burning on in her chest.
Mixed feelings arise in her, and she lowers her head. So much time has passed.
And so Cleodys Val'aeon turns away from the market and it's ghosts and makes her way back to the citadel.
✧･ﾟ:* 𝕬𝘜𝘛𝘏𝘖𝘙'𝘚 𝘕𝘖𝘛𝘌 *:･ﾟ✧
I SWEAR THO
she is one of the best characters i ever created i love her 🥺🥺
but anyways HELLO HELLO
honestly i had SO MUCH FUN writing this chapter!! a lot of information, but i hope that's alright! we learned about selyns family (i'm so excited to finally introduce them to you) and about nadias past 🥺
also i chose to focus more on the impact of the jedi taking children away on the families. i think it's an extremely important and heartbreaking topic that i feel hasn't been explored much yet so i'd like to do this with selyn and her family!
also lil talk with anakin finally again love to see it 😌
pls pls share your thoughts!! 👁👁
hope you enjoyed this chapter, have a great day!! ❤️
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