Chapter 20
"You don't understand how heart wrenching, how-how much it broke me inside to see this happen to her." I was able to spit out in between uncontrollable sobs. I was ripping off a bandage to a wound that was nowhere near being healed, but once the words started pouring out they wouldn't stop.
"She didn't stop Harry, she was nowhere near stopping." I sobbed out. "And I guess maybe it was my fault for thinking she would, maybe it was my fault for ignoring it like I did, I don't know. Either way it just got so much more worse." His arms stayed at my shoulders as he held me into him, my body shaking, my throat hoarse, and all I could recollect was the past.
"That night when she hit me, she wasn't herself. She was so violent, aggressive. She wasn't Angie. Something was so off with her, and god did I just want to rewind. I wanted it to all just go away. I wanted to close my eyes and wake up from this nightmare, because there was no way that it had come to this.
"After that night, she told me she would lay off, she would do it for not only our friendship, but for her health." I started, taking in a shaky breath before continuing. "You know when someone is only telling you what you want to hear, but you know that everything they promised is utter bullshit? That was me. I was in denial, and I let it eat me alive, I let this façade take over me, and I remember constantly telling myself that everything was fine, that everything was going back to normal... God I was so, so wrong Harry." My face felt numb as this confession continued pouring out. My thoughts that consumed my brain for so long had make their way to surface even after I had purposely tied cement blocks to them, forcing them to drown in my sorrows. They defied my wishes and not only did they peak their way up to the surface, but they managed to drag themselves upon shore and run straight at me.
That's the thing about running from your feelings though, they demand to be felt.
"I had gone over Angie's one day, to surprise her. I don't really remember what it was I was surprising her with, but I went over anyways. I just opened the front door and went in, and straight to her room. I didn't knock first, and part of me is thankful for that, because what I saw, needed to be seen." I recollect looking over at Harry for the first time since I started pouring out everything. "The band she had wrapped around her arm was so vibrant, and I could see practically every vein popping out. The needle thought, the needle God it looked like it was so big, so painful. The way she injected the drug into her body. The paleness of her skin, the lifelessness of her eyes.
"I swear everything slowed down, it was all stalled. I know most people say their first real heartbreak is from their boyfriends or girlfriends, but that was mine, Harry. She saw me standing there, and started yelling, started to plead to me to not say a word. She was so disorientated though, her body and mind completely separate. Like she wasn't really even there." I run my hands through my hair at the vivid memories. They just wouldn't go away.
"I ran, I ran out of there as fast as I could and I locked myself in my room Harry. I shut down. I knew I should've stopped her sooner. I knew I should've said something, but I hadn't. I kept my fucking promise and was being a good friend and letting her grow, but I saw what it was doing to her. I vowed to myself that I wasn't going to let her kill herself." I say letting out a frustrated breath. My bones felt stiff and my back ached from the position I sat.
"My parents had gotten home later that night, and I told them. I told them everything. Everything from the party, to that night she came in my window, to the events I had witnessed a couple of hours ago. I told them everything. They were at a loss for words. This girl that was practically their second daughter, someone they had watched grow up, putting herself in such a dire situation, left them speechless.
"But thats when I knew that what happened next was going to be hell. They had called Angie's parents and had them come over so I could tell them everything. They decided against having Angie there too, just for the sake of what they wanted to do next." My voice still ached as I carried on, but the tears were gone. This solid expression on my face, the color drained as I went on.
"I don't think I had ever seen someone cry as much as her mom did after I told her. She claimed that this had to be some sick joke, that she couldn't believe that I would lie to her about something like this, but she knew it was true. My parents had offered to help in anyway, and even showed them some pamphlets that I had gotten from the school counselor on some rehab facilities. I never really said anything about it. I would just sit there, and watch as they planned what would come of Angie in the next couple
of days."
I couldn't sit down anymore as the events were becoming more and more recent. I stood from Harry's embrace and started towards my window. An arm placed across my torso and the other near my face as it bit the pad of my thumb. A breeze flew in the room, chilling my damp face. I felt Harry move behind me as he sat on the bed.
His silence was exactly what I wanted from him. No pestering questions, no voiced judgement; if there was any. He kept his distance as I was opening this scar, and being smothered by comforted gestures just wasn't needed.
"They had found some rehab facility in Maryland, and had already enrolled her by the next time I saw them. They told me that the facility would send out some people to contain her to Maryland because knowing her she wasn't going to go willingly. And then they asked me to do something" I closed my eyes tightly, letting out a breath. "They asked me to stall her, talk to her, practically say my goodbyes, while they talked to the people when they got there. I agreed obviously, but I just- how do you say goodbye to someone you've been with since you could remember? But I had to realize that what I did was good for her. She needed help. She was getting help. And if she got help I wouldn't have to fear losing her forever."
"And so, the next day I went over and just talked to her. She was being her, and the conversation we held was so normal. It made me feel like shit for doing what I was doing to her. She was acting fine, but her appearance was pale, and sad. I told her how much I loved her, and she apologized for lying to me. She told me that it was heroin, and she was using for a couple of weeks. I remember asking her why, why she went and took a leap off the edge, and she just replied with the same thing. She wanted a rush. Something different from here, and yeah you could guess that growing up here your entire life wasn't exactly a thrill, but I didn't understand. I still don't Harry."
"There was a knock on her door and I knew what it was, so I started to tell her that I was sorry, and that I loved her. She was so confused, and I could see the fear on her face as I went to open the door. I was met by two burly men in white suits, and her parents beside them. You know, there are some things you never want to hear from someone you love so much. And yet, I heard just about all I could when they took her away that day. And then, that was it. Angie was gone."
I finish the story that consumed me whole. Looking over at the boy sitting on the edge of my bed, his attention solely on me and the words that left my mouth. "There, now you know. Happy?"
He looked up at me as I tried to regain the anger I had. I knew it wouldn't last as I had nothing to be angry about. The only thing I feared was him either using these real-life nightmares against me, or running away after he realized how messed up I am. His eyes blinked, the orbs piercing into mine as he stood from the bed, coming towards me.
"Poppy.. I-I.." I cut him off.
"You what? You didn't realize how fucked up my past was? You didn't realize how much pain this caused me? No one, not even Rodney, knows everything Harry. And the fact that I just opened up to you just like that.. just- I understand if you want nothing to do with me anymore." I said gesturing my hands up between us. "I mean look at me, I'm a basket-case. You don't need this weighing you down."
He just stood there, and stared at me. His breathing steady and his mind reeling. I wish he'd say something, do something. Leave, yell, just something.
"Just, I guess I'll see you around sometimes, and you'll fond someone who makes you happy and doesn't carry so much-" I start trying to collect my broken thoughts. But I am cut off before I can finish.
"Poppy, shut up." Is all he says before taking my red, blotchy face into the palm of him hands and pulls our faces together in a passionate kiss. My heart thudded rapidly at the act, my lips moving with his.
Too soon, he pulled back and rested his forehead on mine, his hands still cupping my face. "I'm not going anywhere, Poppy. If you think this will run me away you obviously know nothing about me." He said lightly trying his best to add some humor to the topic.
"But, I'm such a mess Harry. You'd probably be a lot happier without this dead weight dragging you down." I said sighing, looking up at him though my lashes.
"I don't care. Poppy, you're my mess. My beautiful mess of a girlfriend, one of which I adore endlessly. So, no I wouldn't be happier without you. In fact, I'm going to help you get through this."
"And how exactly do you plan on doing that?" I asked out of curiosity.
"By visiting Angie."
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AN:
ahh guys idk this just excites me because we're actually in the good part of the story and i keep writing chapters and they make me so freaking excited ahhhhh lol
let me know what you guys thought, i want to know what your guys feelings and reactions were/are!
love you all!
Julia.