“You wrote green twice,” Christina says through Sara-Maria’s shoulder, looking down at the computer screen.
My Goodness. “Thanks,” Sara-Maria replies, quickly deleting what she just wrote. This is the second mistake she’s made, and it’s only around eleven o’clock.
Even Christina seems to notice now. Sara-Maria sees that her older colleague is looking at her. “Are you okay? You seem a bit distant and—distracted. What’s wrong?” Christina asks kindly, with a smile.
Sara-Maria knows what is wrong… she just doesn’t know how to make it right. “I’m okay,” she says, “Just have a little problem with a friend.” Perhaps it’s good to talk to someone about it. She wants to talk to Emily, but the girl is still on holiday and will first be back tomorrow (she worked between Christmas and New Year). Christina normally works in McPaper Essen; she only fills in when Sara-Maria or Emily are on holiday.
“What happened?” There are no customers at the moment so they can talk.
“Well, I really like him. I want us to be good friends. I know we can be good friends,” Sara-Maria goes on. “But the problem is… I don’t think he wants us to just be friends.”
“And you only like him as a friend?”
Touché.
“… Maybe not completely,” Sara-Maria admits, “But I have a reason why I can’t be more than his friend.” One really good reason.
Christina shrugs. “Then tell him. And ask him to give it a try. But mind you, it might not work,” she tells the younger girl softly. “But it’s worth a try.”
At that time a woman and a young boy comes into the shop, so the discussion stops there. But Sara-Maria hasn’t forgotten what Christina says. Yeah, she might as well try it. It’s better than not trying.
The rest of the day goes nearly uneventful. Sara-Maria tries to put the problem at the back of her mind and focuses on her tasks. She pretty much manages to do that, apart from finding the wrong paper size for two customers. She’s not normally like this. Gosh, she’s glad that tomorrow is her day off—she certainly needs a break.
When she arrives at her flat, she goes to Thomas’s first, ringing his buzzer. He opens the door and smiles as he sees her. “Here are your envelopes,” she tells him, giving him a pack of C4 envelopes. He told her yesterday that he needed them, but didn’t have time to buy them.
“Thanks, Sara-Maria, you’re a star,” Thomas says, grinning widely as he takes the envelopes. She merely smiles. He has been a good neighbour. He moved here a year ago, and has always been helping her with receiving her mails and parcels when she’s on evening shift or when she’s home in Saarbrücken. In return, she gets him things he needs but doesn’t have time to buy, which is the perk of working in a mall.
She almost never sees her other neighbour, Anna, who is studying in TU Dortmund, because she’s very busy and above that spends a lot of time at her boyfriend’s place. Both Thomas and Sara-Maria often receive Anna’s parcels for her, too.
“Have you used the planetarium tickets?” he asks.
Gosh, no. He gave her two tickets to Zeiss Planetarium in Bochum a while ago (he works in a tourist centre), but she totally forgot about them. “No, I forgot about them.”
“They have to be used soon.”
“Yeah, I think I’ll go there tomorrow. Thanks, Thomas.”
Later that evening after she showers and has dinner, she finds the tickets in one of the drawers and then checks the planetarium’s website. There’s a show tomorrow morning at half past nine, called ‘Fascinating Universe’. It sounds interesting. She’ll go there tomorrow; she has nothing else to do anyways.
There are two tickets.
… Sara-Maria supposes she can ask Marco if he can go, too. She hasn’t talked to him since she went to his place three days ago. He sent her a few texts; normal ones like asking how she was doing, and saying he hoped he’d see her again soon. He also said the training started on 6th of January, which was two days ago. So, she reckons he’s pretty busy at the moment.
But she can try. She’s got nothing to lose, right?
She reaches for her phone and presses Marco’s number.
~*~
Marco tries to block the noise Robin and Marcel are making as they keep arguing about Game of Thrones on TV. But it’s like their voices are drilling into his ears. Soon, he’ll snap if they don’t stop their bickering. It’s always like that when they’re together. Morons.
Normally he’s fine with it, since he’s more than used to it. But not when his mood is bad, like now. He doesn’t even need to explain why.
Sara-Maria is why.
He has no idea where they stand. One moment she kissed him back, the next thing he knew she pushed him away and wouldn’t look at him. What exactly she feels about him? There’s definitely something between them. But does she feel what he feels?
“Marco?”
Does she think of him? Like he thinks of her.
“Yo, mate,”
Robin’s voice surprises Marco. “What?”
“Don’t you hear that your phone rings?”
“No,” Marco says. He grabs her phone that lies on the table. When he sees the name on the display, his face breaks into a smile. “Got to take this,” he murmurs to his friends and rises from the sofa, walking towards the kitchen. “Hello.”
“Hi, Marco,” he hears her say. “How are you?”
He’s good now that she’s called. “I’m good, thank you. How are you?”
“I’m fine,” she says. “How is the training so far?”
He leans of one of the kitchen counters. “It’s okay. A bit sucks that I can’t do the exact same thing as what my teammates do, but it’ll get better,” he replies, and then adds softly, “I’m glad you called. I was thinking about you.”
She doesn’t reply right away. He can mentally picture her blushing. Adorable. “Were you?” she asks, almost inaudibly
“Yes, Sara-Maria,” he says softly.
There’s another silence. Then she says, “Tomorrow I have a day off. And… I have two tickets to Zeiss Planetarium in Bochum. They’re showing a film at half past nine, which is maybe interesting for you, called ‘Fascinating Universe’. Do you want to watch it with me? But if you’re busy with training and stuff, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s perfect. I’d love to watch it,” Marco quickly says. “My training starts at around two o’clock.” There’s plenty of time.
“Okay,” he hears her say again. “Let’s meet in front of the planetarium at nine. If that’s okay with you?”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Then see you tomorrow, Marco.”
“See you, Sara-Maria,” he says, smiling.
He still hasn’t able to erase the smile on his face when he’s back in the living room, eliciting some merciless taunts from both Marcel and Robin. But Marco can’t care less.
It’s amazing how a phonecall can completely change his mood.
~*~
He’s doing that again, she thinks as she sees Marco the next day in front of the planetarium. He makes her heart skip a beat when he smiles at her like that. “Hey,” she greets him.
“It’s good to see you again,” Marco says, pulling her into a hug.
“Good to see you, too,” she replies, trying not to recall how he always smells great. Today is no exception. She pulls away. “Shall we get inside?”
“Sure.”
They get inside the building and she exchanges her free tickets to the tickets to the astronomy show. When she goes back to where Marco waits, she sees that he just took a picture with a boy, who obviously recognised him. He says something to the boy and pats his head gently. The boy still looks at him in awe as he walks away with his mum.
Then they look around for a bit, looking at posters of planets and constellations before walking inside the theatre. It has comfy blue chairs, and the projector is in the middle of the big dome. After they find their seats, they sit down. There are still quite a few empty seats. Perhaps because it’s rather early.
Soon, the room gets dark and the film starts. Sara-Maria loves the illusion of looking at an open sky with millions of stars and the sound is fantastic. It shows amongst others the red Mars, the rings of Saturn, and the birth of the sun. It’s captivating.
She thinks Marco is enjoying it, too. Although once or twice she catches him glance at her, and smiles when their eyes meet. And there’s one time where he grasps her hand and doesn’t seem to want to let go of it. She is debating with herself, whether she should pull her hand back or not. But in the end she doesn’t… for it feels good when he does so.
It’s just holding hands, no big deal.
An hour passes quickly, and before she knows it the film is over, and everybody starts to leave the theatre.
“It’s a bit too early, but what do you say about lunch? I can get us some sandwiches and I know there’s a park nearby where we can eat,” she says as they walk out of the planetarium.
“Sounds great to me,” he says.
“It’s a bit cold, though. Or we can just eat inside the sandwich bar,” she hesitates a little. January is probably too early for a picnic in the park.
“It’s okay. The sun is shining and it’s not very windy,” he assures her.
Okay, if he says so. They go to the sandwich bar, which like the planetarium, isn’t crowded either. She asks him what sandwich and drink he wants and insists that she’ll buy them. In the end he relents and lets her buy the food. She gets him an Italian chicken sandwich and a bottle of water, while for herself she’s getting a roast beef and ham sandwich and water.
Then they walk to the park and sit down on a bench, which is on the higher side, so they can see the whole park. A few people are walking with their dogs, and there’s an ice skating rink next to the park. For a moment they just sit there in silence as they eat.
“It’s quite good,” Marco says after he finishes his sandwich.
Sara-Maria eats the last bit of her bread. “Yeah, this roast beef and ham is also good.” She notices that he is looking at her.
“I’m going to Spain tomorrow—with the team, for the training camp,” he says. “For a bit over a week.”
“Okay.”
He holds her gaze. “Then on January 22nd, there will be an annual charity ball to raise money for underprivileged children. It’s a black tie event, and there will be an auction for signed BVB memorabilia.”
She nods. It’s for a good cause. Marco goes on, “We’re allowed to bring someone. So, would you like to go with me?”
Marco… He has to make it harder for her, doesn’t he? “…As a friend?” she tries, although she knows what his answer will be. But she has to try nevertheless.
“No,” he replies, softly yet firmly. “As a date.”
She lets out a gentle sigh. Sooner or later they will have to talk about this. “Marco, I appreciate you’re asking me. But I can’t be your date. I’m sorry.”
“Why not? Do you still think it’s too fast?” he asks.
“Partly. But mostly it’s because… “ she pauses, “because you’re you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I really like you. But I can’t get past the fact that you’re—Marco Reus.” It’s hard, but she has to tell him.
Marco looks dumbfounded. “Why is that relevant?”
“Because this isn’t meant to be,” she blurts out. “You only noticed me because you made me drop my phone in the water. Otherwise, we live in two different worlds. If you saw me in the street, you wouldn’t look at me twice.”
He says nothing.
“Would you?” she asks quietly, knowing what the answer is.
“Probably not,” he admits, sounding almost apologetic. “But we met, and now I can’t undo what I feel about you.”
Neither can she… But still they’re not meant to be. “It’ll go away,” she says reassuringly, trying to smile, although smiling is the last thing she wants to do. “I’m hoping we can be friends.”
“I can’t be just your friend,” Marco says, shaking his head. “I don’t want to.”
Don’t cry, Sara-Maria, don’t cry. But she’s so close to tears. “I’m sorry.”
His hazel eyes are fixed on her. “It’s not fair,” he says.
It’s not. “I’m really sorry.” That’s all she can say.
She’ll definitely regret this tomorrow, but she knows it’s the right thing to do. Marco Reus doesn’t belong with a girl like her. Sooner or later, he’ll realise that, too. If it already hurts now, she can’t imagine how much it’ll hurt when things don’t work between them later… when she has helplessly fallen for him. She must stop now before it’s too late.
Marco looks away, probably has come to a realisation that she won’t change her mind. “Then there’s nothing more I can say.”
She lifts her hand to touch his hand, but she stops and pulls her hand back. There’s no need to make it harder for him. And for her.
“I have to leave now. Or else I’d be late for training,” Marco says, standing up. His tone is still nice, yet it sounds somehow distant. “Thank you for today. It was fun.”
She comes to her feet. “My pleasure.” She gives him a hug, but he pulls away almost right away. “Have a safe trip to Spain tomorrow,” she tells him.
“Thanks. Take care, Sara-Maria.”
“Take care, Marco.”
Marco’s eyes linger on her one more time before he turns around and walks away.
Perhaps she won’t see him again… That thought makes the tears that she has been holding finally fall. She brushes them with her hands. It’s her own decision; she has to stick to it.
But it hurts a lot. She can’t already fall for him—it’s way too soon.
…Or can she?