Dex couldn't stop thinking about Biana's face when she'd told them about the murder.
In that moment she had seemed so dejected, so... void of hope, as if she were already convinced they had lost.
And that hadn't used to be her.
He didn't like to think about the Neverseen, or the times during that period. He had learned to block the memories from his mind—with help from a Telepath he didn't know and was pretty sure wasn't connected to the Black Swan or any of his friends—but he still remembered sometimes.
Was that when he had fallen in love with Biana? He couldn't really pinpoint a specific moment. Some days it felt like he'd been in love with her his whole life.
Whether that was a good or bad thing depended on the day.
His tactic was distraction—it was what he had used all those times he'd been left behind. Most often he would work on a gadget or do research or brew an elixir or play a game with the triplets. He had spent countless hours of his life like that, pointless, doing nothing, no direction save for what he was told to do.
He didn't like to complain about things—that didn't do anything for anyone, much less make him feel better—so he bore this burden silently.
But it had been eight years ever since he manifested as a Technopath, and the cauldron was about to bubble over. He felt it happening to him slowly; every day he distracted himself was a day in which his resolve grew weaker. Even yesterday, he had left Widgetmoor feeling okay—but then Biana had called, he'd been told to stay away yet again, and he was back to before.
At this point he wasn't sure the problem was with his last name. What if it was with him? What if he was the problem?
It wasn't like a lot of people didn't want to be around the Dizznees. His family had a lot of friends.
So maybe people just didn't want to be around him.
He let the steady noise of bubbling concoctions and Kesler's laughter and the Slurps & Burps door belching swallow the fear. He took apart the addler he'd messed with earlier, put it back together, did the same thing with Tinker's muffler. It was to get the feel of the gadgets, which in turn could help him understand how they could be mass-produced.
He really wished Sophie were there with him, or at least that they were together...
But she had left him behind too.
Everyone always left him behind.
He picked apart the muffler more aggressively, concentrating on what the pieces were saying, how he could make the model better. This time, when he put it back together, it was jagged instead of smooth.
That would definitely hurt a lot more, so the design wasn't very practical—but maybe the Purities somehow managed to make them effective and hidden? He tried to remember if he saw any Purities not wearing shoes, but... who wouldn't wear shoes?
His eyes wandered to his lab table, where an assortment of ingredients cluttered the surface in no particular order. There was also a photo of him and Biana in front of Slurps & Burps. It had been back when they'd first started dating, and that day they had walked around Mysterium, shopping and playing games and kissing every time they left a store.
The memories pulled on Dex's heart, rattling it to remind him there was a gap there, somewhere in his love. They pulled it down, not into his stomach but to a place that couldn't be described. But it was dark, and he was alone, and the will to climb back to a happier place was abandoning him. Just like everyone else.
His fingers, oblivious to this moment, reached for the muffler and addler. It was less that he tried studying them and more that his eyes just happened to land on the gadgets. He knew he should have been concentrating on helping the team, on doing his part, but something he hadn't identified yet was consuming his room to think.
So he left the lab and went downstairs to the main room. Kesler was talking to a customer, and Rex ran through the door at that moment, his human friend trailing behind him. He had met the girl—Nini—on the streets of Mysterium. She was one of the few humans who had stayed in the Lost Cities instead of going to the Neutral Territories. Rex said she was fearless, unafraid of the Purities. Other than that, Dex didn't know much about her.
"Hey, Dex," Rex said, waving a little. He avoided eye contact, probably still upset about Dex's Foxfire comment yesterday.
Dex forced a smile. "Hey. Hi, Nini."
"What were you working on?" she asked after nodding in greeting. She was about the same age as Rex, but taller—and her lips were always downturned, as if she couldn't find anything in the world to be happy about. Not to mention the dark makeup around her eyes. The effect made it appear like she was glaring at him.
"Just... studying an old model."
Nini's eyebrow rose. "Like an addler? Rex told me about that," she added when Dex's eyes widened. "Besides, it's no secret the Purities use them, so it makes sense that the elves' best Technopath is trying to figure them out."
Maybe the addlers weren't a secret, but as far as Dex knew, no one had figured out about the mufflers or the murder. He'd have to be careful what he idly said around Rex from then on.
That also applied to his words the other day.
"Hey, Rex? Can I talk to you?" he asked.
Rex looked between his brother and Nini before the girl shoved him forward. "Go on, Rex—I'll be over there in that aisle." She jogged to the M section and not-so-subtly motioned for Rex to start the conversation.
Dex beat him to it. "I'm really sorry about what I said at Widgetmoor, Rex—"
"It's fine! Really, Dex, Foxfire was my dream a long time ago, but now..." He shrugged, looking down at his toes. "But I've been thinking about what you said—that the Purities went to Foxfire? That obviously means there's a leak, right?"
"Yeah. We're trying to figure it out, though, so you shouldn't worry about it."
"I won't—but like I said, I've been thinking about it a lot, and I didn't know if the leak could also be the Technopath you were talking about. It's just a thought."
Dex was momentarily speechless as his brain supplemented hundreds of new theories. How had he not made the connection before? Clearly the Purities had a Technopath, and it made sense if that person was also the leak.
Or even the murderer.
But the thought of Navik's death only brought his mind back to Biana, and the smile he'd teased fell away.
Rex blushed. "Sorry if it's stupid."
"No, it's not." Dex ruffled his brother's hair. "It's good. I'll think about it. Now go talk to Nini, okay?"
Rex hesitated for a moment before he left, leaving Dex with himself again.
He wasn't sure that was so safe right now.
"Dexter!" shouted Kesler, simultaneously waving his son over and shooing a customer out. "Come here; I want you to take over."
"I don't want to, Dad," Dex mumbled, picking an elixir from the shelves. It read, FUZZY FEELS. Maybe he could take a dose.
"You should," argued Kesler. "It'll give you more experience. And by the way, I'd watch that elixir—you don't want to get it mixed up with Furry Feels."
"How can you have furry feels?"
"Just like how you can have funny feels, ferocious feels, fixing feels, feeling feels..."
"I think you're just running out of name ideas." Sounds like Tinker. The thought made him grin a little. Except... Tinker was a Technopath and a trusted member of the Black Swan. Could that mean...?
Dex shook his head. No. He wouldn't let the Purities turn him against his friend.
"Maybe," his dad said, "but you won't have to worry about my fiendish naming skills once you take over the business." Kesler laughed at his own joke, but Dex's amusement had withered.
Take over the business?
It wasn't that Dex didn't love Slurps & Burps. It was like a second home to him, where he'd met Sophie, where he and his siblings had bonded...
But he was the co-owner. So was Rex. If he "took over," that meant he would become majority owner.
He would take Kesler's place.
"Dad, I..." His voice broke, but he was too stunned to be embarrassed. "I can't take over. Slurps & Burps is your store, not mine."
Kesler cocked his head. "Who's to say it can't be yours? It's not like you won't have any help—you can hire whomever you want. And with you and Biana getting engaged, I thought this would start you two off with a steady work life—"
"So this is about me and Biana?" Dex interrupted. His voice was cold, and Kesler flinched.
"No, son, I just thought—"
Dex shook his head. He didn't hear the rest of his father's words.
Who was Biana? He didn't know her anymore. And all he could think about when he heard her name was that stupid smile she glued to her face, as if she were trying to tell the world she was fine when she wasn't.
He had ignored it. For five years. But he knew he was the cause of it. He was causing her pain.
And he hated himself for it.
He had selfishly held onto her for this long, but all that had done was prolong the inevitable.
She was a Vacker, and he was a Dizznee.
She hadn't been prepared for what that would mean—what they would mean.
Dex had suspected it, but he'd been optimistic, pushing the worry back. But he knew now. He wasn't just holding onto her—he was holding her back. And he was a horrible person for doing so.
He hadn't revealed any of this, though, to his father. Kesler thought he was doing the right thing, but Dex couldn't let him give up his store for a future his son would never have.
"I won't take the store," he told him. "I can't."
"Dex, you're usually so logical about things. What about you and Biana—"
"There is no me and Biana," he hissed. "Not anymore."
Kesler's eyes widened. "What? But I thought—"
"You thought wrong!" Dex yelled, the emotion combating his numbness in a surge of hot and cold. "I have to go," he muttered, pushing himself toward the exit.
"Dex, wait!" Kesler said, but it was too late. Dex stepped outside and let the doors swing shut behind him. He was back to the apathy.
Apathy was safe. It prevented him from caring.
He couldn't care. Not if he was going to do what he was planning on next.
For a moment, he considered hailing her over their Imparters and asking her to meet him—but that wouldn't be fair. Besides, he had to do this on his own. Make it easier on her.
So he reached into his cape pocket and pulled out a home crystal for Everglen. Biana had given it to him the day they'd gotten engaged. Everglen is my home, she'd said. Now it's yours too.
His fist tightened around the pathfinder, but he managed to wait until Mysterium faded into the golden-hued hills of Everglen before tossing the wand into the lake. He watched as it sank beneath the silver surface, imagining that it was everything he'd been bottling up, disappearing.
It gave him the strength to walk down the winding path and knock on the mansion's doors. While Everglen technically wasn't that much larger than Rimeshire, it was still the Vacker's home. It was still far out of his reach... and he was still a stranger here.
Stars, why did it take me so long to realize this?
For a moment his resolve wavered—maybe Biana had left with Keefe to do their thing. But then the door opened, and there she stood.
She had changed into something more her style—sleeveless turquoise gown with a black coat and black boots. The mist reflected the sunrise onto her skin, and it was as if she had a halo surrounding her, making her even more beautiful...
But Dex exiled the thoughts to the same place he was putting their future.
It just... wasn't possible. Not anymore. Maybe it never had been.
"Can we talk?" he asked tonelessly.
Her lips pulled up, and he cringed. "Of course." She shut the door behind her and stepped outside. "Keefe and I were about to leave, but he can wait." She stuck her tongue out a little and reached for him, but he held up his hands.
A thousand things ran through his head in that moment: I'm sorry, I can't, forgive me. He took a deep breath, the pure air filling his lungs and clearing his head. Finally he said, "I... thought we could do this, Biana, but I was wrong."
"Dex...?" Her voice hitched, smile vanishing. It was sort of metaphorical that way, how she could make things disappear so easily. Maybe that would make this easier for her.
"I think we should call off the engagement," he whispered.
Biana drew back, eyes wide. "What? Why? Is it because of the Purities? Dex, I know you want to focus on them, but I thought our wedding could bring a light in the midst of all this chaos."
"It's not about the Purities." He waited until he saw she understood. She had to understand. "It's because... you're... you're a Vacker, and I'm just..."
"A Dizznee?" she asked, voice cold. "You're just a Dizznee? Why does that matter? Why do you think I care?! I love you! Isn't that enough? Why isn't that enough?!"
"Stop it," he said as she reached for his face.
"No!" she snapped, cupping his cheek. Despite her anger, the touch was gentle. "You stop it. I don't know why you're so insecure about yourself, Dex, but I don't want to live in a world without you in my life. So please tell me what's making you feel this way. I want to help—and I don't care how long it takes. I want to be with you every step."
"I'm not worth it."
Her face contorted as he pulled back. "Please don't do this."
"You'll realize I'm right someday," he told her, every inch of him suddenly aching. She looked heartbroken.
But she would understand.
In the meantime, he would stay away, cause her as little pain as possible.
He was broken. She deserved so much better.
"It wasn't a ruse," he said, lifting his own home crystal to the budding light. "I always loved you. I always will."
"Dex, don't—" she begged, but he stepped into the light before she could finish. The last thing he saw before Everglen faded was her collapsing to her knees.
And then she was gone.