The silence was nerve-racking. Izuku had a hard time thinking of a starter, even though he had so much to say and even more to ask. Kacchan went out of his way to evade having to look at him ever since he barked out his orders considering their roles in cleaning. Kacchan changed from that suspicious Red Riot hoodie before coming back to the common area to start cleaning, implying they weren't going to talk about that either. They were vacuuming the common area in silence for about twenty minutes before Izuku found something to talk about.
"So, um, my shoot style... what did you think of it?" He asked, glancing over his shoulder. Kacchan stayed silent for long enough to make Izuku give up on getting a reply at all.
"Your movements are too obvious." Kacchan croaked without turning toward him. "Even when you got faster I was able to dodge them. You're not gonna win any fight that way."
Was that... advice?
"Gotcha." Izuku gulped.
"And when you added punches, you really pissed me off." Kacchan added.
"R-Right..." Izuku responded, and they stayed quiet for another while until Izuku gathered his courage to proceed. "Kacchan... thank y—"
"Shut up. Don't fucking thank me anything, you dweeb." Kacchan cut him off and suddenly Izuku was reminded of the fact he learned yesterday. Kacchan was feeling guilty. It was nevertheless a phenomenon.
"I still appreciate it." Izuku mumbled, more to himself than anyone else. "Since you know about my secret... I've been meaning to ask, uh,"
"Don't fucking ask." Kacchan warned.
Izuku swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. On any other day, he wouldn't have brought it up out of underlying spite, but after what he overheard last night, Izuku couldn't allow himself to stay silent about it. With the number of black spots he couldn't shine a light on for the life of him, Izuku was determined to talk with Kacchan.
"I'm sorry." He started with an apology, knowing Kacchan wouldn't ever return it. "For not helping when we were kids—"
He was grabbed by his shirt and Kacchan yanked him closer. His eyes were flaming daggers piercing through his heart.
"I didn't need your fucking help," Kacchan growled through gritted teeth. "I was fine on my own."
"We both know you weren't!" Izuku found the strength to fight back. If they weren't going to talk about this now, they probably never will. "My mom told me what happened—"
Kacchan pushed him backward and Izuku lost his balance, falling to the floor.
"The fuck does she know anyway? You think you can blackmail me into keeping your fucking secrets? Huh?" Kacchan yelled with fury burning through his aura. "You think I give a fuck if you tell everyone? I've been waiting for you to go back on me like this, you little—"
"I'm not going to tell anyone! Listen to me for a second, please." Izuku cut him off, and the tension froze upon the blond's features. "We never talked about... when we met again after you disappeared in middle school."
"Just because I know your shit doesn't mean I'll tell you mine." Kacchan growled, spun around, and stormed off.
Izuku ended up cleaning downstairs by himself for the next two hours. There was no point in running after Kacchan. He just hyped himself up a little too much, gaining hope from what he overheard yesterday. But the fact he needed to eavesdrop to find out just a little bit about his childhood friend showed he wasn't the one Kacchan opened up to. It was their homeroom teacher.
Izuku started brainstorming. Gathering every odd information he had learned since they became classmates once again. He knew for a fact Kacchan lived with Present Mic when he saw him again for the first time after his disappearance. In addition to that, Mr. Aizawa did not only know what happened, but he referred to that house as 'theirs'. It could eliminate the only thing Izuku considered a fact: who Kacchan lived with. Maybe back in the day, Present Mic lied to him to keep his homeroom teacher's identity a secret. Mr. Aizawa prioritized privacy over a lot of things after all. The two heroes have known each other for quite a while. A gesture like so would not mean a thing in a strong friendship like theirs. But at the same time, the idea of Mr. Aizawa having a family was ridiculous, irrational even. That left Izuku realizing he had no idea which of the two was Kacchan's new guardian and he had no foolproof evidence to prove just about anything considering those heroes.
In a state of total confusion, Izuku thought about the surprising ease Kacchan became a part of a friend group, though he kept denying it. Back in middle school, neither Izuku nor Kacchan had friends. Kacchan was popular for being a bully and others choose his side out of fear. Kacchan didn't know how to make friends, he treated people like garbage most of the time, and to suddenly gain a whole friend group out of nowhere was merely unbelievable.
To top that off, there was the individual he could not for the life of him tie together with Kacchan: Shinsou. The guy he fought at the sports festival. Izuku felt connected to him because of what he said to him during their fight and he couldn't help but think that they were similar to each other. Except for the fact, Kacchan liked one of them. No one in their class understood why those two hung out together and neither of them bothered to give any explanation about their relationship, no matter how many times they have been asked. Rumors have been around about the two, some saying they were friends, others saying they were dating, but Izuku was skeptical given Kacchan's emotional maturity. He didn't know him to be the lover type. More accurately, he just didn't know Kacchan.
With that thought, Izuku once again arrived at the conclusion he had no idea who Kacchan was anymore. He knew his childhood best friend who turned into his bully then disappeared one day without a trace. The person Izuku found again ten months later was not the same he lost. Crucial things didn't match up when he brought the two Kacchans in comparison. Even with what he overheard yesterday, Izuku was losing hope again to become friends with the old Kacchan. He had to admit they did not know each other anymore. It seemed as though they both changed during their time apart. Today they were just strangers who shared a terrible history.
His heart froze over as Izuku once again had to face the fact things might never be the same between him and Kacchan. He lost his friend on the day Kacchan disappeared. No, even before that. Maybe they never were friends at all and Izuku was chasing a fantasy, longing to get back what he never had. It was about time he gave up.
"Hey."
Izuku jumped and dropped the vacuum to the floor as he was yanked back to reality by a croak coming from behind. Turning to where the sound came from, Izuku saw Kacchan just a few steps away from him, eyeing him down as usual.
"What is it, Kacchan?" Izuku asked as the blond seemed to wait for a verbal reaction.
"We're talking about this now and never again." Kacchan said, digging his fists into his pockets.
"About what exactly?" Izuku raised a reasonable question.
"Others already know, so knowing this won't make you special." Kacchan grumbled looking away.
Not understanding the point of that insult, Izuku waited a few more moments in case Kacchan planned on starting to make sense. Just as he started losing hope Kacchan would ever speak up, a grumble broke the silence.
"I don't live with my parent anymore."
Even though Izuku kind of knew that already, hearing it felt like the greatest gift he ever received. A weight he did not know was there, eased off his shoulders at the knowledge Kacchan was at the very least away from his parents.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Izuku whispered: "Since when?"
"Middle school," Kacchan grunted and Izuku didn't need more to know what he meant. Since the day Izuku saw that bruise on his neck. Since the day he told him to kill himself. Since the day his parents beat him until the best thing the police could say to Izuku's mom about him was that he survived.
Izuku wouldn't push his luck and ask about that day since he and Kacchan haven't had a real conversation in their entire lives. They weren't on such terms. Deciding to leave that as it was, Izuku asked about something that had been bugging him for a few years now.
"So, uh, we never talked about that day... two years ago." When Izuku saw him again at his new house with — assumingly — a new father. Present Mic.
"I got adopted." Kacchan looked him dead in the eye, waiting for a reaction, battle-ready as if he expected Izuku to provoke him somehow. Izuku couldn't help but think about what his childhood friend had said to him last night. He feared Kacchan thought he would be looking down on him for something like this. For anything.
It seemed as though that was all the explanation Kacchan was going to give as a reason for whatever the fuck that interaction was two years ago.
"They like me a lot." Kacchan added softly as if he was trying to prove something. As if he wanted Izuku to know someone was out there who cared for him. As if it was something impossible being done.
In a matter of seconds, fat tears took their way down Izuku's cheeks, realizing he was about to give in to doubt while Kacchan worked up the courage to talk to him broke his heart.
"What the fuck are you crying for?" Kacchan snapped immediately, urging Izuku to wipe his tears.
"Sorry, I'm just so relieved."
"What, you thought no one would like me? Huh?" Kacchan rasped out. Defensive.
"Not that! Because you're..." Safe. Izuku didn't dare to finish, guessing Kacchan would think he was implying he couldn't take care of himself. He started to get how things were twisted around in Kacchan's head. It seemed like whatever came out of his mouth, the blond would hear it with a sour tone that only existed to hurt him. For the time being, Izuku had no idea how to solve that problem, so he tried to change the subject instead.
"About Present Mic... he's your..."
"Of fucking course you didn't forget about that." Kacchan grumbled with annoyance, his rage calming by the second.
"Well, he was the one who sent me to hell instead of you, so that stuck." Izuku explained, suddenly his shoulders feeling lighter as the tension in the room appeared to fade.
"Don't fucking tell anyone." Kacchan replied.
"Is he..."
"I'm not spilling anything about him for your creepy ass notebook." Kacchan cut in.
"Is he nice to you?" Izuku asked the only thing he really cared about.
"Why'd you care?" Kacchan asked back, there was no hint of denial in his voice, it was just general confusion and that broke Izuku's heart. To think Kacchan never took it into account he cared about him. He thought Izuku hated him and even if he told him he didn't, all of his words would be deemed as shameful lies. Kacchan glanced to the side and stilled his jaw before deciding to reply as Izuku stayed quiet for way too long. "He's nice."
"I'm glad to hear." Izuku sighed.
After another beat of silence, Kacchan was the one to break it once again. "Earlier you said your mom told you about me. What did she say?"
Izuku realized Kacchan most likely never reconnected with anyone from their old school as he never had anybody to turn to in the first place. Everyone forgot about him in a few months, even Izuku's mom pretended he never existed. Since he wanted nothing to do with Izuku either, Kacchan had nothing to go back for, which naturally meant he didn't know what people said about him once he was gone.
"When you disappeared, they told us you had to move and that was all. My mom lied the same thing. She only told me what she knew after we met again two years ago." Izuku remembered back to those days. All the fear and agony of not knowing anything was eating him up because adults decided to pretend nothing happened in order not to have to face reality and say out loud that they could have done something for Kacchan. They just never cared. "The police called her because our moms used to be friends. She was told your parents were arrested and that... You survived."
An uncomfortable pause followed and Izuku couldn't halt a thought before it formed into a whisper, freezing the room all over.
"Kacchan. What did they do to you?"
Just by the thought, Izuku was already shaking with rage that had always been lurking in the darkest pits of his soul for years now. Tilting his head down, Kacchan's bangs cast a shadow over his eyes as his mouth curled into a sneer and a humorless chuckle escaped his lungs. He pulled his right hand out of his pocket for it to drag across his chest and land upon his left collar, gripping the fabric of his top.
"Wouldn't you like to know, Deku," Kacchan croaked before walking away towards the dining area, making it clear he was done with the conversation. "Clean the windows. The kitchen's mine."
Izuku stood frozen in place as the anger that tried to consume him was washed away with pain. He could physically feel the grief in Kacchan's voice. Izuku was supposed to be happy. They just had a civilized conversation for the first time in forever, yet Izuku was left with a sour taste in his mouth.
"Oh, and if you tell anyone--"
"I won't." Izuku cut in, feeling an unhealthy need to prove himself worthy of the secrets he's been told. "You don't have to trust me, just think about it. I could have told everyone about our past, but I didn't because it's no one else's business. I'm not doing it for you. It's for both of us." Izuku choose his words in a way he hoped Kacchan would hear what he wanted him to. "If that's not enough for you, then let's make a deal. You keep my secret and I'll keep yours."
"We'll see how long you last," Kacchan responded, not missing the opportunity to voice his mistrust in Izuku.
They settled back to cleaning the common area in silence, though it wasn't as uncomfortable as before. At least not for Izuku. He was filled with a mixture of emotions he needed time to sort out and as he occasionally peaked at Kacchan in the Kitchen, his long-lost friend seemed to be deep in his thoughts as well, forgetting to wear his scowl as a mask. Izuku didn't miss how his hand never left his collar, but he did not comment on it, only took a mental note.
Izuku admitted they were strangers before and he thought of it as a bad thing, not realizing it was more of an opportunity. Kacchan had changed, so did Izuku. Maybe their new selves could build a friendship Izuku wished to have. With their cards out on the table, for the first time in a while, Izuku saw a future where he could become a hero and fight alongside his best friend, not against him.
The following day was a new kind of awkward. Katsuki could feel Deku's eyes on his back whenever he turned away, knowing exactly what kind of a weird smile that nerd had on his face ever since they talked yesterday.
He hated the feeling lingering behind most of his actions: he wanted to atone. He wanted to make up for all the shit he could not possibly make up for. Katsuki's old self might have bled out on the floor of his old bedroom two years ago, but the things he had done didn't disappear with him. It wasn't a matter of deserving forgiveness or not as in Katsuki's opinion he should never gain forgiveness for being the piece of garbage he had been... He wished to think he rather just used to be. His motivation was simpler than that. He owed it to Deku.
Realizing how wrong he had been just made it all worse. It seemed so surreal to even pay mind to the thought that Deku of all people thought he was worth something. That he had respect for him as a rival... as an equal. Even after everything. It just seemed impossible. Deku knew his history, he watched him get stripped of every essence of his personality and turn into a monster as they grew up, yet he said it himself:
"I wanted to see how far you'd go."
It was ridiculous to think Deku would want to do anything with him. They didn't just automatically became friends because Katsuki decided to beat his ass again but this time he spiced it up by also having a breakdown at the same time. Laughable. As if they were ever friends. Even if Deku thought of him as one once, Katsuki was too fucked up to notice and it was way too late to think about it now.
It was simply ridiculous. Katsuki caught himself thinking about friendship with anyone like it was ever a possibility for him. Like he ever wanted any. Back when they were kids, no one liked Katsuki, especially not his parents. Deku had no reason to want to be around him at all, not then and not now. Yet there he was, staring holes into Katsuki's back and crying tears of joy getting to know Katsuki eventually got out of an abusive situation back in the day.
Katsuki didn't concentrate on the task at hand as his thoughts took over, not noticing the man in front of him as he took the trash out, only as he bumped into him. Glancing up, arriving back in reality, Katsuki once again had to face All Might, the symbol of peace, the man whose carrier he singlehandedly ended.
"Hello, young Bakugou." The man greeted him with a smile Katsuki knew damn well he didn't deserve. All might never like him, he felt it from the start. Of course, he didn't. Katsuki was constantly hurting his little favorite successor. He probably hated him since day one. Katsuki couldn't blame anyone but himself for making his idol personally hate him, too.
Assuming he came to their dorms for the sole reason of checking on his favorite, Katsuki stepped aside and took his way towards the door, saying: "Deku's on the third floor, cleaning the windows."
"Wait!" The former symbol of peace stopped him and Katsuki complied wordlessly. "If you have the time, I would like to talk to you."
Two ideas popped into his head. First, All Might was scared he already sold him out. Second, Deku already sold Katsuki out. Just to show how the team dynamics were. All Might and Deku trusted each other, neither of them trusted Katsuki and Katsuki trusted none of them.
"I told you I know how to keep my mouth shut." Katsuki grunted before moving to leave again.
"And I couldn't be more grateful you are willing to do that for me, but that's not why I came. Do you have a moment?" All Might wasted another minute on him.
According to what he said, it was the second option. Just how stupid Katsuki was to think Deku could keep a secret when this one took him less than twenty-four hours to tell somebody else. Great.
"I'm taking out the trash, I'll be back in a moment." Katsuki mumbled, avoiding eye contact.
Walking outside, he began wondering why All Might would even want to talk about the shit Deku told him about his family. It was none of All Might's business and it changed nothing. Katsuki was more bothered by the fact his dumb ass dared to trust Deku. Trust a person who owed him nothing. Like they were on such good terms he could count on him to act in his favor. So naive, so stupid. Now he just had to wait for Deku to spill the beans to the whole class. Not like he cared what they thought of him. It couldn't get any worse than what those extras already had in their heads about Katsuki.
Walking back into the dorms, Katsuki glanced All Might on one of the couches, placing two steaming cups of tea onto the tea table. The man glanced up at him with a shy smile and waited for him to sit down. Katsuki washed his hands in the kitchen before sitting onto the couch across the one All Might was seated on.
"Have you talked with young Midoriya?" All Might started.
"About what?" Katsuki grunted, hating how long the man was beating around the bush.
"I suppose he hadn't gathered the courage to ask yet." All Might came to a rather confusing conclusion. "We talked and he's been meaning to ask you, but I assume he thought you would rather hear it from me."
"What?" Katsuki rolled further down into mere confusion as this sounded nothing like what he expected to hear.
"About one for all, I'm glad you found out. Young Midoriya told you about it in the first place because deep down he knew he could count on you. He has a long way to go to master this power and in my current state, I'm not enough to help him along the way." All Might said and Katsuki had a hard time looking into his eyes. "Young Bakugou. I am in no position to ask favors from you, but please, will you consider training with Young Midoriya and me?"
Katsuki was sure he hadn't taken a breath since the former number one started talking, and as he got to his point, Katsuki felt even more breathless.
"Deku came up with this?" He whispered into the tension-filled air, letting his words bounce off the walls, sounding nothing like how he was feeling inside. Like always.
"Yes, but I would be more than happy to train you both." All Might answered and the second part of what he said was shoved out of Katsuki's mind as the idea dawned on him.
Deku wanted to... he was willing to spend time with him? After everything Katsuki had done and said he still wanted to talk to him and spend fucking time with him? Deku could have just trained in secret like before, minding his way to surpass him. There was no reason for Katsuki's there being to be needed. Anywhere. At all.
All Might said he didn't dare to ask. Given what picture Katsuki had painted of himself in that idiot's head, it was no surprise. The shocker was the fact he even considered it. Katsuki thought they would never talk again, that Deku would just leave him in the past where he belonged, just like how Katsuki left his old self there. But instead, he decided to stay. Not knowing the reason, Katsuki felt anxious but that glimmer of hope was enough to make him realize this might have been an opportunity he did not even dare to consider. Deku wanted to keep him in his life. Even with the past they shared, Deku thought they had a future together. Not as enemies, like Katsuki thought, but as rivals, maybe even... friends.
And that thought just killed him. They weren't friends before. Deku was his friend, but Katsuki just pushed him away. He offered a hand when no one else even noticed Katsuki needed one, not even himself. He truly didn't deserve to have a friend like him and the only way he could atone was to try to pay him back for offering all the support Katsuki was too weak to take when they were kids. Too young, too damaged, too fucking dumb to even recognize it until now. His thoughts were torn apart by the voice of the man still sitting in front of him, signing he stayed silent for too long.
"You don't have to say yes, I understand if you want to refuse, but still I felt like I needed to—"
"Okay." Katsuki grunted.
The former hero froze up for a moment before stuttering. "O-okay?"
"Yeah, I'm in." Katsuki made up his mind. Grasping into that chance like his life depended on it.
"Young Bakugou, I'm so grateful—"
"Yeah, yeah," Katsuki cut him off. The last thing he wanted is to have someone whose carrier he took away be grateful to him. Finding the strength to move without shaking like a leaf, Katsuki stood up and headed upstairs, grunting over his shoulder. "I'm free on Wednesdays."
Walking up the stairs to the third floor, Katsuki dug his shaking hands into his pockets and took a few deep breaths. At the end of the corridor was Deku, cleaning the windows, letting his guard down to the point where he didn't even notice Katsuki right behind him. Asking himself how that idiot managed to stay alive with an attitude like so, Katsuki kicked the stool Deku was standing on, watching the idiot fall to the floor. Since, of course, he couldn't just say hi like a normal person.
Glancing up at him, Deku exclaimed: "Kacchan? What are you—"
"You've got something to say to me?" Katsuki cut him off.
"I-I, uh, what—" That idiot stuttered incoherently.
"All Might was here."
"Oh, uh, did he—"
"Next time you've got something to say to me, don't fucking send All Might around. Say it yourself." Katsuki grunted, watching Deku sitting up, evading eye contact. He looked like he was about to apologize and Katsuki was sure he would kick the shit out of him if he dared to open his fucking mouth. "Wednesday after classes." Katsuki added before stomping away as fast as he could without looking like he was running away.
Missing the family gathering yesterday was half of an accident as Katsuki's emotional and physical exhaustion took over in the afternoon and a ten-minute long nap turned into waking up in the following morning with a list of missed calls from every member of his family. If that wasn't bad enough, Katsuki knew Shouta had already told them about Deku, which meant they were collectively hating him now. An embarrassing breakdown came with the soppy aftermath usually Hizashi provided but since Katsuki was on house arrest, they haven't met since. There was no running from Hizashi talking about fucking feelings in an even more annoying manner than Shouta, but Katsuki still tried. He tried every time.
He was planning on ignoring his family this afternoon as well, trying to see how long he could last before having to face them, and it hadn't been long enough since his breakdown to laugh it off or ignore it happened, which meant having Kirishima around would only elongate the list of people who looked at him with pity. Katsuki had been hiding in his room since the extras came back around and he ignored all his texts, hoping to get left alone for just one more day. As the sun sat around 6 PM, his false hopes were ruined by a knock on his door.
"Go away, Kirishima," Katsuki exclaimed from his bed, not planning on getting up.
"You wish, Asshole." He heard a way too familiar grumble from the other side that did not belong to Kirishima. It was someone way worse. With a groan of exhaustion, Katsuki got off his bed and opened the door, staring at his bitch of a little brother who stared back at him, like he was already done with his shit.
"What are you doing here?" Katsuki asked, measuring his brother up and down, checking if he had changed since he last saw him, wondering how much sleep he had gotten, if he was eating enough, if he was doing okay. Katsuki might have been an angsty bastard lurking in his depression cave all day, but he still had his priorities in check. Hitoshi was a priority.
"Spicing up your classmates' evening. Come on, we're having dinner together." Hitoshi responded, tilting his head towards the corridor.
"I'll pass."
"It's not optional. You can't seriously think you can get away with ignoring Dad and Pops like this without them worrying." Hitoshi mumbled, crossing his arms, not mentioning he was salty because Katsuki hasn't said a word to him since the licensing exam three days ago. He didn't need to mention that, Katsuki knew very well he probably hated him now.
"I don't need them to worry—"
"Yeah, sure." Hitoshi cut him off, grabbing his arm and pulling him out to the corridor. "I didn't drag myself through your dorm just to get weird looks from your classmates, so let's get going."
Katsuki yanked his arm out of his brother's hand only to walk back to his room, grab a jacket for Hitoshi and throw it at him. "It's too fucking chilly outside for you to walk around in just a damn T-shirt."
Priorities.
With that, Katsuki accepted his fate and they headed downstairs, both of them ignoring the stares the extras gave them. Katsuki wasn't too bothered about the gossip they were surrounded by. He was used to having everyone talking behind his back, his classmates were just like the media. He would rather let those idiots think he and Hitoshi were dating than to have them find out about his family and talk shit that might have had something to do with reality. If he was honest with himself, he didn't care if his class found out, they already had their opinions about him and it wouldn't change a thing. Katsuki simply didn't feel like he owed them an explanation, since, in reality, it was none of their fucking business.
Katsuki didn't need any of them to understand him. He didn't need anyone. He didn't mind being despised by the rest of them. They were just stepping stones to his victory. He didn't care...
He didn't care about them. But he did care about his family. The people he tried to keep in his life mattered more than anything and currently, Katsuki wasn't sure if they wanted him in their lives. Shouta said it was not as big of a deal as he thought it was, but that was the exact problem, Katsuki only had his own fucking thoughts to drive him crazy, telling him they all hated him now. They were just trying to let him down easily. Walking through school grounds towards their dads' place was quiet for a few steps until Katsuki couldn't take it anymore.
"If you're mad, just say it."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Hitoshi asked instead and just before Katsuki could reply, he added: "If you say there's nothing to talk about I'm about to become an only child again."
Reconsidering his answer, Katsuki puffed. "I don't wanna talk about it."
Hitoshi hummed and they fell into silence once more. As his dorm was out of sight, Katsuki started walking closer to his brother. Their shoulders bumped together a few times as they stumbled toward the small apartment they called home on weekdays.
"Dad told us," Hitoshi stated.
Katsuki swallowed around the lump in his throat. "I know."
"You're an idiot," Hitoshi added, sounding neutral at best.
"What's new?" Katduki grunted his reply, feeling like he was walking towards the end instead of his home.
"Nothing." Hitoshi answered the rhetorical question before halting and drawing Katsuki in for a hug. He fastened his hold around him, pulling him close enough to let Katsuki feel his heartbeat before he spoke again. "Nothing's new, Kats. Nothing's changed."
With that, Hitoshi pressed a peck onto his hair and they stayed like that for a couple of moments. Katsuki slowly dragged his hands up to hug his stupid little brother back, holding his tears.
"I have no idea how you survived this long being so stupid." Hitoshi commented after a while.
"Fuck you." Katsuki grumbled.
"Oh no, fuck you for not trusting me." Replied his brother, never letting go of him. "Katsuki... You realize that was a low blow to our dads, right? They fucking love you."
And all Katsuki ever did was hurt them. He knew and he hated himself for it.
"I know you love them, too. It wouldn't kill you to say it just once." Hitoshi added and held him tighter.
Katsuki had never said it, but he never needed to. Actions speak louder than words and Katsuki lived by that. But if that was true, his actions towards Shouta and Hizashi weren't showing love. He kept his secret for years and blubbering about it was only caused by reaching his breaking point. If he had his shit together just a little bit, he wouldn't have told Shouta about it. He had his justifications for keeping his mouth shut, but the cristal clear pain in Shouta's eyes as he revealed he didn't have an ounce of faith in him was going to haunt him for the rest of his life. In the end, Katsuki hurt them again. He had no excuse left. If they were to show they didn't trust him, Katsuki would die on the spot, yet he did the same to them without a second thought.
Actions spoke louder than words, and Katsuki let everyone know he was an utter piece of shit.
"Breathe." Hitoshi's voice cut into his spiraling thoughts and Katsuki sucked in a deep breath.
Hitoshi was still there. He was overreacting. Hitoshi wouldn't be hugging him if he hated him. Katsuki forced his lungs to fill and then deflate as he concentrated on the sensation of his little brother's arms around him. And another one. Wait, what?
"What are you guys doing?" Came a question from above, up close. Katsuki could pick that voice out of any crowd. It was Hizashi who joined their hug.
"Pops, do you realize how creepy you are?" Hitoshi asked, just as shocked about his father's sudden appearance as Katsuki was.
"Someone has to do it, Baby." Hizashi commented and Katsuki kept his eyes closed and his face nuzzled into Hitoshi's collar. Trying to stay unnoticed as if he had a chance.
Hizashi pulled them closer and planted a peck on the top of Hitoshi's head, then Katsuki's. "I missed you a lot, babies."
"We missed you too, Pops," Hitoshi spoke for the both of them and as they moved, Katsuki was forced to show his face. Hitoshi let go of him except for his arm that slung over his shoulders, grounding him, leading him toward the front door of their home.
Kuro went crazy as soon as Katsuki stepped in, screaming at him and dancing around his feet until Katsuki picked him up. He kept him busy just enough to escape the awkward greetings. Dinner was already served on the table, waiting for them. Katsuki barely said anything, feeling the tension in the air. No one talked about what Katsuki had done. They just sat down for dinner as if nothing happened. Katsuki hated every second of it. The only thing that calmed him down was Kuro purring on his shoulder as they sat down to eat.
"Daddy and I were thinking we could go to the shopping street after your classes on Wednesday. Hitoshi you could bring Kaminari, and Katsuki you could ask Kirishima but please make sure he leaves his crocs in his room." Hizashi chatted and Katsuki didn't think it was possible, but he tensed up even more.
"Does it... Have to be Wednesday?" Katsuki grunted, glancing up to see Hizashi burying himself in doubt. They probably assumed he didn't want to go. Of course, they thought he hated them or something. "It's just that I promised Deku I would train with him after classes."
Utter silence followed.
"You what?" Shouta asked in disbelief.
"I'm not lying! He asked and I said yes, okay?" Katsuki exclaimed, and he tore his gaze from the table to see everyone staring at him.
"So you two... Talked?" Hizashi asked uncertainly.
"Yeah, so what?"
"That's great, Baby. We're proud of you." Hizashi just accepted it. That was it.
It wasn't right. They were supposed to be mad at him at the very least.
"Good job." Shouta added, not giving away the smallest traces of anger either.
They weren't mad at him. They were hurting.
Katsuki couldn't force a single sound out of his mouth for the rest of the meal. Once they started cleaning up, Katsuki wordlessly took on the task of washing the dishes, keeping himself busy, and giving himself a reason to stick around for longer and not just stand by. Hitoshi patted his head before letting him know he would go and take a bath, signing to Katsuki he was about to be alone with their parents for a while.
Each time Hizashi passed by to put another plate into the sink, he gave a tender touch, a smooth peck, or a stroke to his shoulder. Giving him kindness without saying a word. Forgiveness Katsuki knew he didn't deserve. Even so, he couldn't bring himself to speak up. Even if he were to apologize, it would fix nothing. The damage had been done. He couldn't even let his parents know he loved them. He was the worst son anyone could ever have. If he continued to act like this, they were going to regret adopting him. Maybe they already had.
"What's on your mind, Small Fry?" Came a smooth whisper from the side. Shouta started drying off the dishes Katsuki washed. Hizashi appeared on his other side, holding a steaming cup of tea. He settled with his lower back against the counter and Katsuki was cornered. It was now or never. If he didn't get his act right he might as well throw himself into traffic because seeing the pain in their eyes he caused wasn't something he could forgive himself.
"You know that I..." didn't mean to hurt you.
Yeah, he kept telling them that same exact line every damn time. It changed nothing. There was no point in saying it over and over again. He knew what he needed to let them know, but he couldn't say it. It would make it real and what was real could be taken away. But if he didn't say it, they would never know. They would think he never loved them and slowly lose hope for him. They would become unhappy because of him. Katsuki was right on track to make them miserable just like he did with his parents. Panic filled his chest and guilt gritted his throat, stabbing its frigid claws into his throat and tearing into his chest, robbing him of air.
Just a fucking sentence. Three words at best. That was all he had to say, yet he was choking on those damn words.
Warm hands were caressing gentle patterns on his back while another pair of hands peeled his fingers off of the plate he was washing. He knew he was panicking. He knew they were watching him from up close. He knew they were talking to him but he couldn't hear a damn word, all he could do was feel the warmth of their touches. As the hands taking away this job moved to leave him, Katsuki grabbed one by the wrist and he reached to the side to grip the hand caressing his back. He pulled them closer until he managed to wrap his arms around his parents and lock them there. He nuzzled his face into their joined chests and gasped for air before the words ripped from his lungs.
"I love you!"
It was choked and pathetic, but he didn't care as his tears were soaked up by the clothes he hid his face into.
"I love you and I'm sorry. I love you. I do. More than anything. I—"
He was embraced and pushed closer to his fathers and he could hear their voices again.
"Katsuki, take a deep breath." Shouta soothed.
"We love you, too. It's okay. Just try to breathe." Hizashi whipsered.
"I wanted to come yesterday, I just fell asleep and I knew you'd think I was dodging you and I—"
"Okay, okay. You're slipping. Take deep breaths." Shouta cut him off and Katsuki could feel Hizashi's arms tightening around him. It wasn't until Shouta gave another comment when Katsuki realized he wasn't the only one crying. "Hizashi, you too."
Hizashi wrapped Katsuki up in his arms, locking Shouta out. "Baby, I'm so sorry for not being there for you. You should never be afraid to tell us anything. I'm so sorry if we made you feel like you can't share this with us."
Katsuki wished he wouldn't have said that. Hizashi blaming himself just made it all a hundred times worse. Katsuki was out of ideas as he knew nothing he said could change what his actions told them. He did trust them, he was just afraid. He couldn't explain himself when not even he understood what was going on inside his head.
"I'm sorry." He whispered into Hizashi's chest.
"No, it's okay—"
"It's not okay. I hurt you again." Katsuki whispered.
Hizashi stayed quiet because what Katsuki said was true. With a hand patting the top of Katsuki's head, Shouta was the one to speak up, repeating what he already told him yesterday: "I'm not belittling the gravity of what happened between you and Midoriya, but for us to know about it is really not that big of a deal. We understand you weren't ready to talk about it, but next time just tell us that you need some time."
"We can wait for you, we just want to make sure you're alright." Hizashi added, sniffling. "Can you promise me you'll let us know when you just need time?"
Katsuki didn't feel less guilty as he nuzzled his face closer to Hizashi's collar for only a moment before letting him go. He rubbed his eyes before forcing his head to tilt upwards, his gaze locking with tear-filled green irises. He wanted to apologize again, but there was no point in it anymore. If actions spoke louder than words, he'd just have to do better in the future, and if actions weren't enough, he could force himself to say the right thing every now and then.
"I promise."
Well this is the end I'm super glad that so many people enjoyed this book sad to see it's already done thanks for the support