'WELL?'
James stepped further into the kitchen, glaring at them. Remus was dumbfounded, seeing them in that position; he didn't know where to look. He chose to look at his best friend; who was red-faced with anger and his fists clenched in tight balls by his sides. He thought if the situation was any worse, James looked like he would have grabbed one of the Muggle knives and killed them both with it. It occurred to Remus that this could still happen, so he chose to intervene.
'Erm...Prongs, maybe we should just leave th...'
James whirled around to face Remus, and he took a quick step back, 'Leave them?'
'O-or not then,' he mumbled.
Sirius and Lily had pulled away from each other when James had turned back; Lily had pulled her skirt and sweater up from the floor and Sirius was fumbling to do up his Muggle jeans. Somehow this seemed to anger James more as he looked at them again.
'You two make me sick!' he snarled, 'Me and Moony were only in there!'
Lily glanced over to where he was pointing. Somehow she knew that the fact they had only been in the next room wasn't the cause of his fury. It was the same reason he'd moaned her name when she'd caught him in his precarious situation last week. She looked down at the floor, unsure of why she felt guilty but it was there regardless.
James shifted his glare onto Padfoot and narrowed his eyes slightly. Sirius caught the look and frowned, not understanding his best friend.
'What the fuck did you think you were doing, Sirius?' James snarled, stepping towards his best mate; his eyes lit up with fire.
Sirius knew James didn't use his first name just for the hell of it and he could feel the annoyance start to rise up inside him. He looked at the other Marauder defiantly.
'I don't get you!' he stated, 'First, you want me to seduce her...and now...and now what? You don't?'
James took a second to absorb what Sirius had said, and the venomous glare drained from his face, rapidly being replaced with horror.
'What?'
James heard Lily's sharp voice and he glanced at her, recklessly searching his brain for an explanation. The situation at hand flying out of his mind, and the tables quickly turning on him.
Lily frowned at him, questions that needed answers evidently showing in her face. He watched her glance back at Sirius, and then to him again. She looked lost; realisation dawning on her slowly.
'No...' he heard her choke, 'no...you guys are bad but you...you wouldn't do that...would you?'
James felt sick. What could he do? He couldn't do anything. He did ask Sirius to do that, to...seduce her, but he couldn't exactly tell her that he'd changed his mind and just didn't happen to let Sirius know afterwards.
What a great conversation that would be: 'Sorry Lil, forgot to mention to the guy I got to fuck you, that I'd fallen in love with you. Never mind, eh?'
James looked back at the Head Girl and frowned. He thought she'd be angry, want to kill him, throw him out onto the street and leave him there, but she wasn't. No...what was covering the face of the girl he loved was pure hurt.
No Lily, don't look at me like that.
Lily looked away, a strange sense of betrayal flooding through her veins and taking over the alcohol, making it impossible for her to think straight. She'd never in life felt like this, it was sickening. To her, it was the worst form of vengeance.
God...he wanted to turn me into one of the Slytherin girls.
Lily looked back at James, the room quiet from silent thoughts and wishes of second chances.
'What...did you think it would be funny watching me become a whore?' she croaked at him, and he flinched, 'You wanted to hurt me, James. Well, you managed it at least. You did that bit just perfect.'
He looked at her, her eyes shimmering with silent tears...tears that were starting to spill down her pale cheeks.
'Hey,' she laughed sardonically, 'I see how it would be ironic, the Head Girl...everyone meant to look up to her...and she's the biggest slut in the school. Don't worry James...the joke's not lost on me.'
Her words were biting into him, each one a stab of guilt and anguish; both forming a lovely little cocktail of torture. James couldn't take it anymore, he knew she was doing this deliberately and he also knew he deserved it, but this was too much. The phrase was always that words didn't hurt, but she might as well have been throwing giant-sized bludgers at him and expecting him not to collapse from the onslaught.
'Don't...Lily...'
'Don't what James?' she said softly.
Apart from the tears and her voice giving away the sign of her hurt, anyone would have thought Lily was completely fine; that she was happily hurling insults at him.
Remus and Sirius were standing there awkwardly; they didn't know what to do or what to say. They were waiting for it to end, but neither was sure how or if it would.
'Were you two planning this before you came?' she said, glancing between both of them, 'After? During your little 'jack-off' session? I want to know.'
James kept silent; he could feel his best friends' eyes on him after Lily had said about the 'incident'.
Please Lily, don't do this.
'Lily...'
The tears were trickling down her cheeks easier now, she was letting go of the pain. She felt she had a right to.
'Lil...' James tried again, 'I'm sorry...I didn't know how I would...'
He stopped, not knowing how to voice his feelings, not wanting to while Remus and Sirius were standing there, their eyes on him.
Lily laughed sarcastically, 'you're sorry...that's so funny.'
Her laughter caused him to frown and look at her. What else was he supposed to say? He couldn't turn back time! James wanted her to forgive him but how was he going to do it if she was going to squash all his apologies.
'Well what can I say to make it better then?'
Lily looked at him sharply, 'Nothing James, that's the thing...you can't say anything to make this better.'
She walked towards the door that went into the hallway, passing Sirius and Remus. Sirius' expression stayed impassive, whereas Remus smiled solemnly. Lily turned back to the kitchen as she was just about to step through the door.
'You know what's funny,' she said softly, 'I felt guilty for nearly sleeping with Sirius when you caught us...I don't know why...maybe it was because of how your feelings for me had changed...but now I see things as they were...nothings changed James, you're still the same.'
Lily paused and looked around at the three faces that watched her, then looking back at James, she added, 'It's strange how the world works...don't you think?'
With that, she turned and walked out of the room, and up the stairs.
The faint sound of a door closing told them all that, 'What was would always be, and Lily Evans was the one girl that they could never change.'
*****************************
James Potter had left the Evans residence earlier that week. He was meant to go from their house straight to London Station to catch the Hogwarts Express, but on the request of Lily and the consent of Professor Dumbledore, the 'trip' was cut short. He had left their house in Surrey without speaking to Lily at all; in fact, the last time he had spoken to her was the night that Sirius and Remus came over.
Lily, now that James had gone, was able to do her own thing. She had decided to go shopping with her mother, to buy new clothes for the new year at Hogwarts. They were only Muggle clothes that would go under her robes, but she had felt she needed a change. So with her Mother - and her Mother's credit card - they had gone shopping.
The next few days were filled full of preparing her school stuff, checking over everything and Diagon Alley shopping, which Lily thought she preferred to normal shopping as all of the Wizarding shops were fantastic.
Petunia had returned home from her wild liaisons only to come back and find another wild liaison that consisted of staying in her room and being restricted from going out for 3 weeks when she came back from school.
Lily couldn't wait to see her old friends again; she had missed them a lot, and she knew that Rachel, her best friend, wanted to know all about the last 3 weeks of her summer. Lily would tell her of course, but the version that she would tell her would have been edited with a fine tooth comb.
Leaving her parents outside and saying farewell to them there, Lily made her way into Kings Cross Station. She was used to the familiar surroundings that told her one thing: she was going to Hogwarts. But this time, she was Head Girl and nothing could be better. Lily weaved through the people who were standing on the busiest platform in England, waiting for their train. She caught sight of the Platform 9 and 10 signs and walked quickly towards them.
Checking her trolley to make sure she had everything, Lily walked fast towards the wall and was greeted with the familiar sound of the Hogwarts Express waiting to go.
Lily grinned and looked at the magnificent train.
Oh God, this year's going to be great!
People were hustling around the doors waiting to get on so she waited by the side, she didn't care; nothing could make this experience bad. Lily didn't know what was the matter with her, she had never acted this way before when she was about to go to Hogwarts. But this year felt different.
It's because I'm Head Girl I bet.
'Lily!'
She turned to watch a blonde girl running towards her and her disgruntled boyfriend tagging along behind, pulling her cases. Lily stifled a laugh at his expression and turned to face her best friend.
'Hey Rache,' Lily smiled.
Rachel grinned and hugged her tightly, 'God, I've missed you!'
'You too.'
Lily turned and looked at Rachel's boyfriend, 'Hi Ben, is she keeping you busy?'
Ben grunted in Lily's direction, 'Doesn't she always?'
'He loves it really,' the girl giggled at Lily.
Rachel was in the same house as Lily when they became 1st Years. They had fast become friends; both excelling in charms and loving each others company. Both girls had stayed best friends right into 7th Year now and they were inseparable. Rachel had started dating Ben in 5th Year, and despite him being a Slytherin and hated by the Gryffindor boys, Lily found him to be a really nice guy. That was when Rachel hadn't been making him carry her stuff, because then he turned into something that was purposely restricted for the house he was placed in. An ogre.
'You're sitting with us aren't you? Cos I know that you can't when we get onto the carriages.'
Lily nodded at her friend, noticing that the doors were empty. The three of them walked towards the red train, pulling their cases and bags aboard with them.
The Hogwarts Express was exactly the same as always, and she walked into an empty compartment and sat down on the soft seats. Rachel and Ben followed her inside and a little later the train started to move, signalling to all as it pulled out of the station.
******************************
After the long train journey, the Hogwarts Express, filled with students, arrived at Hogsmeade Station. The Hogwarts pupils filed out of the train and made their way in either the direction of the coaches or Hagrid. Lily could hear the boom of the half-giant when she was inside the train and she smiled to herself.
Leaving Rachel and Ben on the platform, Lily walked past the group of students waiting for the Thestral-pulled coaches. As she was a Head, she had her own coach in the front.
The coach at the front had a plaque that had 'The Heads of Hogwarts' in pretty black writing. She opened the coach door, stepped onto the foothold and climbed inside. Sitting down onto the long seats, it was then that she looked up.
James was sat across from her, one foot up on the seat and looking at her, his head forward and his black hair over his eyes. Lily's breath caught in her throat as she noticed him sitting there. Watching her intently.
'What?' she spat.
He cocked his head but kept silent, his eyes never moving from her. This action seriously made Lily feel uneasy, he looked like he might lunge at her with a knife or something. She clutched her small bag tightly and tried to ignore him, thanking God that the ride didn't last that long.
I think I turned him insane. Oops.
Inside James was laughing at her. She was so easy to play with, and the look on her face was priceless.
She probably thinks I've turned into a psycho killer.
The ride there was amusing for James; she kept stealing glances at him as if he'd forgotten to take his medication. Lily was cursing herself that she had forgotten that both Heads share the same coach.
How can that have just slipped my mind?
When the coaches finally arrived at Hogwarts, Lily jumped out quickly. As she gazed at the scenery and the beautiful castle, thoughts of James left her mind. She was just so glad to be back and wanted to start lessons straight away. When Lily entered the hall with her friends that she met up with, it was nearly full already. She managed to find her seat though and sat there chatting with everyone and sharing the gossip of the summer.
Down the table, James' gaze kept fleeting back to her. He watched her sitting, talking with her friends and her pretty smile when everyone spoke to her, congratulating on her being Head Girl. He felt the jealousy emerge inside him as she turned around to look at Matthew Reede, a 7th Year Ravenclaw. He had called around and was congratulating her. James watched the girl he wanted, blush and giggle at the boy's words. He turned to Sirius.
'What's with that Reede guy?' he started, 'Why do all the girls fall at his feet?'
Sirius turned to look in the direction James was talking about. He saw the Ravenclaw talking to Lily and frowned, looking at his best friend. Sirius eyed him cautiously, wondering why James was getting so annoyed.
'Erm...dunno Prongs mate.'
James looked at him, 'All the girls do it, is there something about him?'
Remus caught the conversation and looked at Sirius, who turned to him and raised his eyebrows.
'Erm Prongs,' Remus began, catching James' attention, 'maybe you should forget her, she made it pretty clear that she wanted noth...'
James glared at him, 'I was just asking a question!'
Remus' jaw hardened in annoyance, but he stopped talking.
The sorting of the 1st Years started and after that Dumbledore began the Feast. Everything looked amazing; food upon food was piled onto the long house tables, and students grabbed for handfuls of everything, managing to go back for second helpings. After eating, the Heads were required to go with Professor Dumbledore and would see their living quarters, duties and everything that came with their titles.
Lily walked up to the teacher's table when the hall was nearly empty, to meet the Professor.
'Ah, Miss Evans,' Professor Dumbledore spoke, 'how was the summer with Mr Potter.'
'It was fine,' Lily lied, smiling slightly, and Dumbledore nodded, his eyes on her face.
She was sure Dumbledore knew she was lying, but he didn't press the matter further so she decided to leave it.
'Here he is now,' the Professor spoke gently, and Lily turned and watched the Marauder walk towards them.
Lily's mind flickered back to numerous events in the holidays quickly but she blinked them away, not wanting to think about them just yet. The scruffy haired boy stood next to Lily, glanced at her, and then fixed his eyes on Dumbledore.
'Now then,' Dumbledore spoke, 'you should already be aware that you won't be sleeping in the normal Gryffindor common room dormitories...'
Lily nodded, but James stayed impassive.
The Professor continued, 'What you might not have known was the conditions of the bedrooms...you see, the situation we created in the holidays was more or less a test of your reactions together.'
Lily frowned and felt James' gaze on her for a second. What was Dumbledore getting at?
'Miss Evans had informed me that the holiday circumstances were acceptable, so you both will be able to get along throughout this.'
He paused and looked at them, 'Follow me Lily, James.'
Lily and James did as they were told, they followed Dumbledore, but the thoughts that were running through their heads were a different matter. Lily didn't want to think about what the Professor meant, although in her mind she knew exactly what he was talking about. James was confused about two things; the things that Dumbledore was saying, but also the fact that Lily had said that the holiday went well.
Guess she didn't want him to know...well that kinda backfired didn't it Lil!
They stopped outside a portrait of a pretty witch. She wore all white and a section of her platinum blonde hair was braided. Lily was automatically reminded of an angel, but as she looked over at James, he was grinning at the portrait with a sick grin on his face.
Oh the portrait did have to be a Veela, didn't it! It's the perfect ending for today!
Dumbledore spoke to the portrait and said that the password would be given later by the two Heads. The portrait opened and James and Lily stepped inside. Just as they were about to go in further Dumbledore's voice stopped them.
'I will expect you both at my office tomorrow morning at 9 o'clock, it's late; we will discuss your duties then.'
He closed the portrait and Lily felt an undying urge of running after him. Neither of them moved; didn't know what to do.
'I can't believe we have to share a common room,' they both thought.
It was Lily who moved first, she turned and looked at him then moved past him into the Head room. When she looked around it, it took her breath away.
It was so gorgeous.
Lily had thought that the Gryffindor common room was pretty but this was very much better. A large fire was alight on one side of the room, with sofas and cushions surrounding it. A large wooden table on the other side, it was perfect for studying. The Gryffindor crest hanging on large, beautiful drapes hung over the walls. It looked so cosy, Lily just wanted to snuggle up on the sofa, in front of the fire and go to sleep.
'It looks nice,' James spoke softly.
Lily paused, sighed and turned around, facing him. James was standing by the wall, looking at a large picture of a Quidditch Match. It looked quite old. He looked back at her, the soft light of the fire playing over his dark features. Lily rolled her eyes and walked over to the largest sofa, sitting down. The comfort of it was brilliant; she sank into the depths of the cushions and felt very tired all of a sudden.
James glanced at her then walked over to the door with 'Head Boy' written in the same black writing that was on the coach. James glanced across the large common room and saw another door that was for the 'Head Girl'. The bathroom was the middle door he guessed. Opening the bedroom door, he stepped inside. All of his belongings had been brought up and were all neatly in drawers and wardrobes. He grinned at the double bed and jumped onto the mattress, lying back and sinking into it.
Mmm, this feels good.
The next thing he knew was a roll of thunder waking him up. He blinked, rubbed his eyes and looked around, not knowing where he was. It dawned on him quickly and another roll of thunder crashed through the air outside his window. He sat up, cursing the weather and climbed off the bed.
There's no way I'm gonna get to sleep in this.
Still wearing his school robes, he pulled them off quickly and got into a pair of Muggle shorts and a t-shirt. He had got them when Lily had taken him shopping, and found they felt better to sleep in than his normal pyjamas. Opening his bedroom door, he walked into the common room and noticed that the fire was still alight and burning as it had done when he first saw it.
It's magical probably.
James shifted his gaze and noticed Lily sitting asleep on the sofa, in the exact place when he had left her. He stopped and watched her; she looked so sweet and delicate. The fire shrouding her in its crackling heat, and the light dancing over her face. The thunder rolled outside again.
She can sleep through this?
James walked over to her sound form and tucked a lock of her scarlet hair behind her ear. His fingers grazed over the soft skin of her cheek, and then down over her red lips. He knelt down and searched her peaceful expression, receiving no response. James looked over at her bedroom door then back to her sleeping figure. Moving towards her, he moved her arm around his neck, slid one hand around her back and the other under her legs.
James picked up the Head Girl, her face pressed against his neck. He could feel her full lips against his skin and had to concentrate hard on what he was doing. The bedroom door opened for him on its own as he carried her towards it, and went through.
She's really light.
Walking towards her double bed he placed her on the mattress, pulled the covers back from under her then tucked her in. Her hair looked beautiful against her pale face, in the light of the moon coming through her window. James couldn't help gazing at her.
He took her hand in his, kissed the palm and looked at her, 'Lily I'm sorry...I hate myself for what I did to you...I know you'll never believe me...I wish things were different.'
James stood up and looked at her, her face still unresponsive. He paused then leant down, pressing his lips against her forehead and sighing.
'I love you, Lil'.'
He stood up silently, turned and walked to the door. He glanced back at her quickly and stepped out of the room, closing the door silently behind him. Darkness fell over the room as the door blocked the light of the fire, and Lily Evans opened her eyes and traced the kiss he left on her forehead, not believing what had just happened.