Doe's POV:
It took me another sleepless night before I pulled myself out of the cage.
Another silent, agonizing 24 hours.
The only reason being that the dry ache in my throat was beginning to feel unbearable.
The hunger pain, I could feel with, but the pain in my throat was bringing back bad memories I couldn't handle on top of everything else.
I took a blanket with me as I emerged from it, hugging it around my shoulders.
My body started shivering a while ago and hadn't stopped.
Whether it was from lack of food, fatigue, or everything in between.
I couldn't pinpoint a source. I couldn't find it in me to care.
Keeping my eyes on the floor, I trudged over towards the table.
The food Xander placed there for breakfast still sat there, but that's not what I wanted.
My gut twisted at just the thought of trying to stomach something.
Instead, I grabbed the jar of water that say beside it.
It'd been sitting out long enough for the ice to have melted.
Which was perfect.
Lifting the glass, I held it close to my chest.
Part of me wanted to just crawl back into the cage, but the other was begging me not to turn around to get there.
I hadn't checked where Xander was when I initially got up.
I couldn't. Every time he came into my view it caused a break in my heart that I kept failing to contain.
That mixing with what was already haunting me...
That deep, grievous, sorrow that had embedded itself into every inch of my body.
It was like nothing I've experienced before, and yet only got worse and worse.
It felt like most of my energy had been spent keeping my tears at bay.
Never had I had to try to hold them off for this long, but they were fighting against me now more than ever.
And whenever I caught even a glimpse of him, they worked like a faucet.
I couldn't do that right now.
I knew it was only a matter of time before they broke through. My fight was slowly depleting.
After a moment of hesitation, I allowed myself to look up towards the couch and window.
No sign of him.
That thought only gave me the smallest flicker of relief.
My next thought was to just go and sit on the couch until I knew it was safe to return to my solace.
But the couch wouldn't give me enough room to look away if I were to hear him approach, and the place where he kept putting food was way too close for comfort.
My eyes then planted on the window, and my legs followed.
I set the glass down onto it before carefully pulling myself up.
The memory of the last time I sat up here flashed across my mind, freezing every muscle in my body for a short moment.
That stupid conversation and the smile we shared when he pulled me away from it before she-
Stop... Push it out, focus on something else.
Don't focus on that again, it only makes it worse.
My hands balled tight as I blinked those cursed tears back, quickly trying to swallow the lump that I've now become all too familiar with.
With how little I've put into my body these past few days, I was surprised by the fact that I had enough water left to form tears.
My next exhale was slightly audible as I situated myself where I wanted to be.
Then, taking the jar by the rim, I lifted it to my lips.
The small sips stung as they coated my dry throat, and the ripples I could see within the glass only added to my self-awareness to how bad my shivering was.
I lowered the glass, moving one hand to secure the blanket before turning my head towards the window.
It was safe since it was the only place I could look and be sure that he wasn't going to be there.
The snow was falling harder today, the sky enveloped in a dark grey that you could just barely spot the sun through.
The snow blurred the surrounding area enough to where I couldn't see the bottom, nor any of the houses in the distance.
Still, the sight aided in relaxing my thoughts, gulping down more of that water.
Or at least it did for a few minutes before I found myself falling into a habit I developed quite quickly after that night.
To fall into the dark pit of trying to rationalize the past couple of weeks.
Like trying that would somehow pull me out of this feeling.
I tried taking every word spoken to me, every promise for my safety that he gave me.
But that was just it. He never promised me safety.
Not explicitly.
All he said was that he would figure something out after the bloodmoon.
And well... he did.
I just got caught up in expecting more and let my guard down.
He never said it would be forever. Deep down I think we both knew that it would eventually come to an end.
Stop lying to yourself.
Stop justifying what happened with all of this bullshit.
That's not the root of this issue and you know it.
No matter how many times I put these thoughts through my mind, I never got closer to believing them.
I tried and tried to force myself to believe that these thoughts made sense. To try to pull some logic out of a situation that lacked all signs of it.
To find sense in his actions that didn't fit with anything that'd happened in those days before
To reduce the hopes I'd so mindlessly let grow against my better judgment fade into nothing more than a naive fantasy.
They should have stayed as such. Then maybe I wouldn't feel like this.
Like I had been stabbed right into the center of my collar bone, and any attempt at trying to remove the knife only made it dig deeper.
It was only a matter of time now until it was going to pierce through something vital.
But I couldn't deny the fact of how easily he just let her have me.
And even through that, I couldn't make myself just sit here and accept that nothing during that small taste of freedom I had from her meant nothing to him.
No, I knew him.
I knew him, with this situation at least, better than anyone else.
Even his own brother.
I knew his faint tells when he lied, and I knew how he reacted under pressure.
I knew when those smiles and laughter were fake.
I was so sure of these things and yet I was scared to trust even that anymore.
To trust the the things that I only knew as facts.
Because I could hear the truth in those days where she wasn't an issue.
If all of these things were true... If he really enjoyed those days with me where Layla was the last thing on anyone's mind then why did he just-
I tore the jar from my lips, quickly blinking yet again.
This lump in my throat felt like it was choking me.
Why did he push me away?!
Why did he just hand me over to her so easily!?
And now just pushing her back till after the ball.
I set the glass down, holding my arms and biting hard onto my bottom lip.
I could tell it was about to tremble, and I wasn't confident in my ability to reign it back.
I knew he was lying when he said that giving me to her after the ball was his initial plan.
After some time to calm down, that clarity came to me, despite the fear that now existed whenever it came to trusting his words.
And the irrational lingering fear that trusting his words caused now.
Why cant I feel anything but this?
This ache. This exhausting remorse.
The feeling that I've had something carved out of me and leaving nothing but an empty void where it had once been.
I wanted so badly to be angry, to have the ability to yell and scream.
To tear his ear off and lecture him till I was sure that he had gotten my message.
He deserved it. I'm sure even he knew that.
That used to be my default, yet now it was like it had run off and the agony I was feeling now was blinding me whenever I tried to find it again.
I didn't even necessarily want the anger, I just wanted something else.
Anything that wasn't what I was feeling now.
It just felt like the entirety of me had given up, and I didn't want to accept that.
I didn't know what to expect at this point, but I was tired.
Tired and scared and alone.
I thought on that for a moment, grip tightening on my arms.
I wanted my friend back...
But now I wasn't even sure if any of that was real.
If it was than he wouldn't have allowed any of that to happen.
Even if it was for the woman his instincts got him hooked on in the first place...
Even he even gave one shit then he wouldn't have tossed me to the side to die like that.
Like I was absolutely nothing to him.
Nothing but the thing that'll keep him in her good graces after the ball.
Where either she'll kill me, or we can have a repeat of this all over again.
I felt myself flinch once I heard the door open, eyes squeezing shut.
I had to take a moment to calm myself down.
He finally took her fingerprint out at least. I saw him do it after I patched up the mess she made in my shoulder.
My right hand gently drew up my arm as Xander's footsteps approached.
I kept my eyes shut just in case as I traced the bandage, feeling the dull sting come from it.
The sound on porcelain clanked against the coffee table as he set something down, followed my another softer one where I assume he took away the breakfast.
I waited for the sound of the door shutting and even more after that , waiting and listening for him to be far enough away.
Once I deemed his distance to be enough, my eyes opened, glancing just enough to see what was going to be waisted this time.
The knife dug even deeper into my body once I spotted the lava cake that he'd placed there.
Dammit.
This one felt different than the breakfast, lunch and dinner he'd been getting me.
This cake was only reserved for one thing.
He was asking to talk.
My stomach flipped at the thought.
At the thought of both eating something that I usually would never even imagine turning down, and facing him.
I dont think I wanted to hear what he could possibly have to say to me.
To hear whatever excuses he had, or to listen to whatever his new plan was that'll fall through and I'll end up paying the price for it.
I turned away, bringing the jar to my lips again.
I had wondered what was going through his head right now more than once, but could never dwell on it for long.
I couldn't even look at him to gauge the emotions on his face.
Then I had to remind myself that it wasn't my problem.
If he can shove me away like garbage, then I can not waste my thinking trying to pick at his brain right now.
I turned my head out the window again, leaning back with a deep sigh.
I was too tired for this.