- October 30th 1981 -
~ Mathilda POV ~
"I love you, I love you so so much," Sirius breathed into my face, placing sloppy kisses around my mouth. His hands slid down my waist, grabbing the hem of my panties and I lifted my hips, so that he could slide them down. He placed kisses on my neck, nipping and moving down to my cleavage, my breasts, swirling his tongue around the pebbled skin, further down to my midriff, before connecting his lips with mine again. His tongue met mine with every stroke, sending heat and tingles into every fiber of my body.
Curling my fingers around his belt, I pulled down his trousers and boxers, before he shoved them off his legs. He looked at me, those stunning grey eyes meeting my brown ones and both of us whispered "I love you" once more. He slowly moved into me, making me feel every glorious inch of him. My back arched of the bed while I dug my nails into his shoulders, his name rolling over my lips like a plea and promise at the same time.
It was true. Every I Love You was the whole entire truth. We loved each other endlessly. More than I could have ever imagined. More than I ever thought was possible. He was my world and my anchor, my fiancé.
I moaned at the feeling of him buried so deep inside of me, filling me so perfectly, slowly moving in and out. His thrusts were slow and deep – not rushed. He pulled out to the tip, thrusted back in to the hilt. I curled my legs behind his hips, rocking against him, my chest brushing his, our mouths connecting in deep and passionate kisses.
It was just us in that very moment. No one else. No war. No pain. No mourning. No death. Just the two of us. Head over heels in love with each other, breathing heavily, skin moving against skin.
For this moment I was able to forget everything around me. "Faster, please," I brought out, panting and he did as told, soon slamming himself to the hilt, hitting that one pleasurable spot over and over again. "Godrick, right there! It feels so good!"
The smile he gave me before kissing me again, was honest and genuine. He felt like I did. He could always forget about the war, about the pain. We both needed this distraction. We both deserved it.
We were both panting heavily, whimpering and moaning into each other when we reached our heights. His sweaty forehead dropped to mine while I cupped his face in my hands, grinning exaustedly.
The pure feeling of happiness and pleasure, I hadn't felt in so long, washed over me. Swept me under a wave of satisfaction and pure bliss.
It was there, the feeling of happiness, it was there. I felt tears dwell in my eyes, quickly sqeezing them shut und gasping loudly.
These were no tears of pain or sorrow, but tears of happiness.
For this moment I could be happy. I felt safe. I felt comfort. Comfort in Sirius' arms. He slowly pulled out and immediately tugged me against his heaving chest.
"I will never understand how you are able to make me feel so good," he hummed against the crown of my head, hands slowly stroking my arms.
"I love you, Sirius!"
With this feeling of happiness, this pure happiness that only he could make me feel, I drifted into a peaceful slumber which after such a long time was not interrupted by nightmares and panic attacks.
◇ ◇ ◇
"I'll prepare us breakfast," I heard Sirius whisper, when I slowly blinked my eyes open, feeling his lips brush against my shoulder.
"Mhm," was all I brought out, when I felt him get up and walk out of the door. After a few minutes I slipped into one of his shirts, buttoning up just some buttons and slipping into some fresh panties. I walked downstairs and the smell of eggs and bacon hit my nose. Once I stepped into the kitchen my stomach twisted and–
"Fuck. I need to—" I huffed running towards the bathroom and throwing up into the toilet. Ugh, just when I thought this rubbish had stopped. I could not continue like this. The constant nausea due to the war.
It felt like vomiting out my soul and Sirius quickly approached me, fisting my hair and crouching down next to me. This has become our ritual somehow.
"I thought this has stopped, huh?" he asked, more himself I guessed. Worry and pain laced his voice. With his other hand he rubbed soothing strokes to my back, whispering sweet somethings to me.
"I thought so too. I don't know maybe I...maybe I...maybe...I ... Wait a second. Oh my...shit...wait," I stammered, lifting myself up on the toilet seat. I quickly washed my mouth out then I looked at Sirius with a slightly panicked look. He stared back at me concerned, an irritated expression plastered on his face.
I quickly ripped the bathroom cabinet open.
Two packages of pads.
Untouched. Closed. Fuck.
I thought my period came so irregular because of the war, because of the stress the war put on me. But now—
"What is it?" Sirius stammered, approaching me and looking into the direction into which I was looking.
"Do you...Are you..Do you think you...are?" he stammered, his hand moving to my hipbone. "What day is it?" I breathed out, staring at the pads. "October 30th?"
"October 30th," I repeated.
It was due. Two weeks. It should have arrived two weeks ago.
"I think so," I breathed out, not knowing how I should react. My knees felt wobbly all of a sudden while my fingers started to tremble and tumbled forward, against the bathroom sink.
Pregnant.
The word hollowed through my completely empty mind. It bounced of the walls inside my head, dashin right to my heart, making it ache.
"I know you did not want a child during war and everything, but you have no idea how happy this makes me right now," Sirius breathed into my shoulder, before swirling me towards him. I smiled. A weak smile. A forced smile.
I was so unsure. Could I be happy?
"We have to make a test. I want certainty. I could be wrong," I huffed and he hugged me tightly. "I'll get you a test, you stay here. I'll be right back," he said, turning away and sprinting outside. Before I could say anything he was already out of the door. Honestly, Sirius?
I just stood there, staring a hole into the wall opposite to me.
Pregnant? Pregnant!
I was 20. Sirius would soon be 22. Just in a few days, actually. But parents now?
Well, not now.
In a few months. But still.
At least I was not 19, since my mum feared that I would get pregnant at 19...
◇ ◇ ◇
"Positive!" I beamed, all worry had vanished. We could do this. Would manage this. Sirius and I would manage that.
"Sirius, the second one is positive too!" I shouted running out of the bathroom. I did two tests one right after Sirius returned and one a few hours later. He quickly lifted me up, spinning me around.
"I cannot believe my luck. Just imagine it will be a boy and he can always play with Harry. Harry will be like his older brother. Or it will be a girl, and Harry can still be like an older brother to her. Or they start dating. And Prongs and me will be family! Like more family than we already are!" Sirius blabbered, while he carried me over to the couch.
I let out a loud chuckle escape. He laid me down on the couch and lifted the shirt so that he could place kisses on my belly.
"I know I have never really told you that, but for months I wanted nothing more than a child with you. Our own..... little..... family. And we will raise our children without prejudices. They will love.....and accept everyone the way they are.......No blood supremacy.....Just tolerance......and acceptance," he mumbled between kisses on my belly. "What do think it will be? Girl or boy?"
"Sirius, calm down a bit, please, this is overwhelming," I laughed out and he gave me a concerned look. "Sorry. Too much for the child?" he mumbled, placing another kiss on my belly, nearly at the hem of my panties.
"Too much for me," I chuckled and brushed through his locks. "And no, don't apologise, It is fine. Just slow down a bit," I hummed, massaging the top of his head to which he hummed, nodding.
"Well, I believe it is going to be a girl. And I hope she will gets your locks and your overall looks," I smiled at him.
"Absolutely not. She will be as beautiful as her mother. I hope she gets your eyes, nose, mouth," he said, placing kisses on the named body parts and I chuckled. "But your locks!" I insisted and he nodded.
"And I hope she gets my height, not that she has to be as tiny as you are! Otherwise I will be overrun by dwarves!" Sirius laughed loudly and I hit his shoulder playfully.
"What? Being tall has many benefits!"
"Being tiny, too! You idiot!" I laughed, pouting.
"And if it will be a boy, I also hope he gets your locks and looks," I then said and he just shook his head, before lying down on my chest, placing a hand on my belly. "Whatever they will look like, they will be beautiful," Sirius mumbled into my chest and I ran my fingers through his hair. "I mean with parents like us, how could they be ugly?"
I had to laugh out loudly. "Not arrogant at all, right?" "Not, at all!" he laughed and again I felt this pure feeling of happiness.
"I had some other thoughts about the future," Sirius suddenly said, after some time lying on the couch, "I thought that once the war is over we could maybe move away from here and get a house. Maybe close to your mother and grandfather. Build a house there for us, so we are close to our baby's grandparents and we would be out of the big city? What do you think?" I had tears in my eyes. This was basically all I ever dreamed about. I nodded, sniffling.
"And then you are maybe finally able to become a Herbologist or Magizoologist?" he then continued and I smiled. I was overwhelmed. I completely stopped talking about that for a year probably, but he remembered, still.
"That sounds amazing. You have no idea how much I am looking forward to that. Everything, I mean, the house, the baby and the job I actually wanted to do," I said, running my fingers over Sirius' face.
"It is such a shame, that I made Wormy Secret-Keeper. I want to tell Prongs so badly about the pregnancy, about us having a baby, too. Maybe I can convince Peter to tell me and then we can tell Prongs and Evans."
I chuckled a bit. "Yeah, that would be amazing. I need to tell mum and Britt and Emma! And Jesper." I sadly smiled, thinking about Marlene, Dorcas, Julie, Regulus. All those people we could not tell. Regulus would have been his or her only uncle. I quickly brushed the negative thoughts away, not wanting to cry again.
"Then do that, love. Write them a letter now," Sirius said, lifting himself of the couch and I got up, too. We stopped meeting people, only people from the Order we frequently saw. It was getting too dangerous, communication solely happened through letters and the patroni.
I sat down at the table and started writing, mum first. I was also going to write to my father, although I haven't heard from him in months, but still I wanted to tell him.
Tears of happiness fell onto the parchment, when I folded the letter for my mother.
"Love, I hope you know what that means for the future. No more Order missions for you and maybe I will also stay home for some time." I nodded, enthusiastically. "I will let Alastor know after the mission tomorrow! It will be my last mission tomorrow." Sirius smiled, kissing my head and I nodded, grabbing his hand tightly.
"And one more thing, I know my birthday is only in four days, but honestly this is the best birthday present one could have ever made me. Really. I still cannot believe it. I cannot not wait for our future, watching our child grow up," Sirius beamed, grinning brightly, pure happiness blocking out the grim and gloomy times from the past.
Everything was going to be good.
I had no idea how wrong I had been in that moment —that it would never come to that and how much my world would shatter in just a few hours. I wasn't prepared for what would happen in less than 24 hours. My life would never be the same again.
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I am honestly soooo sad wrtiting these chapters.