Short chapter aha. But early update, right?
Chapter 14
Never in my life have I ever considered this before, but today I felt like cheese. As I lay in my bed trying to find it in myself to relax, there were these holes in and out of me. I didn't know where they were— maybe they were just in my mind. They could've been in my soul, my heart or maybe it was some other part of me that was Swiss cheese.
I refused to leave my room and I can't say for how long. I stayed in bed constantly and whenever anyone came in to talk to me I ignored them. They couldn't help and they surely couldn't understand.
What hurt me the most was that he hadn't visited yet; I had yet to see Harry again and I began to hate him for it.
"I don't really expect you to speak, Laney, but you have to eat something," Perrie insisted. I didn't even glance at the plate she'd set on my nightstand and she stomped her foot with a groan. "I'm sorry, Laney. I'm sorry you're hurting and I'm sorry I can't possibly understand what you are going through, but you can't just shut everything out like this!"
I didn't say anything to her in response and she said something else. "Dani, can't you talk to her? Tell her about, you know...?"
There was more silence and then footsteps. The door sounded open and then shut. "Dani..." I heard Perrie sigh. "I'll be back later and you better have eaten."
I had thought that I was alone but there was someone left behind. "I know she sounds kind of pushy, but Perrie's just being Perrie," Eleanor laughed nervously. "She... when she cares, she cares with all she can."
I didn't turn my body around to face her and I didn't open my eyes either.
"Laney, I..." She took a long pause and then continued. "Maybe it's just me, but... I feel as though a part of this is... perhaps my fault... and... I just-." It became obvious she was crying as I could hear her voice's thickness and her sniffles. "I shouldn't have made you come downstairs to that stupid party," she cried. "And I am so deeply sorry. And-And I just needed you to know that," she finished. More sniffles followed. "Bye, Laney. I'll be back later to check on you." As always.
And then I was alone again.
Maybe it was because of the holes I had, but I couldn't feel. For a slightest second I felt bad and I wanted to tell her it wasn't her fault, but that went as soon as it came.
The door could be heard opening again and so I sighed. I chose to speak, saying in a scratchy voice, "I'm not hungry, Perrie." I placed a hand over my head as it began to ache, but I put it back down. I was going to ignore it; it would go away, eventually.
"You still need to eat."
The voice made my body stiffen and my eyes opened. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I-I don't want to."
I didn't turn around to see Harry even though I wanted to. How long has it been since I'd seen him or even simply been around him?
"Well, that's tough love for you, Laney, but you haven't eaten in nearly three days; now sit up and eat," he commanded.
I clenched my fists and I did sit up, dizzily so. I felt urged on by anger though as I turned to face him finally. His eyes were tough as steel, but I didn't let that discourage me. "Seriously?" He only blinked back at me and I shook my head. "After what happened to me you have the nerve to not talk to me for three days and make the first things you say to me about some fucking food?" I demanded.
"Watch your tongue, little girl," he growled and I pushed the covers off of me.
"Or what?" I screamed. "You think I'm scared of you still? No. I know what it's like, now, to really be afraid, to really be alone and it makes your little prison look like a god damn cozy cabin!" Tears were building up in my eyes as I shook from my emotions. "Where were you?" I asked him.
He looked down and said, "I hadn't known what was going on; I would've been-"
"No," I interrupted. "Not then when it was happening, but after." I sniffled. "Where were you, Harry?" All the pain and loneliness I'd bundled up in his absence revealed itself. I sobbed. "I was hurt and a-afraid and you," I wiped my face. "You turned your back on me. You avenged me as though that was what I wanted or what I needed."
"Laney-"
"But what I really needed was you! I couldn't have cared less what happened to him!"
He seemed to snap once again. "But I did! I made him suffer I punished him and gave him what he deserved," he tried to justify.
I shook my head and laughed. "You thought hurting him would heal me? It was me you should've been with! You hurt him, but you left me in pain which is just as bad." I grabbed my head as the dizziness increased but I held myself standing up and through the pain. The holes were closing up and it wasn't what I wanted because now my emotions were trapped inside of me and I felt it. I felt all of it and I hated it.
I was pulled against Harry and I thoughtlessly let myself grab onto him.
"I'm sorry, Lanaura, I'm so so sorry," he said. "I didn't want this; I didn't want this for you." He kept pressing kisses to my forehead while his thumb brushed back and forth over my arm. His hand held me to him and it was warm against my skin. "I won't leave you, next time, I swear that I won't."
My sobs stopped and my tears slowed. As I became whole again I became glad for it, because a lot of the despair had left. Now I was filled with what I think could be called love.
-
I had fallen asleep somewhere in between my crying and when I'd woken up I was happy to see that Harry was there for me. I smiled to myself when I opened my eyes and found myself cuddled on top of him. I held onto him and decided then that Harry was a lot like a teddy bear when he wanted to be.
"You're awake," he stated, rubbing his thumb along my arm.
I nodded. "How long was I out?" I asked. I glanced up at him and he pushed my hair out of my eyes.
He shrugged. "Not long." He tilted his head to the side and he brushed his finger across my chin. "How are you feeling?" His eyebrows were curved down on his jade eyes as he scoured my expression for a response.
I looked down and thought to myself for an honest answer. Only one word came to mind to express how I felt. "Better." My voice was gentle and when I looked up I smiled genuinely and nodded. "Just better." I shrugged and giggled, experiencing a strange swell of happiness.
He smiled, his dimple indenting as his eyes gleamed in satisfaction. "That's good." He nodded. "But I'm going to need you to eat already, young lady," he insisted.
My smile dropped and I rolled my eyes. I sighed in defeat. "Fine, fine." I held my hands up in mock surrender and then tried to sit up. "Just please stop calling me that," I asked silently.
He seemed to acknowledge my request with a settle wave of the hand. "Okay. Fine, I will."
I was reaching for the plate when I stopped and looked at Harry. "Harry?"
He raised his eyebrows. "Yes?"
My mind was reeling for some reason, but I held his hands in mine, looking him directly in the eyes. "Thank you," I graced. "For it all. Even... getting rid of him." I smiled gratefully and he nodded, pulling me into him for a hug. I held him just as tightly as I had earlier, glad to have him in this time of need. His arm rubbed into my back, but then it froze and pressed me to him tightly.
"But I'm still here."
My heart seemed to stop beating in that moment as breath escaped my lungs. I escaped the hug to face the rough hazel eyes of Jake. Fear iced me and my heart was no longer still as it raced in horror. I shook my head. "No. No, no, no. You're," I covered my face and squeezed my eyes shut. "You're not real," I said in a panic.
"Aren't I?" His hands moved up my legs and then grabbed me by my hips. "If I weren't I couldn't do this."
I found myself beneath him and it was happening all over again.
"Laney."
"Laney."
"Laney, wake up."
"God, you're so..."
Voices jumbled in my mind and all I could see was Jake's face and all I felt was pain.
"Let me go! Let me go!"
"Lanaura, wake up!"
It seemed to all suddenly stop and I blinked my eyes, opening them. Tears fell down my face and I felt fingers wiping them off. "H-H-Harry," I stuttered, sitting up and looking around for him. My head made sure to turn to every direction checking to find him.
"He's not here, okay, you can relax, now," he tried to comfort.
I shook my head fervently. "No. No, I can't relax, Harry." I bit my lip with anxiety shaking my bones. "You know why? Because he's still here, I-I can feel him haunting me, I can't do this," I cried, getting out of the bed. I felt hot and dirty. There wasn't enough soap in the world to wash away the lingering essence of him off of me. "He's all over me!" My hands brushed at my skin like they were trying to wipe off a spider.
"Laney, I know that it feels that way, but he is gone," he tried to tell me. He gripped me by my shoulders and I tried to remain calm, telling myself it was just Harry, but still I shook where I stood. "He's only here because you can't let go of him," he told me. "He's not holding onto you, but you are holding onto him, just let it go, okay?" he tried to comfort.
I shook my head with tears streaming from my eyes. Sobs shook me to my core as I whined in pain, no longer having the will to stay up. "It hurt so much," I remembered, lowering myself to the ground. "God, I hated it, Harry, I hated it, but I couldn't make it stop."
He joined me and said, "But it's over. It stopped. You are strong and this isn't chasing you, you just haven't stepped forward yet." His words rang in my ears and they kept circling in my head. I am strong. I can move on from this, because it can't hold me back. I just have to let it go.
"Is it really that simple?" I asked him quietly, meeting his eyes.
I don't know how, but for some reason there was something in his eyes that seemed so honest. They were raw and so positive when he said, "It can be." I closed my eyes and he murmured, "C'mere." He pressed my head into his neck and I held onto him.
I inhaled sharply. "Can I stay with you tonight?" I pleaded.
He nodded. "Of course you can, darling, of course," he comforted.
And that is how I had totally destroyed my independent slumber.
-
"I cry too much," I acknowledged out loud, throwing a ball at a basketball hoop. I mulled it over and since I was alone I rolled my eyes and altered my voice. "But that's okay, Laney, you've been through a lot, you deserve to cry." I caught the ball after I missed and then dribbled it. I set my mouth in a straight line and shook my head. "I deserve a life, because I don't have one." I tried to shoot again but missed. "And maybe some talent with this fucking sport."
"Why basketball?"
I picked up the ball and looked to where the voice came from. I saw Louis with his arms crossed over his chest, observing me. I shrugged. "You guys have a basketball and a hoop, so I thought why not?" I glanced down at the red tease and shook my head. "But I continue to suck at athleticism."
He made a face. "Is that word real?" he asked, moving towards me.
I scoffed. "Of course it is." I tossed the ball again and this time I didn't even go after it when it bounced off the hoop and rolled away without victory. "Like I said: I suck at it. And sadly you guys don't have cross word puzzles or sudoku books lying around."
He crinkled his nose. "Ew. Of course we don't. You like that kind of shit?"
I gave him a dry expression and he laughed, picking up the ball. "Okay. Sorry. You must be a..." He looked at me critically and I waited for him to say the n word, but he didn't. "You're smart, I'm guessing. Right?" Nerd, you mean.
I crossed my arms over my chest and sat down on a chair beneath a tree. "Not that it matters anyway with me trapped in here for the rest of eternity."
He tsked and shook his head. "Now you're being petty."
I snorted. "Hell yeah, I'm being petty." I looked around helplessly. "I have nothing to do! And save your suggestions, because I'm done with your little confidential homicidal mission crap," I insisted.
"I came out here to have a good time and I'm feeling so attacked right now," he said to me.
"Attacked?" I repeated incredulously.
He was smiling, almost on the verge of laughing but after a moment of taking in my expression he stopped. "It's like a term that's used for, you know, it was quite the trend for a while and I saw a chance and..." He trailed off and then waved his hand. "Forget it. Anyways, I was suggesting something better for you than basketball," he stated in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Oh, really?"
He nodded with an excited smirk. "Yes. I am going to teach you how to play soccer."
-
"I already told you that I suck at sports!" I sprawled out on the grass, tiredly, covered in sweat.
He must've begun standing over me since there was an abrupt shade over me. I peeked an eye open and he squatted down to look at me.
"No. You're just weak," he said quietly.
I sighed in slight irritation. "Yeah. Trust me: I know that." I got on my elbows lifting myself up and he handed me his hand, standing back up.
I grabbed his hand and as he brought me back to my feet he explained himself. "No, not in that way. You just need to build a little more muscle and a better metabolism." He ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back. "I've never done it before, but I'd love to personally train you." He smiled at me and wagged his eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes and stretched my back out. "You think that when I preached my boredom my idea of fun was getting involved in the thing I've avoided the most portion of my life?" I followed him back and being outside reminded me of just how big the place is. I couldn't help, but wonder how they kept the place clean.
"Now, now, now, don't be such a pessimist, Lanaura. You might discover that you're good at this stuff if you just try," he suggested.
I pretended to mull that over, but then I shook my head, still trying to catch my breath. "Or I might just die trying to catch that fucking ball!" While we "played" he kept kicking the ball so far I was constantly running after it. I noticed him roll his eyes at me and purse his lips sassily. "You know I couldn't even get one proper push up in on the test in PE? One?"
Louis proved his sensitivity (or lack thereof) by snickering at me. "You're kidding right?" I stopped walking and he did too, eventually. "You're not kidding?"
I groaned and he shook his head. "That's hilarious and pitiful." I hit him on the shoulder and he opened the door to let me inside. "I'm going to be your personal trainer. Actually, I might just get Liam and Harry to help out, because they are way more intimidating and buff then I am."
I whined. "No, no, please no. I do not need them to witness what a weakling I am, too," I pouted.
He rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay. We'll start training in about two weeks. I have a trip to get ready for."
"A trip?" I echoed.
He nodded with a frown. "Yeah. Harry hasn't told you yet?"
I stopped in confusion. "Told me what?" I breathed.
He made a face. "Oops. Never mind." He laughed and then rushed off upstairs and I followed him.
"Louis!" I called. I didn't know where he went because when I reached the top of the stairs the hall was empty. I crossed my arms over my chest in an angry pout. "I'll find out," I assured myself.
-
Ajkfbglkjsg sorry this chapter sucked. This might be boring to some of you, but right now I'm kind of trying to build Laney and Harry's relationship. Also idk why I brought Louis into this I just wanted something to add in. No questions once again, because y'all don't really answer them lol. Plus I should get to bed. Anyways please comment, vote, fan, and promote. I need to update my other stories already holy fuck. I might even update Cute Bad News and Belive. I'm going to try to I swear.
I love you guys. <3
Byeeeeeeee.
- Angie Bear