TEN FAMILIAR FACES STARED BACK at her from her copy of the Daily Prophet. Bile climbed up her throat, and she had to fight the urge to throw up the entire meal she had just finished eating.
"Celestia?"
"Celestia, what's wrong?"
"What is it, CeCe?"
"You look like you've seen a Dementor, are you alright?"
Her friends voices went in one ear and out the other. The ten faces staring up at her from the newspaper captivated all of her attention. Some of them were jeering; others looking insolent. Nine wizards, one witch.
It was that one witches face that had jumped at her the moment her owl dropped the Daily Prophet on her lap. She had long dark hair, that was unkempt and dishevelled. Though, that is not what had caught her eye. It was the woman's strong jaw, and upturned nose. It was her jaw and nose, one's she saw whenever she glanced in the mirror; reflected on this woman on her newspaper.
"Bellatrix escaped from Azkaban," croaked Celestia, her throat gone dry.
Draco's face blanched, his spoon dropping from his hand. The cousin's shared a look, the feeling of nausea building up slowly. Her head pounded, thoughts muddled.
Draco, who had been frozen from the news moments before, snatched the Daily Prophet out of her limp hands. He was muttering quietly, only loud enough for the small group to hear.
"Mass breakout... Ten prisoners... Outside help... Sirius Black..."
More people had finished their breakfast now, finally looking at their mail. Most prominently in other peoples hands was the Daily Prophet with the bold headline and photos jumping out on the front page.
MASS BREAKOUT FROM AZKABAN MINISTRY FEARS BLACK IS "RALLYING POINT" FOR OLD DEATH EATERS
People were reading it all across the hall, loud gasps and murmurs. Not many people got the prophet daily, but the few students who had were passing around their own copy as the news made its way down the gossip train.
Then it was happening again. Just like how it had been like in third year. The stares, the whispers, the accusations. They were all looking at her again. Hands covering their mouths, appalled and horrified glances.
Celestia stood up quickly, and if it weren't for all the other students sharing the bench, it would have toppled over by how fast she had risen. The vomit which she had been withholding from the news of her Aunt's escape was returning at full speed as more people turned to look at her.
The entire hall could be yelling at her or it could have been in complete silence, and she would not have known. It was too much. She could feel their stares on her skin like they were touches, blazing through her flesh and scratching at her bones. Her head was throbbing. She couldn't stay here as they stared, as they judged and assumed.
She was moving before her brain had caught up, trying not to draw more attention to herself than there already was. Bile was stretching up her throat, and she had to place a hand over her mouth so she would not retch in front of the entire school.
She pushed open the doors of the Great Hall, stumbling her way out of sight and into the Entrance Hall. She attempted to get outside before she spewed, but she could no longer hold it in. Pressing a hand to the cold stones of the wall, she doubled over as her entire breakfast came rushing out of her mouth.
Even once her entire breakfast had vacated her stomach, she stood their dry-heaving as tears welled up in her eyes; both from gagging, and from an incoming panic attack.
Blood was pounding in her ears, her heart ramming against her rib cage. Hands shaking, she lowered herself to the ground, ignoring the fact that she was sitting beside her own vomit. She had to calm down, she had to stop before she could not breathe.
More bile rose in her throat, even though she had nothing left to retch. Her chest was screaming in pain, it felt as if her heart was being ripped to shreds inside of her. She left like she was having a heart attack. At any moment, she feared it would burst.
There was a voice in her head, reminding her that she had been through this before, that she had survived before. All she needed to do was breathe.
She was trying to draw in breath, but she couldn't. Someone was clutching her throat, squeezing it tightly, refraining her from being able to breath. Her head was spinning as she gasped for breaths out of reach. Her lungs were aching, pleading, begging for her to ease their pain. The fingers curled around her neck, pressing harder.
But there was no one there, she was alone.
She had been through this before, she had survived. So, why did it feel like this was the end? Tears ran down her face as struggled. She had to be okay. But the fear, the panic, it was overwhelming. Screaming, yelling, wailing, roaring; too many thoughts, too many decisions, too many actions.
"Celeste, listen to me, I'm right here with you," called a voice, grasping at her hands. "I'm right here, darling. I need you to focus on me, alright?"
She knew that voice. She knew it better than the back of her hand. But she couldn't think. It was too much.
"Count down from ten with me," he said.
She gasped in a gulp of air as she responded, "I can't."
"To hell you can't," he cursed. "I've seen you brave so many things, Celestia, and I know you can do this. Put your head between your knees, and listen to me, okay?"
There was a pressure on her head, pushing it down to her knees. Real hands. Not the ones that had seized at her throat. She knew this touch, knew that it meant she was safe.
"I've got you. Count with me," he continued.
She clutched the hands that had been placed in hers as she counted. Her breathing came back, her heart slowing. The fingers intertwined with her own were full of rings, rings that she had bought Theo for Christmas.
She didn't raise her head, but she pulled him closer. Breathing in deeply, savouring each breath. It felt as if she had just crashed through the ocean surface, breathing air after you had just struggled to kick off the floor. She leaned her head on his shoulder, fiddling with the rings on his hands.
"I can't—They just—Bellatrix is—Everyone was—" stumbled Celestia.
"I know. Just breathe with me," said Theo, stroking her head.
Bellatrix Lestrange escaping Azkaban was bad enough. She had been a figure of Celestia's nightmares for years after she had learnt what her Aunt had done. Then, there were the nine other wizards she escaped with, all who were undoubtedly Death Eaters as well.
She would have been fine with that. Most likely she would have only battled with nausea, but she would have won. But it was the mention of her father that had pierced her straight through the heart.
Unlike the Ministry and every other wizard living in the United Kingdom, she knew that Sirius Black was innocent. She didn't care if the media painted him as the villain. Perhaps, he was her own villain; but not one that bore the Dark Mark. It was the looks she had received, the whispers that had begun.
It was becoming a repeat of third year. When her father had escaped, it was her that everyone looked at. It was her that they gossiped about.
Had she helped him escape? Was she harbouring him somewhere? Did she plan to help him? Would she follow in his footsteps? How far away was she from insanity like her father?
She was avoided like the plague, but that did not stop the comments behind hands. In third year, she had believed that she might be her father's target. That maybe he planned to kill her, or hurt her, or kidnap her. That he would steal her away from the only family she had ever known.
Her fears went neglected. No one would pity the daughter of a mass murderer, the daughter of a Voldemort follower, and to those who just wanted a reason to hate her, a Slytherin.
It had been her friends who had stuck by her two and a half years ago. Nothing and no one touched her for a whole year without going through them. When they had been forced to sleep in the Great Hall after the sighting in the school, the four of them had laid their sleeping bags around her, wands clutched in their hands in case Sirius jumped out from the shadows.
Those had been when her panic attacks began. She couldn't take all of the looks, murmurs, the insults, the attention. She had snapped, time and time again over that year. It had been them who had brought her back to earth, held her while her breathing returned and her tears subsided. Celestia loved attention, basked in it, but only when she could control it.
Third year had been full of rumours and gossip that she had no power over. If she broke down in public, it was considered her coming closer to the brink of insanity. If she yelled back at the remarks, she had the same angry homicidal tendencies as her father. If she stayed silent, she was considered sociopathic and remorseless.
It had been in fourth year when she claimed her power back. She bought the most extravagant clothes to distract them from last year. She flirted with the Veelas, and kissed many boys, and that of an occasional girl, to take the attention off of her father and onto her. She landed herself in detention for merciless pranks. She needed to be the focus. Not her father. She controlled how they saw her, and she conjured rumours after rumours that benefited her.
She wanted to be just Celestia Black. Not Celestia Black, daughter of Sirius Black who escaped Azkaban after murdering thirteen people. Not Celestia Black, cousin of Draco Malfoy whose parents pitifully took her in after her father's imprisonment. She controlled what they saw, and they saw everything. She basked in it.
Did you see the new dress she bought? She was only seen with Clair Delacour last week, but apparently she's taking someone else to the Yule Ball. Apparently she was sent the new line of Twilfitt and Tattings early, I wish I was so lucky. Did you see that Durmstrang boy she was with?
It was also that year that she learnt of her father's innocence. Harry Potter and Hermione Granger had cornered her and informed her about her father. She hadn't wanted to believe them at first, but she listened as they explained the full story. She had been furious at Harry for keeping her father's innocence from her for so long.
One time, shortly after Harry told her about her father, she had yelled at him in a secluded hallway. Everything about her situation was unfair. Lavender Brown happened to walk by, and since she was too far away to hear their conversation, believed it was a lovers quarrel; and that was the gossip that spread around Hogwarts.
That was the first moment that Celestia realised she could use both the media, and how people saw her to her advantage. She had milked the gossip. She complained and cried about how Harry was such an inconsiderate boyfriend. At one point, Rita Skeeter had interviewed her, to which Celestia talked about how Harry was a liar and asked someone else to the ball while they were supposedly together.
Oops. That may be why the media does not trust Harry much. Even if being tied to Harry in any way was horrendous, she controlled what everyone saw, and she got to watch as Harry went red in embarrassment; unable to contradict her without seeming like a denying arsehole.
She gained her power back in fourth year, no longer the daughter of mass-murderer Sirius Black, just Celestia. People forgot about the escapee who no longer seemed to pose a threat.
But that had all crashed down. The Ministry had blamed her father, and now everyone was looking at her again, blaming her again. She would be stared at, gossiped about, outcasted all over again solely because of the man she was related to. The man that didn't even care for her.
Maybe it would not be so bad if he acted like her father. If he treated her the same way he had treated Harry, perhaps all the accusations would not matter. But he didn't, and all the blame from what the Ministry said fell onto her.
"Let's get you down to the dungeons," said Theo softly. "I can't stand the smell of your vomit anymore."
She was fiddling with the rings on his fingers, but she let out a watery laugh as tears still absently fell down her face. Taking in a deep breath, she nodded.
Helping her rise, he placed a soft kiss of her head before walking with her back to the Slytherin common room. He had one hand placed on her lower back, drawing circles softly with his thumb.
Breakfast was coming to an end, and students were hurrying to make it to their first class of the day. They had arrived back from Christmas break only two days ago, and all that happiness had been short-lived.
Celestia attempted to dry away her tears, and reduce the puffiness of her face with the sleeve of her robe, but she only became more puffy. There weren't many people heading towards the dungeons this early in the morning, but Theo sent anyone near-by a glare that had them scurrying in the other direction.
"You're going be late to class," mumbled Celestia, pushing into his side slightly.
"Like I give a shit," said Theo.
"Well, I do. We have O.W.L.s coming up," she chastised.
Theodore uttered the password, opening the passage to the common room. Practically dragging her through the empty room, he led her to the wrong side of the room.
"My dorm is over—" began Celestia.
"Yeah, and I can't enter it to check in on you after classes. You can stay in Draco, Blaise and I's dorm room," interrupted Theo.
"But what if someone else walks in—" she argued.
He cut her off again. "If someone even goes near the room, I'll curse them into oblivion. Now, sleep."
He pushed her into the dorm room that he shared with Draco and Blaise, along with two other boys. Celestia had been in here a couple times before, mostly when the boys had overslept and they were running late. Theo shoved her towards his bed, sending a halfhearted glare at her.
"Sleep, or else," threatened Theo.
"Blah-Blah-Blah," mocked Celestia, but she fell backwards into the comfort of his bed.
"I'll be back at lunch with food. Don't leave," he said.
"Yeah, yeah," mumbled Celestia.
She pulled the duvet over herself, snuggling into Theo's bed. His scent wrapped around her, smoky but in a fireplace way, not a cigarette. She didn't plan to sleep, not yet anyways, but she felt safe and that is all she really needed right now.