Thursday, 10:13 PM
Felix angrily got out of the car and slammed the door of the passenger seat before finally entering their house, walking straight to his and Chan's shared room. The elder immediately followed his boyfriend to confront him and ask what is he being so furious about.
"Felix, seriously!?" Chan started.
"I told you not to fucking talk, Chan! What's so hard about it!? You should have just let her talk!" Felix angrily said.
"What!? So, you're mad about me standing up for you? What the fuck, Felix? What do you want me to do huh? Wha--"
"I want you to shut your fucking mouth! That simple! Just shut up!"
"She was bad mouthing you!"
"SO WHAT!?" The younger screamed, making them both shock by the sudden action. There was a few seconds of silence, a silence full of tension before Felix continued talking, "I asked you so nicely, you agreed, What did you do? What did you do, Christopher? Goddammit!"
Felix starts tearing up, he's so mad, he's so upset, embarrassed, and ashamed to what happened earlier in the Bang's residence.
They came to visit Chan's family to join them in celebrating Hannah's birthday. But just like the other days, Chan's mother kept commenting bad about Felix. Chan's first thought was to speak and stop his mother from talking badly about his boyfriend in front of everybody but it only got worse because his mother got angry and they gradually fought about Felix which caught a lot of attention from Hannah's guests.
"Felix, you know I can't stand her talking that way to you," now, Chan is worried. He made the younger upset.
"That's why I asked you if I'm even invited Christopher, but you keep insisting that I should be there. You know what? I'm just trying to fit in your family, I want them to like me, but what did you do? You should have just let her talk, I can bear with all of those bullshit. But now, I don't know! I'm so fucking ashamed to even be there ever again, all thanks to you and the drama you started!" Felix burst out. He was disappointed, he was so disappointed, of all people who would judge him, why the fuck does it have to be from his boyfriend's family? He was too embarrassed by the humiliation and attention they had gotten earlier at Hannah’s party. He knows that he ruined Hannah's supposed to be happy night and he's so ashamed of it.
"You know, I'm so fucking tired of your family. I'm tired of everything they are saying, I'm tired of your positive hopes that maybe, just maybe, if I keep showing up they'll eventually like me too. I'm so fucking tired of humiliation, Chan. And now, they might be thinking that I was just that hoe your mother is saying, that hopeless motherfucker keeps clinging to her son. Maybe she's right, maybe I'm not really the one, why not go ask that veterinarian out? He looks so fine and stable enough. He might be better than everything about me, anyway," Chan flinched. And here's Felix, bringing up the other male again. Chan never liked it whenever Felix mentions Minho just because he is jealous and this in not even the first time they'll be arguing about the said male.
"Stop, here you are again. This have nothing to do with Minho. Why would you bring him up again?" Chan irritatedly asked.
"Why not? He was mentioned earlier by your mother as well so why not? You were texting him, You keep talking about him, your mum likes him! So why not!?"
"What? You know that it's about Berry! Why the fuck are you thinking like that? You're making simple things complicated!"
"Every fucking night Chan! You're texting him every fucking night! What's so wrong with Berry that you have to message her damn veterinarian every fucking night?" Felix angrily said.
"Goddammit! I'm busy everyday, do you think I have the time to respond to him during work hours? What's wrong with you?" Chan frustratedly brushed his hand to his hair. This argument is making him so mad and it doesn't even make sense at all.
"Nice excuse," what made Chan even more irritated is when Felix sarcastically responded to him.
"Check the damn phone if you want, read everything! Every messages from him and from other people so you would know that all your conclusions are wrong and it's just your jealous ass. I'm not asking for anything else, I just want you to trust me, Felix. This is too much to handle you're being so childish, I'm slowly losing my shit because of your jealousy, it's tiring!" The couple become quiet. They are just standing with a big gap between them while shooting a glare to each other.
Chan watched the younger boy as he tries to stop his tears then suddenly laughed bitterly while brushing his hair using his fingers.
"You're tired? Are you?" Chan starts feeling nervous when the younger's facial expression turned blank, "Felix," the older sternly called out.
"Guess what, I'm tired too. If you're tired I'm much more tired, I'm burdened. All those negative comments, I can't take them all anymore. I just realised that I don't deserve to receive such humiliation for someone, I deserve better than this shit. I'm hurt, I'm stressed, I'm doing everything for your family to like and respect me just like how my family did to you, Bang fucking Chan. I'm sorry for being jealous because I'm afraid, I'm so scared to lose you yet here you are. I'm sorry, I was too jealous because maybe I'm upset you would choose a much successful, much educated, much good-looking guy than me. You're right, I'm childish. Maybe Minho is better like what your mum said. I am just some random guy you met online anyway," Chan remained looking at the younger, "stop that shit Felix," he sternly said but the younger didn't listen to him.
"Why not try chasing him, Chan? He might be better than this childish punk in front of you. You will not be having trouble with him since your mother likes him already, maybe it's just me who really want this relationship to last but I guess things are not that simple."
"Felix, stop talking like that," Chan slowly stepped closer to the younger and when they are standing in front of each other, Felix continued talking, "you're tired? I am too. Maybe this is the perfect time to take a break, what do you think?"
Chan's heart was beating so fast, he nervously stared in his boyfriend's unreadable eyes. His blank expression is making Chan scared, "baby," the older whispered. He lifted his hands to cup the younger's cheeks and wiped away all the tears pouring from his eyes, "don't say that okay? I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I wasn't thinking it just slipped my mouth, I'm sorry." Chan continued by Felix remained looking at him blankly before removing the older's hands on his face.
"I'm tired Chan, you are too. If this relationship gives you burden, we better stop this right now, right here."
"Please, don't say that we're just tired and mad hmm? What about we rest first and let's talk about this tomorrow once we already calmed?" Felix didn't respond but he turned his back to Chan and went to his drawer to get his wallet.
"Thanks for the night, hyung. I'm heading out," Felix starts walking out of their room to the front door. Chan followed him and tried to stop him by grabbing his wrist but the younger removed his hand.
"Felix, please don't do this c'mon. We can just talk you know, and overcome this together. I love you."
"I know, and I love you too Channie. But right now, I'm not sure if this will still work we both need space, we need a break so please, don't follow me," and that's when the younger went out of their house.
Chan was left alone in their house feeling hurt and dumbfounded, he shouldn't have talked back. If he didn't, Felix wouldn't be so mad. He blame himself for everything. It's his fault that the younger got tired and left with no clear assurance if they are still in a relationship or not, he doesn't know and the only thing he can do was to silently cry.
Felix walked slowly while crying going somewhere he don't know. He doesn't know where to go, he literally have nothing. Rachel, his older sister, is the only family he have in Korea but she's currently not in Seoul. Felix sighed, he stopped in an empty dog park in their neighbourhood and tried to calm first. His only option is Jisung because Jeongin and Hyunjin still lives with their families.
Felix made sure that he looks presentable first before going to his friend's apartment. He want to avoid being questioned so he need to go there presentable.
* * *
Friday, 8:30 AM
Jisung woke up because of the ambrosial smell coming from the kitchen of his house. He opened his eyes and looked at the time before going out of his room to check what's happening.
When he reached the kitchen he saw Felix cooking something.
"What are you cooking, Lix?" The freckled boy jumped out of surprise when someone spoke, "oh motherfucker!" He unconsciously said making the other to laugh.
"What the fuck, Ji! You surprised me," the younger whined.
"I cooked us a breakfast, your fridge is damn empty, asshole. You should get some groceries, lazy ass." Felix said while putting the pasta in a big plate and placed it on the table while Jisung followed.
"I don't have time for groceries I'm busy making money, you know. Also, I like the idea of pasta for breakfast," Felix proudly smiled to his friend and gave him a wink, "I'm craving for it so I made this for us."
"Thanks for the breakfast then," Jisung happily said.
They start savouring the food quietly, enjoying their little breakfast together until Felix spoke, "Ji, can I borrow some clothes for work?" Jisung gave his friend a suspicious look while munching his food.
"Why not, go home to prepare for work?" Jisung responded.
"I'm running late so just let me borrow yours," Felix gave Jisung a wide sweet smile to convince him but Jisung continued his suspicious gaze.
"Lix, you know, you're a bad liar. So, what's really the matter?" Jisung is worried, he's so worried because of how Felix is acting. He can't just point it out but he knows the the couple had an argument again. Jisung is expecting Felix to respond but the younger only giggled at him.
"You're funny! Why do you keep saying that something's wrong? I just want to sleep here and have a good bonding time with you, you're over reacting Jisungie~" the freckled boy once again, flashed a big smile to his friend and continued eating his food like nothing's really wrong.
Felix remained smiling although deep inside he wants to cry but he doesn't want his friend to worry, he can handle it. His emotions, he will keep it as long as he can because he don't want to be a burden to Jisung, he's already a burden to Chan and he doesn't want to do the same his friend.
"Felix, you're strange," Jisung is staring and Felix can feel it and it's slowly making Felix feel the pain he was feeling last night. He doesn't want Jisung to pity him because in the first place, he was the one who left Chan and asked for space, yet, he's also the one grieving silently.
"Nothing's strange you're just overthinking, let's just finish our food okay?" Felix remained smiling. Jisung is not convinced but he conclude that Felix is not ready to share the problem so he just nodded and never asked again.
* * *
AN: a sad Chanlix chapter, I'm sorry. ㅠㅂㅠ
Published:
2021.08.13