A/N: Hello my Lovely Lovies!!
So I guess this is who we are now? A Wednesday update? Lol. Better late than never. So as I've proven before, I love when things I write tie in to moment from earlier in the story. You'll find a few Easter eggs in here that reference earlier chapters.
Also, I was approached by someone asking to translate my story. If you would find a translated version easier for you, let me know what languages you'd like.
Without giving too much away before I even give you the story, Let's dive in! Grab a snack (My roommate made Bruschetta which I found Very tasty!) and a drink (Sparking water if you're not a fan of soft drinks) and lets get too it! Please remember to Vote, Like, Comment and tell me what you think!
~Elodie's POV~
I sat at the window that looked over the half mile of trees in front of Malfoy Manor. The way the green pine swayed in the breeze. The last few hours before the snow would begin to fall. Thick angry clouds tumbled in overhead. I pressed my cheek against the glass slightly, enjoying the way the cold barrier felt against my skin.
Part of me wondered, was the sky like this wherever Ruby was? Was it the same as wherever Fred was? Would snowflakes be resting on the shoulders of his winter coat, or would he be lighting a fire, reading a book or tinkering away with some strange object yet to be completed. I never thought I'd miss the sound of an ABBA record playing too loudly as he worked in the basement more.
Then again, perhaps he may have been alerted of the fire, and it was ashes falling from the sky above him. Watching the scene, unknowing what it was that caused such a destruction.
I was numb. I wanted it all to be over. But the only way that allowed me to see an end was only by seeing my own. Like a wave of sleep paralysis, seemingly never ending.
I wondered which guards would be on patrol tonight. Would it be Theo and Adrian? That would let me go outside so long as they trailed close behind. Or one of the Death Eaters, that would curse me for even trying to leave the front steps of the manor? Report me for whatever malfeasance they saw through their eyes.
Before I could summon the courage I needed to sneak downstairs to check, there was a quiet turn of the door knob to enter into the room. I shut my eyes, ready to brace myself for another request, or even a taunting row about how I was being a bad sport. But instead the door clicked again, and the scent of sweet berries and red wine danced towards me.
I looked up to find Narcissa standing a few feet in front of me with a neutral facial expression, that she tried to turn into a warming slime. She held out a hand, gesturing to the spot of the bench where my feet rested, wanting to take a seat in their place.
I curled my feet closer to my body, letting her take the space as I looked back out the window, examining what I was preoccupied looking at. Trying to pinpoint what held my attention.
"The Pucey boy won't be out there tonight," She said softly. "Neither will Theodore."
I lifted my face from the window, pulling the afgan closer to me. "They're the only ones that let me walk the grounds after dark. They don't protest or report me for aiding your garden either," I said and wrapped my hands around my knees, hugging them closer to my chest. "Your roses were dying. I couldn't stand to see the grounds keeper just rip them out and toss them when all they needed was a bit of managing."
"I understand why you feel angry with Draco," She said as we looked outside, watching the snow finally begin to fall. "He told me you saw?" She asked.
I didn't answer, instead I focused on the way the delicate flakes fell. Not even enough to create a light dusting over the grass yet.
"I hope you understand, with the choice of you being brought here, or kept closer to the dark lord, I like to believe that you'd prefer this. Your own room. Fresh, new clothing. A warm bed," She said, straightening her skirt to avoid the smallest wrinkle.
"I had all that. Before," I said before she could go on. "Why did you lie for me?" I asked hesitantly, unsure if I wanted to know the actual answer. "From the beginning, you've been covering the truth for me. You knew I had a child. Yet you convinced everyone that Fred and I never married, much less that we have a daughter. Why would you do that?"
She turned her body so that she was facing me as she placed a hand on my knee. "Mother to mother, I would never put your child in danger," She said, looking at me with a warm look that almost made everything feel better. "So long as my child is safe, yours will be too."
And almost as if she knew I had found comfort in her words, she reminded me once again of the truth of our situation. "None of us are safe. So long as He's the one in power," I said, finally looking up to hold her gaze. Watching as her expression proved to me that she knew I'd never be broken by their beliefs.
"Are these your beliefs? Or those of the family you were married into?" She asked me, a suspicious look on her face as she tried to analyze me like some sort of open book.
"Married into-" I said with a scoff. "Tell me, do you ever fight with your husband? With Lucious?" I asked, redirecting the conversation. Ignoring her archaic beliefs.
"We've had our differences," She answered, sounding well rehearsed, as if she was trying to convince me she was a stepford wife in a misogynistic sitcom. But all I saw was that it wasn't her true answer.
I shook my head at her. "No, that's not a real answer. See, Fred and I would fight. I'll admit it," I said, turning away from her to look down at the growing blanket of white fluff. Letting my mind peek inside that place I kept hidden away. "We knew each other's buttons, how to rile the other up. Sometimes it felt like he knew what would flip my switch better than I did." I looked down at my fingers, picking at the tiny pieces of dead skin gathered around my nail beds. "Being here now... I'd crucio myself into insanity, just to fight with him one more time."
I wiped a closed fist across my nose, dropping my knees and avoiding her eyes. I hated that I was crying in front of her. For all I knew, she could have decided at any moment that her allotment of kindness had reached its end.
"Do you know what being a Pureblood woman means?" She asked, her voice holding a certain tone of superiority to it, still, as she looked out at the same forming scene I was. I shook my head slightly, indulging her. "A Pureblood woman's role, is to serve. To serve her household, both that of her maiden name, and that of her married name. But she is nothing without an heir. A pureblood household doesn't care who we are beyond that. A mothers love, that is all we are allotted," She said, becoming stern at the end.
I looked at her, really looking at her. If looks could kill she'd have been dead five times over. "Then as a mother, I can promise you," I said, leaning forward slightly to hold her attention without even the slightest of variance. "If any harm should come to my family...no one will be left alive," I said, and fell back against the wall, turning to look at the cracks that had begun to appear in the glass.
We sat in silence for a moment. My eyes, avoiding her face while hers bore into mine. "Making threats, and outright refusing to do as you are told, that won't help your cause. If it's your family you're concerned for, then it's rather selfish," she said after another long moment.
"Hmm," I hummed, allowing her words to ring loudly in my mind as I leaned back into the window, healing the cracks. "You know, I'm not sure I know what to call it, but in the back of my mind, I always thought to myself, how selfish I was, to let him stay with me. To allow him to keep thinking he was in love with me. Because he's so much better than me, you know?" I said, and sat up, meeting her with a vulnerable softness. I released a long breath, pointed at the window so I could draw the silhouette of a figure in the frost. "He has this amazing family, and he's smart, and funny, and he always saw me. Even when I didn't want to be seen. But now, sitting here, wondering everyday, if he's dead or alive, I think... he loved me more... than I'll ever be able to comprehend. Because he let me go, when all he wanted to do was hold me close."
"It sounds like you love him very much. The both of you love each other in such equal ways," She said.
"No," I said, watching the way the clouds moved through the dark sky. "I could never have the courage to let him go."
There was a certain freeing nature to admitting the thought out loud. I wanted to believe that he would never understand how much I loved him. How easily I'd give my own life for his. What It meant, to want to give him the life he'd always envisioned for himself. Especially since I'd never envisioned it for myself.
Falling in love with him was easier than breathing. The most natural thing in the world, and he made it easy too. As opposed to me, who constantly made everything so hard, a fact he'd pointed out on several occasions. But what I'd always seen as doubt from his end, was actually reassurance.
And While the thought scared me to actually admit, I may have given everything up just to keep him longer. It wouldn't have mattered to me what it did to my soul, or my magic, or anything else for that matter. So long as he was alive and well.
She placed a hand gently on my knee, bringing me back to the present moment in which it was hard to tell whether she was with me or against me. Making her stance known, she raised her other hand, picking up the bag I'd arrived with and placing it in the space between us.
"Well, from the bottom of my heart, I truly hope you find your way back to him some day," She said in a low voice.
I kept my eyes fixed on her hands, taking in a shaking, sniffling, choking breath. "I can't go back," I said, feeling the way my words had freed me, only for them to torture me. "He doesn't know who I am anymore," I said, turning my head slightly, bringing my knees to my chest and resting my head in the dip.
"Then might I suggest, you either find the courage, or you find it within you to be patient. It is not yet your turn to die," She whispered, and rose to her feet to make her way back out of the room. "Never mistake meekness for weakness." And with her final piece of advice, she was gone.
There weren't many things I had to physically call my own anymore. The clothes I'd arrived in were thrown out, surely even burned for Bellatrix's amusement. My shoes, replaced with what seemed appropriate. I'd almost forgotten I'd even brought my never ending bag along with me.
I pulled it close to me, opening it and reaching in to find not only the necklace Fred had made and gifted to me a few Christmases prior. Not, I'd also found my wedding bands along with the ring Dumbledore had left me in his will. I closed my hand around the lot of them, bringing my closed fist to my lips and placing a kiss on my fingers.
I looked into the bag, not sure what else I had packed other than a few books and supplies, should I have a need to go on the run. But as soon as my fingers grazed the rectulaunger object, I knew what it was exactly.
The tiny muggle phone we'd all be given.
I pulled it out, looking at its face. Forcing the slightest bit of magic through to give it a full charge, but not more as to avoid frying it all together. I waited for the screen to light up watching an influx of missed calls begin to pour through.
Missed call: Fred Weasley
Missed call: Fred Weasley
Missed call: Remus Lupin
Missed call: Evans Mobile
Missed call: Fred Weasley
Missed call: Fred Weasley
Missed call: Evans Mobile
Missed call: Fred Weasley
Missed call: Fred Weasley
Over and over, he'd called day after day.
Petunia, I'd expected. But Fred, not so much. Granted, I knew him well enough to know the promise he'd made me at the wedding was a hard ask. And knowing him the way I did, I knew that lying to him wouldn't be enough to keep him away.
But Freddie.
My Freddie. He was supposed to keep a promise. Hard as it may be I needed to know that if things ended badly...
New messages: 5
The little box notified me that I had a voice message. Four from Petunia, and one from Fred. I listened to Petunia's calls, notifying me that all had gone well. That my precious babe had been settling into her new room better than expected.
It was all good and well. Reassuring me that as far as the tiny human I'd created was concerned, I'd done the right thing. I'd kept her safe, nearly the same as my own parents had kept me.
"Hey, it's me again," Fred's voice rang from the tiny box, sending a fire through my body. A fire that could never be replicated.
He's alive
He's safe
"Bugger, I needed to get away from everyone, so I'm calling you from the yard," he said, a slight pant in his voice. His breathing uneven, had they not wanted him to call? If he had finally decided to leave a message, I could only assume that Bill had finally told him the truth.
"Uh, I know it's probably too late to be calling, but then again I don't know where you are, not for certain at least." There was static on the other end, lacing his words to sound more distant than they appeared.
"And uh... I know I said I wouldn't call you again..." his voice stiffened, and I felt my heart ache, knowing I'd caused him this pain.
"But I lied... again. So, you probably don't want to talk to me but um... I was just calling to say that.... That I miss you."
Pain.
It felt like my heart had been ripped clean out of my chest, and I could feel the way the culprit kept stabbing at it just to see if it would still bleed.
He took in a breath through his nose, revealing a sniffle. The audible sings that if he wasn't already crying, he was on the brink. "See I can't really bring myself to think straight since you left, I can't even talk to anyone. Not really. Not like I do with you."
I felt my fingers come up to my lips, holding in my own cry as I shut my eyes, banishing the tears from where they rested in the corners of my eyes.
"I just... I just need to know you're safe," He said stearly. As if he was ordering the ghost he was speaking into to tell him all that it knew. As if he was expecting the voice recording to give him an answer.
He let out a subtle cough, and I could see it. The way he must have been pacing in the yard. Letting the cough out to allow him the chance to catch a normal breath. Pinching the bridge of his nose as his brows furrowed.
"Yeah, um... I don't really know what to say, other than I miss you, and I love you," he took another breath. His voice straining, as if he was clenching his jaw. "I really love you Elodie. And I want you to come back home... Just come back to me, love, please."
And it burned.
If ever asked, I couldn't particularly say what happened once the line ended. But the next thing I knew, all the clothes from the wardrobe were scattered across the hardwood floor. The bedding was dangling from the ceiling, and the phone crumbled to pieces in front of the fireplace.
Turn it off...
I heaved from where I was sitting amongst the mess. My hair falling out of place around my head. The pounding in my chest made it feel as though I were on the brink of having a heart attack. The heaviness of my limbs, making it feel as though I'd never rise again.
Turn it off...
But I didn't deserve to not feel. I needed to feel everything. Because if I didn't, then who was I? Who was I really?
Sleep now...
Join us...
Turn it off...
And as I shut my eyes, I found myself in a place that wasn't completely asleep. But also not completely awake. A dream like state, filled with fuzzy noise and tinted light. Looking at myself as I sat there. Looking at myself through another pair of eyes. Looking at myself through my own eyes.
"Well, well, well," A familiar voice behind me said. "Look who's finally ready to play with the big girls." It was Lillith, standing as I'd seen her before. Drenched in warm golden jewels as her red hair cascaded around her.
"Astral projection. You led me to the book that explained how to do it," I said back wittily.
"She's a smart one. Give the girl some credit Lilith," Gaia said, always superior. As she was meant to be. "What is it you seek, sister?" she asked, reaching down to lift my chin up. I felt her fingers against my skin. I'd never felt their touch before.
"I want to sleep. I want to do the things they ask, and not worry about what I'm doing," I said, making the choice. Choosing wrong, surely, but finally making a choice.
"Turning off one's own humanity is a serious fate. There's no guarantee it'll come back. Only you can do that," Entrantress said, moving close to me, almost as if she were sniffing me from my hip to my chin.
I looked at each of them. The way they all held the same look in their eyes as I felt inside. "I'm already dead. I won't need to turn it back on once I've completed what I've promised you," I admitted. Assuring them, that I would die if that's what it took to kill Voldemort.
They looked amongst each other. Speaking volumes with their eyes. Speculating just how serious I was. But they were inside of me. They were a part of me.
They knew the truth.
"Very well," Gaia said, lifting her hands. Holding them palm side up for the others to do the same. Waiting for all the other ancient witches to appear and do the same. All in agreement, that it had to be done.
"Take care of her Arty," Lilith said, looking behind me at the true form, before at my feet, Cat materialized. "And so it is."
"And so it is."
"And so it is."
They all began repeating. Sending flakes of dark red and black ash and energy my way. Circling around me like a tornado. Touching my fingertips, soaking in through my core. It was the power that I always craved. It was the monster that had been tucked away. It was everything I thought was missing.
"And so it is," I whispered, opening my eyes. Seeing only the room, put back together. As if they were never even here. They never had been, not really.
Back together as if earring his voice on the phone hadn't sent me into a rage. It hadn't really. Because if anyone asked, I'd been alone in my room all night. I'd last seen Narcissa at supper. And I had no knowledge of what a muggle phone was.
At my side, Cat pressed his face into my hip. Moving so my hand would maneuver to pet him after spending so much time apart. Cat. Arty. I'd seen his true form.
"Arty? Really?" I asked.