KLARISE'S HEALTH WAS DECLINING BY time. The doctors tried everything to make the pain better, but it seemed like each breath she took hurts. Each movement uses all her strength that by the time she accomplishes it, she's too tired to do more.
Soon, it was too painful for her to walk. We had to put her in a wheelchair.
No Oceans. No Paris. No Philippines. One by one, I had to shatter her last wishes. One by one, I lost the strength she needed.
But I couldn't just give up. I wanted so badly to rest, to just give in, let life take things into its action. But I always realize: She needs me more than ever. Cameron's dead, Mason is a different person. I'm the only one she has now. If I'm not here for her, who will?
"It's a dangerous option. Are you sure?"
I raise my chin high to meet the doctor's eyes. Klarise is asleep in her wheelchair by me. She fell asleep often these days, anywhere and anytime. She was always tired.
"Yes. It's one of her last wishes and I'd like to do whatever it takes."
The doctor sighs as if he knew he had no power in my decision. "Alright then, but just know that the medicals there might not be as efficient that way. Do you understand that?"
I nodded, determined. This was the least I could do. If she was going to die, I knew my Klarise. She wouldn't want to be taking her last breath in a hospital bed, a place Cameron had died in. Cameron also wouldn't have wanted to die here.
"I understand the risks. Please acknowledge that this is very important to me." I turned to see her peaceful sleeping face. Her hair has fallen so much, and yet she was the prettiest she has ever been. I love her. "To us."
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"What are we packing for? Where are we going?"
I zipped up the last suitcase of clothes and rubbed off the dust from my hands. I turn my back around and smile at Klarise who stared at me with curiosity.
"You don't want to spend the rest of your days here in this boring hospital, I assume."
Her eyes are lined down and have crow-feet; her face tired. Her eyes try to hold up the look of interest but I knew in about ten minutes she'll fall asleep.
"Right...so we're leaving here?"
I nodded, walking over to her where she sat up in her bed. I cuddle close to her and wrap my arms around her. She giggles.
"Yeah. We're gonna go to Hawaii. Molokai to be more specific."
Her eyes enlarge. She wiggles loose a little from my embrace. "You know that I want to but...look at me now. I'm half bald. I'm ugly. My voice is raspy. I sleep all the time and when I wake up I eat and then go back to sleep just to wake up and eat again. I lose track of time easily that last week felt like yesterday. I need help going everywhere, including the bathroom. The nurses and you never leave my side, and I'm even dragging the bright future my brother has away." She blinked it away real fast, but I saw the tears well up.
I sighed, bringing her closer to me. I know that she's always cold, even when there's a heater and spring is approaching.
"You know that I love you no matter any of these things, right?"
She doesn't respond. She stares off toward the wall behind me.
"Klarise, look at me." I hold both her cheeks, turning them to face me. She has no choice but to look into my eyes, which are unsure and filled with sadness and a loss of hope. It breaks my heart to see that look, the pressure added on that I need to be the one with the hope and energy. "You are my everything. You're the only one I have left, and I want the best for you. Do you hear me? This means that we're going to a peaceful island in Hawaii where no one will disturb us because that's what you want."
"But—"
"Nothing about the way you are right now matters. You can't walk? I'll carry you. You lose track of time? I'll keep track of it for the both of us. You need help going everywhere? So what? I won't judge you, and if anyone will judge you, I'll punch the crap out of them."
Through a sad face, she smiles. "You'll seriously do that for me?"
I nodded, serious. "Yeah, so no worries about what people think because they won't dare."
She takes a deep breath. She looks a little past me, then back. "I don't know, Maeve. This sounds really reckless. You know my health is..."
I immediately leap in. "I already have all of that sorted out. I'll hire the best medical team near where we'll be staying. You don't have to worry about anything."
"You've really planned it all out so I can't object, huh?"
"I know you too well."
"You really do." She opens her arms, and I take the sign of embrace and squiggle into her blanket. We hold each other. "Fine, I guess we're going to Hawaii. Which part of Hawaii is Molokai even in?"
I pull out my phone and start showing her pictures of the beautiful island and beaches, my lips jumping into actions of full description and talk.
"Wow, that's really pretty," she says.
I nodded in agreement, her head resting on my shoulder. "We'll be there soon."
Klarise kissed me on the cheek and fell asleep.