tw: violence
December 26, 1977
12:59 am
Potter Manor
"AND YOU LET HER JUST LEAVE?!" Euphemia shouted, one of the very few times she had ever raised her voice with Sirius when she wasn't teasing. "AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHERE SHE IS NOW?!"
"I DIDN'T JUST LET HER LEAVE!" Sirius yelled back, and Fleamont's eyes narrowed. "I TRIED TO MAKE HER STAY, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GOING TO PHYSICALLY FORCE HER TO-"
"Already broke her damn finger by grabbing her hand too hard," James muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. "Wouldn't be too shocking-"
"YOU DID WHAT?!" Mia yelled, gaze darting across all three men in the room before it settled firmly on Sirius. "IS THAT SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE-"
"IT WAS AN COMPLETE ACCIDENT!" Black shouted, glaring at James, who just looked away. "I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT HER AT ALL, AND I FEEL AWFUL ABOUT IT, HONESTLY."
"We're going to talk about that later when you've calmed down and we figure out if she's safe,'' Euphemia said in a warning tone, then turning away from Sirius. "Do we have any idea where she could have gone?"
"I dunno, I mean, you seem to know more than we do," James said. "Where did you and Regulus go? What was that piece of paper? I saw you recognize it, so please don't say or act like you didn't. What's going on here?"
Euphemia sighed deeply, rubbing her forehead. She knew there was no point in denying it.
They were two very smart boys, they would figure it out eventually. She would rather the blow come simply and clean from her rather than messily and painful from multiple sources that might lead them astray.
"You know that secretive mission with the spy I mentioned earlier tonight?" she asked, and they both nodded. "Well, apparently that spy was Anneliese."
James and Sirius both stared blankly at her for a solid ten seconds before their minds started to actually process her words.
"But.. she's not a part of the Order," James said slowly, rubbing his head in an identical motion to his mother moments earlier. "So.. no. They can't just force her to do that, not A. They'd have to have like.. like kidnapped her or something- oh. Oh shit."
"Wait, let me get this straight," Sirius said, blinking several times. "Anneliese went down to the Black Lake, was literally kidnapped by the Order, decided to stay and do the mission, somehow infiltrated a pureblood ball based on what she and Reggie were wearing, was stabbed by Bellatrix, then managed to save my brother too? And get the information?"
There were a few moments of silence while Euphemia turned these words over in her head.
"Yes," she said simply with a nod. "Yes, that seems to cover the basic picture."
Black sat down heavily on a barstool at the kitchen island, propping his elbows up on the wood countertop and holding his head in his hands while he tried to process this.
"Can we just get back to where she is?" James asked, adjusting his glasses out of nervous habit. "That's just a lot of information that I don't feel like going through right now. Or ever."
"She said something about going back to people who cared about her," Sirius said, looking back up and resting his chin on his split knuckles from punching the mirror. "So she thinks the people who kidnapped her care about her. Lovely."
"There are dozens of good members of the Order," Fleamont said, and Euphemia nodded in agreement. "I'm sure that she's in very safe hands with whoever was chosen to take her in, especially if she wanted to get back to them."
"Not as safe as she would be here," Sirius muttered, eyeing the liquor cabinet. "I'm going to go to sleep. It's been a long night."
James bit down on the inside of his cheek as he watched Black leave.
"I'm worried about Sirius," he said once he was out of earshot, voice low and truthful. "Bad."
Euphemia and Fleamont exchanged a glance before he placed a hand on James's shoulder, squeezing tightly. Fleamont didn't know what to say for the moment, just knew that now was one of the times where he couldn't do anything anymore.
It was Sirius's place to make decisions now, and he just hoped they would be the right ones.
"I have to head out," Euphemia said, and Fleamont nodded. "Regulus."
"Make sure he knows he's welcome," James said softly, and Mia smiled. "He deserves a place here just as much as Sirius, no matter what he did in the past. He made his choice now, and we're some of the only people who support him."
"I'll be sure of that, love," Euphemia said, kissing him on the forehead. "I'll be right back."
December 26, 1977
1:01 am
The Leaky Cauldron
Regulus sighed deeply as he ran his hands over his face, staring at himself in the mirror and leaning forward to more closely examine his features.
Grey eyes, black hair, high cheekbones. How could he so easily give up on his family that his face represented, the heritage and blood he embodied and had been taught to be proud of?
You had to give up, he told himself with narrowed eyes. Things have been going downhill for you since the second you sent that letter to Ollivander's warning Anneliese to be more careful. You made your decision then, even if you didn't realize it. You can't turn back.
Regulus looked down at his bare arm, at the Dark Mark resting on his skin.
Sirius was right, he thought begrudgingly. This was stupid. I shouldn't have let myself get this deep. I should have backed out earlier before it came to this. I should have made Sirius take me with him. I should have gone to Dumbledore. Anything but this.
Several horrors flashed through his mind, each worse than the last.
He himself calling people mudbloods, looking down upon everyone else because they weren't purebloods, hurting them without care and full of pride. Being forced to watch as Voldemort tortured an Order member and then killed them. Anneliese's neck covered in bruises.
He turned on the water, cupping his hands and dousing his face in the freezing liquid. A shudder went through his body, at the temperature and his thoughts.
There was no turning back now, he knew that. But god, he wished that he didn't have to pick a side like this.
Black looked up as a knock sounded on the door, front curl of hair still dripping water.
He grabbed his wand off the counter immediately and stood behind the door, pulling the handle open so that he was hiding behind it and could have the element of surprise on whoever was coming in if he needed to.
It was a technique he had learned from Sirius to employ when their parents were drunk.
"Regulus?" Euphemia asked, confused why she couldn't see anyone when the door had just been opened and unlocked for her. "Are you here?"
Black sighed in relief that it wasn't someone coming after him on behalf of his parents or Orion or Walburga themselves, and tucked his wand into his waistband and shut the door behind her.
"I'm here," he said, and Euphemia startled slightly. "What is it?"
It was clear from his tone that Regulus really didn't want her here much either. While he was grateful for Anneliese bringing him to Potter Manor, he still wasn't very comfortable with anyone who lived there.
He was just morally obliged to let her stay because she was the one paying for the room.
Euphemia saw this in his expression, and straightened her shoulders. This was her first visit to him, and she didn't plan on staying any longer than necessary to make sure he was okay for the boy's own comfort.
"I've come to make sure that you're healed," she said, and Regulus's expression hardened. "I know that you're very good at disguising injuries, Regulus. Sirius was too when he first arrived, still is. But just as I did for him, that's not happening on my watch."
Black's eyebrows furrowed, waiting for her to go further. He didn't plan on just breaking down in front of her and telling her everything that was wrong in an instant.
"The bruises on your arms," Euphemia said as she scanned his torso covered in just a tank top that he had worn under his ball clothes, pulling a small jar from her pocket. "May I?"
Regulus's eyes flitted to the windows and door. This didn't seem like a trick.
Silently, he sat down on the edge of the bed. Gratitude flooded Euphemia. Even though she knew this boy didn't fully trust her yet, it was a step in the right direction.
She gently took one of his wrists and held up his arm so that she could dab the bright purple paste on more easily, not even flinching as she saw his Dark Mark. Euphemia knew he didn't want it anymore either, so she pushed it aside.
Regulus stiffened at her touch, and then winced as the cream burned white hot for a moment. But a split second later when she wiped it off, the bruise had faded.
"Are there any more?" Euphemia asked after doing his arms, and Regulus nodded. "Show me."
Black took off his shirt, and Mia's heart broke.
It took the better part of an hour for her to perform the whole process of the spell and application on all of the bruises, and neither one of them said a word until she was as satisfied as she could be.
"I know you may not want to come to our house," Euphemia said softly as she tucked the jar back into her pocket. "But you are always welcome to it. Take care, love."
Regulus simply nodded, and she shut the door behind her.
Black tugged back on his shirt and locked the door, going back into his tiny bathroom to more carefully examine the healed spots. He traced his fingers over the paler skin, the patches still yellow, wondering what to do now.
He was exhausted, and the bed was calling to him to get some much needed rest. Regulus stepped out of the doorway with an enormous, stretching yawn, only to find that his room was no longer empty.
His wand was pointed at Dumbledore faster than he even had time to startle.
Infuriatingly, the old man remained calm.
"I sense that you have had a change of heart, Regulus," Dumbledore said, looking at his Dark Mark and patting the room on the bed by him.
Regulus didn't lower his wand.
"Please, have a seat."
December 29, 1977
6:34 am
The Burrow
"Did you really think I would be fooled by a memory charm?"
Anneliese gasped in pain as his hand wrapped around her throat and slammed her against the wall, cold eyes roaming all over Sirius's Abbey Road shirt.
"Black's, is it?" Malfoy asked, sliding his hand under the hem as Anneliese writhed and sobbed for him to get away from her. "Where is he now? Not here to protect you, is he? Does he even care enough?"
"Of course he does," she sobbed as his hand went higher. "Of course."
Lucius's other hand grabbed her wrist, tracing his fingertips over the knuckle Sirius had popped out of place. He narrowed his eyes, looking at the area for a few seconds before turning his gaze back to Anneliese.
Malfoy moved his face closer to hers, but the wall prevented Callaway from escaping. His breath was hot against her lips when he whispered, and Anneliese's shoulders shook as his grip got tighter on her neck.
"Well, obviously not enough."
Anneliese's eyes flew open as she sat straight up, entire body shaking. The nightmare's visions were gone, but the feelings were still there and as vivid as ever.
She blinked a few times, regathering her surroundings, what was real right now.
She was lying on the Burrow's couch, where she had been sleeping ever since the night she got back. She had been put on bed rest by every single person there, and they all refused to let her walk up the stairs or apparate to the attic where she had previously been staying.
"You need to keep up your strength," Molly had told her. "Those stairs aren't going to do anything to help you, and you're going to splinch yourself if you apparate again."
Callaway propped herself up on her elbows, looking down her shirt at the bandage that she had exchanged with the help of Andy yesterday.
It was still clean and fresh, stitches persevering. She knew she would have to remove them eventually, but James's work was like a security blanket for now.
The more Anneliese thought about it, the more she realized that if things hadn't happened the exact way they did that night, she would have died. If James's hands had been less steady, if Mia was less of a quick thinker, if Sirius..
Well, he was emotional support, Anneliese thought, pushing away her dream. That counts- wait, he got the corset off. That helped.
Gritting her teeth, Callaway sat all the way up, looking at the mess of blankets and pillows on the other end of the couch where Fabian had spent the last night as well.
Prewett curled his legs to his chest when he slept so that they didn't touch Anneliese, always respectfully only taking up his half of the couch and never wandering onto her cushion.
Anneliese forced her legs out from under the blankets, not wanting to go back to sleep in the fear that more nightmares would follow her there. The rug was warm underneath her feet, and she curled her toes into it for a few moments before standing up fully.
"Morning," Fabian said from the kitchen as she wandered in. "You're up early."
"So are you," Anneliese said, opening a cabinet with her left hand instead of her right so that it didn't hurt her side. "You know, I might just start writing with my left hand so that this damn thing can heal already."
"What about quidditch?" Fabian asked, pouring her mug full of hot water. "Are you still going to play? I don't think James would believe you if you said you were stabbed."
Anneliese smiled sourly. She doubted James would ever let her onto the field again after sewing her up himself.
"I already dropped off the team at the end of last year," she sighed, and Fabian nodded with memory. "I don't think people would be too pleased with me if I did that again. Still three days until I have to go back, then even longer until a match. I'll be fine."
"Just don't get hit by a bludger," Fabian teased, and Anneliese rolled her eyes. "Wait- probably not the best joke to make after your shoulder- sorry-"
"No, no, you're fine," she said, catching her reflection in the window. "It's fine."
Callaway frowned as she looked at her marked neck and splotched wrists. They were still bruised and purple and ugly in her eyes. She couldn't wait until she could go to Pomfrey and get rid of them.
Fabian looked over his shoulder to see if she would say something else, and then did a tiny double take when he saw her frown as she turned away from the window.
His eyes grazed over her bruises, but he didn't say anything.
"So, are we all going to the station to see you off?" Prewett asked, selecting a teabag from the cabinet as he turned his back to her again. "Or would you rather go alone-"
"She is not going alone," a voice from the stairs said, and they both turned to see Andromeda holding Dora as she came down the stairs. "That's just basic protection and common sense. The quicker she gets on the Express, the better."
"I'm coming!" Charlie squealed, nearly tripping down the stairs if Gideon hadn't caught him. "I'm coming to the station. I can't wait until I can go to Hogwarts, it's going to be so fun, and I'm going to be a Seeker like A, and-"
"Woah, slow down there buddy," Gideon said with a grin as he looked at Anneliese and Fabian. "Just try and make it down the stairs without falling first."
The kitchen moved into chaos as the Weasleys, Prewetts, and Tonks' flooded the room, all in various stages of alertness and dress. Molly still had hair curlers in, and Arthur was in his bright orange pajama pants that clashed with his hair.
Anneliese launched into an animated conversation with Ted while she let Charlie trace her skeleton tattooed hand, sipping from her mug with a wide smile.
Fabian didn't understand how anyone could hurt her.
How can someone be that perfect? he thought as he watched her tilt her head back and laugh loudly, making the bruises on her neck more visible. How could someone ever lay a hand on her?
Prewett didn't want her to leave, but Anneliese did.
She was getting restless in this house. Things were too simple and too stable and too easy here, which had been a nice, steady fact to rely on for a little bit.
But now, she was craving a thrill again.
Not the kind of sickening thrill of getting stabbed and almost killed, but the kind that sent a powerful storm of butterflies through her stomach, the excited lurch of not knowing what was going to happen next but knowing he was going to be there.
The gentle, soft fluttering of Fabian Prewett was different from the strong, warm love of Sirius Black.
It had taken her a month, a dagger, and too much alone time to realize that.
January 1, 1978
10:56 am
The Burrow
Every single piece of evidence that Anneliese Callaway had ever set foot in the Burrow was gone.
The attic was thoroughly scrubbed and cleaned, all clothes belonging to Fabian were promptly returned, the drawings Charlie, Bill, and Dora had done with her taken down from the fridge and stowed away in a locked drawer.
They couldn't take any risks, no matter how painful it was.
Andromeda had lent Anneliese some clothes from before she was pregnant along with a bag thrown over her shoulder that contained Sirius's jacket, pants, and shirt, her black dress, her heels, and the picture of her, Fabian, and Charlie.
Now, she was standing in the kitchen with a sobbing Charlie that refused to let go of her leg.
"It's okay, sweetheart, really," she said soothingly, gently prying him away. "Just keep holding onto that stuffed animal dragon, alright? You can think of me whenever you hug it, or whenever you just think of dragons. I love you loads."
"I love you eighty," he sobbed, and Molly scooped him up in her arms. "Bye bye, A."
"Bye," she whispered, blowing him a kiss as his mother took him out of the room before he became too distressed. "Lord, I'm gonna miss that kid."
"He'll miss you, too," Fabian said as he leaned against the wall by Gideon. "We all will."
Anneliese smiled softly, giving each of the twins a hug.
"Oh, I nearly forgot," Callaway said as a thought suddenly occurred to her, holding Fabian's knife in her palm. "I believe this belongs to you."
"You can keep it," Prewett said, and Anneliese's brows raised in surprise. "At the rate your life is going, you're going to need it much more than me. It's useless for me to just keep lying around in a drawer here, really."
Callaway tucked the blade into a small pouch of the bag.
"Shit!" Andromeda cried, checking her watch as she tripped over an umbrella stand and stumbled into the room. "The train leaves in three minutes. Everyone said their goodbyes? Good, let's go- shit-"
Anneliese gave Fabian one last wave, which he returned sadly. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn't.
And then they were gone to the entrance of Platform 9 ¾, where Leo was deciding he wasn't going to set foot onto that damned train until Anneliese got here.
He was sitting on top of his duffel bag with his brown leather jacket pulled tightly around him, anxiously smoking a cigarette and waiting for her to appear. There was a sickening feeling that went through him every few seconds that said she just wasn't going to show up.
Anderson watched as the crowds went by, slowly thinning out as the train loaded more and more people onto it and families said their teary departures.
He checked his watch as his foot started to tap again. When he looked up, there she was.
Anneliese was wearing a long sleeved, white, skin tight turtleneck with a sleeveless baggy v neck sweater over it and jeans. Andromeda and she had chosen this outfit very carefully so that neither her bruises nor bandagings were visible.
She was walking fast, so fast that her loose, blonde hair was blowing away from her face slightly. Leo noticed there was a small difference in how she was walking, more of her weight on her left side than right.
He also noticed that there was a woman he had never seen in his life walking next to her, the two of them talking very quickly in an intense conversation.
"I know it's going to be difficult," Andromeda said, taking a long draw from her cigarette before handing it to Anneliese. "But I'm going to need you to try and not kill Dumbledore, and try to act surprised when you see the news about the failed attack on the Ministry."
"What failed attack?" Callaway asked with a small smile, and Andromeda grinned. "But I can't make any promises on the first one. Hogwarts might need a new headmaster."
"I wouldn't blame you for that one," Andromeda said, slowing their pace now that they were in front of the windows and she would be boarding at any moment. "I hope you know how brave you are, Anneliese. We are truly lucky to have you, even if you are not part of the Order."
"I know, you're very lucky to have me. I'm kind of a savior, godsend, whatever," Callaway shrugged, and Andromeda laughed again. "I'm going to miss you, Andy."
"I'm not far away," Andromeda told her. "We're moving back out of the Burrow now that the mission's over, but you can always reach me by letter or patronus. I owe you something bigger than a favor for what you went through, all of us do."
"You might regret saying that," Anneliese said, taking a step onto the train and grabbing onto a handle.
"I won't," Andromeda said simply.
She disappeared into the crowd. It was funny how someone could enter your life so abruptly, be a part of it for even longer, and then vanish, leaving you wondering if they were ever even there and if it was real at all.
Callaway stared at the place she had just been for a few moments before pulling herself into the train just as it started moving on it's tracks, shutting the scarlet door behind her.
Anneliese took in a deep breath, but didn't even have time to exhale before Leo wrapped her into a tackling hug from the side.
A shot of pain went up her stomach, but at least it wasn't the white hot kind anymore like it had been before it started to heal. This was more tolerable, and Anneliese knew she was going to have to get used to it.
"Hey," she said breathlessly, hugging him back with one arm. "How was your Christmas?"
"THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?!" Leo shouted, pulling away with wide eyes. "HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS?! YOU'RE SAFE, LET'S START WITH THAT, I WAS SO WORRIED-"
"I'm great, Leo," Anneliese smiled, grabbing his wrist and tugging him into the closest compartment. "I just need to sit down. It's been a long few weeks-"
"And let me guess, you're not allowed to tell me?" Leo asked, and Anneliese reluctantly nodded, thinking of how the Burrow had been purged of every trace of her. "Well, I certainly have a lot to tell you-"
"SHUT UP, LEO!" Marlene's voice shouted, slamming the door open. "AT LEAST LET US SAY HELLO FIRST!"
There was a sudden whir of scarves, shouts, and perfume as the girls all wrapped their arms around Anneliese, who was doing everything she could to hold in a sob from both the physical pain of her neck and side and happiness at seeing her friends again.
"Hey guys," she whispered into their necks. "I missed yall."
"We missed you, too," Lily exclaimed, still wrapping her in a crushing hug. "How-"
"Woah, maybe give her a little room to breathe," James said in concern as the boys entered the compartment as well, cramming it full. "We heard all the noise and thought we'd stop in."
Anneliese looked at Potter gratefully, knowing he had just said that because he knew how badly the hug must be hurting her. He just gave her a tiny, sincere nod in return with a small, worried smile.
Callaway could feel Sirius looking at her, and she turned to meet his eyes.
It was so suddenly chaotic with greeting and hugs and gossip in the small space that no one noticed her slipping away nor Black following her out into the narrow hallway.
"Stop lookin at me like that," Anneliese said with a huff, hair going slightly static from the tight walls and lamps.
"Like what?" Sirius asked, completely aware of the eyes of other students from all years and houses watching through the glass doors from either side of them, but not caring one bit if they saw him following her.
"Like you broke me," Anneliese replied honestly, grabbing his sleeve and yanking him into a compartment. "I'm not that fragile."
Sirius sat down heavily onto the opposite bench as her at the same time she leaned forward and clicked the lock shut, his arms extending and resting on the backs of the seats.
"We need to talk," Callaway said as she slid a hand into her pocket, looking for the piece of parchment she had written on earlier that morning. "About a lot of things."
"I know," Sirius said, digging into his pocket as well to find the napkin he had used a pen on.
"I made a list-" they both said at the same time as they found the written on papers and pulled them out of their pockets, holding it up for the other to see.
Anneliese and Sirius froze verbally and physically, eyes scanning each other's faces to look for signs of amusement or surprise or really just anything besides the anger and pain that had been so thoroughly present lately.
"You go first-" they said in unison again, halfway putting their own list away. "Oh, fuck it."
"How about we just trade?" Anneliese suggested after a few more awkward seconds, and Sirius nodded as he leaned forward and held his list towards her while she did the same for him. "There you go."
Anneliese fought the irritating amusement rising in her chest as she read his questionably phrased list.
Me not telling you about being a bitch (I mean a dog, Padfoot, as my animagus, but James laughed when I said it this way so I wrote it down like that too, so just ignore the phrasing please)
The whole 'announcement of horniness' at my party, because that just wasn't cool at all and really needs to be discussed
Whatever the hell that night was at the Black Lake was (before you got kidnapped, which we might also discuss at another time) because I think we both know that the kiss was just not right in any way
Anneliese looked up at Sirius, but he was still reading hers with his eyes narrowed in concentration even though it was ten times shorter than his.
you being padfoot - your party - the yule ball
"Alright," Black sighed, setting the list down and pressing his hands onto his thighs. "Two adults- we're seventeen shut up- having a mature conversation. Calm, nice, mature conversation. You want to go first or me?"
"I will," Anneliese said, running a hand through her hair and immediately launching into her anger she had been harnessing for so long. "Why the hell didn't you tell me that you were right there the literal dozens of times you saw me having actual breakdowns? Then tricking me into still spending time with you when I was mad? What?"
Sirius instantly wished he hadn't let her go first, but also knew that this needed to happen and that he needed to be honest no matter the cost.
"Because I was scared," he said plainly. "I was scared you were going to push me away if I came up to you in person. That's it. Nothing else to blame besides my own lack of nerves."
Surprise flitted across Anneliese's features.
"What?" Sirius asked, picking up on the look immediately. "Already going downhill?"
"No," Callaway said. "I just wasn't expecting you to be so honest and to get that one over with so quickly. I guess you're already startin to prove me wrong."
Black's eyebrows shot up, but Anneliese was onto their second point already.
"Your party," she sighed, shaking her head. "The nerve, Sirius. The amount of sheer stupidity coursing through your veins. I don't care if alcohol was mixed in there as well, what the hell have you even that thought to say that?"
"Uhm, I don't think I did think," Sirius said, swallowing forcefully. "I think you kinda embarrassed me at my party by walking away from me so uh- so I wanted to embarrass you back, and- yea. Nothing else."
"Okay, well how about in the future we share these feelings instead of public humiliation?" Anneliese suggested, and Black nodded guiltily. "And just because everyone knows that we're together now does not mean that kind of stuff is okay. I don't want to be that couple."
"Believe me, I don't ever plan on making you feel that way again," Sirius said, briefly avoiding her eyes. "It felt good.. but then it felt awful. That was on the maturity level of like fifth year stuff. I'm sorry. I needed to grow up already."
"We can agree on that one," Anneliese said sourly, surprised at how quickly the conversation was going by.
She was realizing it wasn't some long, heartfelt analysis of their emotions and actions that they needed, just actually discussing them in a clear, honest manner for once.
Just the simple apologies for the wrongs committed in themselves were long overdue and satisfying, filling the gap between them with warmth and hope instead of dread and coldness.
Anneliese had become so accustomed to this chill ever since the night Lily and her discovered about them being animagi that this warmth felt like pure honey and coffee and sweetness running through her veins.
"Alright," she said, pressing her hands between her knees. "I'm going to need you to listen to me on this one, because it's going to sound really weird at first."
"Alright," Sirius said with a nod, giving her his undivided attention.
"Okay..," Anneliese said slowly. "So, at the Black Lake I was angry about all the things that we just talked about. And I didn't forgive you, but my emotions were so all over the place with everything going on that I was kind of lost in the mess."
Sirius nodded, having anticipated as much already from Euphemia.
"And you know me," she continued. "I'm very strong willed. I don't think I would have just kissed you like that no matter how desperate I was. It just wasn't me."
Sirius lost her.
"What, so I wasn't really kissing you?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, but genuine concern behind his casual expression. "Did someone sneak some polyjuice into the ball, or what?"
"No, it's like it wasn't my choice," Anneliese sighed, leaning forward and fidgeting while her eyes darted all over his face for hope of understanding. "Because- because after I had been kissing you for a second, my mind like went back into place- I'm sorry, this is making no sense at all-"
"No, no," Sirius shook his head, genuinely wanting her to keep going. "Trust your gut."
Callaway took a deep breath in, trying to gather her thoughts. Her eyes transferred their gaze from tracing her lion tattoo back up to his stare after a few moments, knowing good and well that she was about to sound crazy.
"I think someone messed with my mind that night," she said in a low tone. "I think that someone hexed or tricked or cursed me into kissing you, because I just have no other explanation for my mind felt so clear and then fuzzy all of the sudden."
"Okay, theoretically if you're right, why would someone do that?" Sirius asked, brows knitted together. "Why would someone want us to kiss?"
"Some people had a lot of money on that bet," Anneliese suggested weakly. "But that seems like a lot of effort for not much in return."
"Hold on," Black said, holding up a finger in thought as he tied his hair back with his other hand. "It's time to do some smart people shit. Someone on this train has to have a book on charms, some Ravenclaw or something."
"You can't just-" Anneliese started, but Sirius was already out of the compartment and walking towards the front of the train. "Oh, lord help us."
There were a few moments of silence before Sirius's deep, smooth voice blared all across the train through the old fashioned, flared metal contraptions enchanted to project one's voice in case of an emergency.
Well, Black considered this emergency enough to probably lose around twenty house points.
"Alright, you loveable, idiotic nerds, now is your time to shine," he started, and Anneliese slammed her forehead into her hands. "I know dozens of you are obsessed with books, so if anyone's train reading involves a basic spell dictionary, or one on charms in particular, it would be greatly appreciated for you to hand it over. Thank you for your time."
Around five minutes later, Sirius was back in the compartment with a stack of books in his hands up to his shoulders.
Anneliese looked at him in disbelief for a few seconds before just accepting that he had just done that and there was nothing she could do to change it now.
"Yea, apparently people enjoy this stuff," Black said in awe as he set them down heavily on the floor. "Okay, we're looking for mind altering spells, very brief ones, right? Something that wears off quickly, but provokes stupidity or rash action."
"Maybe someone hexed you with that and it just never wore off," Anneliese muttered.
"Shut up, I'm being studious," Sirius replied, hiding his smile with a book over his face. "Do I look like Remus?"
"Nah, Remus is more attractive," Anneliese said with a completely neutral expression as she tried to fight her smile that would give her away. "Sorry."
Sirius's mouth dropped open as he slammed his book down.
"Fine," he muttered, picking it back up after a few seconds, starting to mock her voice in a very high pitched southern accent. "Remus is more attractive- at least I'm not half devil with auburn hair. Damn."
"You're just half devil anyway-" Anneliese started with a sly grin, and Sirius threw his book at her, which she quickly caught with one hand. "Sorry, sorry, I'll stop now. For real."
Anneliese slid onto the floor of the compartment so that she could be closer to all of the books while Sirius laid his back down on the seat and propped his legs vertically against the wall, feet pressed flat against the luggage rack.
The train ride was a total of nine hours, eight if everything went smoothly, and the pair had made a complete mess of their compartment only two hours in.
There was a book open to a page they wanted to remember on nearly every inch of the blue plaid, and every space that wasn't occupied by a page was covered in a chocolate frog box or spilled jelly beans that they had stocked up on for fuel.
Sirius had complained that his arms hurt within five minutes of holding the book above his head to read it, but Anneliese had told him that 'if he couldn't hold a book for three seconds then he had noodle arms,' and now he was determined to not let them down.
"I swear, all of these books are useless," Black grumbled. "They don't have shit in them. We should just wait until we can get to the library and Madam Pince."
"No, they just don't have any of the shit that we're looking for," Anneliese corrected, resting the book she was holding open on her stomach and staring up at the ceiling. "Wait.. oh my god, we're so stupid. We're so dumb, Sirius."
"Speak for yourself," he replied, staring at the ceiling as well. "I'm a bloody genius."
"No, really," Callaway said, her head spinning from sitting up after laying down for so long. "We've been looking for all of these complex things that would produce this exact emotion, but what if we're just skimming past the most simple one?"
Sirius sat up as well at the hopeful tone in her voice.
"What do you mean?" he asked, shutting the book he was holding. "What simple one?"
"Flip to the C section of that book," Anneliese instructed, and Sirius did so before handing it to her. "Boom. The Confundus Charm."
Sirius took the book, reading the passage she was pointing to.
The Confundus Charm (Confundo) is a which causes confusion in a person or object.. There are varying degrees of confusion caused by the , from simply tricking a person or thing about a specific incident to confusing a person to the point at which they endanger themselves.
"Do it on me," Anneliese said, scanning the mess for his wand and then handing it to him quickly. "I'll know if it's right if you do it on me again and I recognize the feeling."
"You're joking," Sirius said dubiously. "I'm not confounding you-"
"I'm completely seriou- nope, not gonna say it," Anneliese caught herself. "Just do it, and then I can figure out if that's what it was or not and we can get on with this train ride already. Go for it, cmon."
"This feels wrong," Sirius muttered, and Anneliese rolled her eyes. "Confundo."
Suddenly, Anneliese was flooded by emotions, her head spinning in confusion of where she was, why there were bruises on her neck and arms, why her side hurt, why there were so many books, why everything was so sharp and blurry at the same time, why-
Something clicked into place.
Sirius watched nervously as she blinked, shook her head like there was water in her ears, and then blinked again before looking back at him.
"That was it," she said, firmly nodding. "That was it, it was the exact same feeling."
Sirius didn't know whether to feel relieved that they found the answer or horrified that this was the answer. Not a single other person that they saw had been down there at the lake with them, at least not that they could see. It didn't make any sense.
"But why would someone do that?" he asked, starting to stack up the books again. "Who would do that? That's not just cruel and wrong, that's just gross. Like, who wants to watch two people kiss, or make them kiss in the first place?"
"Well, if you think about it, there really was no guarantee," Anneliese said, adding a book to the stack. "If their goal was for us to get along, then that was a very risky and sloppy way to do so. It could have backfired in a second. It wasn't well thought out at all."
"Okay, so a really bad planner with questionable morals who wants us to get along and managed to sneak down there without us noticing," Sirius summarized neatly. "Shit, A, I have no idea."
Black just then noticed that Anneliese hadn't even thought of accusing him for a second. The thought made him smile, but he tried to push it down, not wanting Callaway to ask him why he was looking like that.
"Neither do I," she sighed, sliding her hand down her face. "I swear, it is like some higher power has it out for me. Maybe this is the world's payback for me like.. I don't even know what I did, dude."
"Did you just call me dude?" Sirius asked with an amused grin. "American weirdo."
Anneliese sat down heavily next to him on the seat, tucking her legs into her chest and leaning her cheek into him. Sirius quickly accepted the touch, relaxing against the corner of the window so that she could be more comfortable.
He gently took her hand, tracing the tattoo with his fingertip for a few seconds before speaking.
"I want to talk about your hand," he said softly. "On Christmas-"
"No, no, please," Anneliese shook her head, abruptly sitting up all the way and facing him. "I don't want to talk about that. It was an accident, I just want to remove that entire night, that entire day from my mind for forever-"
"No, this is important," Sirius said, sitting up as well. "Because I need to make sure you know what was going on in my mind. Us not talking about things early on is when they build into these enormous issues, right? So just.. just please. Please listen."
Callaway scanned his face for a few moments before crossing her arms over her chest and nodding for him to go on.
"Just like you felt that night at the Black Lake, I was confused and angry and hurt," he started slowly, not meeting her gaze. "And I got the urge to break something and be in control again, like at my party. I wasn't the one in control, so I said that to you to embarrass you and make it how I had the power."
Anneliese's breath shortened slightly, but she forced herself to just listen.
"And I didn't even realize that the thing in my hand was your hand because of how angry I was," Sirius continued honestly. "And I just wanted to break something, like I just said, and.. and your hand was the closest thing. I didn't even realize. The whole world was just red."
Black looked at her face for any sign of acknowledgment, but no clues were given.
"And that anger isn't like anything I've ever felt before," he confessed. "I think you can only get as angry at something or someone as much as you care for it, and I care about what happened, happens to you so much that.. that I did that."
Anneliese blinked a few times, rubbing the knuckle that he had popped out of place subconsciously, soothing it even though it was already fully healed.
"Why do you think you always have to be the one in control, Sirius?" she asked, but her tone wasn't accusatory, only questioning. "Why do you think you get the urges to break things?"
"I don't know," Sirius said, shaking his head. "I-"
"Yes, you do," Anneliese cut him off firmly. "Yes you do, so figure it out and tell me before I start to think that you're some kind of sociopath who doesn't care who he hurts as long as he can stay in control. Because I swear to god, I'm getting there."
Sirius's lips opened and closed a few times before he finally verbalized his thoughts.
"Because that's all I saw and all I knew until a few years ago," Black said honestly. "When my father wasn't in control of my mother, he would hit her, sometimes more than hit her."
Callaway suddenly felt that horrible pang or pureblood sympathy for Walburga just like she had felt for Narcissa. She knew what Sirius's mother was feeling, and couldn't imagine being trapped into that through marriage.
"When either of my parents weren't in control of me or Regulus, they would beat us, curse us," Sirius continued, bringing her attention back to him. "It happened so, so much. You've seen my scars, I'm sure there are some on Regulus as well by this point."
He swallowed forcefully, but Anneliese just listened.
"And you don't ever really think that kind of thing can be justified, at least not on the outside where you realize it," he said. "But on the inside, you internalize it, and you just can't help it. When you're so surrounded by it, it's certainly not right, but it does seem.. it seems normal."
Anneliese understood. When she had first gone to Ilvermorny after five years at the orphanage, she had been surprised that no authority figure was going to hit her, bruise her arms when she got in trouble. She knew it wasn't good, but to her, it was just a part of her life.
Sometimes, she thought that she and Sirius would be better off without their pasts, that they would be more happy and things would be more simple.
But now was one of the times where she knew that without the traumas they shared, they wouldn't have this bond, this ability to understand the other in their deepest, darkest moments of sinking back into their pasts.
They would only see the cruel effects no matter how hard they tried, not the crippling causes that had messed up both of their minds deeper than they ever wanted to think.
Neither of them were light, but neither were fully dark either. They were a balance, keeping each other afloat and understanding the other and helping and loving and trying.
They were both grey.
"And I thought that I got rid of my father, that part of me when I ran away to the Potters," Sirius admitted. "But it's not that easy. A change in location doesn't do shit for that sort of thing. I never escaped my family mentally, only physically."
Black found that he wasn't longing for liquor or a cigarette like he had been Christmas night. All the drug, all the smoke, all the help he needed was right in front of him in the form of a patient, bruised girl who refused to not see the light in him.
"So that's why, to answer your question," he finished. "My inability to get rid of my past, to change my mindset deep down even if I had on the surface.. I didn't even realize that was the problem before now."
"Sometimes you just have to ask the right questions," Anneliese replied, softly smiling "So, how do we get rid of it? How do we rid every trace of them from you? How do I help?"
Black's heart soared at the word we. Us. Together.
"Just keep doing this, I think," Sirius said, gesturing between him and her. "This less than a minute conversation made me realize more about myself than I have in an entire year. Just you. You being here helps."
"Well, I'm glad I can be of some assistance," Anneliese said with a sigh that signalled their conversation was over for now.
She leaned back into his chest with both physical and mental exhaustion. Sirius was certain that he would never understand the amount of grace and forgiveness and determination to understand and empathize coursing through this girl's veins.
He hadn't forgiven himself, so he simply couldn't grasp how she forgave him.
Black wrapped one arm around her good side, pulling her in closer to him. Anneliese buried her head in the crook of his neck, taking in deep breaths of his cologne as her world began to fade into sleep, the hum and shake of the train tracks rocking her to sleep.
She had forgotten how good his arms felt, how safe.
"You know," she muttered sleepily as Sirius ran a hand through her hair softly. "Now I feel much better about knocking your dad out with a book."
"Excuse me-"
oh my god did sirius and anneliese just have a healthy conversation where no one lied? what is this?
also yall know what dora is like five right now? so cute, wow. AND REMUS IS SEVENTEEN. JUST THINK ABT THAT FOR A SEC.
8.2k words
what do u wanna see?
VOTE! - it rly helps