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HOGWARTS WAS MORE STRESSFUL THAN Athena remembered it being. Maybe she simply procrastinated in other years but from the start of the new term, Athena felt that she was constantly behind with work. She had to spend her afternoons and weekends marking when she swore she used to have an abundance of free time. Athena was unsure what happened to that.
In fact, it was nearing the end of the first term when Athena finally had an opportunity to go home. It was now halfway through December and she hadn't seen Remus in over a month. The idea of that was insane. She always promised that she would make time to go home and not get caught up in her work.
She hadn't heard much from him either. Remus wasn't a lover of writing letters unless entirely necessary. He preferred to talk to people face to face which although annoyed Athena (considering she wasn't even receiving updates from him) it was a good way to force her to go home and actually see him
Athena was excited. She'd been feeling lost for ages now. Of course she couldn't tell him everything that had been going on even though she wanted nothing more than to confide in him, being with him still took a large weight of worry away from her.
Over the many years that they had known each other, Remus had mastered the art of knowing how to make Athena feel better. No matter what was wrong with her, she'd always feel happier being with him rather than being apart.
Athena blamed the majority of her bad mood on the fact that she hadn't seen him. Of course there were a lot of other contributing factors but all of this had been made worse by not seeing Remus.
She stepped out of the fireplace into her home ready to spend the entire weekend with Remus. Some part of her wondered what would happen if she just stayed with him forever. It was certainly tempting but considering the fact she probably wouldn't be at Hogwarts the following year, she should probably make the most of her job while she could.
"I'm back!" Athena called as she walked into the kitchen.
Remus was sat in one of the larger chairs staring out the window next to him. He didn't say anything at first which alerted Athena to the fact that something was wrong. Her mind whirled with what it could be. Did he know about Dumbledore, no of course not that would never happen. Had Aurora told him Athena was upset, surely her sister would tell her first. Was Elle in trouble, Athena would have already heard about this through the order.
"What's wrong?" Athena asked.
He looked up as though he hadn't heard her come in. Remus looked ill. Frailer than usual. The scars on his face were much more prominent probably because of how white his skin had gone. He seemed thinner, his clothes baggier than they had been before. Athena stood slightly perplexed.
"You don't look too good" Athena frowned, "are you sick?"
"I need to talk to you" Remus sighed as he got to his feet.
"Why?" Athena asked quickly, "what's going on? Are you ok? Remus tell me you're ok"
"Calm down" Remus smiled lightly as he walked over to her.
"I come back here after a month and the first thing you say is that you need to talk to me?" Athena scoffed, "how am I supposed to be calm? If you're sick why haven't you reached out, letters do exist"
"I'm not sick" Remus shook his head, "I'm sorry for worrying you Rena it's nothing like that"
Athena frowned again as he pulled her in for a hug. She wished she could have enjoyed this just as much as she'd intended to. By now her happy feelings about being back had been replaced by worry. Even if Remus said he was fine, Athena knew better. She could see instantly that something was off.
She hugged him back anyway, trying to appreciate simply being in his arms again. Athena leant against him now realising that it wasn't her who needed the help over the weekend. For once it felt like Remus was leaning on her when it had always been the other way around. His breathing was slow as though he were in pain and Athena's heart had sped up as though to make up for his slower pace.
"What's going on?" Athena asked as she pulled away. Remus looked as though he didn't want to tell her. He was holding her in a gaze that suggested he never wanted to look away. Had her being gone for so long caused this? Surely not. Remus was his own person and he'd coped without her before. No, this was something else.
Before he said anything, he tilted her chin up with his thumb and kissed her. Athena was never one to complain about kissing Remus. In fact it was probably her favourite thing to do. She allowed herself to sink into it as she tried to calm her mind filled with the flurrying voices.
Athena found it hard to enjoy Remus' embrace when all she could hear was the voice in her head questioning his weird behaviour. She pulled apart from the kiss and stared at Remus oddly, trying to figure out what was running through his mind.
It was only a few seconds before he leant forwards and tried to kiss her again. This time (although it pained her to do so) she pushed away and started at him intently.
"You have to tell me what's going on" Athena insisted, taking a seat at the kitchen island and signalling he should do the same thing.
Remus let out a heavy sigh before he sat himself on the chair next to her and stared at his own hands in wonder.
"I haven't been writing to you" Remus began softly.
"You never write, you hate letters" Athena pointed out simply, "I'm not upset that you haven't been writing"
"I would have written" Remus continued, "I wouldn't have left it more than a month Rena, I don't write letters because I usually see you every week. I'm glad you haven't been able to come home recently"
"You're glad?" Athena scoffed, "well thanks a lot, I'll have you know that I've been missing you a lot, it's been breaking me not being able to see you but if you're glad I haven't been here then—"
"You misunderstand" Remus shook his head, "it's been breaking me that I haven't seen you too but... I'm glad you haven't been able to come home because neither have I"
"What?" Athena frowned in confusion.
"I haven't been here" Remus explained, "I haven't been able to write to you because I've been away... since the end of October... since I last saw you"
"What?" Athena scoffed, "don't be... I would have known if... why didn't you tell... where have you been?"
"One question at a time" Remus laughed emptily.
"Where have you been?" Athena stated simply.
"At the end of October, Dumbledore asked me to come up to Hogwarts. That day I stopped by to see you—"
"Because you missed me" Athena raised her eyebrows, "yeah I thought that was strange, you'd only seen me two days before that"
"I stopped by before I went to see Dumbledore because I couldn't be in the castle and not visit you" Remus added, "Dumbledore made a request from me, that I do something to help the order"
"What did he ask you to do?" Athena asked, feeling more worried by the second.
"Remember in the first war?" Remus looked up, "when I had to go away... to see what side my kind were on"
"You're kidding" Athena asked coldly, suddenly feeling anger rise in her, "please tell me you're joking"
"For the last month I've been underground... with the other werewolves"
Athena couldn't say anything. She didn't know who she was more angry at, Remus for not telling her or Dumbledore for making him go through with this.
"Rena—"
"Don't" Athena interrupted, "why didn't you tell me?"
"I remember how hard it was for you last time" Remus muttered.
"For me?" Athena exclaimed in anger, "no Remus, for you. It was terrible last time because I knew you were out there alone with people who could turn against you at any moment. Dangerous people Remus!"
"I'm dangerous!" Remus shouted, "they're just like me"
"You've had a different life Remus, they're living underground which (don't get me wrong is a terrible thing) but it highlights the differences between you and them. You've been given chances and although I wish legislation would allow this, they have never been given the chances you have"
"They're still people Rena, you're acting like they're monsters"
"I'm allowed to be worried" Athena snapped, "you've been away for a month and I didn't even know! I wouldn't have stopped you from going"
"No but you would have tried" Remus replied blankly.
"Well maybe that's for good reason!" Athena laughed but with no joy in her expression, "last time you nearly died when they realised who you were. They weren't on our side last time and chances are they won't be this time. You're putting yourself in unnecessary danger and look at you!"
"Look at me?" Remus glared angrily, "there's nothing wrong with me!"
"You're wasting away" Athena shouted, "I could see it from the moment I walked in, you're thinner, you look sick and pale... you can't be living properly down there"
"I agreed to this, no one is forcing me to do this. Dumbledore made it perfectly clear that I could turn it down—"
"Oh did he now?" Athena raised her eyebrows furiously, "don't even get me started on Dumbledore, always putting people at risk knowing it's of no good. I bet he knew before you even went that they weren't going to be on your side. Sure he gave you a choice but he says it with that condescending smile, it's why people don't say no to him, they believe they're doing a great service—"
"I'm helping the order!"
"Nothing is going to come of this!"
"Well I'm glad to know how highly you think of me" Remus scoffed, "you obviously don't think I'm going to be able to get them on side"
"Oh don't be ridiculous" Athena shook her head, "of course I believe in you Remus, I always have but I'm smart enough to realise that Voldemort's ideals and thinking appeal more to werewolves than ours do. The ministry is against Voldemort and you know who else the ministry is against? Werewolves"
"Yes I'm very aware of that thank you" Remus muttered bitterly, "and of course some of them are bound to see in line with Voldemort but others are more like me. They never asked for the life that they lead. I can't promise them ministry reforms but I can try to ensure that the people they love don't die"
"People they love" Athena scoffed as though this idea was ridiculous. She paused as soon as she said it, realising what she had done.
"What's so amusing?" Remus asked coldly, "the idea that werewolves are capable of love?"
"You know I didn't mean it like that" Athena shook her head, "I wasn't thinking"
"No Athena, you were thinking" Remus frowned, "you're always thinking. Is that what you believe? That werewolves are cold monsters? Undeserving of having people around them?"
"Obviously I don't think that Remus because I love you" Athena sighed loudly.
"If you'd met me when we were at Hogwarts" Remus began slowly, "would you have become friends with me knowing that I was a werewolf?"
"Of course I would have" Athena replied calmly.
"I don't believe you" Remus shook his head, "you're just like everyone else! You overlooked the lycanthropy in me because you already knew me but in everyone else you can't look past it"
"Oh don't be so stupid!" Athena yelled, "after everything I've done for you... everything I did to help you... Remus you being a werewolf didn't change anything and it never will. I don't care that you're a werewolf"
"I'm not talking about me!" Remus replied angrily, "I'm talking about the way you see all the others"
"I can't help being afraid of them Remus" Athena muttered, "I don't know them. When I think of other werewolves I think of Fenrir Greyback, I think of what he did to you. I don't mean to be prejudice Remus I really don't. I don't agree with the way werewolves are treated so can you please stop accusing me of things you know aren't true"
Remus paused for a moment before he nodded.
"I'm sorry" he sighed, "I didn't mean...sorry"
"I know you are" Athena frowned, "I'm sorry too, that you felt you couldn't tell me that you were going. I'm sorry you had to go through that but you're back now"
"Rena" he spoke slowly, "I'm going back"
"What?" Athena looked up in confusion, "but you've been there for a month, what more progress can you make? What more is there to do? Aren't you finished?"
"No I haven't finished" Remus shook his head, "I haven't had a chance to really persuade them I've just been getting to know them"
"Remus don't go" Athena shook her head, "please don't go... I know you don't want to hear this but I don't believe you'll get them on side. Maybe some of them but if the others find out who you are is it really worth it?"
"We need all the help we can get" Remus replied simply, "so I'm sorry Rena but I'm going back, not until after Christmas but then I'll be gone. I don't know how long for"
"That's it?" Athena asked, "there's no way I can persuade you to stay?"
"No" Remus shook his head, "but I'll be back"
"You can't promise that, this is dangerous Remus"
"We're in war, there's no escaping danger" Remus pointed out, "I'm smart enough to not let myself get killed. You don't have to worry about me Rena"
"No but I will anyway" Athena sighed, not wanting to say anything else.
"There's more" Remus continued uncertainly.
"More about what?" Athena asked coldly, "the suicide mission"
Remus ignored this quip as he continued, "when I was down there, I saw Kennedy. She's staying with the other wolves"
Athena paused. She'd forgotten Kennedy even was a wolf. In fact, she hadn't thought about Kennedy in a while. She'd disappeared after Sirius died. Athena had found the plans in her house, the plans that looked as though she wanted revenge on everyone who'd wronged her.
"Why would she be staying down there?" Athena asked, "she has a home"
"From what I could gather, she's looking for Greyback" Remus explained, "she wouldn't talk to me, left as soon as she saw me. The others in the pack said she doesn't hang around much. Always cold, always angry and always asking the same questions"
"I knew she was looking for Greyback" Athena muttered, "she wants him dead for what he did to her"
"Rena going after Greyback isn't a good idea"
"Well there's nothing I can do" Athena stated indignantly, "I haven't been able to reach her. She didn't want my help nor did she want to see me"
"I know" Remus nodded solemnly, "I just thought you'd want to know"
"Yeah" Athena forced a smile, "yeah... thanks Remus"
"Listen Rena I am sorry for not telling you. I was scared of how you'd react and... I thought it would be better for you if you didn't know. Please can we not be ridiculous about this, let's not fall out because I've missed you and if I go away again knowing I've upset you... it'll be even harder"
"I'm not mad" Athena murmured, "you're doing a brave thing I just wish it didn't have to be you"
Remus smiled lightly as he hugged her again. This time Athena appreciated it more. She wished she could spill her problems out to him just as he had done with his. She wondered if things would feel better knowing that Remus was on her side. Then again, Remus was always on her side. Athena remembered that as she rested against him, closing her eyes and recalling how grateful she was to have him by her side.
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A/n
Words - 2750
Published- 9th August 2021
:)