Z's pov but mostly 3rd pov
I woke up in agonizing pain feeling dizzy and nauseous. I look around seeing that I'm in a hospital hooked up to several machines with gemini resting next to my bed. Wait? Gemini?!
Don't tell me he's the one that found me.
I push the nurse button and he's there within a couple of seconds,
"Oh good your awake."
"How long have I been asleep?"
"4 days."
She looks at gemini, "How long has he been here?"
"All 4 days he hasn't left your side. He's actually the one that found you and kept you alive long enough for the ambulance to arrive."
Her heart aches at the very thought of the way he found her. She didn't mean to traumatize him like that. She just wanted to be free and she hoped her body was never found for that very reason,
"Has anyone else stopped by?"
"No ma'am."
Of course.
"Do you have some spare scrubs he can wear?"
"Yes I'll get some for you. But what about you? Are you okay?"
"What do you mean?"
"Ma'am your in here because you attempted suicide. So I'm asking are you okay mentally. Do you feel the urge to do it again?"
"I'm fine. I just wanna rest."
She keeps her response short not really having the urge to talk. She actually doesn't want to say a word.
"Okay. I'll get those clothes for you."
Truthfully Marzanna didn't think she'd live threw this so when he asked those questions she didn't have an answer. She couldn't even tell how she felt.
She stared at Gemini as he slept in the uncomfortable chairs thinking about how much she fucked up. Pushing people away had become so natural that she did it to the wrong person.
"I fucking hate myself." She thinks.
When he wakes up how would she even start, "Yeah, my bad for having you find me in the bathroom 75% dead."
She goes to google because it always has the answers no matter what the problem,
"What to do if you mess up a relationship." she searches,
Sincerely apologize was the first answer to show. "Like what? Say I'm sorry?' she thinks.
"I haven't done that in 8 years and no not because I'm asshole. But because I was taught not to. I was taught that saying it was useless and that it got you nowhere. And he was right, saying it did not give me mercy. Hell, it didn't even give me a look of sympathy." But what if this is what I need to do to stop being the monster he made me. What if this is the first step?" She ponders,
"Oh my god! Your awake!"
She snaps out off her head focusing on the relieved faced Gemini,
"Do you want me to get the nurse?"
She nods her head no.
"I'm so happy your okay."
He's so nice.
"Do you want me to get you anything?"
Even after everything I said he's still here. He's asking me do I need something when I don't deserve nothing from him.
She shakes her head no again but this time lifting the blankets,
"Wait! You need to rest." he says coming closer,
She would normally just pull him into the bed but having no strength in her arms quickly takes out that plan. So she just softly pull on his shirt,
It takes him a second to figure out what she want "Do you want me to lay with you?"
She nods Yes.
He slides into bed knowing internally that he cant deny what she ask of him. Maybe it's some infatuation. Maybe its some sort of spell she put on him. But he can admit that it doesn't bother him.
"What's wrong?"
She buries herself into his chest being so close that there's no gap in between them.
(A/n Come on Z you got this!)
"I'm sorry!"
It comes out a little loud and a bit broken due to the fact that's she's crying but it's filled with regret and atonement.
"Is that your first time saying that?"
She freezes against his chest not knowing what to say. He gets his answer from her staying silent.
"It was a bit loud and scratchy. Say it again."
He wasn't asking her but demanding which she noticed causing her to hesitate.
"If you want me to forgive you, you have to try a little bit harder. Say it again."
"I'm sorry."
This time it was at a normal tone but still filled with regret and even a hint of submissiveness.
"Anything else you wanna say?"
"I'm a terrible person and I shouldn't have said what I did because it was wrong. I can see now that you truly do care for me and I'm sorry for pushing you away and being a selfish asshole."
He sighs kissing her forehead, "Your forgiven."
She peeks her head up, "Really? It worked?"
He gives a face of confusion, "Yes. Why did you think it wouldn't work?"
"It just never worked for me before."
"Then those people were cruel."
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I didn't want you to find me like that."
His stomach quickly turns as the images flash threw his head. He nearly launches himself out of the bed running to the bathroom.
"I'm sorry!"
She wants to run after him but all the shit she's hooked up too stops her. She calls the nurse for nausea medicine which he gladly gives her.
"Was it that bad?" she think to herself,
Gemini stumbles out of the bathroom walking over to the other side of the bed sitting back down.
She hands him the medicine"You can leave if you want. I know you want to, you can barely look at me."
" I just- I don't understand why you would do that to yourself. When I walked in and found you like that I was so............ confused. I thought that someone did that too you but everyone said you did it. Why? "
Tears begin to fall, " I'm sick Kai."
A look of concern crosses his face, "With what?"
She takes a deep breath having never told this to anyone, "When I was 13, I was diagnosed with clinical depression, Anxiety and PTSD. Which means that 99% percent of the time my brain works against me. Making me see things that I don't want to, saying mean things that I don't want to hear. Sometime it's so bad that I completely lose my grip on reality and I'm tossed into a living nightmare. The doctors put me on all types of medicines but I hated them so I didn't take them. Stupid, right? One day, it got really bad for me and no matter what I did the voices in my head wouldn't shut up. So I figured if I died then they would finally shut up. I was to afraid to use a gun so I found the sharpest thing I could. *sighs shakily* I grabbed the razor took it across my skin and realized that it was quiet. The voices had finally shut up and even though I was bleeding it felt like a small price to pay for paradise."
He stays quiet which make Marzanna instantly feel nervous,
"It's called self- harming and I've been doing different versions of it since then. Whether it be drinking, smoking, pushing people away, not getting attached, over- eating, eating nothing at all. It didn't matter as long as they were quiet."
He didn't say anything. Instead he just wraps his arms around her gently pulling her into his lap. He tries to look at her but she hides her face,
"I don't want you to see me crying."
He just nods and holds her close which gives her a sense of relief but also of anxiety.
"Why won't you say anything?" she blurts out.
"What do you want me to say?" he responds calmly.
She shrugs her shoulders becoming slightly irritated, "I don't know! That I'm a fucking psychopath that need to be locked away in a insane asylum. That I'm a monster! A suicidal freak!"
"I don't think that's true."
"So what do you think?"
"I think your a bit broken and you have a long way to go to get over your trauma but your definitely not a monster or a freak. It's okay that you have these mental illnesses but you don't have to let me change who you are."
She leans forward taking in a relieving breath, "Why are you so nice?"
He smiles against her shoulder, "I'm only nice to you."
She leans back relaxing against his chest slightly playing with one of his hands feeling a strong flutter in her stomach.
"What the hell?" she thinks to herself
(A/n Bitch! Do you have butterflies?! Alexa! play butterflies by Michael Jackson.)
The nurse and doctor come into the room,
"Well we were able to find your file Miss. Marzanna. It seems you have a history of suicidal tendencies and have been on multiple anti- depressants that you said, "Don't work."
She instantly becomes uncomfortable always hating this part on the process.
"Due to this incident were going to putting you on a new one with a high dosage. This medicine also helps with anxiety. Its called Escitalopram you'll take it once a day to keep everything in balance, okay?"
She nods.
"My nurse is going to unwrap your bandages and clean everything, okay?"
Kai could feel her body jolt at those words "Is she scared?" he thinks to himself holding her tighter trying to help.
"Wait! I don't want to, please."
"Ma'am I have to. If it goes untreated you could possibly get a skin infection."
The nurse notices the scared look on her face so he just leaves to get supplies. The doctor shoots kai a look that says, "Convince her please." and he walks out to.
"Hey, What's wrong. You know they have to clean it."
She shakes her head, "He's going to hurt me. I- I don't want to."
He turns her face to get a good look at her to which he sees she has this distant look in her eyes.
"That nurse just wants to help you. I promise."
She starts roughly rubbing her wrist which is one of her worst nervous ticks.
"Stop, your going to hurt yourself." he says holding her hands,
Holding her hands causes her to come back to reality, "Stay! I know you hate them but please stay. I don't want to be alone. That way he can make sure he doesn't hurt me."
"Okay. I'll stay."
The nurse comes back in setting up his supplies in the bedside table.
"Are you staying with her Sir?"
"Yeah, I'm not going anywhere."
He smiles, "Okay, may I see your arm?"
Marzanna couldn't bring herself to move her arm so Kai gently grabs it laying it straight out. Both of them look away as he cuts the bandage away and starts cleaning. She squirms and whimpers leaning against Kai for support.
Kai looks at her arm the stiches going from her wrist nearly reaching her elbow. He could see the other scars below it pale compared to her skin.
"Your doing great. Almost done."
"Please hurry."
He finishes up and goes to the next arm gaining the same reaction as the last. He cleans up and quickly leaves out of the room.
"I'm proud of you. You were scared but did a amazing job."
The process leaves her exhausted, "Thank you, Can I take a nap? "
He chuckles, "Yeah. You should rest." He helps her lay down and slips out of the bed after.
"Where are you going?"
"Just to hop in the shower. Don't worry I'm not going to leave."
"Ok."
She forces herself to stay awake until he gets out of the shower,
He slips back into the bed, "Why aren't you asleep?"
She yawns, "I wanted to wait for you."
He pulls her close, "Well I'm here now so get some rest."
"Thank you for staying with me Kai."
"Of course."