❝ I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. ❞
━ SETTINGS. gender neutral reader. angst.
━ SYNOPSIS. in which xiao blames himself for your death
━ TRIGGERS. blood, death
━ NOW PLAYING. dynasty ; MIIA
─── ─── ☆: *. ☽ .* :☆ ─── ───
AUTHOR'S NOTE. so. xiao. conqueror of demons, vigilant yaksha, king of ANGST- i simp for him so much lmao 😂 BUT THAT'S NOT WHY WE'RE HERE. we're here because i've finally stopped with all the cute fluffy scenarios and decided to make you guys cry with some xiao angst. amazing am i right?
lmao I wrote this in the dark at 2 am while listening to angst edit audios and crying my eyes out and my brother said "dude wtf are you doing that's making you cry at 2 am-" ok im gonna shut up now and let u guys actually READ IT without my stupid author's notes- hope you enjoy~!
"XIAO... I'M SORRY..."
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
"No! I love you! Please, stay with me... don't go..."
You were stupid to have been so stubborn. Stupid to care more about him than your own life. Stupid to think a simple Liyuan charms maker could run through the heat of battle and come back alive.
"I await you in the stars, my love..."
Dead.
Dead.
Dead.
The word rang in Xiao's ears as he stood, frozen, staring blankly at the limp, lifeless body in his arms. Your body.
It was all his fault. All his fault.
If only he'd defeated the Fatui agent before it had gotten you. Even better, if only he'd convinced you to stay home. Then you would be safe and warm in your room, not dead and bloody in his arms.
But no. He was too late.
Xiao's eyes scanned your body desperately, looking for any signs of life. But alas, he found none. Blood poured from the wounds on your arms, legs, and chest, soaking your shirt. Your skin was cold, your eyes staring at nothing. The good-luck charm you always wore pinned over your heart, shaped like a Qingxin flower since it was your favorite, was crushed and stained red.
"No," he whispered, a single tear sliding down his face. "No. No. NO!" With a choked scream, he stabbed his spear into the ground, causing a tremor that quickly terminated any remaining enemies on the battlefield.
"No," he collapsed on his knees, sobbing. Xiao never cried- it was a habit he'd abandoned years ago- but now he didn't care if he cried. He didn't care about anything he did anymore, because nothing he ever did would bring you back.
A tidal wave of grief washed over him, an agony like nothing he'd ever experienced before. It was as if someone had ripped his soul from his body, leaving behind nothing but a shell of his former self.
He felt empty, hollow. Numb.
❝ I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, ❞
he whispered, tears sliding down his face as he brushed your eyelids closed. He'd killed hundreds, thousands of enemies over the years, but he had never thought the consequence to pay for it would be you.
Perhaps his karmic debt was finally catching up to him.
─── ─── ☆: *. ☽ .* :☆ ─── ───
Xiao was never the same.
For the next week after your death, Xiao did nothing. Literally; he didn't sleep, didn't eat, just sat on the roof of the Wangshu Inn and stared into space, shrouded in quiet grief.
After that, Xiao rarely ever showed himself to mortals, and even when he did, the people who had seen him always noticed how dead his eyes looked. Xiao couldn't physically die, being an adeptus- but the day he lost you was the day he died inside.
"All wounds will heal with time," said the locals; but that was coming from mortals whose lifespans were no longer than Xiao's spear. Your death just added to his endless suffering, an agony that would haunt him till the end of time.
Xiao rarely ever slept, as every time he did nightmares haunted his dreams, but after he lost you he became addicted to it like a drug. He slept every night, every possible hour, because at least in his dreams he could see you once more.
Hundreds of years passed, a timeline Xiao didn't bother to count. All he knew was that, even hundreds of years later, his grief would never leave him. Not while you were gone.
Every night, after completing his duties, he would always visit your grave next to the Statue of the Seven upon Qingxin Peak, surrounded by flowers. And sitting at the base of the Statue, he would cry and scream for you every night, his tears watering the Qingxins that lay dead in his arms.
And then he would return to Wangshu Inn under the cover of darkness, leaving the mortals to wonder about the Vigilant Yaksha and his dead eyes.
It became a routine: complete his daily tasks, visit your final resting place, then return to Wangshu Inn and dream of you until dawn, when he would wake up and do it all over again.
Another day flew by but Xiao barely noticed, instead plunged his spear into another enemy's heart, sending their ashes flying into the wind. His life was a never-ending chore, but he didn't mind; for at least his duties had him thinking of something other than you.
After another night of grieving atop Qingxin Peak, he quietly returned to Wangshu Inn just as the sun was peeking out above the horizon. He climbed up toward the balcony, the wind gently whipping across his face.
And there you were.
Standing at the railing of the balcony, dressed just like you had years before. Gentle locks of hair billowed around your shoulders, adorned with a Qingxin flower tucked behind your ear.
Xiao gasped, not believing his eyes. "Y/N...?"
You turned and saw the adeptus standing in front of you, a look of shock and sadness and overwhelming joy across his face. "X-Xiao... is that really you...?"
He nodded, tears sliding down his face. He rushed toward you, and you towards him, and Xiao smiled as he fell into his beloved's arms.
AUTHOR'S NOTE. yay it's done ! tbh i don't really like the ending but whatever ig- seriously, why am i such as simp for this angsty yaksha- i need mental help for real lmao anyways thank you for reading, next will be some 4NEMO headcanons <3
THANK YOU FOR VISITING STARS OF TEYVAT !