A/N: I decided to update on Friday and Sunday instead of Friday and Monday so you guys can relax instead of rushing to read it on the first day of the week KSDKDSJ
"Ayedah, it's time to go."
Ozge helped Ayedah out of her bed after assisting her with putting on and tying her trainers.
"Your injury wasn't major and thankfully there was no concussion that could've brought extra complications, so you're now discharged and free to go," said Ozge cheerfully, looping her arm around Ayedah's and helping her put on her surgical mask. "But you are going to be a bit tired as you're still adjusting to the Lithium, so you need some rest." Ayedah nodded, not in a mood to protest or be stubborn.
She had apparently been unconscious in the hospital for almost 4 days before Burak's visit with a very minor operation to treat the part of her head that was injured when her skull collided with the sink basin of the set bathroom due to her slip and fall. After she had woken up, it took two more days of rest before she was cleared to go home. During those two days, she was visited by a psychiatrist and after some grim discussions between them- supervised by Gabriella- Ayedah was put back on her Lithium, and highly advised not to go off her medication again; it was also recommended that she ought to look for and seek help from a regular psychiatrist or psychotherapist that she would visit at least twice a month. Her aunt did not think it to be a difficult feat, for she had found a psychiatrist for Ayedah before- right after Ayedah moved out from the family home in London and into her dorm at Oxford, and stopped seeing the bribed psychiatrist her mother had paid to 'treat' her. It was the very same psychiatrist who prescribed Ayedah the medication she had ceased to use after having been on it for nearly seven years.
This time, however, Ayedah was determined to cover the costs herself, even though she allowed Aunt Gab to assist her in finding someone; she felt that she had been too much trouble to everyone already for her selfish actions, and felt that she had to do something to make up for them.
"Where's Aunt Gab?" Ayedah asked, as Ozge helped her stand up slowly and unstiffen her tired legs. "She's speaking with the doctors," answered Ozge. "Just filling in some papers for your discharge- and arranging for a regular psychiatrist. She seems to have found one already." "Oh," was the simple answer Ayedah gave her. "That's good."
Ayedah was offered to be wheeled out of hospital by the nurses, but she refused to do so- she felt the need to walk and get rid of the ache in her legs. "Are you sure?" asked Ozge, raising an eyebrow. "You're exhausted, Ayedah." "I'll be fine, Ozge," Ayedah said quietly. "Really. I'd rather walk." Ozge sighed and sent away the nurses with the wheelchair before slinging a bag of mainly Ayedah's clothes over her shoulder as they walked down the hall outside of the room to take the lift down to the hospital lobby and wait for Aunt Gab.
"Who knows about all this?" asked Ayedah, as they sat down together. "This...ordeal." "Mehmet and Asli Zeynep did their best to keep it as quiet as possible," Ozge reassured her. "And not many people saw, anyway- when me and Burak found you, we dealt with the wound as best we could then he carried you to his car and took you to the hospital himself whilst I went to inform Mehmet, before heading here myself." "Was anyone else with you?" questioned Ayedah. "Aysen, Emel and Buse helped us look for you, and Yigit was the one who drove me, but they'll all keep it under wraps too," said Ozge. "Besides- we're actors, Ayedah. We know how to keep things away from the public." She smiled at her friend, who barely managed one back.
"Thank you," Ayedah whispered. "Ozge...thank you..."
"Ayedah, please."
Ozge looked at her for permission before taking her hand; "You're my friend, Ayedah, my sister," she whispered. "It was my responsibility to do this." Ayedah shook her head, tears seeping out of her eyes, taking her friend aback with surprise and alarm.
"I'm so sorry, Ozge," Ayedah sobbed softly. "I should have listened to you...you were right all along...I shouldn't have done what I did...now I've messed everything up-" "No, Ayedah, stop it," said Ozge, also on the brink of tears. "Stop this- stop blaming yourself. You're not at fau-" "But I am," choked Ayedah, putting all her strength into keeping quiet as they were in a hospital lobby. "I let Aarif and Reema into my aunt's home. I went off my medication. I agreed to Burak's proposal and married him when I was experiencing a manic episode. I ignored your warnings, your voice of reason. I didn't listen to you. I'm the one who messed up. I take full responsibility."
She smiled grimly as Ozge stared at her in silence, tears streaming down her pretty freckled cheeks. "I messed up," Ayedah repeated. "All because I just wanted to feel something...something else. I could've done better, I could've persevered-" "We all could've done better, Ayedah," said Ozge softly. "Look, what we did was wrong too, and in fact it was what triggered the mania. We arranged it too soon- especially after what happened with Aarif and your cousin. You were hurting, and true, Burak was barely able to wait, and marriage is something that shouldn't be delayed...but in a circumstance like yours, it should've been. You weren't ready for those kinds of emotions yet, along with the pressure and brain effort it takes to make those kinds of decisions."
She looked down; "It's true, going off your medication was your doing, and you should take responsibility for that as you're doing now," Ozge admitted truthfully, making Ayedah incline her own head in shame. "But even then...it wasn't for a bad reason. You didn't do it because you were lazy and inconsistent, or because you simply wanted to be 'Bipolar' and cause harm to others with the consequences of your episodes, or because you did it for the fun of it. No, you did it because you wanted to be able to feel something for other people, thinking that your medication was stopping you from doing so." "How did you know that?" asked Ayedah, still not meeting her eyes. Ozge smiled sadly.
"Burak told me what happened before you did," she said quietly, making Ayedah look up at her. "He told me what you had said, asked me if it was all true, asked me how bad you had it...and I told him all that I knew was true. From the moment you told me you had the disorder back when we were still in our teens, until your recent episode and how I believe it came about." Ayedah sighed, nodding in understanding. "You did well, he deserves the truth," she said softly. "He does," agreed Ozge. "But still- he will never get the full truth, and neither will I. Neither will any of us. Even then, no matter how well we know you or think we do, I truly doubt that I have or will ever have the biggest picture and neither does he, or anyone else- because we're not the ones with Bipolar Disorder, Ayedah. You are, and you are the one experiencing the torture it does to your brain and your image of yourself. And when you think about it...going off your medication may look selfish to some, yes, but to me it was quite the opposite- the intention was generous, in fact, even if the action was wrong."
"Why do you say that?" demanded Ayedah. "How could you say that? How could that act, that endangering act, not have been selfish-" "Because you wanted to feel for others, Ayedah, others," Ozge explained. "You were in so much pain, drowned in self-loathing from believing yourself to be selfish, unfeeling, ungenerous with your love and emotions when really, you were feeling for us right then and there when you went off your medication. You were just so immersed in resentment and in the past that you couldn't see it. You just couldn't see it."
Ayedah squeezed her eyes shut, inclining her head again so Ozge would not see her tears. "How do you know?" she asked. "How do you know?" "Because I've known you since we were children, Ayedah," said Ozge softly. "And you have never- and I repeat, never- been a selfish person. You have always been the most selfless, generous, loving and caring person I know and love... a real pain in the ass sometimes, with killer sarcasm to make a person cry, but still the best person I know. And I'm sorry- I'm so so so sorry that you can't see that! That you refuse to see that. That you don't see yourself the way I see you, the way your aunt sees you...or the way Burak sees you."
Ayedah inhaled sharply, swallowing hard to keep herself from crying even more. Ozge squeezed her hand.
"You should talk to him," she said. "When you're feeling a bit better...you should go talk to him. You have to." She smiled; "You are technically still his wife after all," she added. "It's not like he has divorced you and even if he did- you'd still have months to make it up with him. And for now...you need to talk to him. Tell him your truth, ask for his forgiveness." Then she frowned; "What is it that actually made him so angry or upset, now that I'm actually thinking about it?" Ozge asked, confused. "Yani...it's not your fault you have Bipolar. And as shocking as it was that you did not tell him, and as hurt as he would be because of it, I honestly don't know if it would be a good enough reason to-"
"Because when he proposed, and when I accepted and kissed him, and when I told him that I loved him- it could have all just been my mania, Ozge," revealed Ayedah. "My manic urges. I could've merely been caught up in the excitement." "Are you saying that he thinks your love in all, is part of your manic episode, and isn't real?" questioned Ozge. "That when you told him you loved him, that wasn't the truth and merely one of the manic urges?" "That is what I told him, yes," said Ayedah, her voice going softer and softer. "I suppose he left that bit out?" "Why, yes he did," muttered Ozge rather grouchily. "I wish he told me, so I wouldn't have assumed and thought badly of him- though I still think he should've waited at least until you had gotten over your injury before going off like that. Idiot-" "Don't say that, Ozge, it must have been such a painful shock for him," said Ayedah mournfully. "That our love, our dates, our hugs, our kisses- every one of them- could have merely been mania from my side. But do you know what's the worst part?"
"What?" asked Ozge. "That it was real for him," Ayedah whispered, breaking into sobs again, and burying her face in her hands to wipe away and hide the tears. "That it was all so real for him...so real that it hurts...he said those words himself, and I can't even doubt it or deny it the way I used to. It was real for him, he loves me. But I just...I don't love him."
"Why do you say that, Ayedah?" asked Ozge, frowning skeptically. "Honestly, why do you say that you don't love him?" "Because I can't love," said poor Ayedah, and Ozge almost sighed in exasperation. "Because I can't love. My brain is messed up, Ozge. The literal chemistry of my brain is messed up. My mind is messed up. How am I supposed to love?" Ozge was silent, unable to answer. Ayedah scoffed lightly; "As I thought," she lamented. "My mother was right. All this time... she was right about me."
They were quiet for a long time, as Ayedah used it to wipe away her tears and force down any more crying. "Ayedah, don't you at least like him?" asked Ozge finally, after what seemed to be hours or years, even, to Ayedah. "Feel some romantic feelings...attraction-?" "Of course I do," said Ayedah. "I...I really do like him. I feel something for him that I haven't for anyone else in my entire life." Ozge smiled at her, before she spoke up again; "Then how could it be possible that you don't love-"
"Ah, there you two are!"
Ozge was forced to stop speaking when Aunt Gab arrived, accompanied by a pretty lady in a neat blazer and jumpsuit.
"Ayedah, this is Dr. Reyhana," said Aunt Gab. "She'll be your psychiatrist." "Nice to meet you, Ayedah," said the psychiatrist, smiling kindly at her. "Selam," said Ayedah meekly. "We will have our first appointment this coming Wednesday, InshaAllah," said Dr. Reyhana. "From 6PM to 7PM." "Alright," said Ayedah. "Thank you, Dr. Reyhana." The doctor smiled, and after a few more words with Aunt Gab, she went back to her office.
"Now, let's head home, shall we?" said Aunt Gab with a smile. "I'm starving- aren't both of you?" Ozge nodded eagerly, whilst Ayedah stayed silent. "Come on now, Ayedah, let's fill you up with something that's not bland hospital food," said Gabriella. "It'll lift your spirits...food always does." "She's not wrong there," joked Ozge. "Whenever I'm happy, I eat, then I'm more happy. Whenever I'm sad, I eat, and then I become happy. When I'm angry, I eat- well, I'm usually angry because I'm hungry, so of course, I eat then I'm happy." Aunt Gab burst into laughter along with Ozge and finally, Ayedah cracked a small smile as they made their way out and away from the hospital.
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Ozge left them for the night after a nice dinner; she had offered to stay the night, but Ayedah told her that it was alright and she should go home, especially as Ozge had already taken so much time to take care of her the past couple of days. Ozge agreed after some discussion, and Aunt Gab accompanied her out as Ayedah went up to her bedroom. She was alone as she lay on her bed with Stormy, stroking his long gray fur as she talked to him. "I really screwed up, Stormy," she whispered. "I messed it up with him, I really did..."
"Ayedah?"
Ayedah looked up and saw her aunt come in. "Hullo," she said quietly, shifting a little so her aunt could sit at the foot of her bed. "How are you feeling?" asked Gabriella. "I haven't had the chance to ask you." "I'm okay," said Ayedah softly. "I'm...trying to be okay." Her aunt smiled; "I know you are," she replied. "You're always trying. That's what I love about you." She shifted a little closer to her and said, "Come on now, get under the covers. Let me tuck you in." Ayedah chuckled, and said, "I'm an adult, Aunt Gab." Aunt Gab's lips thinned, trying to keep in an eye roll as she nodded; "Well, I'm still doing it for you now," she said firmly, before allowing Ayedah to get under the covers so she could be tucked in. Ayedah swallowed as her aunt covered her up with her blanket and tucked her in; "No one's done that for me before," she whispered. "Except my father...until I grew too old." "Hmph, he must have forgotten our traditions," Aunt Gab muttered, though her expression was rather nonchalant. "We used to be tucked in by our parents every night. Even when we grew older and started sleeping in separate rooms, I always knew we were both given the same treatment before bed."
She sighed and sat in silence as Ayedah quietly watched Stormy curl up and get himself comfortable on her stomach.
"Sema called me," said Gabriella, and Ayedah inhaled sharply. "She's worried about you...all of them are. Mehmet and his wife too." Ayedah sighed; "I need to talk to Sema Hanim," she murmured. "I need to talk to all of them...Burak's family. I need to arrange a meeting with them...call off the wedding and-" "Now, why will we do that?" demanded Aunt Gab, cocking an eyebrow. "It's not like you and Burak have broken up." "But we aren't together, are we?" asked Ayedah, her voice shaking and her lips trembling. "Are we? He left, Aunt Gab. He said goodbye."
"People do things and say things when they're hurt," said Aunt Gab, shrugging. "And you don't have to explain too much to Sema and the family when you see them...Burak told them his side of the story." "Ah, did he now," Ayedah said bitterly. "He left out the bit where you have Bipolar Disorder, though," added Aunt Gab. "Perhaps he wanted to leave that bit for you to tell...you are the one with the illness after all. I'm happy his parents and siblings are open-minded, Alhamdulillah. They're waiting for your side of the story before judging." "The reason for all of this is my fault, Aunt Gab," murmured Ayedah. "The whole story is my responsibility. The mania that occurred because I went off my medication happened because of me- it messed with his feelings, his love, his affection." "How much do you remember from your mania, Ayedah?" asked Aunt Gab. "I know that there are moments that you forget." "I don't remember much," said Ayedah. "Especially towards the end I don't...I don't remember the incident in the bathroom...but I remember Burak." Aunt Gab frowned. "What do you mean, you remember Burak?" she asked.
"Again, I don't remember everything- just the special moments," Ayedah explained, her voice soft. "I remember his proposal, and accepting it. I remember our nikkah. I remember our first date, when we watched Black Widow together. I remember some days where I spent hours with him at his house after work watching Sports or Netflix, or letting him lay his head on my shoulder whilst I write, whether that was here or at his place.
"I remember the hugs we shared. The cuddle sessions. I remember us holding hands, the way he laced his fingers with mine. I remember almost every kiss...I remember every majorly happy moment we shared, I remember. I remember all the good bits relating to him. And him only."
A tear slipped down her cheek and she immediately wiped it away. "But none of it was real, not for me," she whispered. "It was all just mania, wasn't it? Feelings and emotions orchestrated by my broken brain, my broken mind. Like someone else felt them, and not me me." "Well, if it were all just mania, if it were someone else, how could you remember them all?" asked Aunt Gab gently. "The moments with Burak, that is?" "Maybe because I was happy," murmured Ayedah. "Maybe because I feel for him in a way I don't for anyone else- or maybe because they are simply my first romantic experiences." She shook her head; "But it could never be love," she whispered. "It can't be. Not from me."
Aunt Gab sighed. "Oh, my poor, unfortunate Ayedah," she whispered. "So much has happened in your past, and so much more has happened within barely a span of a year. A year you were hoping to be painless." She smiled sadly; "But that is life, my Girl," she told her. "Life is never painless. It is never all peace and happiness. But it is never all sorrow either. Not for anyone, and never for anyone. Not even those suffering from war or starvation, or cancer or diabetes, or Bipolar or Autism. It is never all sorrow, Allah just doesn't do that. He never will. And for you and Burak...He brought you two together. He is bestowing upon you this test so the connection between you grows stronger. And if you truly are supposed to be just memories for each other..."
Ayedah swallowed hard at this.
"Then He will have blessed you with good memories," smiled Aunt Gab, looking down at Ayedah lovingly. "He will have blessed the both of you with an experience which would have taught you both so many lessons, so much about what life really is. Because even when you are apart- you still take to heart the values that you picked up since you met him. There is a reason for everything...there is a reason you met Burak.
"Now it is your choice if you want to fight for him, and continue your story."
Ayedah sniffed; "I miss him," she whispered. "I really miss him...I miss Burak. He...he helped me feel human without making me feel like it was bad to be so." "I know you do, my Lovely," soothed Gabriella, caressing her niece's back. "I know...but it's not too late."
She exhaled heavily; "Do you want to see him?" she asked. "Be honest with me. Put your fears aside and think about what you really want. Do you want to see him, and at least try to make up?" Ayedah was silent for a very long time, before she responded with a quiet but confident, "Yes". "Well then, we will see him whenever the both of you are ready," said Aunt Gab with a smile. "But I agree with you that you do need to go see his family first."
"We can try and see them tomorrow," suggested Ayedah, but it made her aunt frown. "No, not tomorrow," Gabriella said firmly. "You need to rest, your skull was nearly cracked open...I'll ask to set a meeting with Sema and Busra the day after tomorrow." Ayedah was not in a mood to argue, so she nodded. "Okay," she replied, and her aunt smiled at her again. "Alright," she said with an air of finality, before she stood up to leave.
But before she did, she turned around to face her niece again;
"You should know this Ayedah...even though Burak told his family what happened and that the both of you aren't speaking, he never said to call off the marriage or that he was breaking up with you."
With that, she left the room, leaving her niece in the dark, under her covers, with her thoughts on what her aunt had said.
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"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for doing this to him. To your son. To your brother. To Burak."
Ayedah spoke in a soft yet clear voice as she told Sema and Busra the full story. They were at Busra's house, and her son Alparslan was sleeping soundly in his cot as they all talked together in the living room, discussing the recent events.
Ayedah had decided to not only tell them that she had Bipolar Disorder- the major cause of the rift between her and Burak- but she had elaborated her full story; how she was raised and schooled, who her family really were, where they really were, and how she had landed herself with Istanbul as her home instead of staying in London. She revealed why she lived as a foreigner in the country with no family except her aunt. She revealed her backstory that she kept concealed from the world, and that both she and Burak had hidden from his family when she had first met them at his house some time earlier. She told them about her parents; what had happened between her and them, and what had happened after. She told them about Aarif and Reema; how her younger brother had come back into her life and then disappeared just like that, not without hurting her...and how Burak had helped her through it all.
Sema and Busra looked rather aghast at the stories Ayedah narrated, and when she was finally done, Busra was the one to speak up first as she rocked the cradle Alparslan was in from where she sat. "All this time, I thought your family was simply poor and you sent them money from her, without wanting to tell us so you would protect them," she said softly. "But in reality they had destroyed you...tried to destroy you." She looked straight at Ayedah, who looked away when she noticed how similar Busra's eyes were to Burak's.
"How did you do it, Ayedah?" whispered Busra, despite the fact that her elder brother's fiancee was looking away. "How did you survive...how did you manage to escape so seemingly unharmed...untouched...unbroken?" Ayedah furrowed her brow; "What do you mean?" she asked. "What my daughter is saying is how did you keep your heart, my girl," said Sema softly. "Despite everything that happened, how did you manage to stay such a good person?" Ayedah did not know what to say to that, but she decided to continue speaking the truth; "I never have seen myself as one, to be honest," she answered in a quiet voice. "I feel as if I've always pitied myself too much, been selfish and resentful, not good enough for anyone or anything. Many have said so. My own family has said so." "That doesn't mean they speak the truth," said Sema. "And if you want me to be honest- I doubt you are what you or your family say you are. I haven't known you for a long time, but I already love you as I do Burak."
Ayedah blinked back tears, inclined her head and chuckled sadly; "How could you though, Sema Hanim?" she asked. "You barely knew me...the real me. Whatever time you spent with me, I don't even remember and I was experiencing a manic episode- it was as if someone else was with you, inside my body. Feeling what I felt during that period of time." "Then we want to know who you really are, if that wasn't you," said Busra, smiling at her kindly. "And even then- we have a vague idea, especially from what Burak would tell us every time the family would get together. We all know that the woman my brother chose is a good one, with a good heart." Ayedah squeezed her eyes shut, unable to meet Busra's eyes.
She felt a hand suddenly take her own, and looked up to see Sema gazing at her with the eyes her son had inherited, along with the rest of her children.
"I'm so sorry, Ayedah," she said softly. "On behalf of my family, I'm sorry you went through all that, and even more so including my son-"
"No, no, no..."
Ayedah shook her head profusely. "No, none of this is Burak's fault, please," she pleaded. "I take responsibility for falling. I was the one who was careless and didn't look after myself, hence I am responsible for the consequences. It was on me, please...Burak could never have known. He didn't know until I told him the truth...the truth about who I am, and who I was. He is hurt, as he has every right to be, and I'm sorry for all of it." "Thank you, Dear," said Sema, smiling sadly at her. Ayedah managed a smile back, and Aunt Gab squeezed her hand from where she sat on the other side of her.
"Have you tried to talk to Burak?" asked Busra, who had taken Alparslan out of the cot and was cradling him in her arms. "Have you tried to contact him yet, and work things out?" Ayedah swallowed, as Sema turned to her again expectantly. "Yes, Ayedah, have you?" she asked. "Have you tried to reach out to him?" "No," admitted Ayedah. "I haven't." "Well why not?" asked her would-be future mother-in-law. "What if he doesn't want me to?" asked Ayedah in a whisper. "What if he wants to move on, and forget all of this? He did say 'Goodbye' to me." Sema sighed, and looked at Busra, who did the same.
"Ah, Agabeyim," murmured Busra. "Ayedah, you do need to know something about Burak..." "I believe you do know that Burak has been in romantic relationships with other women before, right?" said Sema, and Ayedah nodded. "Yes," she answered. "We've spoken about it before...none of them turned out well for him." "Well- I believe you know this- but since his divorce especially, he had felt that his worth was determined by having someone of his own to love and to look after," explained Busra. "A wife, a lover." "That is what he said to me," said Ayedah. "Though I told him that his value does not depend on others, especially a spouse or lover, and that he is already worth so much as a person." "Exactly," said Sema. "But in the past, he was fixed with the mindset that he needed love in his life to be of value. To be a man."
"But as I believe he has told you, Burak's relationships with other women never really worked out after his first failed marriage," Busra went on. "Many did in fact think that he wasn't worth it- couldn't stand him, perhaps, or got bored because he truly wanted a relationship with someone else to mean something more than just dating. He wanted a friend, a confidante, a real lover in the woman he would choose to date." "Many of the girls he had been with simply just wanted a fling, not a real committed relationship," elaborated Sema. "One after another, they all broke his heart. And though at first he tried, like he did for his ex, Burak stopped fighting for them as they refused to fight for him." "He would just give up on every relationship that came along," finished Busra. "And before you came along, he had not approached anyone in a long time."
"But what does this have to do with what happened between us?" asked Ayedah, looking sorrowful. "Though I do agree that just as the other girls have, I was and am responsible for hurting him and breaking his heart- again." "Well, from what we could see, Burak decided to give up again," explained Sema. "With your coming out to him about your disorder, he probably grew too anxious and became too afraid to fight for you, so his mind chose the implemented defense mechanism that had become automatic- to give up and run away from it." "But Burak doesn't mean it, Ayedah," said Busra. "He wants you, he wants to be with you, he loves you...he's just scared." "Oh Burak," whispered Ayedah, a tear escaping her eye and slipping down her cheek.
Sema exhaled heavily, and took out her phone. She scrolled for a while, before handing it to Ayedah. .
"He spoke about you in an interview once," said Sema. "Look here..."
Ayedah looked at the screen to read an interview of Burak's that had been translated to English. The questions he was asked were highlighted in red, with Burak's long answers written under in paragraphs. Ayedah's heart jolted when she saw the question, "Is there anyone special in your life?"
Burak's answer was:
Yes, there is. She is not someone whose identity I will reveal, for that is classified until I make things official with her. But we have a pleasant relationship that I cherish deeply. We don't live together nor has our relationship become romantic, but we both like to spend time in a calm, conservative nature. We have experienced a lot with each other already, and I hope we continue to do so, whether they are positive experiences or negative. As long as we're in it together, I am ready for anything.
A lump formed in Ayedah's throat; "He...he said this about me?" she asked in a whisper. Busra nodded, smiling. "He told me about it, when he wrote it," she said, as her baby giggled in her arms. "He really loves you. He truly does, and always has. Look, even Alparslan agrees!" Ayedah couldn't help but smile at the adorable baby, before Sema spoke up again.
"As we just spoke about- Burak has been in relationships with several women plus his ex-wife, yes...but never had he valued and put so much trust in someone the way he did you," said Sema. "In fact, many of the women he has been with we never actually got to meet, or know well enough before they would leave him. Ayedah, he truly values you the most, loves you the most, trusts you the most. And it's clear that you do for him too."
"But I broke it," Ayedah whispered, beginning to tear up again. "I broke his trust. Our relationship. Everything we had-"
"And you were trying to protect him," said Sema. "From something you thought would damage him. And of course, you were trying to protect yourself too- God knows the stigma against the disorder you have. And judging by your life in the past, there has not been anyone who has helped much with it, hence the reason why you continue to hide." "Burak has," said Ayedah suddenly. "Even though he didn't know it...he did. He really did. And he did fight for me- for a long time. I just never realized it." Sema turned to Busra, and the two exchanged smiles.
"Then fight for him," pleaded Sema, turning back to look at Ayedah. "Please fight for him, Ayedah...he needs someone to fight for him. Fight for my son."
Ayedah sighed; "But how?" she asked. "I want to, I do- but I don't even know if I love him." "Why do you say that?" asked Busra gently. "Exactly what I asked her when she first told me so," said Aunt Gab, shaking her head. "Why, Ayedah?" "How can I know?" wondered her niece. "I can't trust my own mind, my own instincts...how do I know if I'm in love with Burak?" She looked down, her fingers knotted together tightly. "Don't get me wrong, I do care about him so much," she said softly. "I really do...more than anyone or anything. I just want what's best for him." "Then that's good enough for us," said Sema firmly. "If you're really not in love with him yet- which I seriously doubt- you already care about him and like him enough...feel for him enough." "And being in love after the marriage exists, Ayedah," said Busra with a sly smile. "It truly doesn't have to be before- for my parents, it was love after marriage. It worked out well, Alhamdulillah."
"My daughter speaks the truth," said Sema, who was also smiling. "Now come on- go to him. Talk to him. You know you want to...you must." Ayedah breathed in deeply, and nodded. "You're right, I do," she said bravely. "I do need to fight for him." "Then go now," said Sema. "Go now...and if he needs time, I know you will give it to him." "I will," said Ayedah, as they all stood up. She hugged Sema, before doing the same for Busra and sparing a kiss for her baby. "Thank you," she said, as they got ready to leave, her aunt putting a hand on her shoulder.
"Thank you, both of you...I won't give up on him. I promise."
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A/N: Ooh our gurl gon go fight for her man(tho srsly Burak, you needa fight for her too and help her out here man owo)
And just a warning I think the chapters will be v long from now until the end of the book eheh
Lygs, don't forget to comment + vote!
Ayesha <3