❧October 10, 1957☙
I woke up the next morning in my own bed, still in my dress. I groaned to myself, knowing I hadn't taken my makeup off. I stood up off the bed and started to walk but tripped. Due to my sleepy state, I didn't have much time to react, and I fell on top of whatever tripped me. It turned out to be John because he yelped. I stared down at his face, his features standing out to me. The morning sun peaked through my windows onto his grid in the nicest way. I found myself staring too long for a noticeable smirk to spread across his face.
"Good morin'" He chuckled.
I pushed myself off of him and frowned.
"What the bloody hell are you doing on the floor! I could've broken a bone!" I crossed my arms.
"I distinctly remember you telling me to sleep down 'ere 'cause you were afraid I'd throw up on your bed."
"You remember stuff? Quite surprisin' 'cause I thought everythin' went in one ear and out the other." I made fun of him.
"You look like a raccoon." He squinted at me.
I scoffed, "Says the bloke who looks like a caveman."
"You didn't let me finish my sentence. A cute raccoon."
I walked out of the room, "Enough, Lennon. I don't need you to try and charm me."
"Can you make me a cuppa?" He hollered after me, crawling to get his head to peek out of the door.
I sighed and walked downstairs. I started up the kettle on the stove. While that was going, I went into the downstairs bathroom to wipe the mascara from under my eyes. I looked very rough and was almost embarrassed he saw me like that. To be fair, he didn't look too proper himself, but he had a boyish charm that made it cute and not repulsive, unlike me. Maybe I'm too harsh on myself, but it's not like that's going to change any time soon. I combed my hands through my somewhat curly hair. My hair was a dark blonde, not a pretty light blonde like all the models in the magazines.
"Lizzie!" John called from upstairs.
I soon heard trampling like a stampede of wild boar come from that direction. I turned to see John heavily breathing while holding on to the door frame.
"You alright?"
"Yeah, I just didn't want to be alone. Your house is creepy." He faked a shiver.
"It is not creepy! John, I oughta kill ya'."
He smiled and sat down at the table. Then he picked up an old newspaper and theatrically pretended to read it. I took it from his hands, rolled it up, and whacked his head with it. I couldn't help but laugh at his shocked face. He looked hurt that I took his paper and used it against him.
"Why'd you do tha'?" John pouted.
I simply ignored his question and checked the time. It was quarter to nine o'clock. I started to panic; I wanted to make it to the hospital. I really wanted to spend as much time as I could with my mother.
"I have to be somewhere," I said, taking the kettle off the heat cause it was whistling.
He questioned, "Where you off to?"
I emptied the water into the teapot and then poured the loose leaf into the filter. I put the lid on and left it be. I wiped my hands on the kitchen towel and set it down on the table.
"Nowhere!" My voice was shaky.
I rushed upstairs and into my room. I shut the door behind me and started sorting through my clothes. I decided on high-waisted jeans and a red blouse. I swiftly changed and then did a bit of makeup.
"Fuck." I muttered.
I forgot to brush my teeth and I had just put on lipstick. I ran into the bathroom and brushed them quickly, and then did my hair. My nerves were high, first with making good time and John pestering me. I went down the stairs whilst holding on to the railing. I saw John leaning on the front door with his cup of tea.
"Where are you going? Can I come?" He smiled.
I sighed, "John, I can't-"
"Why can't you tell me? Genuinely?"
"I- Please. Can we talk about it later? I don't want to be late."
I didn't want to talk about it because if I did I knew I'd cry. Also, I genuinely hated telling people things because then they had the need to fix it. It wasn't theirs to fix, and I didn't want them getting involved.
"What are you late for?" He persisted.
I stepped closer, "It really doesn't matter. It's personal."
His eyebrow furrowed, "You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"
I reached for the doorknob, but his back made it hard for me to open the door. Both of us were getting impatient. I was more nervous and upset, while he was more bothered I wasn't answering.
"John, please move." I pleaded.
"Just tell me! I'm not going to tell anyone."
"My mum is dying!" I blurted out, "Now, please get out of my way."
"She's... wha'?" His eyes widened.
He moved out of my way. I opened the door and started to walk through my front path. I could hear John close the door behind him and trail after me.
"Liz? I'm so sorry. I can't imagin-"
"Don't pity me. Please just move on." My eyes started to sting.
Just the thought of my mother made me go soft. I could feel the tears start to blur my vision. No, no, no, no, no, not right now, please... John put a hand on my shoulder and turned me to face him— if I blinked once it was over for me.
"I don't pity you. I care about you." He pulled me into a hug.
With that, I started silently sobbing. I hated this so much. My emotions were unpredictable, and I was doing so well too.
"When did you find out?"
I cried, "Last night."
He hugged me tighter.
❧October 29, 1957☙
(a/n: play let it be during this)
My mother passed away on October 20th, quite a peaceful death, I might add, but what ensued afterward wasn't. I sat beside her the entire time, and the last conservation we ever had was something I'd never forget. It almost scarred me.
"Oh, darling, tell me that you've got everything you want." She held my hands.
I didn't understand what she meant. Everything I wanted? Like what? Happiness and love, or like money and fame? How was I to answer?
"I- erm...I dunno, mum." I furrowed my brows.
I watched her part her mouth as she took in a breath. She had such a hard time catching her breath after talking. She looked fragile but peaceful.
"Are you happy?" She restated.
My father questioned my mom, "Lucy?"
"I want to know if you are happy." She ignored my dad.
Was she asking for her own inner peace? If so, should I give her the answer that she wants?
Almost like she read my mind, she said, "And don't tell me what I want to hear."
"My life is average, innit? I guess I'm not happy that you are sick. I'm not happy that I won't have you. But in other regards, I suppose so."
She caressed my face with her other hand, "For though we may be parting, my dear, y'know I will love you."
"Mum?" My voice cracked.
Was she saying goodbye forever? This can't be happening.
"It will be okay. I'll always be here?" She poked my chest.
I thought I had prepared myself, but how I was wrong. Her hand fell to her side as she tilted her head at me. A smile rested on her face. She reached for my dad's hand.
"I love you two, forever and always."
Tears streamed from my eyes, and my nose ran. Her eyes started to flutter shut, and her breathing stopped. My father and I stood up over her as she flatlined. All I remember from that moment on was people rushing in trying to save her and others pulling me out. I thrashed around in their arms, yelling for my mom. During every second of that, I felt out of my body, and had a loud ringing in my ear. The muffled voices filled my brain. It was like I wasn't even the one screaming; I couldn't control it. I felt like a part of my heart was taken. A hole had formed that I feared would never be filled.
I was at the funeral currently. The funeral director was lowering her into the grave. Stood beside me was my father, nan, grandpa, aunt Pipa, and uncle Gabriel. Near the back were more family and my mates who had met her. I couldn't help but cry seeing the casket at the bottom of the burial vault. My father took my hand as we walked over to the dirt to throw a hand full in. I felt a tear of mine fall onto the soil, wetting it. I frowned as I tossed it in. Once everyone in the front row had done it to a man started speaking.
"Would anyone like to say something?" The man asked.
To be honest, I didn't quite know who he was, but I knew he wasn't a priest.
I decided I'd say something, "I will."
A few murmurs came around me, but I didn't pay attention. Everyone hushed when I started speaking.
I peered over the coffin, holding my arms like a hug, "I-I already said a few things back at home when we all gathered, but I wanted to say somethings specifically to mum."
I took a second to recollect my thoughts.
"I think- No, I know you are watching over me." I looked up at the sky, "I just want to say thank you. You've really helped me be the person I am today. I think I might follow my heart like you said, change a few people's lives while I'm at it. But erm... I love you, and I hope smiles await you in your golden slumbers."
I nodded and walked further away from the grave. After a few more people spoke, they started shoveling the dirt into the pit, filling it. I placed a pretty little purple lisianthus on the dirt and walked away from the sight with everyone else. Nicely enough, John came by my side. He'd been really nice during all of this, and I was actually quite glad I had told him when I did. For once, I let someone else care about me instead of me caring for someone else.
"That was beautiful, Lizzie. You alright then?" He asked while holding an umbrella over us.
"I'll be alright—no more fussing about. I just got to make her proud. If she's not here, I might as well honor her." I pushed forward.
He grinned at me, "Now that's the spirit."
George came up behind us, "It's all in the mind, y'know?"
"What is?" John and I said at the same time.
"Well, mourning, of course. People get all crazy about it, but if you choose to move on, you'll do better overall." He walked on my right because John was on my left.
"Tha's all true." Paul came up next.
"What is this? You lot keep appearing." I chuckled softly.
I got a few stares from other people walking a bit behind us. I assumed they didn't like that I was already trying to lighten up. To be fair, it was not the right time and place to be talking about this.
"Right then, let's go somewhere else. Don't want to upset anyone."
⊱ ────── {⋆⌘⋆} ────── ⊰
We all sat down at an ice cream place while I told them stories of my mom. They were all so fascinated by her. To her credit, she was an amazing woman. She was strong, smart, brave, and the sweetest lady ever. Even when she first found out about John, all she wanted to do was ask about him and get to bond with me. I regret finding it annoying at the time, but there's not much I can do now. I spent the last moments with her, and that to me was all I could ask for.
"So let me get this straight? She got kidney disease from smoking?" John said while lighting his ciggie.
I rolled my eyes at him. I took the cigarette from his mouth and put it out while scowling at him.
"If I catch you guys smoking, I'll be the cause of your death." I flicked it into the road.
Paul started, "But-"
"No buts, whats, or ifs. I'm looking at you, George. Always having those fags in your mouth."
George then tried to reason, "But-"
I raised my voice, "NO BUTS! You hear me?"
John sassed, "Sorry, mother."
"John, I'll have you crucified." I squinted at him.