"Um, Mistress Kage? Elder Yasmina would like to have a word with you." A timid soft voice broke through the fog of sleep, interrupting my only rare time of peace and quiet currently in my life. I groaned in exasperation, rolling onto my back to throw an arm over my eyes.
"What fucking time is it?" I grumbled.
Nervous shuffling initially answered me and I peeked out from beneath my arm to give the young woman an annoyed glare.
Topping at about 4'9, Julienne was a mousy little thing with a cute button nose, freckles, and bronze ringlets reaching to her shoulders. Her doe brown eyes were casted downward, her shoulders hunched in a defensive posture as if my harsh choice of words were a strike against her pale skin. Fucking hell, I was such an asshole. I always kept forgetting about how her previous living situation used to be.
I blew out a frustrated breath, sitting up slowly while I tried to school my features into a semblance of calm. Julienne still flinched at my movement, inching away from me before she caught herself with a panicked expression. Pity twanged in my empty chest and I was immediately hit with the urge to soothe her.
Fuck Yasmina for suddenly deciding that I needed a pseudo secretary to help me handle my affairs. Why the old bat decided that this scarred young girl was the best choice was beyond me, but I was willing to make this work. Even if it's only pity fueling that cause.
"Hey. Chill out. I'm not going to hurt you or anything. I just want to know the time." I said in I hope was a soothing tone.
Julienne bit her lip, bowing her head. My inner wolf growled at the unconscious show of submission, and I quickly muzzled her. No scaring the mouse. Otherwise I won't know what fucking time she got me up or what the fuck I had to do today. I'll admit, in the month that's she's been in my charge I've gotten lazy on keeping up with my schedule. Frankly, it was only Julienne and Yasmina who kept me going on fulfilling my leaderly duties to the Guild.
It's been six weeks since I've transferred the compound to my lands in NightShade. Since Sunniva's impromptu visit, there has been no contact from any of the Clans. No ambushes, no hostility from the locals, nothing. Nada, zippo, noooothinnng. Because of that, my depression consumed me. On most days I was a living, breathing zombie habitually going through the motions to get my Members settled in. Yasmina was constantly reminding me to eat, sleep, and in her words to "change my clothes because I smelled like something the cat dragged in". I was a wreck. A sight of carnage to behold as dragged my body throughout the mansion to check in on everyone. Not like I personally give a fuck. Let them stare. Sit on my middle finger and spin assholes.
"It's 7:30 a.m Mistress Kage."
I whipped my head towards Julienne, my mouth dropping open in utter horror.
"What the ever loving fuck!? Why am I awake!?" I exclaimed.
Julienne lurched back, doing her best impression of becoming one with the wall as her face took on a sickly pallor.
"E-Elder Yasmina has a-arranged a consult with a Healer this morning before you begin y-your daily rounds." Julienne stuttered. Her eyes were still trained towards my carpet, trembling like a leaf as my room began to reek with her fear.
I was too lost in my temper to acknowledge it, leaping out of bed like I had a hot poker poking my ass. I paced around the room, growling as tried to retain some form of calm. Damn that fucking Seer. I didn't need to see a godsdamn Healer. I was perfectly fine-albeit a bit underweight-but fucking fine. I ignored the tiny bump in my lower abdomen as I passed my vanity mirror. The implications of what that could mean too much for me to handle right now. The possibility of-nope. Nuh uh. Not fucking going there.
I whirled around to face Julienne, not sparing her from my anger as I scowled.
"Tell that old broad that her and that Healer can go fuck themselves." I snarled, unconsciously rubbing the godsforsaken bump. I stopped after a few seconds, my fingers twitching as my temper ramped up a notch. Fuck my entire existence.
"E-Elder Yasmina warned me that you may decline the appointment, s-so she told me to tell you that if you refuse she'll drag you by the ear herself to the Healer. H-her words, not mine!" Julienne squeaked.
I narrowed my eyes at her and she shuddered.
"I'd like to see her try." I sneered.
Julienne was green around the gills, her eyes finally wrenching themselves from the floor to glance at my doorway. I frowned at the begging expression on her face. Then I snarled like the monster I was as the musty scent of parchment and lilacs hit my nose.
"Why am I not surprised?" I grumbled, glaring at Yasmina as she shuffled into my bedroom.
Yasmina's expression was stern, her brow uplifted in a snooty way that made me feel as if I was a child having a tantrum. Perhaps to her, I really was being a child about all of this. But what the fuck did you expect? Me to be all fine and dandy with the reality that I may or not be pregnant with my dead fiancé's baby? That if I am in fact pregnant then I would have to raise this child alone? No! I'm not fucking fine with that bullshit! So if this is a tantrum then I'm going to milk it for all it's worth before I have to face the music.
"Come now, child. I think you're scaring the wits out of Julienne." Yasmina said calmly.
My ire cooled a bit at the sight of Julienne shaking like an epileptic in the corner of my room. Her doe brown eyes were shiny with suppressed tears, her nails bit to the quick as she chewed on them anxiously. Her pale complexion was chalky, the faint freckles across the bridge of her nose standing out. Her bronze ringlets were practically the most buoyant thing about her. The rest of her appearance was haunted and weighed down by the darkness in her past. Her nearly anorexic frame encased in what I liked to call an obese black hoodie and black leggings that enhanced her skinny legs. Whether it's during what I've dubbed my business hours or whenever I've secretly wandered the mansion and spotted her, Julienne was always wearing those overly large hoodies. Hiding her scars and herself from the world. No one, not even I, questioned her choice of armor. We just let the poor girl be.
"Perhaps she isn't the best choice to be paired with me then." I said after a moment. Annoyance flickered across Yasmina's face. This wasn't the first time we've had this argument.
"This is not the topic I'm here to discuss." Yasmina stated stubbornly. Too bad for her that I'm just as stubborn.
"The girl just about pissed her pants when I asked for the time a couple minutes ago. Why the fuck did you put her as my assistant? Which by the way, I don't fucking need one. I handle myself just fine. Always have, always will."
"Julienne is the best choice to manage your affairs. She's diligent, loyal, and punctuate while you are defiant, stubborn, and too lax. You need her just as much as she needs you." Yasmina said in a cool tone.
I snorted derisively, ignoring how Julienne withered in the corner.
"I don't have the time or energy to cater to a scared little girl who hides in the corner every time I say fuck." I stated harshly. My regular numbness towards the world was settling in, so I felt no remorse when I saw Julienne wince out of the corner of my eye.
Yasmina's expression hardened.
"I understand that your loss of compassion is due to the recent amount of tragedy that you've experienced, but there is no need to be cruel. Especially towards an innocent." Yasmina lectured.
I scowled, though I did cast a brief look of apology in Julienne's direction before arguing further with Yasmina.
"I'll admit that those choice of words were my bad. But it was the fucking truth and you know it. She's too weakened by her past, and I have no room for weakness in my personal life. Not now." I said, lowering my voice to a murmur that only Yasmina could hear.
Yasmina was unyielding, waving away my concerns. I gritted my teeth in irritation, wishing to the gods that she could see right at this moment so that I could smite her with my glare alone.
"You call dealing with abusive parents for nearly her entire life and then finding the will to leave with just the clothes on her back at eighteen weakness. I call that strength. You both need each other. You, to remember what you are fighting for. And her to remember how to fight even when you feel trapped by the past. If the task is too much for the both of you, then I'll assign a new aide. Until then, deal with it." Yasmina's tone was like steel, her words on the matter final.
I wanted to rip her a new asshole, but the fucking ancient, batty Seer was already chattering away on my not-so-welcomed Healer appointment.
"Phineas is downstairs in the guest parlor awaiting your arrival. I suggest you get dressed and meet me there." Yasmina said, her countenance once again as cool as a cucumber.
I couldn't help but strain against her unspoken demand. Who the fuck was the real leader of this fucking Guild huh? I was no fucking pushover, so how the fuck does this old lady think she can just push me around?
"And if I don't?" I asked, honestly curious about her response. Depending on her answer, it may be the key on whether or not I'll let her walk out of here unscathed. Coveted Seer or not. Who gives a fuck about her being an old crone? I certainly don't right now.
Yasmina turned away from me, her cane thudding against my carpet sharply as she shuffled out of my room. When she reached the threshold, she twisted her head to pin me with her blind gaze. I stilled at the power and sheer ancient knowledge I saw there, a sense of foreboding churning gut as my forehead went damp with cold sweat.
"You will regret it." She told me simply. Then she was gone.
I waited until I could no longer hear the dull thuds of her cane and her uneven gait before unleashing a blue streak of curses that would make a sailor blush. When I stormed for my closet, Julienne finally peeled herself off my wall.
"You're going, Mistress?" She asked quietly, her voice quavering though it didn't hide the note of confusion and surprise.
I tore through my closet like a madwoman, bypassing my work clothes for something more informal and comfortable. A silent fuck you towards Yasmina, who've I've learned lately for formal propriety. Too fucking bad she can't. Fucking. See. Otherwise she would probably faint with embarrassment when I emerged from my closet a couple minutes later in fresh pair of black sweats and a ratty Twenty One Pilots band tee. I was barefooted, devoid of emotion, and tying up my hair in a messy bun when Julienne glanced up to assess my appearance. It seems she was also a fan of propriety by the horrified expression on her face, but she was too much of a pussy to tell me to go change. I would rectify that soon. I was not going to have a weak little mouse in my inner circle. I already had too many things on my plate to protect, and I had no room to guard the one whose to supposed to guard me as last resort in case we are under attack. No fucking way in Tartarus would I let Julienne cover my back with the way she is now. She needed to learn to be strong, and fast. Because if this Healer appointment is going to go how I think it is, then I was going to need a lot of cover in the nearby future.
Fuck you life.