"The audacity of the bastard..." Terrance muttered bitterly, staring out the floor-to-ceiling glass wall of his house.
"It's not that surprising, but God... The look on her face." Xavier sighed, tipping back his head to drain the last of his drink. He hadn't yet convinced himself that he made the right choice in leaving the house, Helena and the children.
"Why are you here?" Terrance grumbled pouring his friend another drink. Xavier gave him a hard glare. Terrance is the one and only friend he had kept in contact with since their college days. Admittedly they weren't joined by the hip. Both of them were lone wolves, and they walked different walks in life, and maybe that was the perfect recipe for a friendship as long lasting as theirs. They could talk to one another about anything knowing that they weren't acquainted with the other person's world.
"When we left his office, I expected her to feel some kind of happy..." Xavier shook his head, the alcohol was strating to cloud his thoughts. "She was just very quiet and distant, and no matter what I could do or say, it wouldn't snap her out of it."
Terrance took the armchair opposite him. "Well, no shit. She just left her husband of about two decades. No matter how big of a douche he is, you expect her to throw a party to celebrate?"
"Not that!" Xavier groaned, kneading his temples. "Helena doesn't usually shut me out, and this time it seemed final... I don't like it."
"Look," Terrance pointed at him with his half empty glass. "Give her a break, alright? It doesn't take a genius to figure out that things like these take time and energy. Plus, think about it- How would she feel if she ditched her husband and jumped into the arms of another man the next day? Not just any other man, but her and her husband's friend who was secretly in love with her all these years and helped her get a divorce."
"Alright, shut up, I get it." Xavier huffed. It did sound bad, outrageous even, but only him and Helena knew the truth of things, and they weren't like that. At least he knew that, but what of her? Could she possibly think that he only wanted her to get a divorce so that he could be with her? No, surely not. Terrance was a terrible influence sometimes. He shouldn't take his words to heart. "When did you get all wise and sensible? Last time I checked, you swore off of relationships and the headaches that come with."
Terrance discarded his drink on the little tabe between them. "I'm none the wiser, trust me. I'm getting myself in all kinds of troubles these days."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Xavier fixed his watchful gaze on the man. Terrance wasn't exactly a man of trouble. He liked his peace and solitude way too much. It's the reason for his celibacy rules. Xavier had never once seen the man in a relationship in all the years he'd known him. "You're involved with someone aren't you?"
Terrance gave him a non-comittal shrug. Xavier straightened in his seat. "Please don't tell me it's an affair."
He received a cold glare, "You're one to talk?"
"I'm not having an affair, what the f***?" Xavier said defensively, "So you are involved in one!"
"No I'm not, a**hole." Terrance ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "It's worse."
He stopped in his track, "What could be worse than that?"
Terrance eyed him for a minute too long, as though deciding whether it's wise to tell him at all. Xavier gave him a knowing look to which he sighed in defeat. "She's a student."
"Excuse me?" Xavier gaped at his friend in shock. Terrance had been a professor for more than a decade. A well-respected and successful business professor whose reputation stemmed from his strict ways. He wasn't involved in scandals or rumours of any sort. A true lone wolf through and through. Although he had his womanizing ways in secret every once in awhile, he was the last person Xavier would think to get involved with a student. The grim look on Terrance's face had him convinced he heard him right. "You are serious."
"Well, not anymore, she's not my student anymore, but- f***!" He cursed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "It wasn't meant to happen, and I f***ed up."
"So," Xavier started carefully, "You were involved with her when she was your student, and only now that she's graduated are you concerned?"
"No," His friend muttered, "She hasn't graduated yet. She is no longer my student, but she is still a student."
"Right, my friend, just rewind the tape for a bit and start at the beginning, will you?" Despite his shock, Xavier was kind of amused. This was the Terrance Alexander. Nobody ruffled his feathers, let alone a student. It was amusing to watch.
"F*** off! You're enjoying this, aren't you!" He kicked Xavier's shin under the table playfully.
"It's entertainment at its finest." Xavier chuckled. Terrance shook his head with a barely visible smirk.
"I didn't know she was a student at first." He started, "We met in a club, and you can imagine where that lead us."
"Shit."
"Exactly," Terrance finished his drink, "Then I see her the following week in my class. That shit was straight out of a trashy telenova. I tried to be the adult and told her that from that point onwards we were strictly professor and student, nothing more."
"Broke the girl's heart in the first class?" Xavier asked.
"I wish," Terrance snorted, "She threw my words right out the window, and took it upon herself to show this 'old arrogant patronizing a**hole' exactly who he was dealing with."
"Ouf, my heart goes out to you." Xavier commented.
"You do not understand." Terrance threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. "I can't get her out of my system and she's going to be the death of me."
"I understand, just a little bit." Xavier chuckled. He knew what it's like having someone in his system for years.
"I am sixteen years older than her, Xavier. I'm old enough to be her father for f***'s sake." Terrance groaned. He was obviously in a lot of twisted dilemmas that made him want to drown in alcohol by the rate he was drinking. "But damn me if she isn't the reason I look forward to waking up everyday."
"That doesn't sound healthy." Xavier supplied thoughtfully. Again, he could imagine his friend saying 'And you are one to talk?' because he wasn't any better.
"No, it's driving me out of my mind because what the f*** am I doing?" Terrance huffed, "I could lose my job, my reputation would be in the mud, and she could get suspended as well. But she doesn't care for any of that, and I hate to hold her at arm's length just to give into her again and string her along. I feel like a jerk."
They basked in the charged quiet of the moment. The lights of buildings and streets and cars all blurred into the night of the city outside. Xavier broke the silence first, "I don't need to tell you what the responsible thing would be in this situation because you know it full well... But It's a tough predicament. You're both consensual adults who want to be with one another, so maybe you should sit down and talk about it. Maybe put it on pause until she's graduated. Or you can just come to terms with the fact that you can keep it up and will have to deal with the consequences, and if so, is it worth it for the two of you? Is she worth your occupation and reputation for you Terrance?"
"Have I ever told you I f***ing despise you?" Terrance muttered.
Xavier threw his head back and laughed, "Way too many times to count."
~
Helena felt guilty.
It wasn't the divorce by any means, or that she had to sit down with her children and answer their never-ending questions, or the fact that she had to pretend she was okay and happy. Well- she did feel like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, but she couldn't chase the ghost of thoughts that clouded her sky the minute she stepped out of her ex-husband's office.
She had brushed off every one of Xavier's attempts at conversation and kept him at a distance ever since, and that thought didn't settle well with her when she found herself sitting alone at night, replaying the events of the day.
Earlier when they sat together at the dining table, she hadn't told the kids much about the process, but she gave them small reassurances that everything was more than okay. She didn't want to stress them out with the details, and she was relieved they didn't seem to mind it at all.
"Everything went well. I promised, didn't I?" Xavier had said.
She put her cutlery down and turned to him questioningly, "What did you promise?"
Amber shook her head, "Wow you're terrible at keeping secrets Xavier."
Wren just stared in a loss of words before Alessandro spoke, looking apologetically at Xavier, "We made him promise in the morning that he'll take care of you and make sure all goes well."
Her heart did warm at the gesture but she gave her kids a pointed look, "You guys are a handful."
"He did keep his promise though!" Lennon said, giving Xavier an admiring look, "He always does."
"Yes!" Ophelia jumped into the conversation with a wide excited grin, "Uncle Xavier is the best."
Xavier reached to ruffle her hair as she sat in his lap. Looking around, Helena just quietly observed how natural he was with her family- almost too natural. She felt guilty because in the past, at similar times, she would wish it was Zach instead- but at that very moment she didn't. There was nobody she'd rather be there with all of them than Xavier. It was too sudden and overwhelming, and the strong wave of emotion had taken her aback to the point where she mentally dissociated.
She knew very well that Xavier considered them a family of his own, which is something he didn't experience much at all, but wholeheartedly deserved. But something about it was suddenly different. They were with him, in his house that started to feel more like a home. They were all getting used to it and she didn't want to think about having to let it go.
Wren chanced glances at the man sitting beside her while everyone were engrossed in eating or silly conversations. She was almost choked with the warm emotion that was drowning her chest and lungs up to the lump in her throat, holding in her tears, but they were tears of gratitude mixed with guilt and fear, which was a curious combination that made no sense to her.
Xavier looked at her glossed over eyes, and his smile dropped. She could tell he was worried thinking she was about to cry, and he reached for her hand under the table. She smiled sadly when she felt his touch and retrieved her hand that felt like it was burning quickly.
The look on his face had stayed with her ever since. She had avoided being alone with him the entire morning and afternoon. A feeling of bubbling guilt eating her from the inside. It was clear to her that she needed time to process her feelings, and get her thoughts in order. That didn't mean it made it easier to remember Xavier's crestfallen face when he told her he'd be staying away for a couple of days. The glimmer of understanding in his eyes and the little smile he gave her before he left had only managed to intensify whatever she was feeling tenfold.
One thing was for sure, Xavier did not deserve to be put at arm's length and strung alone. That she knew, and swore she would not do. Not when he'd only ever given her unconditional love and support.