Chapter 6
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Everything I wanted
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* * *Day Six* * *
The next morning, after going back home, Taehyung decided to pay Jimin a quick unexpected visit to put him up to date on the situation. He felt bad for the previous events when Jimin tried to help him, but he pushed him to the limits.
Even though Taehyung did that, Jimin still helped him with Jungkook. He felt like he didn't deserve his best friend.
"So lemme get this straight." Jimin looked unexpectedly hyped for the situation, which meant he wasn't actually mad at Taehyung, which he was thankful for. "You slept over at Jungkook's and he slept over at your place after you nearly slapped my majestic face when I dared to mention him? Make it make sense?" Jimin accused, with no ill intent to his voice tone. It was more of a friendly accusation.
Taehyung totally agreed with Jimin, it made no sense.
"In my defense.." Taehyung replied, trying to come up with the best excuse, but failing miserably. "I- couldn't say no to Jungkook."
Face palming himself, Jimin approached Taehyung, hand on display as if he was waiting for something. Frowning, Taehyung just started at him dumb-faced.
"I lost a bet with Yoongi, because of you. I have to give him one thousand won, provide, please." Jimin demanded the money with a hilariously serious expression on his face.
Taehyung couldn't help but wonder. "What?"
"It's your fault."
"Did you and Yoongi make a bet on whether I will see Jungkook again or not?" Taehyung asked with a baffled expression on his face, on the verge of laughing out loud. He tried to keep it back, for the sake of Jimin's loss.
"Exactly, I mean not really, Yoongi said you will go over to Jungkook, I said you won't ever see him again. He said he could bet on it, so I agreed to the bet. Something like that."
"I mean, if I were to bet, I would have chosen the same things as you. I was convinced I wouldn't see Jungkook again." Taehyung admitted. "But, I'm not gonna pay for your bet. Ahh and ... Jungkook mentioned that you were the one who told him I was at home." Taehyung narrowed his eyes.
"Yes, that was after the bet, and I still was convinced that you are that dumb that you wouldn't let him in."
"I see." Taehyung nodded in agreement. "Still not paying you, especially since... Apparently...." Taehyung emphasized each word. "You seem to be back on talking terms with Yoongi, hmm?
A faint rush of blood rosied Jimin's cheeks. "We are just talking..."
"And...?"
"And maybe the bet included a date if he won."
"He? Proposed the date?" Taehyung jumped excitedly by Jimin's side.
"Of course! I would never do that myself... even though I may have implied it." Jimin giggled. The little devil he was.
"Well.." Taehyung shrugged, a genuine smile on his face. "I'm happy Jimin, don't blow shit up this time."
Sighing, Jimin took a seat on his couch. "I feel sorry for you, Tae. I know I have encouraged this but..." He bit his lower plush lip.
"Let's not think about it, for now, Jimin. It's alright, I'm gonna think about it later, right now, I just want to see him for one last time and keep the memory close to my heart forever."
"W-what are you feeling? Is it.. tell me how you feel about him, describe it. I feel like you've never been like this, in your entire life." Jimin grabbed a popcorn bowl and placed it between him and Taehyung, a happy smile on his face.
"I am scared to say it out loud." Taehyung replied, popping a piece of popcorn in his mouth.
"You don't have to if you don't want to." Jimin reassured. "I'm just.. a bit shocked."
"I don't know... what's happening." Taehyung breathed out. "I really didn't intend to end up here. Since the first time I saw him, I didn't want to do anything with him, then he texted me, then I kissed him, and then whenever I see him my stomach hurts and I wanna touch him and kiss him and cuddle and hold his hand and this is so weird Jimin." Taehyung rumbled, worrying Jimin that he might have forgotten to breathe.
"I liked boys before, but the urge to be with Jungkook is different... it is impossible to explain. It's like, I can't control myself when I'm with him, and it scares me so much.."He confessed, face painted by a mix-up of feelings.
With sympathetic eyes, Jimin had watched a tear run down Taehyung's face. Taehyung didn't intend to let his feelings get the best of him yet, being with Jimin made him feel like he had the right to be honest to himself. He didn't have to hide it, he wasn't alone. Jimin was there.
"I'm not sad, Jimin." Taehyung smiled through his wet lashes, a hand desperately rubbing one of his eyes. "I'm happy, he makes me so happy. I can't process the sadness that's about to come because I'm so overwhelmed by the feelings he made me go through. He helped me discover so much, in such an insanely small amount of time...It's just... beautiful. Feels wonderful."
Jimin didn't reply to Taehyung's words, he just embraced him, placing his head on the crook of his neck, and listened. He drew soothing circles with his hand on his friend's back.
He eventually shared his thoughts with Taehyung. "I think you are in love, Taehyung."
"How can you fall in love in such a small amount of time?" Taehyung asked, sniffing.
"Falling in love is the easiest thing possible, Tae, it doesn't need to take time, just the right person."
-
"When are you going to give him the letter?" Jimin asked, a few meters away from Taehyung, not wanting to break his intimacy while he was focused on writing. He seemed tempted by his curiosity.
"Probably tonight. I don't think I'll see him tomorrow, he has to catch the plane early in the morning." Taehyung informed, eyes following the heartfelt words he was about to entrust to Jungkook as a parting gift.
"He will love it, I'm sure he will." Jimin promised Taehyung, trying to give him hope more than anything.
Taehyung stopped writing, and turned to Jimin for a split second, smiling. "I just hope he will never forget me."
-
That evening, Jungkook took Taehyung on a ride to the hill once again, for one last time.
During the whole car ride, both of them had been silent. Jungkook's eyes were wandering above the city lights and shadows, taking the view in for the last time, while occasionally holding Taehyung's hand.
When they arrived with the car at their location, Taehyung felt a strike in his heart as Jungkook spoke, city lights resembling the stars of a cloudless night right beneath them, lights mirroring Jungkook's eyes.
"Promise me you will never forget me, Taehyung."
Turning his head towards Jungkook, Taehyung mirrored his painful expression, smiling faintly. "You know what they say, you never forget your first. "
Smiling contently, Jungkook closed his eyes, leaning in his seat. "No one has ever made me feel the way you did, Tae, I'm scared to say the word, but I know what this is. I know how to name this feeling."
"Me too."
Intertwining their fingers, Jungkook closed the space between him and Taehyung, but instead of kissing him, he stuck his forehead to Taehyung's, looking into his eyes, pupils dilating at the one he held so close to his heart. "Thank you for meeting me, thank you for accepting me, thank you for kissing me the way no one has ever done before."
Inhaling a deep, jerky breath, Taehyung replied to Jungkook by touching his lips with his own.
He didn't want to use his words, because he knew he wouldn't be strong enough, so he kissed Jungkook instead, thanking him for teaching him the meaning of love.
He kissed Jungkook for holding his hand, he kissed Jungkook for accepting him, he kissed Jungkook for fighting for him.
He kissed Jungkook for gifting him his last week in Seoul.
He kissed Jungkook for their future that never existed.
-
"We will keep in touch, okay?" Taehyung promised, hand holding Jungkook's while both were leaning against the car's hood, breathing in the fresh cold air of the night.
"Yeah, and I'm gonna visit, as soon as I can." Jungkook smiled, tangling his pinky finger with Taehyung's for a promise.
"I know we haven't been knowing each other for long, but I want to help you get through this." Taehyung promised. "It's not going to be easy, and I can't promise that we will be able to keep in touch forever, but we can give it a shot, we can be friends. I would be more than glad to be your long-distance friend."
With sadness in his eyes, Jungkook accepted Taehyung's friendship offer. "I know you would not be able to offer me more, Tae, and I understand the reasons behind that. I will gladly be your friend, I will gladly keep in touch with you."
"I want you to focus on yourself and your dream, Guk. I will definitely do the same. Next time when we see each other you will be closer to your dream job, and I might be closer to what others call a real "author"." Taehyung smiled, stealing a peck on Jungkook's lips, just because it was the last time he was able to do that.
Just because it made him happy.
"Send me all of your stories, Tae, I wanna read them all. I'll use it as an excuse to be closer to you."
"And you can send me your... never mind." Taehyung laughed. "I would not read your engineering projects."
"We can play games together if you wish, I'll definitely have my laptop with me."
"And I'll have Jimin join, we are a team most of the time."
"Sounds great, Tae. I might come back after-"
"No." Taehyung placed the tip of his finger over Jungkook's mouth. "Don't make promises that you don't know if you can keep. It will hurt both of us. You don't have to come back, you don't have to stay, and most importantly, you don't have to think of me as a future opportunity, please." Taehyung asked, fingers still lingering on Jungkook's lips, trying to imprint the shape of those lips on his touch forever.
"I-"
"Doing that would influence each one of your choices, one by one, you will convince yourself it is better for you, but.. don't do it Jungkook."
"Taehyung, you are so selfless sometimes.." Jungkook caressed Taehyung's cheeks with the back of his fingers. "If I do this, please allow yourself to be selfish from now on too. Everything you have done up until now, you did it for me. You never thought that you will suffer, that it will be hard for you. It was always me, and I wish it could have been you. Put yourself first."
With a slight frown on his face, Taehyung couldn't find a reply to Jungkook's words, because he never thought of it that way. He was not selfless, necessarily.
"I'm happy it seems like that to you, at least." Taehyung didn't necessarily put Jungkook first because he was concerned and disregarded his own feelings. Taehyung did it because he knew he was strong enough to fight whatever sorrow was about to come.
He did it because he knew he was going to be home, close to his friends and family, safe and sound, whereas Jungkook will face the unknown, in a different world, surrounded by different people speaking a foreign language, different places, a different setting.
He indeed wanted to protect Jungkook, just because he knew that Jungkook needed it more than himself.
However, he didn't want to tell Jungkook all of his thoughts on this, because it might unintentionally put more pressure on his shoulders. "I'll remember your words Jungkook, let's focus on ourselves, now. If we meet each other three months or five years from now, we might be different, but I wanna see us different in the best sense possible."
"Let's make your dream come true, then, Taehyung." Jungkook agreed, defeated, with a small smile playing on his lips.
"No long-term promises?"
"No long-term promises."
"Alright. Now kiss me." Taehyung grabbed Jungkook's collar and pulled him closer, reaching out to his lips, tasting the bittersweet flavor of a true farewell.
-
Before realizing it, it was already two am and Jungkook had to go home.
No matter how much they talked, kissed, hugged, and cuddled, it would have never been enough for the two of them. Taehyung knew that the longer they stalled, the harder it would get, so, eventually, he asked Jungkook to take him home.
Before leaving the car, Taehyung pulled the envelope with the letter he had prepared for Jungkook out of his bag.
"Jungkook." He exhaled deeply, knowing what he had to say, but not wanting to let it out just yet. "Jungkook, please have this and do not open it before you are already settled in Japan." Taehyung handed Jungkook the letter, lips trembling, trying his best to hold his tears back.
"Thank you, Taehyung, I- don't have anything-"
"Jungkook, I don't need anything in return, I gave you this in return for giving me your time, your last week in Seoul. A simple letter is nothing compared to the memories you gave me. Thank you." He turned his head, meeting Jungkook's intense gaze, a wet sparkle coating his pupils. He wanted to have the image of Jungkook's eyes engraved on his mind forever.
He wanted to remember how Jungkook's warm gaze would share its brightness with him, forever.
The days they had spent together, Taehyung learned that Jungkook holds a warmth to his eyes that only he does.
Taehyung learned that one could bloom romantic feelings within their heart in just a few days.
Taehyung learned that falling in love could bring suffering, but it could also bring a lot of happiness.
All of this was because of Jungkook.
Jungkook who was a mere stranger at first.
Jungkook who Taehyung had misjudged at first due to his appearance.
Jungkook, whose name Taehyung was afraid to mention.
Jungkook, who changed his world.
-
"Have a safe flight, Guk. And don't forget me." Taehyung winked, giving Jungkook one last peck on the lips, lingering more than intended, before finally closing the door behind and ran up to his apartment.
He locked himself in, leaning against the door to let the tears he held in for so long finally fall.
Taehyung cried that night. He shed tears for all the memories he could have made with Jungkook if he met him earlier, he cried for all the nights he was never about to have with Jungkook, he cried for all the chances that had been wasted.
He cried for sacrificing his first love, knowing he was not going to see Jungkook ever again.
And up until today, five years later, Taehyung hadn't seen Jungkook since that day.