I Don't Want to Be Loved

By Yoh_nika

63.4K 888 29

Genre Adult Drama Fantasy Josei Romance Smut Tragedy Author(s) Starlight Artist(s) Ruck 러기 럭 Description Riha... More

Chapter 0: Prologue
Chapter 1: Golden Bird's Feather
Chapter 2: Loveless Marriage
Chapter 3: Queen
Chapter 4: Hertia Cesca
Chapter 5: Queen Candidate
Chapter 6: Get Out
Chapter 7: Rightful Heir
Chapter 8: Wanting His Love
Chapter 9: A Nobleman's Pride and Dignity
Chapter 10: Send Them Out
Chapter 11: To Crichton
Chapter 12: Feared Queen
Chapter 13: Make a Wish
Chapter 14: The First and Last
Chapter 15: Is This Your Answer?
Chapter 16: Virginity
Chapter 17: Dimitri Priebius
Chapter 18: Life In Her Belly
Chapter 19: He Believed In Her
Chapter 20: I Don't Want To Marry
Chapter 21: I Want To Live A Happy Life
Chapter 22: Of Crichton Blood
Chapter 23: Golden Feather
Chapter 24: If She Did Her Job Properly...
Chapter 25: The Boy and the Sun
Chapter 26: Years Later
Chapter 27: I'm A Crichton
Chapter 28: Young King
Chapter 29: Another Funeral
Chapter 30: There Was a Time...
Chapter 31: Unconditional Love
Chapter 32: The Dream
Chapter 33: Plague, Massacre, and Defeat
Chapter 34: New Man
Chapter 35: The Bride To Be Is...
Chapter 36: Suffer the Same Fate
Chapter 37: Grief and Shame
Chapter 38: A FutureFar Worse
Chapter 39: Run Away, Girl
Chapter 40:Danil Lyurik
Chapter 42: A Favor
Chapter 43: Fear Must Be Overcome
Chapter 90: I'm Sorry, Rihannan
Chapter 44: I'll Be Alright
Chapter 91: Will You Trust Me?
Chapter 92: Dimi Over You
Chapter 45: You Who Treats Me Like a Dog
Chapter 93: I Liked You Since Then
Chapter 94: You're Beautiful
Chapter 46: I'll Kill You Myself
Chapter 95: Nothing Greater In Life Than a Woman
Chapter 96: Yearning Kiss
Chapter 47: Useless Black-Haired Beast
Chapter 97: The Duchess' Advice
Chapter 98: Predatory Marriage
Chapter 48: Long Time No See
Chapter 99: Using You
Chapter 100: Taste of Wine (19)
Chapter 49: Marry Me
Chapter 101: Large Physique (19)
Chapter 102: Maidenhood (19)
Chapter 50: Divorce Me a Year Later
Chapter 103: The First Pleasure (19)
Chapter 104: Garden Check (19)
Chapter 51: I Accept Your Offer
Chapter 105: Blooming Flower (19)
Chapter 52: Igor's Regret
Chapter 53: For Dimitri's Sake
Chapter 54: Suicidal Impulse
Chapter 55: She's Already Dead
Chapter 56: Your Majesty, Please Get Out
Chapter 57: Not Your Real Wife
Chapter 58: Rihannan and Arundell
Chapter 59: She's To Marry Me
Chapter 60: Mother's Grave
Chapter 61: Rihannan, My Love
Chapter 62: You're My Wife, I'll Protect You
Chapter 63: Igor Cesca (Perspective)
Chapter 64: Are You Crying?
Chapter 65: Your Wish
Chapter 66: He Liked Her, After All
Chapter 67: Pleasure of Desire
Chapter 68: A Wife Who Does Not Love
Chapter 69: Hope of Love
Chapter 70: Public Disgrace
Chapter 71: Torturous Beauty
Chapter 72: Women Love Flowers
Chapter 73: Wedding Ceremony
Chapter 74: Queen's Palace
Chapter 75: Can't Fool Me Twice
Chapter 76: Igor's Debt
Chapter 77: Duchess Kisses Her Hand
Chapter 78: Human Nature
Chapter 79: I Like You, Queen
Chapter 80: I Remember You
Chapter 81: Dinner With Igor
Chapter 82: Igor's Clumsiest Best
Chapter 83: Thought He Liked Men
Chapter 84: I Owe It to Her
Chapter 85: The Betrayal
Chapter 86: Anastasia's Daughter
Chapter 87: Queen's Motive
Chapter 88: The Truth
Chapter 89: Mother and Son

Chapter 41: Tied To Him

662 12 0
By Yoh_nika

Rihannan was to wait until the following morning to meet the crown prince. Meanwhile, Dimitri was sent to prison and Rihannan locked and confined in the mansion. She was under heavy surveillance and unable to do anything. She only had a small leeway until the promised meeting with the crown prince. Until then, she needed to go to the princess. Only she could help her.

“But… I can’t meet her right now…”

Not mentioning her confinement, she’d have trouble entering the palace. Besides, there were guards outside the mansion preventing her from escaping. But… there was a guard nearby standing still and proper. She walked to him.

“Please pass this message to the princess…Rihannan wants to meet you.”

However, the guard did not react. He lacked the slightest sign of willingness to convey her words. Rihannan sighed dismally. As she tried to look for alternative methods, someone from the outside barged in.

“Lady Rihannan!”

It was the princess’s old nanny.

Rihannan smiled and welcomed her. “Nanny, is the princess in the palace? Please help me….”

But the old nanny smiled bitterly, shaking her head at Rihannan’s earnest plea. “The princess was placed on a curfew. No one is allowed in and out of her palace. You won’t be able to meet her today.”

For a slight fragment of a second, a look of great disappointment flashed on her face. If the king had already made a decree, it would be nigh impossible to meet the princess.

“Lady Rihannan…” The old nanny clasped her hand as tears coursed from the corner of her eyes. “I’m ashamed to say this, and I know I’m committing a heinous crime that I could never wash, but… I will say it in spite of the great shame I feel… Lady Rihannan… won’t you please make a sacrifice for the sake of the princess just this once?”

Rihannan looked at the old nanny. She was speechless. The princess, she had always been kind and warm to Rihannan. To think it would turn out like this.

“How could you…”

“You know how immature our princess is. If she goes, she won’t ever be able to hold on. On the other hand, Lady Rihannan has lived in Arundell half of her life. And more than anything else…”

“Is this Princess Helena’s position?”

The old nanny shook her head in a hurry at Rihannan’s cold inquiry.

“No… absolutely not. Don’t misunderstand. Princess Helena is worried about you. If it weren’t for the orders from the king, you would be able to meet the princess. His Majesty is all-powerful and the princess has no power aside from her title…”

Rihannan took a step backward and shrugged her hand away from the old nanny. Helena was the king’s beloved child. He would give the world to her. Even her violent brother, the crown prince, was as gentle as a sheep in front of Helena.

Helena was innocent. She lived a life without struggle and hardship. What the old nanny said was true. She was weak. She’d not be able to hold on…

Rihannan looked up at the palace the princess resided in briefly before turning her gaze back to the old nanny. “Tell her that I understand.”

Then she turned around and left.

The cries of the old nanny rang loudly in the background.

After a long, hectic walk, Rihannan noticed that she was heading towards a familiar path. It was the garden she often visited on the way back home from the palace. It was here she met the crown prince without knowing his true identity.

Tired, Rihannan sighed and gently rubbed her forehead.

‘Get a hold of yourself, Rihannan. This is not the time to be…’

A shrill cry of birds interrupted her thoughts. She turned around and saw the bird’s nest under attack by a big snake. The snake coiled its body around the tree, hissing as it made its way upwards. Some of the birds had already become its prey, the number of baby birds decreasing. The adult birds flapped their wings and flew around, pecking hard at the snake, but it was not enough. The snake swallowed the remaining baby birds one by one…

“Ah…”

At the thought of helping the birds, she remembered a voice she had long forgotten.

“Give up. That’s the bird’s destiny.”

It was the voice of a young boy lying in the garden. It felt like it was yesterday.

“Ah …”

“Look at her drooping belly. She’s a new mother. If the hunt fails, the bird will live, but her kittens will starve.”

At the time, she was at a disadvantage. The boy’s reasoning was not wrong, but she could not bear to see that bird die. There was nothing she could do, but eventually… the boy climbed up the tree himself as she shed tears.

Rihannan’s ice-blue eyes quickly dimmed. Sometimes she thought… what if he had not climbed the tree for her? Would they have avoided the tragedy of a loveless marriage?

No, she was fooling herself.

The Queen loved her that she chose her as the only queen candidate for her son, Igor.

Her fate was tied to him.

It seemed to be the case in this life. One could resist, but they’d only be eaten in the end. That bird might have managed to avoid the cat’s attack, but it could have been swallowed by a snake that appeared out of nowhere the very next morning.

Life seemed to work like that.

It truly is ephemeral.

She had tried to live a life on her own path, but here she was… back to square one. So long as the crown prince and the king continue pushing her as candidate for the national marriage instead of their beloved princess, she’ll end up in Arundell and to that life as Queen all over again.

And… she knows she’ll wake up in that palace to find her heart breaking all over again long the day has begun.

Just like last time…

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