It was another weekend and I was in Gwangju, sitting in the balcony, busy with my reading Comprehension- RC-section(exam). I was annoyed, having scored rather badly in my self-exam. I was about to advance to the next passage when she called.
"Hey, hi..." I said in a depressed voice.
"What is my baby doing?" she asked. I loved it when she talked that way, when she called me "baby" in her cutest voice. It sounded so caring. As if she had taken over all the responsibility of looking after me.
"RC is screwing up your baby and I'm in a very bad mood."
"Then talk to me for a while and you'll be in a good mood again."
"No dear. I want to start a new passage and score better this time. Only that will change my mood. Can we talk at night....please?"
"Hmm...Ok. See you later. But atleast say one good thing before hanging up."
There were so many things specific to Dae, the little things that were important to her. Like this unique idea of listening to one good thing before we hung up. I liked it, most of the time, unless I was too tired to think up something new and good for her.
"Dae! Please understand. My mind isn't working. I cant think of anything good at this moment. I will tell you two good things at night. Ok?"
"Ok. You take care."
"Bye."
"Not bye, see you," she corrected me again.
"Oh yes, see you," and I hung up, still in a bad mood."
Hardly 15 minutes had passed when I heard my cell-phone ringing again. It was her.
"Now what?" my voice was a little loud.
"You know why I called you earlier?"
"Oho....! Why?" I was annoyed.
"Because it's raining here. And I feel like holding your hand and dancing in the rain."
"DAE!" My voice grew louder.
"Ok okayyy, I'm sorry. See you later," she said, innocently.
She was about to hang up when I feel bad how I behaved and said, "Hey wait. We can talk for a while. I needed a break from this damned RC thing."
And she was happy again.
In a little while, the focus of our conversation changed from rain to our promises and priorities. The things we wanted to accept and the things we wanted to give up for each other. No boozing until she was comfortable with it, preparing myself for a vegetarian environment (at least at home) and a few other things were on my plate. And talking to my family and taking care of them was the most important thing I put on her plate.
None of our expectation were forced upon each other, though. It was mutual understanding, an attempt to do the best we could for each other. After all, we were supposed to live together for the rest for our lives.
That evening, I asked her mischievously, "Hey! Do you mind quitting your job after marriage? I never heard you fulfilling my expectations, and this is one of them. It's not like I hate that but I just want you to be at home. I am and will be working so that's enough for our living. Right?"
"And if I say I won't quit working even after marriage, what will you do?" she teased me and laughed. I imagined her jumping off her bed and running to the window to catch a few raindrops.
"Then I will take you back to your home in Busan and leave you there."
All she said was, "Shillang...?" I could hear the rain falling on the ground outside her window. I realized what I landed up saying. My attempt at humor had badly failed. I did not know how to react. Before I could say anything, she said, "Shillang, you carry on with the passage. See you later". And she hung up very quietly- something she never did.
I felt very uncomfortable, recalling the way I had reacted to her teasing. I could neither call her up to tell her that I didn't mean what she thought I meant, not could I concentrate on my RC passages. All my answers for the next passage were incorrect.
Later that evening, around 7:00, I rode my bike to the nearest ATM to get some cash for my expenses. It started drizzling – the first rain of the season. Now I could imagine how she felt when she had called me earlier. I got out of the queue in front of the ATM and dialled her number.
"Hello?" she said. Her voice was shaking.
"Dae," I said.
'Yes, shillang," she promptly responded. Then I heard a choking nose which was enough for anyone to realize that she was crying.
I could not say anything for a moment, during which her tears rolled down further. "Hey Dear! Please....please don't cry. I'm so sorry for having said those terrible words."
She started sobbing loudly and I felt very ashamed for what I had done to the girl who wanted to hold my hands and dance with me in the rain. I felt as if I had committed the greatest sin – making the sweetest girl on earth, who was only meant for me, cry. How could I have done that? I hit the wall in front of me very hard. The people in the queue looked at me. I moved down the street to where there was no light.
"I am so sorry, Dae. I am so sorry. Please don't cry because of my stupid mistake."
Silence.
"Talk to me dear. Say something. Punish me but, for god's sake, talk to me." And with that I too started crying.
After a while she managed to say, "Shillang, you haven't even taken me to your home yet and you're talking of sending me back."
Her simple, innocent question left me speechless. She was crying, I was crying and the sky was crying with us. It started raining heavily.
"It took you just a second to say that. But I am a girl. I will be leaving my parents, my brother and sisters, people with whom I have lived with my life so far, my home which holds so many memories, just to become yours. And you said that you will leave me."
"I'm stupid, I'm terrible. I really am," I shouted, hitting a pole on the street-corner, crying loudly in that rain, not caring if anybody saw me. The clouds thundered. The rain came down hard and noisy. And I kept hitting the pole and crying. There must have been something wrong with me, for I had never cried that way.
And it's probably the nature of the feminine heart to stop others from crying. So she did what I should have done for her. She wiped my tears first.
"Shillang! Shillang....Please! I can hear you crying. Please don't do that. Please...see, I'm talking to you. And no matter what, I am yours, just yours and even now I am with you. And if you want to see me happy, please don't cry, my dear." The broken heart was comforting the heart that had broken it. she even made me laugh a little later.
Then I said, "I feel sorry and I'm ashamed of myself for hurting you."
"Shillang, do you know that, just like you, I too want to be with my family for ever. But because of the way our society and culture is, I have to leave them all. And I will do that, because I am in love with you and the person I need the most for the rest of my life, to take care of me, is you."
"I know that dear. I know that very well. I don't know how I landed up saying that. I never felt it from my heart. You have all the right to punish me."
"Punishment?" she asked in a cute voice.
"Yeah. It can be anything," I said.
"Where are you?" she asked, and I felt her voice getting better.
"I came to get some cash from the ATM. Its two blocks away."
"Are there people at the ATM?"
"Yeah, there is a long queue."
"Go back to the ATM queue."
"Why?"
"Just go there. It's part of your punishment."
"Alright." I said and went back. "Yes. I am there."
"Ok. Now give me five kisses."
"What!?"
"Shillang!" she said sternly, reminding me that I could not back out.
I had made her cry, and now I had to do what she wanted. I steeled myself and, ignoring the people around me, went ahead and gave her five kisses over the phone. I was the second last person in the queue and I kept my head bent to avoid contact with the surprised eyes which were staring at me.
It was embarrassing, to say the least, but she just laughed. And despite my embarrassment, I was happy to make her laugh again.
At the same time, I understood a girl's situation, the sacrifices she makes for the man of her dreams. She leaves behind everything she possessed so far in life, to embrace him and his family. I asked myself how I would have felt if I was to leave my family for her. Could I even think of leaving my family? How do girls do it? And, more importantly, why do only they have to do it? I didn't have any answers. In due course of time, Dae taught me several such lessons. Gradually, she was changing me and my mind set.
That evening, I did not withdraw any cash because the next moment, I noticed one of my neighbors standing in the queue, right ahead of me. His face made it clear that he had caught me kissing my phone.
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It is mid night , the last Saturday of august. I have come back home after watching a movie. Dae and I had a quarrel in the afternoon and because I couldn't stand not talking to her, I went to watch a movie, thinking it would make me feel better. It did not.
Unable to stand it any longer, I call her up in the middle of the night. She picked up my call with a laugh, making me realize that I couldn't stand my tough words- I said I would not be the first one to start talking again. Moments later, even I join in her laughter. We are no longer quarrelling. Later, she says something that touches my heart.
"Shillang! Let's make this rule for our life after marriage. If we are together at home, then we will have dinner in the same plate, no matter what. Even if we had a terrible fight that day. We may not speak to each other, but sitting together... waiting for our turns to break the next bite of meat....the in-advertent of our hands as we eat...all this will calm our anger. Right?
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A/N:
Double update comin next!!!
Wait for that...ENjoy this chapter, and i apologize for makin yuh guys wait for so long. Have been struck wid exams and other stuffs, which has provided me wid no time for my stories. I hope i can spend some tym in here, giving yuh updates....
Stay healthy, stay happy,
Thankyou💜
wid love,
Castle...🖤🖤🖤