Josie
Hudson ignores me for the most part in the days following the kiss. We go through Detroit and Chicago before getting a two day break in Minneapolis.
Amelia, on the other hand, has been working me like a dog.
If I had to guess, I'd say the kiss with Hudson the other night pissed her off. I guess I can't blame her.
I saw her walk back to his room and come out with a nasty look on her face that turned even more sinister when she looked my way.
I'm not trying to steal her man. He's off limits to me, no matter how bad I want him.
I can't rekindle something that is destined to end the exact same way it did last time.
Thankfully, after the long list of chores Amelia so kindly gave me on my day off, I'm able to relax.
I'm treating myself to a room service dinner for one, and afterwards, I plan on going to the rooftop pool for a swim.
It's nice to lay in an actual bed versus a bus bunk, and to have a hot shower that isn't time restricted.
A ding pulls my attention, and I walk over to where I'd dropped my phone on the dresser when I came in.
Unknown: How's Minneapolis?
Ice filters through my pores, seeping into my veins. Chilling me right down to the bone.
I lock the phone quickly, wishing I hadn't opened the message at all. Screw me for having my read receipts on.
Moments later, another ding.
My trembling hands pick up the phone again.
Unknown: You had one instruction. It was to stay away from him.
I sharply intake a breath through my nostrils, exhaling it out my mouth. It doesn't calm me like it's supposed to.
Me: I took the job without knowing who it was for.
It's probably useless to argue, but I at least intend to share my side of the story.
Trey might scare the shit out of me, but if I have any say in it, he will never know the power he holds.
Unknown: Quit.
One word. Such a simple command.
And something must be wrong in my head, because it only makes me want to stay more.
The last thing I want is to put Hudson in danger, but he's guarded twenty-four seven.
My heart thuds in my ears.
Me: I have until I turn twenty-five. It's a strictly platonic work relationship. I do not intend on quitting.
Platonic? Maybe not. Not after the kiss.
I can't believe I even argued.
I might be a woman, but I have balls of steel.
I never understood those sayings anyway. Getting called a pussy is demeaning but having balls is a compliment?
Women birth lives out of their vaginas and walk around the next day as if it's just a normal Tuesday.
Men get tapped on the balls with the force of a light wind and are on the floor screaming.
Regardless the dumb sayings, I have a will to fight against Trey that I'm not sure is helpful or idiotic.
Unknown: I assume you remember our conversation last time we saw each other.
Then, a moment later, another.
My heart thuds in my ears as I read it.
Unknown: You have two weeks.
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep my emotions in check.
Pity parties aren't my thing. But damn, sometimes I don't understand why this had to be my life.
Two weeks is better than nothing.
I replay Sadie's words over again in my head about how I should tell Hudson the truth.
Should I?
Would it make a difference even if I did?
Room service brings my grilled chicken and vegetables, but I no longer have an appetite. After just a couple bites, I push my plate away.
I do, however, have an appetite for the bottle of Rosé I requested.
I pop it open and throw on my favorite playlist as I dance around the hotel room.
I need out of my mind, away from my problems and into a good mood.
I've got two weeks. No use in moping about the inevitable. I should just enjoy my time.
Right?
Right.
The first sip of wine warms my chest and by the time I've danced through three songs, I'm tipsy.
The sun has begun go set across the city, and I change into my black bikini to head up to the pool.
I pour more of my Rosé into a tinted water bottle, and make my way to the rooftop.
My drunk face doesn't restrain my eye roll when I see Amelia sitting in the jacuzzi with Hudson, Tabitha, Jake and Dave.
But screw it.
This isn't Mean Girls and I'm just as much a part of the crew as they are.
Amelia can shoot me death glares all she wants, I'm dealing with much scarier skeletons in my closet.
"What's up, guys?" I plop my towel and water bottle down, sliding myself down into the bubbling water.
"Hey, girly." Tabitha smiles at me, "What have you been up to all day?"
"Oh, working. You know, the usual."
"You made her work on our days off?"
"A few things." Amelia says curtly.
"A few?" I blow air out between my lips, "Try a lot, but, I'm not complaining." I raise my hands in surrender.
"Well, relax." Jake smiles, "You deserve it."
Hudson coughs into his fist, clearing his throat loudly enough to sound suspicious. I don't even look at him.
I continue sipping on my drink, engaging in the light conversation that seems to have shifted since my presence. Things feel a tad awkward.
Sober Josie would care. Tipsy Josie is chilling.
"What's that tat on your ribs?" Jake asks, making me squirm when his fingertips brush the skin there.
"Oh." I glance down at the tattoo. "Sound waves."
"Interesting. They look cool. Any more? Other than the one on your arm."
The one on my arm says, "You are the flame".
An ode to words Hudson told me a long time ago. I wonder if he's noticed, or if he even remembers telling me that.
Do you hear me, Josie? Tell me you hear me. Stop holding the fire inside of you back. Let it consume you. You aren't in the flames; you are the fucking flame.
"I have one more."
"What is it?"
"That... is a secret."
"Ooh is it an ass tat? I've always wanted an ass tat." Tabitha chimes in.
I don't answer, but I know they can tell by my facial expression.
Another ode to a conversation with Hudson and it makes me smile.
Hudson's staring right at me, with an unreadable expression on his features.
I wonder if he's picturing it, or if he's wondering if I got a peach like I said I would.
Guess you'll have to find out, I tell him in my head, giving him an equally stoic gaze.
Without any more conversation, but another sip of wine, I sling over the side of the jacuzzi and into the pool.
The cool water shocks me after being in the heat for so long, and chill bumps coat my arms and legs.
I hold my breath and let myself go under, enjoying how the water feels around me and how things are quiet under the surface.
A splash near me makes me come back up for air, and I see that Jake has joined me.
Great.
Nothing against the guy.
Jake is probably six feet tall, with shaggy blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. He's got stubble on his jaw and muscly arms.
I'm sure if I were to flirt back with him, he'd be a fun time.
Jake comes with no risk, no threats. I could have a fling with him with little to no consequences.
I could enjoy my last couple of weeks before tucking my metaphorical tail between my legs and going back to New York until I'm twenty-five.
But Jake isn't the one I want, and I can't lie to myself.
He's not got the dark hair and green eyes. Or the tattoos over almost every inch of his arms and torso.
He doesn't have my heart.
Maybe the wine is getting to my head, or maybe getting threatened by Trey makes me want to feel I have some control over my life.
I shouldn't be playing with fire.
But I am the flame.
Right now, I want to let it burn.
Hudson gets out of the jacuzzi and wraps a towel around his waist.
I watch out of the corner of my eye as he leaves Tabitha, Amelia and Dave behind, heading back inside the hotel.
I wait just a moment, before I slip out too.
I wrap the towel around myself, fastening it and pick up my bottle that's now almost empty and toss it into the trash.
The alcohol is making me feel tingly, but I'm not drunk. I know I'm coherent and in control, but maybe just a little less held back as I usually am.
I'm going to use it to my advantage.
Hudson is waiting for the elevator when I get on.
I stand beside him without saying a word, but I feel him look at me.
The doors open up, and thankfully, we're alone.
I walk in first, and he hesitates only a moment before following me in.
We still don't talk, but the air is charged between us.
Hudson turns my direction, and I turn, too, so we're chest to chest.
His breathing is heavy and his muscles are tense.
I gather the courage and hope I'm not shaky as I reach out and touch his bare chest. I trace a new tattoo with the tip of my finger.
Hudson grabs my hand, holding it tightly to stop my motion.
We look into each other's eyes.
It feels like he's staring right into my soul and I let him.
See me, I plead silently.
See me, and understand that I didn't want to hurt you.
Feel the things I'm not telling you.
Remember the old Josie.
Please.
The elevator doors open, breaking our trance.
Hudson walks out first, and I follow.
"Go to your room, Josie."
His words make me wish he hadn't broken the silence at all.
"Hudson, I—"
"Why did you do it?"
I stamp my mouth shut, knowing exactly what he's asking and knowing I can't give him the answers.
Can I?
I should spill everything right here and now, but something holds me back.
I don't want to mess up the life he's got going for him. Or give him the whole story and get let down when it still doesn't change anything.
It might be too late for us.
I only have two weeks left here anyway.
What's the use?
"I can't." I whisper, tears clinging to my lashes.
"Dammit, Josie. Why did you break up with me? Why?" Hudson pushes me against the wall, pushing the air out of my lungs. "Why wasn't I enough for you?"
"You were." I cry, "I just— I can't. I can't talk about this, Hudson."
"Don't fucking lie to me." The hurt in his eyes breaks my heart further. "You told me I was never going to be enough for you." I crinkle my eyebrows. I don't remember saying that. "You couldn't even break up with me in person? Or tell me that I wasn't enough for you while we were on the phone? You're a coward, Josie. Sending a text and telling me that afterward. Fuck you for putting that into my head! I was enough, Josie. I would've been enough for you."
His voice breaks and I shatter into a million pieces.
Fury burns through me. Trey must've sent him that text when he took my phone.
Hudson would've been enough. He was enough.
He was everything.
"Hudson..." I break into a sob. I hate that Trey said that. I hate that Hudson has spent two years thinking I thought he wasn't enough. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" He laughs, "Well, thanks, Josie. That's all you can say?"
I want to say a million things, but I don't know how.
Hudson scoffs, shaking his head, before leaving me standing there alone in the hallway.