WHEN I OPEN my eyes again, I find my cheek pressed against something cold.
For a moment, I have absolutely no idea where I am. Not until I see what's written on the stone in front of me.
I had fallen asleep here, I realize, glancing down at my watch. It read 05:37 AM.
My eyes sting as I blink, sitting up and looking around groggily. It must be just the brink of dawn because I can see light slowly filtering into the cemetery.
I had been resting against the cold stone slab next to my nan, with long tufts of grass tickling my feet. I was praying that there weren't any bugs on me right now, because I really didn't need another reason to cry.
A quiet sneeze leaves me as I stand up shakily, and that sneeze is followed by a small coughing fit that makes my throat burn. Since it was so quiet, despite how soft my coughs were, I felt like it was echoing through the place.
I almost groan at the realization that I was probably sick now, from spending the night here.
True to that awareness, my nose was clogged, my throat felt itchy and every part of my body felt stiff. I could feel myself shivering slightly despite the two warm jackets that were wrapped around me.
Definitely sick. How lovely.
It took me ten minutes to hurry back and sneak into my room through the window that I had left open. I doubted that anyone had noticed I was gone, and I really didn't want to face them, so I decided that it would be best if I left home early.
Apart from the occasional sneeze or cough- I knew that I was quiet enough to not wake anyone, and so, I grab a bunch of warm clothes and sidle out of my room. A few of the floorboards creak under my feet, but other than that, I manage to get to the bathroom down the hall noiselessly.
Only once I close the door behind myself and latch the door, do I finally catch a glimpse of how I looked since last night.
I cringe at the sight. I looked positively ghastly.
My hair was tied back messily, and while my eyes were swollen and bloodshot- there were also dark bags underneath them. My nose was red, and my lips were pale and chapped- a little blue, because of the cold.
The left side of my face was a whole other story.
It wasn't that bad, but all the dried blood around it freaked me out for a moment, making me wince and squeeze my eyes shut.
He would hurt me.
Surprising as it was, I still felt terrible, though a major part of me knew he was capable of it. I should have known that it wouldn't be long before he raised a hand, because he already hurt me enough emotionally.
Some brother he was.
Oddly enough, despite the cut on my face, and despite the slight ache that lingered in my chest- most part of me was also filled with relief.
I knew I wouldn't have to put up with his crap anymore. Even if it hurt that my parents were kicking me out, I wouldn't have to put up with them for any longer either.
Three weeks. And then I'd leave and never look back. Even though I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do, a part of me was looking forward to it because I would be free.
It was a blessing in disguise, I decided finally as I stepped under the warm water, I'll figure it out.
An hour later, I had brushed my teeth, showered, washed my hair, and dressed in my room. When I was sure that the coast was clear, I had rushed to the front door with my school bag slung over my shoulder- and slipped out without anyone noticing.
My stomach grumbled as I closed the door behind myself, reminding me that I hadn't eaten dinner last night either. But I could hear my parents and brother in the kitchen now, and I didn't want to cross paths with them.
I didn't want to give Claud the satisfaction of seeing the damage he had done, and I didn't want my parents to find a way to somehow turn that into my fault. Some solidarity would do me a lot better.
And so, without another moment of weakness, I jog down the porch steps- and away from the house.
My high school was only a five-minute walk away, and at the pace that I was walking through the cold, it took me less than that. The building seemed eerily quiet- since classes wouldn't start for another hour at least- and so, I thought to myself, that thankfully I'd have some time alone.
How wrong I was.
"Hey, is that Claud Dunnam's sister?"
I squeezed my eyes shut, breathing out a sigh. Way to jinx it.
"Hey, it is- isn't it?"
Those voices were familiar. Not-good familiar.
Football players.
I had forgotten that they had practice on some mornings, and all of them idolized my brother. They took after him, personality-wise too- as if treating him like a king wasn't enough.
I was going to pretend like I hadn't heard them at all, but I couldn't walk away quickly enough because a tall, bulky frame was already in front of me.
"Hey," Chad from the football team grins down at me. Brilliant.
I don't say anything, as I try to sidestep him- but he only steps in my path again.
"Olivia, right?" he smirks at me, "Claud's sister?"
Olivia? My lips purse in distaste, but I don't correct him.
"Leave me alone," I manage to say, but it comes out soft and shaky.
Chad's eyebrows go up. "You can talk? Aren't you supposed to be a mute or something?"
I take a small step back, swallowing. I didn't have the energy for this. Yesterday was mentally exhausting enough. Please, not today.
"You do seem like a quiet freak," he muses loudly, to which his friends laugh, "No wonder your brother talked shit about you."
Seriously? Here I was, trying to avoid him- and everything around me just had to remind me of him.
"Well, Chad," I grit out quietly, as the annoyance flares inside of me, "I might be a quiet freak, but at least I mind my own damn business. You're a stupid, obnoxious prick- but you don't see me commenting on that, do you?"
The smug smirk on his face drops and his expression sours. His friends' laughter dies down when they notice that.
"What did you just say to me?" he says lowly, taking a threatening step in my direction.
I automatically take a step back, as my eyes flicker away from his- towards his friends.
I was alone, with a bunch of guys that could easily overpower me and hurt me if they wanted to. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared right now.
But I had enough people walking all over me. And as stupidly brave as it was, I didn't want to add him to that list.
So I look up at him, dead in the eye, and respond with a voice as steady as possible,
"You heard me. Or are you stupid, obnoxious, and deaf?"
His dark eyes narrow further- and I know that he's definitely angrier than he was ten seconds ago.
His friends, however, aren't looking at him now. They aren't even looking at me.
They're looking at something behind me and whatever it is, must be scary enough because the blood seems to drain from their faces.
Chad doesn't seem to notice whatever it is- since his dark, furious gaze is solely fixed on me.
"Listen here," he sneers, raising a threatening finger while leaning down closer to me, "You're nothing more than a mute bitch-"
"What was that?"
We both go still at the sound of that voice. Chad looks over my shoulder and his eyes widen- fear flashing through them.
I, on the other hand, can't seem to describe the relief that courses through my veins at that moment. I've never had a thing for voices, but I don't think I've ever gone from being borderline panicked to instantly calmed by the mere sound of one.
Because it's familiar too, in more ways than one. Good familiar.
"Go on," the same deep voice taunts after a moment of silence, smooth and velvety as ever, "Say that again."
I finally look over my shoulder. A pair of mismatched eyes meet mine for a moment, brushing down my frame gently before they flicker towards the football player in front of me.
"Well?" he says, ice flashing in his gaze as he steps closer to us, "What's going on?"
"This," Chad says after a second managing to find his voice, as he straightens, "is none of your concern, Jackson. This is between me and the mu-"
I blink, and Atlas has Chad slammed against the locker in front of me- his fingers around his throat.
My eyes widen and my jaw automatically drops in surprise as I take a hurried step back. Chad's eyes instantly bulge out too, as he thrashes- but he hardly manages to move more than a couple of inches despite all the flailing.
Atlas doesn't even look like he's trying to hold him in place. He only looks down at him with a glare, a muscle in his jaw flexing.
"If you call her that again," he murmurs- his voice dark, as he leans down closer to Chad, "I might just squeeze your throat hard enough, and then we'll see who the mute bitch really is, hmm?"
I blink in surprise.
The extent of that threat was surprising- especially since he was defending me. I didn't think he was the type to make empty threats either.
Chad, fortunately, wasn't as stupid as to challenge that threat either- and so he shrunk back, gritting his teeth.
"Let go of me," is all he chokes out.
It didn't seem like Atlas was done with him, however.
He tilts his head towards me, eyes flickering in my direction.
"Would you excuse us?"
I didn't even realize that he was addressing me for a good ten seconds- but when he glances at me again, my eyes widen in understanding, and I nod quickly.
I resist the urge to turn around to sneak another glimpse at him as I practically bolt out of there. I, fortunately, don't come across the rest of the football team either, as I make my way out of the school building. The cold air nips at my skin as soon as I step out, but it doesn't stop me from walking until I'm in front of the diner that's next to our school.
There are a few benches scattered outside the diner, and I find myself sitting down on one of them, adjusting the flimsy sweater around myself, and leaning my head back against the bench.
My eyes flicker upward, towards the sky- where clouds were gathering. It looked like it was going to rain today- but far off, in the distance, I could see a few bleak rays of sunlight slipping through the clouds.
I'm not sure how long I stare at the sky. My imagination, as usual, runs wild- and eventually takes me to a world where I could step on those rays of the sun like they were stairs- and ascend above the clouds.
Perhaps I'd see a different kind of sunrise above the clouds, with the birds- instead of plummeting down to the earth, and perhaps I'd have fun there too. My mind does occasionally drift back to Atlas, but every time it happens- I push away those thoughts.
In the background, I can hear footsteps, I can hear the diner's bell jingling as people walk in and out. But what has me snapping back into the present, is when someone holds out something in front of me.
My eyebrows furrow in confusion as I blink at it.
It was a mug of steaming hot chocolate, with marshmallows floating in it.
Atlas' gaze doesn't waver from me as he extends the mug further in my direction, even as I stare at him, startled. I'm almost convinced that the look on his face is one of concern.
"For me?" I ask quietly, with a sniff. My voice comes out a lot more hoarse than I wanted it to and judging by the dip in his eyebrow, he noticed that too. He doesn't comment on it, however, only nodding in response.
I almost consider declining it, when I remember that I hadn't eaten since last night. It didn't help that my throat was sore, and could really do with a warm drink.
"Thank you," I say softly, reaching over to hold it. My eyes linger on his face for a moment too long, but he doesn't even seem to notice- because he was staring at one side of my face.
The left side.
"What happened there?" he asks me softly, as one of his hands lift into the air- almost as if he was going to reach for me before he pulls it back- seemingly thinking better of it.
"Um..." I trail off, my voice uncertain- as his eyes, blue and grey, look back into mine soft, patient but still intense.
I don't know why my throat suddenly feels dry. The lie is on the tip of my tongue. I slipped. It was an accident, I'm clumsy like that.
But I can't bring myself to say it. I can't bring myself to lie, and I don't know why.
Fortunately for me, a girl in a waitress uniform saves me from having to reply.
"Hi," she smiles brightly at Atlas- as she holds out a paper bag towards him, "these are the buttered croissants and the bagels you just ordered. I hope you enjoy your meal!"
He only gives her a somewhat polite nod in acknowledgment as he takes them from her hands. I thought he bought it for himself, but he turns back to me- extending it in my direction again.
"For me?" I say once more, stupidly- as I blink at him.
"No, for the squirrel behind you."
Despite myself, I manage to give him an unimpressed look as he raises an eyebrow at me.
When he continues to stare blankly and expectantly at me- despite the look on my face, I sigh, tearing my gaze away from his.
"You didn't have to," I mumble after a moment, looking down at the warm drink in my hand, "thank you. Really, I mean it."
He doesn't respond. Only, he gently reaches forward, placing a tissue on my lap before setting one of the buttered croissants onto it. His hand brushes against both of mine as he pulls back, and he frowns down at them.
"Your hands are freezing," he murmurs, looking up at me as he nods towards the mug in my hand, "put that down for a moment."
My eyebrows pull together, but I comply anyway, gently setting the mug down. "Why-"
Not even a second later- before I can ask the question, both my cold hands are engulfed in his large, warm ones. I freeze, as he brings them to his lips and cups them both, gently blowing warm air into them- his lips brushing against my hand.
He pulls away after a few moments, looking up as his palms gently rub against the back of my hand. "Better?"
I'm pretty sure I forgot how to function.
I can only manage a nod, averting my gaze as warmth floods into my cheeks.
"I'm sick, you know?" I tell him quietly, "You'll get my germs if you keep doing that."
If anything, his fingers only tighten around my hands. "Why didn't you stay at home then?"
I don't allow my expression to crumble, biting the inside of my cheek and shrugging stiffly.
"No rings today?" I mumble instead, changing the topic, as I flex my fingers in his hold.
"Hmm? Oh," he lets go of my hand for one moment, to tap his pocket, "they're in here, why?"
I shrug again looking down at his fingers. "They're pretty."
He goes still at that, and when I look up at him- there's an odd look on his face. Odd, because his eyes are soft, and he looks like he can't believe I'm sitting in front of him, with my hands in his. I don't know what to make of it.
A small breeze blows past us from behind him right then- ruffling through his dark hair, and I get a whiff of what he smells like.
Rain and freshly cut grass.
And that's when it hits me.
I pull back slightly, my eyes going wide as my brain makes the connection. "It was you."
He blinks once. And then a couple more times, almost like he was snapping out of a daze, as he looks away from me- his fingers twitching over my hands. "Me?"
"Yeah, you," I say quietly, almost to myself, "that day, at that spot- with the spring in the middle of all the trees. That was you, wasn't it?"
He doesn't respond, as I continue to stare at him, appalled. His silence only confirms it.
He was the stranger from that day.
I hadn't ever been acquainted with Atlas before this year, and so, it had never clicked for me that they were the same person.
But I could see it now. The same tall, built frame, the same deep voice, and the same warm, but slightly rough hands. It was him.
"You knew it was me," I realize when he doesn't meet my eyes, "How-Why didn't you say anything?"
This time, he's the one that offers a stiff shrug in response, as his jaw tightens.
"And I knocked you into the water, oh dear goodness," I cringe at the memory, squeezing my eyes shut, "I am so, so sorry about that-"
"Don't," he murmurs, his voice a tiny bit forceful, as he tugs at my hands, "don't worry about it at all, I'm not upset."
"Doesn't make it any less embarrassing," I mutter, mortified. All that, and he was still nice to me. I wanted to walk off a cliff.
But, truth be told- I hadn't stopped thinking about that spot. Knowing that our next play was A Midsummer Night's Dream- my mind had instantly gone back to the memory of it when I had tried to visualize what the forest and woods would look like.
I just knew that I had to recreate everything that had been there that day to make the woods look splendid on stage. I knew I'd be able to do it too.
I just needed to go back there again.
"Will you take me there sometime?" I ask him quietly after some of the mortification fades, my voice tentative, "To that spot in the woods?"
For a moment, he blinks- almost like he was surprised at the question before he nods.
His cheeks are tinted pink, and only now do I notice that they're a shade darker than what I would assume was because of the cold.
"Eat," he tells me gently before I can think too much of it, pulling his hands away from mine- almost reluctantly, "and drink that before it gets cold."
I nod, pulling my own hands away. The next fifteen minutes are spent in silence, as I quietly sip on the hot chocolate and eat out of the paper bag he had given me. I find myself feeling better with every bite, and my throat feels a lot less scratchy once I'm done with the drink.
At the end of it, as I wipe my fingers off with the tissue, I finally muster the courage to speak again.
"Could you do me a favor?" I stare at my feet as I ask the question, as my nerves begin to make themselves known.
I can feel his gaze on the side of my head, but I don't look at him until he hums in the affirmative.
"The next time you see Claudius," my voice shakes as I say his name, but I look right into his eyes to show him how much I mean it,
"Break more than just a few of his bones, will you?"
His eyebrows pull into a baffled frown, as his head jerks back slightly.
For ten whole seconds, as nearly-blank as his expression is, I can almost sense the question that goes unsaid. Why would you want me to hurt your own brother?
But then, moments later, his eyes flicker to the left side of my face, and slowly, understanding dawns in his eyes.
"He did that?" his tone instantly dips lower, taking on the same dark note that was in it back in the corridor with Chad.
Yes. Yes, he did.
I look away from him, my tongue feeling heavy as I stand up, brushing the crumbs off my clothes.
"Thank you for the food and hot chocolate," is all I say softly, picking up my bag and slinging it over my shoulder as I make a move to leave, "I really appre-"
"Wait."
I stop, still staring at the ground as I exhale quietly, closing my eyes.
When I look at him again, a few seconds later, although his face is tense and there's something in his eyes that is very angry, he does something that completely surprises me.
He takes off the scarf that was around his neck, before he steps closer and wraps it around my neck- tucking it in until it's all snug and warm. His fingers accidentally tug a few strands of my hair, but I only gape at him in disbelief hardly taking notice of it.
"You're sick," is all he says, when he sees my expression, "you need to keep warm."
My cheeks warm under his stare, heat rising up my neck- but he wasn't finished.
"And if anyone else bothers you," he says slowly- eyes looking deep into mine, his voice smooth and low, "tell me, okay? I'll deal with it."
I blink at him.
Why? I want to ask him, You barely know me at all, why do you want to help me? Why do you care at all?
Instead, when he nudges me gently, waiting for my response, I nod meekly, biting the inside of my cheek.
He pulls away after a moment, holding a hand out for me while his eyes linger on the left side of my face. "I'll walk you to your locker, come on."
I nod again, reaching for his hand. The action comes so naturally to me, that I surprise myself there for a moment- and as I look down at his hand, just before I slip mine into his, I notice something that wasn't there before.
He was wearing his rings again.
It was lunchtime, and people were staring.
They weren't even trying to be discreet, because they were staring straight at us- pointing and whispering. Even Vineet was looking at me with raised eyebrows and wide eyes from where he was sitting next to Jade. All the attention was starting to bother me, but I was trying not to show it.
I was standing in the lunch line with Fynn, Naureen, and Atlas.
That was a reason enough to stare, but I'd like to think it was Fynn's fault for drawing most of the attention because they had gasped dramatically as soon as they had seen me- making a dozen heads turn.
"It's Ed Sheeran's sister!" they had exclaimed pointing straight at me before they began to bob their head, "Girl, you know I want your love-"
Naureen had smacked them over the head at that.
"One more red-head joke," she warned them, holding a fist up, "and I'll knock your teeth out. Try me, Kevin Hart."
"Kevin Hart?" Fynn jerked their head back indignantly, "Hey- I'm taller than him!"
That was five minutes ago, and Fynn and Naureen were still bickering. Atlas was standing next to me, and although his face was entirely blank- his whole body was tense and he was constantly fidgeting, even if he was trying not to make it obvious.
It was kind of like the thing Vineet did when he was around Jade. He'd try to stay still, but because of how nervous he was, he wouldn't be able to stop squirming in his spot.
And so, I realized that he was either nervous- which was unlikely, or uncomfortable- which was more likely, and just as I'm about to try and summon some of my inner bravery to ask him if he's okay- Naureen turns around to us.
"What are you getting?"
I shrug, fiddling with the ten-dollar note in my hand, but Atlas shakes his head. "Not hungry."
Both Naureen and Fynn pause at that, turning to him with confused looks.
"Not hungry?" Fynn echoes dubiously, their face scrunching, "Yeah right. What's the real reason?"
Atlas clenches his jaw, letting out a small nose exhale.
There's another brief moment of silence as all three of us look at him.
"I didn't bring any money today," he says finally.
This time, my face scrunches.
That wasn't true. He did have money- how else did he pay for the stuff he bought me this morning?
As I turn to him, my face confused- I can see him glance at me from the corner of his eyes before looking straight ahead again.
And that's when the realization hits me again.
"You spent your lunch money on me?"
Naureen and Fynn weren't listening anymore, because they were now shoveling food onto their trays. But I know Atlas heard me because he lifts a hand to scratch the back of his neck, avoiding my eyes even more.
"Why on earth would you do that?" as soft as my voice is, I know it's incredulous enough, "I'll pay for your lunch-"
"No, you won't-" he starts to say, but I shake my head at him.
"It's the least I can do," I tell him plainly, "and if I don't- I'll feel terrible about it. Just- please let me pay for it, okay?"
He presses his lips together in a tight stubborn line, jaw tightening in refusal. But as I look at him, my eyes almost pleading- after a few moments of eye contact his expression eases, and he lets out a quiet sigh.
"Just this once?" he murmurs, as his arm nudges mine.
I give the tiniest of smiles. "Just this once."
He nods back at me, his eyes softening and my smile widens, just a little - as the familiar feeling in my chest makes itself known once more.
Today it feels like petals. Because it feels like it's gently unfolding, blooming, and falling quietly- part by part.
thank you for reading ! don't forget to vote and comment !
and hi !! I apologize in advance for all the late updates in the future. writer's block + a v busy schedule is a pain, I tell you. this is relatively unedited, so if you spot mistakes- let me know!
Until next time (which is hopefully not a long time)- be well! xx