What took place in the Shrieking Shack was the oddest thing that had ever happened to me. I didn't completely grasp the rest of the group's reasoning, given the fact that I was not there throughout the first half of the talk. I was certain of a few things though.
Peter Pettigrew was a rat. I mean, not a rat, but an Animagus. Just like Black, whom I met recently in the form of a black dog. I outright cried into his fur! I hated that this guy knew so much about me.
Black was Potter's godfather and didn't kill his parents at all. The rat did it, that is Pettigrew. When I listened to everything Black had to say and saw what the hell Pettigrew was doing, trying to weasel his way out of what he had done, I wanted to strangle him on the spot. As I spoke my thoughts out loud, Black almost gave me a high five, not understanding why not get rid of the problem right away. The Holy Trinity - it turned out Ron Weasley was also there - strongly opposed it.
So we took him with us, tied, with a wand pointed at his back. We also brought Snape, despite my wish for him to remain where he was, but Hermione argued we couldn't leave him behind.
We moved through the tunnel, lighting our way with our wands. First was Weasley and Black holding the rat in check, then Harry and Hermione followed and the two of us were last. Snape levitated somewhere in between.
"How are you holding up?" Remus asked softly.
I looked up at him. I really wanted to talk to him, but I didn't feel up to it for some reason. Perhaps it was because I was just at the Shrieking Shack and we all know what happened in the Shrieking Shack. Or maybe it was because I had to go through all of this to get Remus to stop avoiding me.
"Me?" I didn't understand why he was worried about me. First, he shouldn't, secondly, nothing happened to me.
"Yes, you. This must be a big shock for you."
"A little, yeah" I admitted. "But I'm relieved Black is innocent and that we now have the real monster. There is some justice in the world after all."
Remus didn't say anything to that and I assumed that was the end of our conversation but he surprised me by breaking the pause. "It's nice of you that you don't want to mention the other thing, but I'm afraid we need to talk about it."
I was completely oblivious to what he was talking about. Pettigrew's betrayal was at the centre of the whole event. What was he trying to say?
He noticed my hesitation. He appeared as though what he was about to say was going to humiliate him. "Now you know I'm a werewolf."
I let out a long sigh. I had been living with the knowledge for so long that it had become completely normal to me. I was blind to the fact that, while sharing his life story, Remus also revealed his secret. Which was hardly a secret to me.
"I was aware that werewolves don't have it easy, but I had no idea what it's really like. Your scars..." I unintentionally reached out to him and he backed away.
He gazed at me as if it was the first time he'd ever seen me. "What are you doing?"
I scattered right there and then. "Sorry, I- I don't know what I was thinking... Old habit." I blurted out.
He shook his head in disbelief. I thought he was making fun of me, but "How can you pretend as if it have no bearing on you?"
I waited for him to turn his head towards me so I could look him in the eyes. "I've known you're a werewolf for quite some time, Remus Lupin."
He blinked. "What?"
"Yeah." I laughed softly. "I should've figured it out sooner, though."
"So, how long have you been aware of this?"
I shrugged my shoulders. It was difficult for me to talk about private matters, mine or his. "Almost five months."
He shifted his gaze and thought about it for a moment. "But it would mean that when we were-"
"Yes, I knew then." I cut him off, not wanting to hear about our night from his lips.
He most likely assumed I was upset with him for not telling me. "I'm sorry, Ethelyn, you had every right to know... I wasn't sure how to tell you, I was afraid how you'd react."
"I know, Remus. I don't blame you at all." I gave a sad grin. "I wish you'd trust me enough to do this, but I understand."
He stared at me with an unreadable face. As if he was trying to figure me out. This man, more than anybody else, knew everything there was to know about me, yet he wasn't convinced. I could guess what thoughts were on his mind and I didn't want him to worry.
"You may not want to hear about it, but it hasn't impacted my feelings for you in the slightest. And even though it wasn't easy to come to terms with it, you're still the most important person in my life." I confessed. "I just want you to know that you can count on me."
I wasn't expecting anything from him. I had enough time to accept that whatever was going on between us may really be over. Maybe he regretted it, maybe when he looked at me he saw nothing more than a deceitful teenager. It still hurt, but I wasn't going to act like a child and seek some sort of redemption.
I dove my hand into my pocket and pulled out a familiar vial. Remus looked at it as if he had just remembered that today was a full moon. "Where did you get that?"
"I made it. I brought it to your office, but you weren't there." I stretched my hand out, urging him to take it.
He gently grabbed it but to my surprise, he didn't instantly twist the cap and drank it. "It may be too late."
Oh no. I was well aware of the significance of his words. I had heard his story, after all. When he wasn't under the influence of the potion, terrible things happened.
"I should've given it to you sooner." I mumbled under my breath. Qualms of conscience washed through me. "I forgot about it in all that drama, I'm sorry..."
"Don't blame yourself." Remus reached out and placed his hand on my shoulder. I felt as though I had been blessed. The warmth of his touch travelled through my entire body. It has been a long time since he touched me. "It's me who should remember about that, don't you think?"
I cleared my throat, afraid my voice would fail me. "What we gonna do now?"
He breathed loudly, his fingers fiddling with the vial. " I should go back."
I stopped abruptly. He quickly noticed I was missing from his side and turned to look at me. He seemed to be unusually calm, which worried me. He had serene eyes that told me he was accepting of what was about to happen. He wanted to return to the Shrieking Shack, just like he had done when he was a student here many years ago, to change and tear himself apart without disturbing anybody else.
"There must be something that can be done." I said, knowing full well that the chances were little to none. He began wearily shaking his head and looked like he wanted to say something, but I didn't need to hear the hard truth. I put my hands around my mouth and called out, "Sirius!"
The rest of the group was getting closer to the exit. Sirius' head whipped around at the sound of his name. Seeing we were left behind, he raced over after mumbling something to Ron.
"Something happened?" He uttered in a gasp, his gaze darting between Remus and me.
"Full moon." I said simply. Then his gaze was drawn to Remus and the vial he was holding.
"For Merlin's sake!" he cursed under his breath. His hands went up, clinging to his long, unkempt hair. "A dog isn't enough, is it? Probably best for you to spend the night in-"
Ron's loud yelp pierced the air. Everyone turned to see him clinging to his injured leg, Pettigrew nowhere in sight. The two men alongside me hurried to him, leaving me alone, as if they had forgotten about the matter at hand. Having no other choice, I followed them.
The boy was laying on the ground, his eyes half open, his breathing labored. The ropes that had been used to restrain Pettigrew were neatly placed next to him, as if the fraud wasn't even trying to get out of them, just vanished in the air.
"I'll kill that son of a bitch!" Sirius lunged toward the exit, one hand clenched into a fist, the other clenched around his wand. Remus, his guardian angel, chased after him to make sure he didn't do something stupid.
It was the stupidest thing they could both do.
Wanted alleged murderer in pursuit of someone who, as a rat, might as well have disappeared off the face of the earth. He was followed by his best friend who, as a werewolf, could beat him to a bloody pulp.
I went after them, ignoring my last remaining brain cells warning me of going insane.
It was dark outside, but the moon gave just the right amount of light to know what was going on. Sirius stood in front of Remus, his arms stretched out in a wary manner, helpless to stop what was occurring in front of him.
Remus seemed to be halfway there already. He was trembling all over like he was trying to discard what was happening, as if he was trying to prevent or delay it. But his fingers were already clawed, his legs were strangely curved, and his face was elongated, unlike anything I'd ever seen before. The air was filled with the sounds of fractured bones and his groans which grew into primal growls.
I shut my eyes. I couldn't bear to watch it. I'd block my ears if I could, so I wouldn't have to listen to his agony.
I opened my eyes just in time to see Sirius morph into a massive black dog, and I was faced with two animals, each breathing heavily and staring into each other's eyes. The wolf was larger and more muscular, and although never having seen one in the flesh, I was sure that regular wolves didn't look like that.
Its head turned to face me at the same moment I heard a noise coming from the tunnel behind me. Its eyes. They were the same, unchanged, human. Remus was stuck in this monster's body and it made me feel sick.
"Oh, gosh." gasped Hermione.
I turned around for a split second just to see what was going on. Everyone emerged from underneath the willow, including the levitating Snape. A real treat. The werewolf leapt at us with passion in its eyes. Sirius grabbed for its throat and yanked it backwards. It didn't seem to feel it, or maybe the dog missed it and all it bit was its fur. But when the long fangs sank into some part of Sirius' body, he let out a long whine.
The animals didn't let go of each other although the wolf clearly had the upper hand. Sirius' movements had slowed since he has been hit and he had little hope of getting closer without taking more harm. He circled the wolf and came near enough to confront it, only to duck and flee the next second.
"He's buying us time." I said loud enough for third years to hear me. "Get Weasley and get out of here."
At the same moment, I watched the wolf grabbing the dog that had failed to evade the attack. Its claws pierced into the animal's side effortlessly, then shoved the dog down so hard that he flew towards the water.
Forgetting what I had just spoken, I stepped forward, Harry Potter doing the same. I looked at him sternly.
"Sirius." he muttered, glancing towards the lake, where the wounded mongrel was probably lying.
"Remus." I said quietly. We exchanged nods as if we were making a silent deal.
Harry dashed forward, catching the attention of the werewolf on himself. Not giving it much time to act, I pointed my want at it and blasted it with a stream o water, holding it in place an confusing it at the same time. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a cloud of brown hair following the Chosen One. So I was left alone with an unconscious weasel, a flying black curtain of a professor, and, of course, a raging werewolf.
I didn't have a plan. I wasn't an Animagus, I couldn't transform into a dog, cat, or basilisk to happily play around the grounds with him. I could only rely on my reflexes, knowledge and wand. And on my legs.
As the creature charged again, I threw Depulso at it and raced towards the trees. I had no chance against him; he was quicker, stronger and more determined. Designed to chase fleeing prey. Almost immediately I heard the beat of his heavy paws behind me.
It was difficult to run and cast spells over my shoulder while turning around and being careful where to put a foot so I didn't tumble over. Before I hit him with Immobulus, I tried five times and managed to reach the tree line.
I huddled behind a tree, trying to catch my breath. I was at a loss for what to do. It was clearly stated in every book not to face a werewolf since a wizard, especially an untrained wizard, had little chance against him, even more so alone. These monsters were tougher and appeared to be resistant to some spells. What spells - I couldn't remember, of course.
I knew one thing - I couldn't let him run around doing god knows what to god knows whom. The Remus I knew would not be able to forgive himself if he had captured a man. If he hadn't, he'd turn against himself, and I'd never forgive myself for that. So I had to keep him under control for the next couple of hours. Simple isn't it?
I'm not sure what time it was, or how long I was doing it for, but when I accidently ran into Harry and Hermione with a horse-bird on a chain, it dawned on me to trick them and leave them to deal with it their way. I was tired both physically and mentally; my legs collapsing underneath me every time I paused even for a moment, my head throbbing and my spells getting weaker and weaker. I simply wanted to dump it all on them and rest.
In truth, I was playing cat and mouse with one of the most terrifying creatures on the planet. I was racing through the woods, praying that I would make it to the next tree without tripping, that I would have enough strength. I wasn't a runner nor athlete. What I did that night was an accomplishment.
Even more impressive was the fact that I escaped with only a scratch. Sure, it was relatively big and painful, but I wasn't bitten, ripped apart, or killed.
I'm not sure when the night ended. I have no idea where I was when the sun came out. I don't know who found me, and no one ever admitted it. I just awoke in the hospital bed in the morning.
But I do remember what happened that same morning after I left the hospital wing. The things that happened to my heart that day were unlike anything I had ever felt before.