When they arrived back at the Featherington house, they saw Portia Featherington standing in front of their door. She looked emotionless but Penelope could see the wrinkles on her frock that must have been the target of the baroness' anger.
"Oh no..." she whispered as she looked out of the carriage's window, the fear in her expanding in her stomach.
Colin grasped her hand wordlessly while the other caressed her shoulders. She didn't look at him but knew there was deep concern in his eyes. He hadn't said anything, which was what she preferred. She didn't want to hear comforting words that were baseless and fruitless. Neither of them knew who their eavesdropper was, therefore would not be able to fully assess and counteract the situation.
He kissed the top of her head and she could already feel tears trying to escape. "I'm here," he said. She nodded just before the groomsman opened the door. Colin got off and held her hand as she gingerly went down, only looking at her feet and the ground below.
Colin remained holding her hand, his thumb making comforting circles on the back of it. When she finally looked up, she almost retreated at the expression on her mother's face.
"Get in." Her voice was stern but uncharacteristically controlled. "Now," she added with a lower volume yet in a more unnerving manner. Penelope's lips were trembling as she nodded and went in.
Colin wouldn't let her go even under the glare of her mother. "Thank you for escorting Penelope home, Mr. Bridgerton, but I think it would be best if you leave." Her tone was icy compared to how she welcomed him just hours earlier.
"But Lady-" Colin tried to say, his grip on Penelope tightening.
"Briarly, do escort Mr. Bridgerton to the door." She started to walk away, seemingly expecting Penelope to follow.
Penelope smiled at him reassuringly and cocked her head at the door. He sighed but gave a nod. "Good day, Lady Featherington, Penelope."
When their butler closed the door of the drawing room, the silence grew like a hum of a drum, which Penelope thought must be attributed to her speeding heartbeat. She could barely remember a time when her mother was without words. Whether she was angry, sad, or happy, she always made a point to express herself verbally. Portia sat down and Penelope followed warily.
She knew why but she was unsure as to how her mother could have found out her biggest secret so quickly. She and Colin spent a little over an hour scouring the park for any semblance to their unwanted audience but to no avail. And in less than thirty minutes of travelling back home, the news had spread. She was surprised and disappointed that it did without the help of a gossip column to do so. Unfortunately, she underestimated the fame and desire of the masses to de-mask Lady Whistledown.
She had imagined the reaction of society and even practiced what she would say when the time when she would need to defend herself and answer to interviews and interrogation arises. She knew a lot would be outraged, but she also thought that she was unmemorable enough as an individual that the scandal would fade after a few weeks. They were all optimistic, she won't lie- probably too optimistic if her mother's reaction has any say in the matter.
"Mother..." she said softly. When Portia didn't answer, she cleared her throat. "I'm... Did something happen while we were away?"
"I don't know, Penelope," she answered icily. "Is there anything you think I should know?"
"No-" she said unconsciously, and quickly shut her mouth the moment the word passed her lips.
"I see. So you planned on keeping me in the dark for the rest of your life, like an ignorant child you probably think I am."
"No, mother! Not at all!"
"No, what?" Her voice became louder and was becoming more shrill with every word. "That you see me as a fool? Or that you will choose to continue playing me for one?" Penelope didn't know what to say to subdue her anger and defend herself at the same time.
Lady Featherington shook her head, her eyes reflecting an incredible sense of disappointment and a hint of contempt. "Do you know what it was like to know from someone else's mother about how the daughter I believe to be dutiful and meek wrote about her family for all of London?" There was a crack in her voice that Penelope had never imagined her mother capable of showing such weakness and vulnerability without masking it with insults of projection. "When Lady Cowper came to my door with that news in hand, all I could think was 'why'?"
"Lady Cowper?" Penelope gasped. Cressida. Who else could it have been. "Mother, you know Cressida had always hated me, you shouldn't-"
"Then is it a lie?" She waited for her to answer but Penelope had nothing. "So you really are her. Lady Whistledown. What an idiot you must peg me for not even doubting you for a second." She gave a sarcastic huff of laughter.
"I don't! I swear," she begged. "I don't understand why you're so disappointed. I thought you loved reading the papers."
"You don't understand? Don't get it twisted, Penelope. Just because I read your Whistledown papers, does not mean I love what was in them." Penelope almost cringed at the way her mother practically spat out her pseudonym. "Especially when she talked so wretchedly about her own family." She eyed her intently. "Her own mother."
"Of all the people out there in society that have looked down on us," there were tears in the baroness' eyes, forcing Penelope to look away, filling her with guilt. "I would never dream that it was you. My daughter." She stood up shakily. "And yet you had me fooled. You had us all fooled with your demure...act! You stood beside us, silent while you laughed at us behind our backs..."
She couldn't handle what her mother was saying of her- how she labeled her as fake and pretentious and deceitful. But she still wanted to defend herself. She wanted to retain the little respect the baroness might still have for her. "I was young and foolish..." she said. Her eyes were stinging from unshed tears while her chest constricted from the overwhelming and warring emotions within her. "I was mad at the ton and at myself-" she followed her mother and stood up but Portia would hear none of it.
"You will remain home until I say so," she said dismissively. "I would have said 'until the news dies down' but it is unlikely that that would be anytime soon." She walked away but stopped short just as she opened the door. "No letter will be sent to and fro your room." Then, she left with a slam behind her, leaving Penelope in tears.
It has been five long days since a word from Lady Whisteldown was published, and everyone was talking about it along with why. Two scheduled releases had gone by, but the biggest news of the year continued to spread like wildfire- his engagement with Penelope was all but swept under the rug. The only hint that people were reminded about their relationship was when they would ask him where Penelope was or if Lady Whistledown was going to make a return anytime soon.
Within that time, Colin was filled with worry. He tried to go to her. He sent notes and knocked at their door but their butler would turn him away upon Lady Featherington's instructions. The only time he would get any valid information about Penelope was through Felicity, and even then...
According to her- during the one time she got to leave the house- Penelope barely went out of her room and none of her two family members said anything to one another. Felicity smiled tightly as she said it, and Colin decided to stop the short interrogation the moment he saw the slight quiver in her lips, despite his obvious desperation. It hurt him that he couldn't be with her during such a difficult time especially after he spent weeks convincing her that he would be able to protect her. It didn't help that everyone around him added to the noise of worries he already had to deal with.
Late afternoon, the day just after the news broke out and after his first of many fruitless pilgrimages to the Featheringtons, he went to Number Five. Maybe it was in the hopes of finding any news or advice- maybe his mother's comfort, but he would most likely deny that it was if anyone said something to that effect. It wasn't him that needed security. It was Penelope. And he couldn't even give it to her.
"Colin!" Violet greeted him. She was in the drawing room with her embroidery. She was having tea with Eloise seated in front of her, whose book was laid on her lap. She didn't even glance up to greet him.
"Mother, Eloise." He smiled slightly, hoping his tired eyes weren't so obvious. His mother pushed the sandwiches towards him after he sat down and started talking about the things he had missed in the house after he had taken his own residence. All the while, he was counting the seconds before she would mention his fiancée.
Violet Bridgerton was never invasive nor was she a terrible gossip. But knowing how much she cared for Penelope and now that she was made aware of their engagement, he couldn't fault her for wanting to pry.
"So, dear... How is Penelope doing?" And there it was.
"I don't-" Colin sighed. "When I left her at her house yesterday, her mother was quite taken aback..."
"Well, it is quite surprising," she said carefully. "When I heard about it, I could not believe it either. After all these years..."
"She never said anything bad about us," Colin suddenly said. He knew his mother meant no harm nor was she placing blame on Penelope, but he felt the need to defend her in case she did- or before she did.
Violet smiled and put her hand on his. "I know, Colin. I know. Much as I complained about Whistledown for years, I have never seen her as a villainous author-"
"She is no-"
"And I don't discredit her for the good words she showered upon me and my children," she finished. "I can see that you are worried about her. Understandable, really. I am as well." She paused but Colin kept quiet. "But all we can do for now is give them time."
"But Penelope needs-"
"Penelope needs her family. It is no longer just her problem to deal with. It is now her family's as well. Both for the sake of their name and their relationship to one another."
Colin's mouth was pulled tight. He bit the insides of his cheek. "I will be her family soon," he murmured. He sounded a bit like a kid being reprimanded by his mother, which was a little closer to the truth than he would like to admit.
Violet stood up and smiled down at her son as she gave him a quick hug. "I know that, my dear. But before there was you, she had her mother and sisters." She kissed the top of his head. "Patience, love. Patience."
He knew he should heed his mother's advice, but he also felt more inclined to forsake patience and other virtues like it. After weeks of being apart and being hit with the revelation of his feelings for Penelope, the thought of being immediately pulled away from her for a lengthy period of time was exhibiting too much patience in his opinion. But he kept quiet and nodded his farewell to his mother as she retired to her chambers to write a letter to Francesca.
He sighed deeply and looked away from the door and saw Eloise. He just realized that since he came to the drawing room, his sister had not said a word- other than the occasional signs of agreement during their mother's retellings on the going ins and outs of the house.
Colin cleared his throat. He didn't know what to say to her as she put all her focus on her book. He was racking his head on what to say when she spoke.
"How long?"
"What?"
She didn't look at him as she continued but Colin could hear the tension in how she spoke. "How long did you know?"
"Oh...Not long, I guess." He had only known for a couple of weeks, and even then he only found out accidentally. "But for a while now."
She was quiet for some time, not turning the page since minutes ago. "I see." She closed the book and looked like she was preparing to stand.
"A-are you angry? Now?" He was confused. Here he was filled with worry but there was Eloise, Penelope's closest friend, thinking more about her secret than her welfare.
She whipped her head towards him- the first time she looked in his eyes the entire day. "Do I have no right to be?" The glare in her eyes mirrored that of a storm. He was about to contradict her and voice out his argument but saw the sadness embedded in them.
She stood up. "I know what your look towards me means, Colin, but don't think yourself so highly just because I feel the way I do and you don't." She sniffed and looked away. "I know you want me to be worried for her, and I am. But I'm also angry and hurt."
"But-"
"Is it so wrong?" She looked into his eyes, eyes almost pooling with tears. "Is it wrong to feel betrayed? Pen- She did not think to come to me. Instead she told you her deepest secret- and I don't know if I can count the number of times I've mentioned Whistledown. You. She told you..." She gave a small bitter laugh. "You, both, getting betrothed, that I have come to expect...but this? I'm her best friend. I told her everything... I guess it's my fault for expecting her to do the same." Her voice faded as she ended her sentence.
He sighed. He knew he would not be able to truly understand the depth of how much Penelope's secret had affected her but it didn't sit right with him to say nothing. "Eloise...Penelope would not have told me at all had I not accidentally found out about it for myself." He tried to reassure her despite feeling a perverse and inappropriate kind of pride in knowing that he had long suspected it while Eloise was left unaware.
He liked knowing that he knew a side of her so well that nobody else did, and that he was able to tell things without her needing to say a word about them. It was terrifying how attached to a person he could be to know her so well compared to people who were much closer to her for much of her life.
Eloise just gave him a small, non-committal smile as she left him alone in the drawing room.
"Sir, another visitor." Colin's butler told him.
He was sifting through some papers along with the note he was planning on sending to the Featherington House that noon. It had been three days since he saw Penelope, and yet not a word between them. "Who?"
"Your brother, Sir. Sir Benedict and his wife."
Colin groaned. Daphne, much as he loved his sister, had just left minutes ago to interrogate him- comfort and advise him, she claimed. The thought of Benedict coming to do the same was simply exhausting. And then there was Sophie...
"I still can't believe it. I really can't." Sophie Bridgerton shook her head as she paced in the length of his office.
Benedict held out his hand to gently grasp her elbow. "Sophie, my dear. Do sit down. You're giving Colin a headache with how fast you're moving about." He pulled her towards the seat beside him. Colin suspected it was more because of the growing bump in her belly that he was so insistent on keeping her movements miniscule.
"Oh! Oh my goodness." She stopped and turned to Colin. "I'm terribly sorry, Colin. I know we came simply to ask you how you have been- and we are! It's just...simply too surprising. And I do love Lady Whistledown so very much, and the knowledge that she had been under all our noses all this time is just so- so...astounding!"
"Well...I just hope the ton and her mother share the same sentiment," Colin murmured.
"Oh, Colin..." Sophie said softly. He shook his head and tried to smile but knew it would not get past either of them.
"You need not worry, Colin. She has you now. She has us," Benedict said. "If the people of the ton choose to remain stubborn and apprehensive, then you two can hide away in My Cottage. I will make sure that nobody will bother you there."
"Exactly!" Sophie exclaimed. "We'd love nothing more than to have you both in our home, no matter how long. And not just because Penelope is Lady Whistledown," she added shyly. "More than anyone, I know what it is like to feel like you have no choice but to be cast away from society. Feeling like hiding is my only choice to gain an ounce of peace and...happiness," she whispered.
Colin almost forgot how difficult Sophie's life had been as an illegitimate child left with a devious stepmother. Sophie was so kind and selfless that any hint of a bitter childhood seemed unlikely, especially with the joy that seemed to simply ooze out of her lately.
Benedict took Sophie's hand in his and kissed her knuckles while she wiped away her tears with the other. The romantic gesture pulled at Colin's chest. Oh, what he would give to do that for Penelope.
They continued to provide him assurance of their support for an hour or so. Benedict even gave him a list of properties that were for sale around their area, if ever the couple decide to leave society for a while. When they left Colin could not help but consider their proposition and steal Penelope away and hide in the countryside.
When the fifth day came, Colin could no longer stand it. He marched angrily from the Featherington House to the Bridgerton House, hoping Anthony had a full stock of whiskey for him to down. People walking by skirted their way around him to avoid getting pushed and trampled by him.
It might no longer be as surprising to see Colin in such a bad mood as he had been a terrible audience to many for the past week- and they all knew why. The only good thing about that was that they no longer risk asking him about his missing fiancée.
"You better say what you want to say before Kate forces her way in here," Anthony said before sipping from his glass. Lady Katherine Bridgerton, much like Sophie but maybe to a lesser degree, greatly admired Lady Whistledown. Just a day after the latter's visit, Kate came knocking at his door to ask him all the details. He did not have the heart to push her out of his home, so he chose to subtly pass a note to his butler to call for his brother and bring his wife home.
"What do you mean? I told you," he said and raised his glass. "I came for a much needed drink."
Anthony rolled his eyes and pushed his papers to the side to lean towards him. "You had half a bottle." He looked pointedly at the nearly empty bottle of whiskey that Anthony only got a glass out of. "Now tell me what you're really here for."
Colin let out the first smile he could muster for the day. "I don't know if I should be offended and hurt that you don't think I merely want the comfort of my brother's presence at such a dreary time..." Anthony raised his brow. "Or pleasantly surprised- or should I say terrified- that you know me so well."
"It is the burden- or should I say 'unfortunate blessing'?" It was Colin's turn to roll his eyes. "Of being the eldest and head of the family." Anthony finished his drink and poured the remains of the bottle in his glass. "Not knowing you lot well enough is like asking every one of our ancestors to haunt me crying out 'For shame!' and father would no less lead them."
Colin smiled at that. No one else valued their family and family name more than Anthony. For years upon years, the Bridgertons did not fail to put their family ahead of everything else, and Anthony would not cause the end of the tradition and value. Although his humble digression did not redirect Colin's attention from the clear concern in his brother's eyes for him.
He sighed. "I just don't know what to do," he said, a hint of defeat in his voice. "Penelope's the one with all the plans and strategy. But now, I can't even talk to her! Her mother is proving more and more to be a pain than I had prepared myself to deal with when I proposed to her."
Anthony cocked his head. "Is that regret I hear?" Colin glowered at him and he gave a huff of laughter. "I jest. You wouldn't be here asking for advice if you truly regret asking for her hand in marriage. Which, by the way, was not celebrated enough as should be after your whole theatrical show last year in Number Five." Anthony looked up as if reliving the events in his memory. "I'm surprised Penelope even entertained your proposal."
"Anthony, please." He did not think he needed to tell his brother how difficult it actually was to get her to say yes, but not because of his public declaration a year ago against marrying the very woman he would do everything to see at this very moment. "What do I do?"
His brother stared at him for a while before nodding. "There's really nothing to do than to claim it with her head held high."
"But that-"
"Unless you both choose to hide, which I'm not sure someone who brought the infamous Lady Whistledown into existence when she was just seven-teen would wish to do..."
It was unlikely that Colin would forget all about Penelope being Whistledown when it was why she was in such a disposition in the first place, and yet he kept forgetting what it means and how much it takes to be Lady Whistledown. After hearing what Anthony said, he was reminded of how Penelope made everyone think she was anyone but her. The ton thought she could be a rebellious servant, a rich old noblewoman, or even a terribly secretive gentleman. But the fact that someone as 'meek' as Penelope had all that inside of her, said so much on multiple levels.
But it was still a scary thought. "Benedict and Sophie offered their home..."
Anthony thought about that for a while. "Maybe for a while, it would be alright but then what? Benedict and Sophie prefer a lifestyle away from the ton. What about you two?" Anthony sighed. "Besides, hiding away makes her seem guilty and at fault when she never did anything so bad to live a life of a recluse. And now that she has the Bridgerton name to back her up, what should she worry about." He paused. "You do plan on still marrying her right?"
"Of course."
"Then I suggest you get that into her mother's head and simply assure Penelope and her family that they would have nothing to worry about. She has all of us now."
Colin needn't to hear more. With a nod he took off from Bridgerton House and back to the Featheringtons' with a new and reignited resolve.
A/N: sorry that took hellishly long...