It's been a week since the chaos they called New Year's Eve and in that time things have cooled off. Magenta hasn't really talked or seen anyone since that night. This allowed her to process everything that happened. Although, there's still some things that don't make sense. That's what happens when alcohol's involved, and a lot of anger.
If Gen had it her way she wouldn't see anyone for awhile, but that's not possible. She agreed to work with Gee's artist and today's the first meeting. Sitting in a recording studio of ten people including Gee, she tries hard not to make eye contact with him from across the room.
Gee watches as each person signs their contract before saying, "It's official. You're all apart of the team and on full payroll for the next few months." Gen looks around the room consisting of the artist himself, a tour manager, videographer, and stylist. Colby's also a part of the team as the graphic designer for merch and single covers. Then she's going to be the creative director for the overall project, his marketing, and tour.
It's only a part time gig. Most of the employees at Gen and Jux's company accept freelance work. This is something for her to do part-time, while away from the office. She knows she's supposed to be taking this time to herself, but doing some type of work keeps her busy and focused. Some people call it avoiding...
Gee closes up the meeting and Magenta stands grabbing her purse and phone. Jux approaches her to say, "I know you're off from work for the month, but I was hoping to setup a meeting with just you, me, and your sister. About the money..."
He's apprehensive because he saw everything that went down at the club. It still doesn't exactly make sense to him or anyone who doesn't know all the details. It all boils down to a family feud to him, so he decided to mind his business. Tensions are high, but the only thing that matters to him is the company. Anything personal needs to be put to the side.
"Yeah, we can do that. Just let me know a time and day."
She's ready to go, but of course Gee stops her. "Can we talk?" She nods and they sit back down watching everyone file out one by one. Once they're alone he asks, "You good?"
"I'm straight." She looks at his hands as their placed on both of his knees noticing his knuckles are bruised.
A flashback of him punching Caprice glimmers through her mind. Most of that night was a blur. She had pieces that were told from the point-of-view of her brothers, Pandora, and Chandrika. At one point she must've blacked out because she didn't remember kicking the back window out of the Uber. They tried to call wanting to be paid for it, but her and Chandrika made their case that he should've just unlocked the door and it was unlawful restraint. ChaCha did take blame for putting the child lock on, but they still decided to drop the damage fee.
"Are you good? I see you're not in jail," she gives the smart remark.
"Well, Caprice didn't press charges. My probation officer heard about the fight, but they can't do anything unless charges are pressed."
"How are you so sure he won't? Police can still investigate and the state presses charges. He doesn't have to do it himself."
"He's a rapper. He's not even cooperating with the police or his crew. No one from that night is. It would hurt his reputation if he does."
"Reputation," she scoffs rubbing her forehead. He doesn't have much of that. "This is exactly why I said leave it alone. If you fuck up your probation and get in trouble, I have to wear that on my conscious. That's a guilt I don't want. I don't need you risking your freedom. Any of you, which includes my brothers."
"It's all good." In Gee's mind it would've been worth it. How could he not be a man if he didn't go to war and avenge her pain? Despite him feeling like he had no regrets he does take accountability.. "I apologize for going against my word. But-"
"There shouldn't be a but. I asked you to respect my wishes and you didn't. You made my sexual assault all about you. You, my brother, all of you."
"Maybe I'm not understanding how protecting you translates to making it about myself.."
"That man didn't come up to you first to start a problem. You came up to him being confrontational. You threw the first punch and pretty much all the punches. You provoked the entire situation. What you should've done is come get me and say let's get out of here since I have a restraining order on him."
"Okay, you're right. I could've handled things differently. I let my anger get the best of me, especially after the last conversation I had with him. I can admit most of my anger came from him disrespecting me prior to that."
"What're you talking about?"
"He called me mad about business then the conversation turned personal. He said some things and I did to. Some of those might've been threats. So, when I saw him I wanted to act on those threats," Gee explains.
Gen breathily laughs not surprised. "Men are so predictable. Like I said, it came from a selfish place. You all think a woman's sexual purity is directly connected to you. Whether it's a romantic relationship or the protective older brother and father. Cortlen didn't even know what was going on and he's breaking bottles acting a fool. It's all a patriarchal reinforcement of men deeming women's worth based on their sexual purity. You tie it to your manhood because you don't want people to look at you the way they may look at me... Weak and broken," she rants.
"That's not why-" he stops to looks at her narrowing his eyes. He rubs over his facial hair admitting, "Maybe you're right. That's what I know. Someone disrespects a woman in my life, my answer is retribution."
"Revenge only worsens the situation..." That can be said about a lot of predicaments in Gee's life. "I'm trying to convict this man and send him to jail, so he can't hurt anyone else. There's no personal gain for him being hurt."
"And you think the judicial system is actually going to do it's job? It's rare these type of cases lead to convictions."
She sighs. "I don't know, but I'm willing to see."
"Have you heard anything about the case? An update?"
"No, the investigator and prosecutor haven't been answering me or my lawyer. I'm just gonna go to California, so they have no choice but to tell me what's going on." Gee furrows his eyebrows wondering if that's the only reason she's going. "I'm sure the first court date will most likely be pushed back considering dude's jaw is broke and he had to have surgery."
From what Gen was able to find out Caprice sustained a broken jaw that required surgery. He was already discharged from the hospital and she doesn't feel the least bit bad. She just wishes it didn't happen at all. He also violated the active protective order and had to go back to court. It was deemed unintentional, so they only increased his bail then warned him he'd be arrested if it happens again.
"What about us?" That was honestly Gee's only concern. He could care less about Caprice and what he's going through. He deserved it and had it coming.
"I need some more time. I need to think about how I'm going to move forward. We'll see each other anyway. I guess we work together now. I'll talk to you after I get back from California," she stands up. Gee doesn't argue because has his own stuff on his plate regarding his brother.
After a much needed hair appointment and visit to the nail salon, Magenta's finally home after a day full of errands. Only a few steps into making her dinner Gen's phone begins ringing. She looks at it on the counter seeing it's Choice calling. Her lips purse before she hits the ignore button. She doesn't feel like talking nor answering the many questions he'll come with. He'll let their mother or somebody tell him. She's tired of telling the story.
Hearing her front door indicate someone came through it, she pops her head into the hallway seeing Pandora entering her townhome with the key she gave her. She's probably the only person she's still been talking to throughout the week.
Almost tripping over a carryon suitcase it prompts Pandora to ask, "You going somewhere?"
"Huh? Oh, Los Angeles. About the case and Noah wants me to come see him," she slides in the last part.
With a confused face P says, "Last I checked you blocked that nigga. What does he want?" Sitting at her counter on a stool she looks into Magenta who acts like she's too focused cooking.
"He wants to apologize."
"He can't apologize through a text or a phone call? Why do you have to go out there for him to do that? Matter of fact, a sorry isn't enough wherever it's given... A sorry would be not getting on that fucking stand and repeating what he previously said. If he loved you, he'd get on that stand and lie or take it all back," Pandora shows agitation.
"Then he risks perjuring himself..."
"Then that's the price he'd have to pay for being a bitter bitch ass nigga you call an ex. Are you going to L.A. just because you and Gee aren't talking right now?"
"What? No," she finally pauses what she's doing to look at P.
Pandora gives a knowing laugh. "If you go back to Noah, I don't want to know anything about it. Don't ask me for advice, don't talk about him, nothing."
"What's your problem?" she asks not understanding where this is coming from.
"What's wrong is your relationship with him. You become this insecure, pathetic shell of yourself who tries to change who you are to fit into his world when you're with him. That's not who you are."
"I'm gettin' all this because I said I'm going to L.A. for all of two days? The fuck is your problem? Nobody said anything about getting back with anybody."
"As soon as he brings up the relationship, you'll end up back together like always. How many times are you going to throw Gee away like he's a piece of gum stuck to your shoe?"
Gen laughs in disbelief making the mind blown motion with her hands by her head. "Who said I'm throwing Gee away? You're making a lot of assumptions right about now when you don't know shit!"
"I know Noah likes controlling and molding you. You have to wear your hair a certain way, dress a certain way, talk a certain way, act a certain way. For once you have someone who understands your pain, but still loves you unconditionally regardless of what anyone says about you. This is the most I've seen you being yourself in the last two years and that's saying something considering the circumstances. He has you acting different because he's applying pressure for you to be better, and like always you're going to use what happened as an excuse to push him away and run."
"If he's so great, how about you date him since you all on his dick?" She scoffs reaching into her cabinet for garlic powder. She whips around with more to say adding, "You know what? Fuck you, Pandora! You act like you have it all together when you don't. I've watched you completely throw yourself into all your relationships and I don't say shit!"
"Really now?" She wants her to say more.
Gen gives her the same energy continuing, "You throw away whatever career you decide to have at the moment, move in with the nigga after only a couple months, stop communicating with everyone, the whole nine. You were dating the drug dealer, you got a job as a pharmacy assistant to get him scripts and steal pills. You used to boost clothes for that other nigga. Oh, then the guy who scammed and cracked cards. You decided to work home health and were stealing credit cards and checks from the old ladies. Did a year behind that shit. The only reason you have that clothing store right now is because your ex gave you the money for it. Before that you were doing whatever was clever. Every guy you swear you're in love with within the first month. That you're going to marry and have kids with them. Bullshit!"
"Wow, that's how you really feel?" Pandora stands up nodding her head. "I rather be a hopeless romantic than settle for a nigga I don't even love. Don't call me when shit go bad either," she snatches up her purse already back out of the door despite just getting here. Magenta huffs leaning her hands against the counter looking at the food she's making. She's not even hungry anymore.
Instead she finishes packing and the next morning she takes a flight to Los Angeles. Her first stop is the office of the state's attorney over her case. She has to wait nearly 30 minutes before she's seen.
Sitting an in office, a woman wearing a suit sits in front of her saying, "Ms. Thomas, I'm sorry I haven't been getting back to you. This case has me running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to get evidence and witnesses. It doesn't help most of the people involved don't actually live in California."
"Yeah, I know. I just wanted an update on what's going on. Have you heard anything."
"I have heard many of things," she turns to take a folder from a filing cabinet. "Right now the defendant hasn't decided to accept a plea deal, so we're still scheduled to go to trial. The date will most likely be pushed back a couple weeks. The defendant got a new lawyer, he apparently needs to have surgery, and his team filed some motions that the judge has to decide on."
"Okay," she sits back not even knowing what else to ask. She has a million questions.
"Right now we're in a two-way exchange of evidence in an effort to determine the truth, save court time, and protect both you the victim and witnesses. We're going through all the discovery material including police reports, witness statements, photographs, videos, and any other information we plan to use at trial. As prosecutors we're required to provide the defense with any evidence that may hurt our case, called exculpatory evidence. This evidence could show the defendant's innocence. If we don't provide it to the defense, it may require a new trial..."
"Wait, is there anything like that?" Gen narrows her eyebrows.
"I'm not sure yet. You mentioned you interviewed him for your Youtube channel in the past. That was the one time you two had close interaction outside of the incident. I need you to turn over the footage from the interview you did with the defendant. From my understanding you deleted it off your channel. Do you still have it saved somewhere?"
"Yes, I have my laptop with me now. I can send it to you. But how would this be considered exculpatory?"
Magenta strongly considered deleting it off her memory card. Even last month when she was preparing her yearbook roster, she found the pictures of Caprice she took. She didn't include his picture in the yearbook of people she interviewed nor did she nominate him for any of the awards. She remembers a couple of followers asking why his interview was taken down, but she didn't respond.
"We might as well go over this now, so I can question you about certain parts and take notes. I'm going to tell you now. They're going to try and examine the video for any flirting or signs of sexual tension, maybe touching. Their defense is that it was consensual. They're trying to find a way to prove it. The other side could use it as evidence. They were questioning if you had something to hide and that's why you deleted it."
"I only deleted it because I didn't want him on my channel. There were no advances or flirting in the video," Gen makes clear.
"I'm sure it doesn't. It won't prove much regardless. Just because you flirted at one point doesn't mean you couldn't deny any advances to sexual intercourse at a later point. For some reason people think women can't change their mind. But you said there was no flirting, so we don't have to worry at all."
They spend as much time as they can going over it. She also prepares her for what the defense could probably ask on the stand regarding the video if they decide to use it.
"Also, we were able to recover that video the defendant claimed to have initially then went back and said there never was a video. We got a warrant to seize his computers and phones, so we found it," she smiles.
Magenta's heart skips a beat. This entire week she's been praying that video doesn't turn up in someone's hands or on the internet after the fight between Caprice and Gee. "Um, how do you know it's me?"
"Your face isn't in it and neither is his. We matched the pictures of your tattoos in the evidence with what you could see in the video. I'm going to be honest, your face not being in it can actually work in his favor. It makes it hard to tell any signs of you being drugged or passed out. It begs the question if we should use it as evidence at all... I'll give you that choice, but you'd have to watch it," the prosecutor looks at Magenta.
"I'll let you make that call," she spouts out. "I don't want to watch it. I trust your judgement. Do you know if he has copies of it?"
"That's a hard one to call. We asked for all devices, but this is a recording artist we're talking about. They numerous computers, hard drives, and cellphones. We took what electronic devices we could find at his residence."
That didn't give her any relief, but what can she do? "Is there anything else you can tell me?" Gen sighs.
"Right now we're getting as many physical or written depositions of witnesses to find out what they know. Caprice and his legal team filed a motion to prevent us from putting a few people on the stand as witnesses. That includes Genesis Wilson..."
Magenta knew about him being subpoena because he sent a picture of the paper despite them not really speaking right now.
"They don't want him to testify. They know it won't help," she mumbles.
"Apparently, there was an altercation at the club and they feel it wouldn't be wise despite that being his music manager. Obviously, there's bad blood and it does nothing for his side. If the judge approves it he won't have to take the stand."
"I should probably tell you I was dating Genesis. That's where the altercation came from. I told him not to do it, he just didn't listen. Could that mess up the case in anyway?"
"Can't call it. I'm sure you'll be questioned about it on the stand. Wilson was only going to be a character witness anyway. Could it look bad in the jurors eyes? Yes.
After leaving the prosecutor, Magenta checks into her hotel. She spends the next hour getting ready for going out with Noah. He says it's a friendly dinner to apologize, others may use another word.
At a Beverly Hills 5-star restaurant, she sits across from her ex-boyfriend in the dimly lit intimate space. It's more romantic than she'd like it to be, but he picked the place. Looking around she doesn't even know what to say to him.
"That's an interesting hair color. You couldn't go black? You know I like black with a middle part. Bone straight," he starts the conversation making her tilt her head.
"Why would I do that? I'm not in the business of tickling your fancy considering we're not together anymore.
Noah's used to her cowering, so he's not expecting the response. "True." And when the waitress comes and she orders her meal, it takes everything in him not to say something about her choice. That could be an insult that it's too much or too fattening, or suggesting she should get something else.
"I asked you here because I wanted to apologize. When they called I didn't know what it was about. Maybe I don't have enough experience with the law and investigators, so I thought I had no choice. Well, I don't now that I've been subpoenaed to go on the stand."
"You need to tell me everything you told them?" Giving the complete rundown, Magenta listens to Noah with a straight face. When he's done she can't even react. She's used to being stressed. Noah reaches into his pants pockets sitting a black box on the table. "What is that?"
"You know what it is..." He pushes it another couple inches hoping she'll take it then.
"If you're bringing up that conversation again tonight, I'm not doing it. I've already said I'm not ready for marriage. I don't want to move to L.A.. I don't want any of it with you, especially after you betrayed me the way you did."
"I've had this ring for a year, but every time I bring it up you have excuses. Are we really talking betrayal? I was literally in the midst of my worst year in my career and you left me," he rebuttals.
She groans rolling her neck at the same time. "So I'm supposed to sit around letting you treat me like shit because your career isn't going the way you want?"
"I was going through a lot. Clearly, I was stressed, but it paid off. My team's going to the Super Bowl. I got over my injuries. We can work this out," he urges.
"Can we? You never fix the issues that I bring up. You were literally in competition with me about everything. Anytime I told you good news you could never just congratulate me or be happy for me. I get a big brand deal, reach a certain subscriber count, get a big interview I wanted, get a big creative directing gig... It was always the same. Well, I'm doing such and such," she mocks his voice.
"Maybe I would be happy if you consulted me before doing things. You never ask my opinion before you do things. We're supposed to be in a partnership, but you move on your own. I'm trying to build a life with you. It's like I was in the relationship on my own. You never acted like you need me."
"I don't!" She exclaims. "Every time I tell you my ideas, dreams, or wants you shut me down and tell me why I shouldn't do something. You never just motivated me do what I want if it makes me happy. It could be as simple as a hairstyle or outfit. You always have to knock me down a few pegs because you know if you build me up instead I'll realize I deserve better."
Then why not have a conversation with me? You left while I was at an away game. You ignored me for a month. Only texted me to know when I wouldn't be home then moved all your stuff out. I think I was owed a conversation after all this time."
"If you wanted it to work so bad you could've found me. I was still in California staying at a hotel. You didn't care. You never did," she shrugs.
"Did I need to chase you?" Magenta only rolls her eyes glad when their food comes out. They eat in silence for 15 minutes before Noah speaks up again. "I only ever had your best interest at heart. I saved you from a lot of bad situations. Maybe if you would've stayed with me this wouldn't have happened. You wouldn't have been there that night in the first place."
Once again another man thinking they're some superhero. "What? By being your controlling self," she chews harshly looking at him with a glare.
There's a lot of people that don't and won't work with Magenta all because of Noah. Her career suffered because of how insecure and jealous he was. She passed up a lot of opportunities with the opposite sex because of him.
One time a really popular artist gave Magenta an exclusive by sending her their new single early. It showed he trusted Gen and she was building valuable connections. Noah thought the rapper was trying to get with her, so he leaked the song behind her back. It ruined the artist's rollout and the relationship.
If Noah found out she was in studio sessions with men trying to work, he'd call out of nowhere saying he's outside and it's time to go. She'd have to gather her things and go no matter what she was doing. He probably would've done it that night if they were still together.
He's right... But everything happens the way it's destined. They're chain events. If one thing doesn't happen then another also doesn't.
"You call it controlling, I call it protecting. You were raped," it echoes in her head feeling like he's said that several times tonight. He's been very graphic in reminding her of what happened. "Clearly, you needed me."
"Can you not say that? I know. I experienced it."
She looks at how dismissive his body language is as he cuts into his steak. Staring at him, she's of course comparing him to Genesis. There's always been settling energy surrounding this relationship. The energy's always been off. Even though he's attractive, you can tell there's no attraction there. She always looks uncomfortable, tense, and awkward around him.
Pandora would always say Noah has her mind. He's very good at manipulating. Meanwhile, Gen's heart and soul are somewhere else. It's never belonged to him. Noah has never even had a chance at getting the key let alone close to having it.
Despite knowing that, Magenta went back to his condo with him. It started off being about him saying she could get the purses and shoes she left when moving out. She originally left them because he bought them But now thinking on it, it's dumb to not take them. They're gifts. No matter how much you don't want the man.
While there she found herself making a dumb decision by sleeping with him. Honestly, she only wanted a sexual experience to see what it'd feel like. Now it's happening and she doesn't like it whatsoever.
Laying under him she feels numb and like she can barely feel anything. Now she sees what some of those women were talking about in those meetings. It's like your entire body shuts down all over again and you're like a ragdoll.
It doesn't help that everything's predictable with Noah in the bedroom. He's going to do the same positions in the same exact order every time. Missionary, her get on top, doggystyle, from the side, then missionary again.
Magenta's never been so happy to hear, "Did you cum?" He asks rolling over to the empty side of the bed as she stares at the ceiling.
"Nope," she answers honestly pulling the covers over herself.
"Really?" he asks like he's ever cared when he hasn't.
It's not even his fault she doesn't have an orgasm. It's a mental block. Magenta realized that if she doesn't have a real connection with someone the sex won't be good. This was her sign that the ship has sailed with her and Noah.
Magenta liked Noah when she was younger because he had his head on straight and he was safe. She knew as a teenager he'd be successful, but the man is simply boring. The problem is they're both in love with the thought of them as a couple. It's like they met in 9th and 10th grade and created this fantasy of what they should be. They're stuck at 14 and 15-years-old.
Their last year together he's been pressuring her to move in with him to L.A. and for them to get married. That's everything she's supposed to want after knowing him this long. It's every girls dream, but she looks back on his treatment of her over the years. She's angry of what she's allowed herself to put up with. Being with him would be settling for the first person who fit her expectations. If she leaves now and moves on, she won't be heartbroken at all.
Like expected Noah only lays in his own sweat for a few seconds before jumping up ready to shower. Magenta lays there for a few minutes feeling dirty and grossed out with herself getting up too.
She starts putting on her clothes prompting Noah who's standing in the doorway waiting for the water to get hot to ask, "You don't wanna shower?"
"No, I'm gonna go."
"Huh? I thought you would spend the night. I planned some stuff for tomorrow since you're in town."
"I'm good. Noah, we ended our relationship for a reason. I think the breakup was the right decision. It's over... for good."
Noah looks at her confused wondering what happened so quickly to make her want to leave. "You serious?"
"I have feelings for someone else. Gee," she responds truthfully putting her dress back on.
"I knew once he came back in your life," he mutters to himself.
"Bye, Noah." She puts on her heels grabbing her things.
"I think you should leave. You're damaged goods anyway. You've been tainted." Magenta looks at him like he's crazy as he keeps going. "It was your fault. You should've never been there. You should've been more aware, but you've always gullible."
She's not surprised by him spewing such hate filled words. That's how he is when he doesn't get his way. "Fuck you, nigga. I feel sorry for any woman who ends up with your bitch ass," she snatches up her purse.
"Watch your mouth, sweetheart. I'm a witness."
"Do what you're gonna do. Your words don't hold any weight. That's why your football career ain't shit. You might as well be a waterboy, you weirdo." She throws up the middle finger exiting his bedroom.
She acted like everything was all good in his face, but she feels sick to her stomach. She rushes to the guest bathroom at the end of the hallway vomiting up pretty much everything she had at dinner.
Once back at her hotel she gets in the shower. For the past hours the steaming hot water hits her body scrubbing her body so hard while sobbing to no tomorrow. She's doing the exact same thing she did after that night in August.
She already feels the lowest of the lows. Magenta knows in order for things changing she has to want them to. She knows she's the kind of person who doesn't deal with her issues head on, tries to move forward in her life like nothing happened, and then the issues resurface. Not anymore. It stops today.
A Few Days Later...
Walking into the familiar room that has chairs arranged in a circle and a table for snacks, Magenta enters nervously. She's been back from L.A. a few days now and decided to stay to herself. She reads the survivors support group banner before being approached by that same woman who stopped her when she left abruptly last time.
"Magenta, right?" she smiles. She remembers her name being Essence. "You finally decided to come back.."
"Yup, I think it's that time. This is the right place for me," she sighs remembering feeling like she didn't belong last time.
"Well, glad to have you. Here at Silent Screams our doors are always open." She motions for Gen to have a seat, so she does.
Once the meeting starts, Magenta pays attention like this is class as Essence lists out the symptoms for c-PTSD, trauma, and trauma responses. She could tick every box. "Emotional numbing, guilt, shame, hypervigilance, avoidance, withdrawal, promiscuity, depression, anxiety, dissociation, distrustful, hopelessness..." And it kept going.
"And with all these thing drugs and alcohol won't fix it. Taking control back by sleeping with a bunch of people won't fix it. Jumping from bad relationship to bad relationship won't fix it. Cutting people off, distrusting everyone, self-medicating won't fix it."
After seeing a couple women ask questions, she gets the courage to raise her own hand. Once called on she tries her best to put it into words. "Um, I was seeing this guy and I finally got enough courage to tell him what happened to me. It was hard enough because he works with him. I told him not to mention it to the guy, let alone get into a physical altercation with him. Am I overreacting by being angry with him or needing space?"
"Good question. One of the biggest things you all should remember is that boundaries look different for you now. You have to set boundaries. Your boundaries are not unreasonable. But at the same time, a man may do very well responding to one of your symptoms of PTSD, while being ill-equipped to handle another one of your behaviors. A man can easily misstep or trigger reactions in you without realizing. Ignorance in men can look like insensitivity."
Another woman speaks up to say. "Something like that happened to me. I had to realize nurturing may not be a man's first instinct, but protection is. They may understand violence. Find him, kick his ass, or kill him, but not helping you cope. It'll make a man feel helpless and not know what to do. A man wants to be your hero, but they don't realize they can't rescue someone from their past pain. Men naturally want to solve the problem."
"Exactly," Essence agrees. "Establishing trust is top priority and takes time right now. You need to feel safe. You need to explain to him that the relationship is going to be different. If you confide in them and they shatter the trust it feels like there's no forgiveness. It's about understanding, communication, and compromising. Also make sure you're not self-sabotaging the relationship because of what you went through."
While they continue talking Magenta's in her head writing notes in a journal she brought with her.
"That first year I had to do a lot of listening to myself. You'll be surprised by a lot of your actions and others will be too. People may feel like you should be sad or angry. If you're not. You don't have to fit the traditional victim role or be a damsel in distress."
"Sometimes you just need to tell yourself, 'I'm enough.' The truth is a lot of behaviors and feelings stem from no longer feeling you're worthy and enough. Whether it's work, relationships, friendships, family, appearance wise... Tell yourself you're enough at least once a day. It sounds cliché, but it helps."
After the meeting she goes straight to her photo studio. She flicks all the lights on lighting a candle to get the smell of dust out of the air. The last time she was here was to interview Gee since he was the last one of 2021.
Instead of her interviewing someone else, she decided to interview herself. Her channel has never been about her personal lifestyle. Even though people have suggested she do vlogs and record her day-to-day life she never wanted to. After that meeting she decided to record her healing journey. She's not going to put it up immediately, but maybe a year down the line or after the case is wrapped up. But right now talking and recording feels like a journal to get out her emotions and thoughts.
Turning on her lights and camera she sits down in front of it. Taking a deep sigh she lets out everything she was thinking on the drive here...
"This was a really hard and painful realization for myself... It was embarrassing and a lot of shame in it. I realized that in some ways, I enjoyed being a victim. I felt really comfortable with the victim role. I liked telling people what happened to me no matter how hard it may have been. I liked the sympathy, pity, and attention. I liked the drama it was creating. Because then I can shift responsibility of what's happening in my life from myself to the act. I'm acting this way because I was assaulted, I'm lashing out, I'm treating someone badly, I'm pushing people away, I'm not putting any effort into anything... When you do that you lose control of your life. I don't want to be comfortable as a victim. I want to transition to the other side of that, which means healing my trauma and taking full responsibility of what I do to move forward."
"You don't control what happened, but you now control what happens going forth. It's not my fault what happened to me, but I can prevent something like that ever happening again. I made a stupid decision by trusting someone I knew meant me no good," she refers to Amil "I made a stupid decision going somewhere with people I don't know. I didn't even tell anyone where I was at or who I was with that night. I take accountability for my part, so it doesn't happen again. When you know better, you do better."
Looking at the red blinking button she searches her mind for more. "I have to learn that it's not personal to me. I have to hate him and not myself. Really I don't even want to hate him. I don't want to harbor hate in my heart to the point I can't love. I'm more hurt and embarrassed than anything. I hate that I let certain situations change me....This is all a process."
"You must acknowledge the pain or it will come back to haunt you. You must move through your trauma. It won't always be with grace. I'm bound to trip and stumble, but I can do this. I'm enough," she gives a short smile before turning the camera off.
Driving on the highway, Genesis listens to music and thinks. He mostly wonders where Seven is. He decides to call him one more time, but once again it rings and rings until it goes to voicemail. Smacking his lips he concentrates back on the road.
Knowing Seven's been hanging with Fade, he should wants no parts of his brother. He should be happy he left his house and he can't bring his bullshit to where he lays his head. On the other hand he doesn't want his brother getting too close to him. At the least he wants to know where Seven is sleeping these past couple of days.
Gee was going to call Seven's mother, Tiffany, the next morning after New Year's Eve and say he's sending him back on the first thing smoking. Then he remembered what their grandmother used to say...
"That lady never cared about that boy. She never wanted that child. She just thought keeping him would make Genaro leave Misty alone for good."
He recalls the fact there were several instances where Seven's mother lost custody of him. He would have to go live with their grandmother or their father depending on the circumstances. She would leave him alone with no food to go work long hours, be with men, or go to the club.
His father's death would always be extremely hard. Seven wasn't a hip baby who was always attached to his mother, he was glued to their father's side. Imagine your father passing away at only 18 and now it feels like you have nobody.
His mother sent Seven to stay with Gee not wanting to have to deal with him. She made it clear he's not coming back to her home because he's 'grown.' She doesn't care that he lost his father only two months ago.
Gee's phone rings and he assumes and hopes it's Seven. Instead it's his mother, Misty. "Hey, Ma," he answers.
"I feel like I haven't heard from you in weeks," she gripes.
"I've been busy. You good though?"
"You sound stressed," she doesn't even answer his question. She can always tell when something's wrong with her son.
"I am. More stressed than a young teenage parent," he jokes through it.
"I'm worried about you..."
"Why?' He narrows his eyes.
"I had a dream." He laughs a little, but she doesn't. "Don't laugh at my dreams. I'm still trying to piece together what it means, so I'll get back to you on that. Just watch your back and stay on alert. I'm praying for you like always. Have you heard from your brother?"
"Not yet. Don't tell his mother though. I don't want her trippin'. I'll figure it out."
"I'm sure you will. Don't give up on him. Me and your Daddy never give up on you despite what you may think. We always had hope you'd get it together. He just requires a little love, patience, and care."
"I'll try. I'll call you back later, so we can talk more. I love you." Once they hang up Gee makes sure he gets off on the right exit. Twenty minutes later he's pulling up to Kross' house in Pearland.
Once let in they dap pulling into an embrace. "What's good?" Kross asks they walk further into the living room.
Hearing noise Gee looks towards the kitchen. He can see whoever it is duck down behind the counter. "I saw you, P. You don't have to hide," Gee says it loud enough for her to hear.
She slowly rises up still making sure her body is hidden behind the island because she only has on a bra and boyshorts. "Hey, Geeee!" she drags out with a smile getting a greeting back. "We didn't sleep together," Pandora blurts out.
"Uhh, okay. I wasn't going to ask. Don't care either. Not my business. We're all grown," Gee holds up his hands.
"Just wanted to make it clear. But if I wanted to, it would be okay too. My body, my choice... I'm gonna go back to the room now," she points before disappearing down the hall awkwardly.
Kross can only chuckle and shake his head. They both sit down and he asks, "What's going on?
"I'm not staying long," he still stands. "Remember how you asked if I need you to make a call?" Kross nods his head. "It's about that time," he strokes his facial hair.
"You sure?"
"He threatened to start a war and it can go there," he refers to Fade. "He's also been hanging with my brother. He's been tellin' him shit, getting all in his head. If my brother gets hurt...
"I feel you, but don't you think this is some crash out shit?" Gee furrows his eyebrows not expecting that response. "I'm just saying. Between you fighting our own artist at the club to this. You didn't have these type of issues before you got back cool with ol' girl, Magenta. All these people somehow connected with her bringing issues."
"My issue with Fade has nothing to do with her. That was some street shit."
"How'd you meet him?" Gee smacks his lips knowing it's because of Magenta. Regardless, he's the one who asked to work with Choice, which meant working with Fade. "We're supposed to be elevating, not regressing."
"Either you're gonna make the call or not."
Kross shakes his head. "Fine. I think you should just let your brother's bad ass learn on his own. He get in some real street shit and he'll learn. He called me the other day."
"What'd he say?"
"He's safe. Staying with one of his friends over in Mo City. I told him come stay with me and he said he'd think about it. I'd get him right together. Remember when I had my younger brother livin' with me? I got his ass right in line. He called himself getting buck with me, I pistol whipped his ass. How you like them apples?"
Gee laughs at him reenacting it. "Your ass gonna end up right back in jail for family violence."
"Well, does the little nigga rap? We can put him to work in the studio and sign him to the company. Might find us a star," Kross rubs his hands together.
"I don't think so." When a notification on Gee's phone goes off about his home security system he checks it. Looking at the cameras he sees someone in his house, but it takes no time to realize it's Seven. "Speaking of the devil...I gotta go."
Gee races from Kross' house all the way back to his hoping to catch Seven before he leaves again. Getting to his house he enters seeing a bunch of bags packed by the door. Gee stops at them and picks up a picture laying on top of the duffle bag. It's a picture from Seven's signing day. Both him and their father wear University of Kentucky apparel. Seven wears a smile that can light the world as their father hugs and kisses his cheek.
Hearing rummaging noises coming from his office that's where he goes. Seven's back is to him and he clearly doesn't know Gee is back home. He's trying to open his safe, but none of the codes are working.
"Dammit, what could it be?" Seven mumbles to himself. Gee notices a Glock with an extended magazine sticking out from the back of his Amiri jeans.
"What are you looking for?" he asks making his brother jump and spin around. He's clearly shaken up.
"M-money," he swallows hard. He knows Gee keeps cash, so he thought he'd come in and take some then be right back out. Once he knew Seven was running with Fade, he removed any cash and jewelry he had in his home.
"You were going to steal from me? And you have packed bags... What did you get into? What did you do?" he crosses his arms over his chest.
Seven looks nervous before admitting, "I stole a package from a dude who works for Fade."
"How much?"
"Ten pounds of weed."
Gee breathes out heavily rubbing his forehead. Now he's done some shit in his life before, including something like this. Was it smart? No. "You can't be doin' that type of shit in the city. You can't be takin' from a nigga and you're not even from here. You're an out of towner. Brand new, at that. Are you crazy?!"
"It was supposed to be simple, but the guy I was with he shot Fade's man to get the bag. He wouldn't give it up without a fight."
"Is the guy dead?"
"I-I don't know."
"You're going to stay at Kross' for a little while. I'll help you. I'll handle it."
"Really? After everything I said?" He asks in shock.
"I promised I would protect you with my life. Not only to our father, but myself. And at this point, this is about saving us both. Anything that happens to you because of Fade is rooted in his problem with me."
Gee extends the picture he had on top of his bag towards Seven. His entire face falls as his quickly well up. In a matter of seconds Seven is breaking down crying falling into Gee's arms. "Why'd he leave us? I needed him."
Gee remembers his first semester of college. It was the first time he had truly been far away from his parents. Before he made trusting friendships he was calling his father for the simplest things. Any inconvenience he called his father to talk him off the ledge. When he was younger he thought he didn't have any support while in school, but now he realizes he was so wrong. That's why Genaro was so disappointed when he got arrested and had to leave.
Genesis can only imagine being Seven and trying to maneuver your first semester of college then your father dies. Seven's trying to become a man, he's trying to become an adult, and the one person who would be guiding him along that road is gone.
You go out into this world and in the midst of it all you lose yourself and you lose your way. Now it's time to steer him back to his original path before it's too late.
"Whatever you want to know I'll tell you," Gee speaks up. "Every mistake and everything I did correct. From the time I stole my first piece of candy to my last charge. Every time I got hurt and every time I had to hurt someone else including Fade. Everything."
And he did that. He had to tell him how he met Choice and Breon. How Choice was connected to growers, starts running a large operation with Fade, and them supplying the entire city of Dallas and the surrounding metroplex with their weed. The two of them alone were making hundreds of thousands of dollars together. He talks about the weed, going into selling pills, then cocaine. The beef with Kasino and how he killed him. Then how each of them got shot, including Gee shooting Fade himself. Looking back Gee didn't realize how big what they were doing was.
Earlier that day he took Seven to stay with Kross. He'll stay there until Genesis can talk to Choice and Cortlen. He has a plan that more fast tracked then the one Choice has. Until then Gee is at his house trying to drop hints that his ex, Kelsey, needs to leave.
"What're you about to do?" He asks buttoning his jeans like he's about to leave.
"Nothing. I'm free all night." Seeing how comfortable she is in his bed he raises his eyebrows. He's immediately regretting sleeping with her. He didn't even finish because he wasn't into it. "Hey, when do you think you can help me move my stuff back in this weekend?"
"I told you before you came it was just sex." And he did because he's an honest person. He rather it be Kelsey than some random. It was supposed to be a quick stress reliever, but he feels more guilty than anything.
She laughs making him arch his eyebrow. That usually means she's about to start acting a fool. "Why are you trying to act like you don't want to get back together?"
"Because I don't." Before he can say anything else his phone begins ringing. He grabs it and to his surprise it's Magenta. He answers despite Kelsey now standing up and cursing him out. He ignores her realizing Gen's sniffling. "What's wrong?"
"Can you come over, so we can talk?"
"Yeah, I'll be over there," he pushes out while pushing Kelsey's hand out of his face.
"Who was that? That other bitch you've been seeing?" She questions as he picks up her clothes handing them to her.
"If I told you what it was, how are you mad? You know what, I apologize. I shouldn't have called you over here. That was my fault, but you gotta go. I'm about to leave."
He watches her get dressed filled with attitude making sure he leaves his house before he's leaving too.
As soon as the door's open with one look he can tell Magenta's been crying. She's the type who starts and usually can't stop. Her nose will be red and her eyes will get puffy. As soon as the door closes her arms fly around his neck.
He breathes out of his nose resting his hands on her waist. "Why you cryin'? What's going on?" he asks taking steps so that she's walking backwards still holding onto him.
"I'm sorry," she keeps repeating.
"Why are you apologizing."
"Because I-I'm a mess. I'm all over the place. I'm doing the same thing where I think I can rationalize my feelings and emotions. I'm trying to make love practical, when it's the most impractical thing a person can do. I'm still trying to control things between you and I," she spouts out in a shaky voice.
"Where is this coming from?"
"I had sex with Noah," she admits with shame. He processes it then nods knowing he can't get upset.
"Okay, well, I slept with my ex."
Magenta steps back wiping her face. "We need to get our shit together," she says making them both laugh. "Was it at least good?"
"No," Gee mouths shaking his head. "I could've been 'cause the ass is stupid, but-"
"You always take it too far. I didn't ask for all that," she slaps his arm. He chuckles as they both sit on the couch. She sighs then speaks, "I always do the same thing. In August when I finally got back to Houston I shut myself off from everyone. That Day Party you saw me at was the first time I had been out socially in a few months. I knew when I ran into you clearly a message is being sent and I need to acknowledge it."
"I get it. When everything in your life is falling a part you try to control the one part you can," he puts his arm across the back of the couch.
"Pandora was right. I keep running and I'm tired of running. I just have these fears of being abandoned by people who say they love me. I don't know..."
He looks directly at her to say, "I'm never going to abandon you."
"When you get angry, seeing that side of you scares me. It takes me to a place that I thought we got away from. I don't want you going back to the old you. Even when it comes to Fade. The way you were looking at him at dinner.."
He thinks about how he's already taking steps to get at Fade, but she doesn't need to know that. "I don't want you to be scared of me. I know you don't like that version of me. I don't either. I care about you from the bottom of my heart. I never meant to put you in that situation."
"If at any point this becomes too much for you, please, be honest with me. I don't want this to be too much for either one of us. Instead of shutting down and turning away from each other we have to come together," she gives him the option.
"You know I always say how I feel. Maybe I'm still unsure of my role in your life. Maybe I didn't know what else to do to make it better. I'm trying, that's all I can say."
"And it's helping, I swear. I know everything I do doesn't make sense. I don't want you feeling rejected. It's a process."
He nods. "I need to make something very clear," he says with more firmness in his tone. Ee're not doing things like college. Consistency. That's what I need. If I don't have that then I don't even want to do this. I understand needing space, but you did the same thing you did back then... Whenever things don't go the way you want you find another nigga to run to. Sophomore year when I was dating Estelle, so you got up with my teammate, Jody. Junior year after we decided not to be together then you turned around and got with Caleb," he goes into detail.
"Yeahh...I fucked up, you fucked up, but the feelings didn't change. In order for this to work we have to do things differently."
"Understood?"
"Understood," she smiles as he leans in kissing her temple.
__________
Magenta going to see Noah? Sleeping with him?
The updates on her case? Her argument with Pandora?
Gee's brother stealing from Fade?
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