"why did they write it about me?" i sobbed into
Manon's lap. i was finally letting my emotions flow out of me. "i am kind, i am polite, i do everything for everyone all of the time yet i am still a bad person?
how dare they bring up Charles! how dare they say his name in such a negative piece of writing!
they know nothing Manon, they know nothing,"
my whole heart felt like it was being turned inside out.
"it's okay Bee, they know nothing.
they don't know you, obviously," she said while stroking the back of my head.
"i-i-i, i hate him, i hate him so much,
how could he? how could Teddy do that to me," i stuttered the words out.
"i thought he loved me, i thought he'd always love me Manon. he said he would. he lied, he lied to me.
he never loved me, he just used me until she came back, he loves her. it's in my face.
he loves Louise. i am sick to death of being a person to play with while he just waits for the next girl to return! i am breaking piece by piece and he does not care about me, not one bit, while i would put my life on the line to even see him smile," i could barely breath due to my sobs, they forced themselves from my throat.
"just ignore him Bee, we are done with him," she whispered, she was angry, i had never seen her so hostile. "no one hurts you, no one" she whispered again. "he is going to wish he never met us, we will dig down to the depths of that article and find the writer, we will find out everything. we will show him every little thing he has lost," she was how whispering through gritted teeth.
"right, ladies, we do not have time to wallow. we need to show this town, we need to make sure that everyone knows never to even think bad of our Blair ever again!" Nikki said strolling into the room.
"i don't want to do anything Nikki, i just want to wallow in my pit of sadness while Manon strokes my hair," i turned to look up the girl who had been comforting me, her soft smile was one that brightened up even the most sorrowful of days.
"right, that's it, you move or we move you," Tessa said storming into the room, i jumped at her surge of energy that she brought as she entered.
"it is nearly 4 o'clock meaning that Alfred will be here soon, ever sooner if he's a keen guest who likes to be early, which i expect of him. the staff have prepared despite only Nikki's help," Tessa rambled.
this was more for her own use. she likes to list, if it wasn't in her note book it was out loud, she liked to tell herself that it was for us yet we knew that it wasn't. "brown or white? hello Blair?" Tessa waved in front of my face as i sat up slowly.
"i have just been asking you if you'd like brown or white bread for about 5 minutes," she continued,
i just looked at her with wide eyes. i was being pathetic, i was wallowing on something that could not be changed. she seemed to notice how out of it i was and sat beside me. she rested her head on my shoulders. "i am sorry Blair, i am just trying to get you back, we all don't want to lose you again like we did when Charles passed," she whispered. i took a long breath in. i rested my head on hers.
"i won't let you down, you won't lose me again," i hummed, she lifted her head and looked at me proudly. "brown," i whispered. she furrowed her brows in confusion. "i would like brown bread, come on Tess get with it," i laughed, she rolled her eyes and pulled me up. "let's get you changed," she said pulling me to my chests. "oh Blair you have to wear something to make everyone stare," Manon said following with Nikki by her side.
"everyone?" i asked with furrowed brows. they all paused and look at each other with wide eyes.
"well, i know we should have told you, and we were going too. we just lost track of time, i swear of it, it was all last minute..." Nikki rambled earning stern look from Tessa.
"we are throwing you a party tonight!" Tessa smiled,
it was easy to tell that they were nervous.
they all watched and waited for my reaction.
"a party? for what? being the laughing stock of the town?" i huffed. they shook their heads.
"no Blair, it's to show them the real you," Manon sighed. i rolled my eyes.
"rich girl throws a party in the massive home that her rich friends live in, sounds perfect," i did not mean to sound so ungrateful yet at the minute even showing my face to others made me feel monstrously ill.
"oh baby, we know you are upset, but come on.
you're going to lock yourself away all again?
hide from them? no, you don't have to do that and you will not. you are perfect Blair and they will all see that!" Nikki said coming close.
"who is invited?" i asked, they looked at each other with worried faces. "everyone?" Tessa shrugged with a smile. my eyes widened. "everyone? what do you mean! everyone! how will we ever accommodate every bloody one!" i was sent into a panic. they laughed.
"if you had let Tessa continue, i am sure you would have heard that she meant everyone who is anyone.
the owners of the news, the owners of the jewellers, we asked Sally Moffat for her gala guest list and just invited everyone," Nikki butted in.
"you did not!" they all looked at me in shock, i am sure they wondered as to why i would be so angry at this. "Theodore Laurence has been to every single gala Sally Moffat has hosted! you didn't think to check!"
suddenly the door was knocked at lightly.
"Mr Alfred Lexington has arrived," the voice of a staff member sounded into the room. we all looked at each other with worry. i was in last nights dress, my hair had not been touched with a brush in what felt like weeks, and my face was stained with sorrow filled tears. he could not see me like this, i would not let him think of me as weak.
"bring him up," Tessa spoke back, "no, no, no, don't bloody bring him up! look at me!" i laughed.
"he doesn't care, he's sweet," Nikki smiled.
i quickly hid myself under some sheets as i heard the door open. "sorry Alfredo, but Blair is currently too busy dressing as a ghost to actually speak to you properly," Tessa joked making my snort from under the blankets of white. "i did not know it was a dress up party," he joked back to her. "i am just going to get ready," i spoke under the sheet, standing quickly and running blindly to the door, i missed and walked straight into the frame. "that was on purpose," i laughed, and quickly found the right exit and ran.
i flung the sheets from me with a smile on my face and charged into the guest bedroom.
i slammed the door and sharply locked it, i leaned against the hardwood trying to catch my breath.
"it is going to be okay," i whispered to myself.
"it is all going to be okay," i hummed.
__________________
"come on Blair! you missed lunch and now guests are all arriving! you have to be here!" Nikki banged on the door. i looked at myself in the floor length mirror,
my eyes glided over my body. i felt so removed from myself, was this really me? i looked the same, maybe paler and more sick looking than before, yet my entire being felt alike it had changed.
before i came here, i was so happy, i was just a girl.
i dreamed of love, of a person who would give their whole heart to me, i dreamed of warm smiles and soft lips. now, it had all changed. my soft glow of joy had faded into a pit of nothingness. my friends feared losing me at any moment of heart ache in my life.
i was weak, a shell of my former self. i shell of the girl i had loved so much.
we were hosting yet another lavish party and Theodore Laurence was attending. when we first moved here, when we had our first ball, my heart fluttered at the thought of him attending, yet now my heart wretched. i felt physically shaken, i hated him, i hated him so much, yet i loved him. how couldn't i? he was Teddy, the boy that had broken my heart so many times that he was the only one who knew how to piece it back together.
"come on Blair!" there it was again. the shout pulled me from my thoughts. my dress was a midnight blue, almost black, it was simple, my jewellery small and detailed. i did not feel myself anymore. i could barely ready myself for a ball, let alone anything else.
i slowly unlocked the door, the noise of guests filled my ears almost instantly. "i am not ready Nikki, they are all going to see me and think i am exactly what the writer said," i started to breath erratically. she turned me to face her with a swift movement.
"no Blair! this is not fair! you may be sad and you may feel alone yet me and the girls are here. we have always been here and i understand that you may be hurt but we miss you. we miss our Blair! the smart, sarcastic, Blair that we all love. stop pushing us away! i just want to have my friend back, i just want you back Blair," she whispered, a single tear fell down her left cheek. "we just want our friend back," she whispered again. i felt my heart swell, she was right. it was not just me i was hurting, it was everyone who loved me, i was selfish.
"i am back Nikki, i will never leave again, i swear," i whispered back to her. i pulled her close and held her tight. "we have to be strong for the others Blair, i can't do it alone," she hummed. "you won't have to ever gain," i reassured her. "let's got find them," i continued, she nodded. i pulled away and smiled to her. "i have missed you," she smiled.
the stairs were intimidating.
the people below them even worse. it was their eyes, they had all read the article, they had all heard the story of a person whom i was not.
i sucked in a breath, it was okay, it was all okay.
i walked slowly down them, my eyes searched the room for him. i knew he probably wouldn't have come, and really i did not want him to, but deep down it hurt.
"you look astonishing," i heard as i reached the bottom. my eyes followed the voice.
"Alf," i smiled, he stood before in an expensive suit, he looked put together and neat.
"you, you just.... wow me more and more every single day," he whispered. i felt my heart pause, his words came from such a sweet and innocent place in his heart. he was a sweet man, so full of kindness, it felt refreshing, so refreshing.
"please, allow me to have this dance?" he whispered softly, i held my hand out for him and without a word he whisked me away to the middle of the room.
"i love this song," i smiled to him, "i know," he hummed as he moved so elegantly to the piano.
"where is Theo?" he asked, i looked up to his wide eyes. "he's not coming," i whispered, he nodded.
"if it helps, i do not believe he said anything to the writer of that article. he cares about you, a lot," he smiled, i nodded. it hurt. Alfred was so perfect, his heart was so open and soft, yet i still yearned for the sting of Theodore Laurence's love. i always would.
"i have to go," i stopped. he looked at me with forgiving eyes. "i thought you would," he replied softly. i felt my eyes prick with tears as i let go of his warm shoulders. "good luck, my love," he took my hand and placed a soft kiss to it. "thank you, thank you so much. for everything. for your kindness. for you open arms in my times of need. yet most importantly i must thank you for being you, so unapologetically loving," i hummed. he smiled.
"go on, i am sure he will be waiting for you," he smiled. i took a breath and turned. before i could even take a step the halls doors flew open.
there he stood. Theodore Laurence. his eyes ran around the room before attaching to mine.
the full room fell silent. "i have some news," he projected his voice to the back of the room. he held a piece of paper in his hands, with seconds of his words Louise came storming into the room.
she looked furious, her face was are red as the dress upon her body. "do not listen to a word he says! he is a liar!" she shrieked. i felt taken aback. what was happening?
"it was Louise, she wrote the article,"
Teddy's words sent shivers down my spine.
it was her.