if ure still here...ily
*
THIS thing with her parents is getting to her.
Ilang years na niyang hinihintay na mag-separate sila, pero now that it's happening, parang hindi...hindi ma-process ni Jiya.
Maghihiwalay na sila—house, properties, assets, money. Pati si Jiya, paghahatian.
She wakes up to another screaming match before school.
"We agreed, Gerard!" Hillary shouts from down the hall. "We agreed that Jiya was going to live with me! Ano na naman 'tong sinasabi mo, ha?!"
"Jiya should inherit the company, siya lang ang anak ko," her dad counters, voice rising. Jiya fists the sheets and closes her eyes, feeling her breathing go faster. "And para magawa niya 'yon, she should live with me! Besides, I will still be providing for her schooling—"
"Kaya ko rin mag-provide ng pang-school niya!"
"Hillary, we can take this to court and let them decide for us. Or ano, sabihin ko ba na you're unfit to take care of our child because of alcoholism? They will not grant you free access for visitation rights, ako ang magkaka-custody sa kanya!"
"You can't do this to me, Gerard, putangina mo—!"
"I have had enough of your bullshit, Hillary—!"
Jiya runs to the bathroom and turns on the shower, hurriedly slipping off her clothes. She stands under the raging water, hands shaking, throat closing up.
Hindi na niya sila marinig.
She stands there for what feels like an hour, from the way na nagka-marks na sa fingers niya sa tubig. When she turns the shower off, it's quiet. Too quiet.
Jiya sighs. Wala na sila.
She puts on a shirt and leggings and a jacket, pulling the hood up to hide her swollen face. Kagabi pa siya umiiyak.
She doesn't bother with makeup kasi kahit anong gawin niya hindi matatakpan ang maga ng mata niya, so she lets it be, puts on her shoes and grabs her bag, and walks downstairs.
Manang has breakfast ready on the table. "Hija, kain," she says softly, a gentle smile on her face.
Jiya smiles at her. "I'm okay, Manang, male-late na rin po ako. Thank you po, kuha na lang ako ng kape."
"Okay, mag-iingat ka." Manang caresses her back and opens the door for her. "Kuya, ingat sa pag-drive."
"Starbs po," she tells Kuya Willy, settling at the backseat.
Her phone buzzes with a text.
Pogi: good morning wife :) i have lab
meeting at lunch so wont be able to
eat w u today, see u after school <3
Jiya types her reply.
morning. okay kain ka pa rin
Migo reads that. He types, then he stops. He types again.
Pogi: u ok baby?
She massages her forehead and looks out the window, not wanting to reply to him. But she takes a deep breath and taps the screen.
yes :) dont worry
It takes him a minute.
Pogi: okay. :) mahal kita. have a good
day!
She tosses her phone in her bag.
Hindi niya kinausap mga kaibigan niya na maraming energy. Ang sabi niya lang is, "Pagod ako, sorry. Go lang."
Si Isco naman, siniko siya. "Galit ka ba? Sorry na."
Jiya slaps his shoulder. "No."
Hindi naman talaga. Mapapansin din ni Migo kahit hindi sinabi ni Isco.
Pagtapos ng morning class nila, nagpaalam si Jiya instead na sumama sa kanila sa Regis. She texts Migo.
magnanap ako sa condo im
tired pa is that ok?
Migo replies instantly.
Pogi: babe dont ask me na. u have a
key and u have things there of course
its okay. pahinga ka, call me if you
need anything
Jiya sighs and walks the way to Burgundy. Nasa klase rin si Inggo, kaya pagkapasok niya, tahimik and madilim. Dumiretso si Jiya sa kwarto ni Migo and humiga sa kama. The second she closes her eyes, she's out.
*
Nagising si Jiya with a hand caressing her hair.
Migo is lying down beside her, staring at her face, lovingly stroking her hair and back. When she opens her eyes, he smiles. "Hey," he whispers. "Gising ka na."
Panic washes over her system. Her heart jumps in her throat and she sits up suddenly, scrambling for her phone.
Shit, shit, shit. Three na. Na-miss na niya yung dalawa niyang afternoon classes.
Tinawagan siya nina Van and Addie, pero naka-silent phone niya and nakalimutan niya rin mag-alarm. Puta, puta, puta.
Vannie: B nasan ka na, bell na
Ads: ARE U CUTTING CLASS
Vannie: ok we called migo and he said
you're napping, he's still in lab daw so
he can't check on you, and sabi rin
niya pagpahingahin ka raw.
Ads: SLEEP WELL SWEET DREAMS
BABE
Vannie: mwa mwa <3 will send u notes
dw b
Jiya tosses her phone on the mattress and buries her face in her hands. "Shit," she mutters.
For the first time in three years, nag-cut siya. Dalawang klase pa.
Migo sits up behind her. "Hey, it's okay. Van will send you her notes raw, you didn't miss much."
"Dapat 'di mo sinabi na pagpahingahin ako," Jiya says, gritting her teeth. "I just needed an hour. Fuck."
"You needed more than that, what time ka nakatulog kagabi?" Migo asks slowly, furrowing his eyebrows.
Hindi rin alam ni Jiya, nakatulog siya in the middle of a breakdown.
He sits beside her and takes her hands away from her face. "Valle, it's not the end of the world na naka-miss ka ng—"
"I know," she snaps, taking her hand away from his. "I know that, I just—"
Migo blinks at her. "Are you—are you seriously mad at me because I didn't wake you up?"
Jiya realizes how ridiculous that sounds. Fucking hell. Hindi niya kasalanan. "Sorry," Jiya mutters, running a hand through her hair. "Sorry, no, I'm not mad at you at all. Ako 'yong hindi nag-alarm."
Migo is silent. Then he sighs and murmurs, "Valle...kausapin mo 'ko. What's wrong? What can I do to help you?"
"I'm fine," Jiya says, managing a forced a smile, turning her head to look at him. Migo searches her face, jaw clenching. "Nothing's wrong, stop worrying."
"Sasabihan mo 'ko ng stop worrying nang magang-maga 'yang mga mata mo?" he almost snaps, face blank.
Jiya does not want to talk about this. She stands up and opens the door. "Kulang lang sa tulog."
Sinundan siya ni Migo. "Stop lying to me, ayoko sa sinungaling."
"Ayoko pag-usapan, Migo, okay?" Jiya picks up her bag from the sofa. "Please, just..."
Migo pushes his tongue against his cheek and stares at her. "Okay," he finally says. "Okay, but...don't leave nang gan'to tayo."
"We are fine," Jiya says slowly, stepping closer to cup his face. She stares in his eyes and says, "We're fine, Migo. I'm leaving lang kasi I wanna go to the gym." She leans up to kiss him, pero hindi pa siya nakakapag-respond, Jiya pulls away, smiling at him. "I'll text you pag-uwi ko."
She puts on her shoes and leaves.
Umuwi si Jiya, nagbihis, and dumiretso sa Elorde.
Doon siya naglabas ng galit and sakit niya, shouting at the punching bag, pouring every feeling of rage into her punches.
Naabutan siya ni Anton. "Uy, Jiya!"
Hindi niya pinansin. Tuloy-tuloy lang arm niya sa speed ball. Ang lakas ng pagsuntok niya, rinig na rinig sa buong gym.
Anton stands beside her and crosses his arms. "Rough day?"
"Slight," she bites out, sweating and panting.
"Okay. Rounds tayo."
Jiya steps down from the platform and heads over to the ring.
Anton picks up the punching mitts and steps into the ring with her. "Ready?"
Jiya nods. She taps her gloves sa mitts palms down, and does the same thing palms up.
Anton puts the mitts up. "Jab. Jab, jab, straight. Dalawa. Apat. Jab, straight, hook, straight. Jab, uppercut, hook, straight."
Jiya does as he instructs, bouncing on her feet, red-faced and bones aching.
Na-dodge niya lahat ng mga bato sa kanya ni Anton. Pagkaring ng bell, she lets out a painful groan, shutting her eyes.
"Akin na," he mutters, taking her wrists gently. He stretches them behind her back. Jiya hisses in pain. "Nag-stretch ka?"
Jiya nods.
"One more round or rest na?"
May ilalabas pa siya. She pants and shakes her head.
"Ilabas mo sa 'kin, hindi masakit," Anton tells her, holding out the mitts.
Jiya taps her gloves sa mitts palms down, and does the same thing palms up again, then the round starts.
"Straight, hook, straight. Jab, straight. Jab, jab, straight. Dalawa. Apat. Anim. Walo. Tuloy mo hanggang mag-bell."
Jiya shouts, punching the mitts repeatedly, not stopping. Her arms are screaming in pain and her chest is heaving, kulang sa oxygen, pero she does as Anton says. Tuloy tuloy lang hanggang mag-bell.
When she finally hears it, she almost loses her balance and she can't feel her arms.
Anton takes off her gloves and stretches them.
"Ah!" Jiya hisses, eyes burning from the pain.
"Sorry," Anton mutters, stroking her wrists with his thumbs. "Pinahirapan yata kita masyado."
"No," Jiya groans out, catching her breath. Pawis na pawis siya. "No, I needed...I needed it. Thanks."
He takes off her gloves and helps her sit down sa bench. Jiya hisses, stretching her legs, and gulps down her jug of water.
Anton passes her her towel. "O."
She presses her face to it, chest rising and falling rapidly. "Fuck."
Anton smiles at her. "May iniisip ka bang mga mukha while you were punching?"
Jiya leans her head back against the wall and closes her eyes. "Sarili ko. For being stupid."
Her friend pauses. "Jiya, are you okay? You can talk—"
"May problema lang with my parents," she mutters in a flat voice.
She chugs down her water again.
Anton says, "I'm sorry, Jiya."
"Don't." Jiya stands up and smiles at him. "See you tomorrow."
She takes off her hand wraps, dumps them in her bag, and leaves the gym.
*
Nasa McDo raw 'yong boys and si Van for breakfast after first period kasi free cut. Since free na siya, sumunod si Jiya para kumain.
She dumps her bag beside Migo's chair pagdating niya. "Order ako."
Migo smiles at her. "Morning."
"Morning," she says back, leaning down to kiss his cheek. Their friends throw pieces of fries at them.
Jiya steps in front of the kiosk, wallet in hand. She gets two-piece pancakes and hash browns, and she's deciding between pineapple juice or iced coffee when a finger behind her presses the large juice. "Juice naman, puno na ng kape tiyan mo," sabi ni Anton, grinning.
Jiya rolls her eyes, smiling. She checks out. "Hello to you, too."
"Kamusta katawan mo?" he asks, following her to the counter. "Sore?"
"Very." Malapit na siya mahimatay pagbangon niya kasi ang sakit ng mga hita niya, mga shoulders niya—everything. "Naglagay na ako ng Salonpas, don't worry."
"E 'eto?" Anton brushes his thumb over her eye bags, frowning. "Maga pa."
Jiya sighs. "Magbo-box ulit ako mamaya, pupunta ka ba?"
He bumps her shoulder with his and winks. "Kung kailangan mo magalit, why not?"
Dinala ni Anton tray niya papunta sa table and puts it down. Jiya thanks him with a smile and digs in, spreading butter over her pancakes.
Hindi na niya napansin na pinapanood sila ni Migo.
Jiya goes about the rest of her day feeling slightly better. After her last class, pumunta siya sa condo. Nag-aaral sina Inggo at Migo sa dining area when she comes in, taking off her shoes and dumping her bag on the couch. "Hi, boys."
Inggo gives her an awkward wave and a glance to Migo.
Jiya raises her eyebrow. Migo doesn't look at her.
She sits beside him and rubs his thigh. "Hey. You stressed?"
"Ha?" Migo raises his head and blinks. "No."
Jiya scoots forward to hug him, resting her head on his shoulder. She exhales heavily, snuggling close to him.
She found out this morning that her parents will be away for the weekend. Dad niya will be handling business daw sa new site sa Palawan, and her mom is meeting a client sa...God knows where. She wants to ask him to go with her somewhere for the weekend, just to get away for a while.
"Migo," she whispers. "Are you free this weekend?"
"Bakit?" he asks, focused on his homework.
Jiya shrugs, tracing his shoulder with her finger. "I want to spend it with you. I just thought that we can get away for a while. Kahit sa Tagaytay lang, or sa—"
"Si Buenca tanungin mo," Migo says. "Siya kinakausap mo, 'di ba?"
Jiya sits up straight. She stares at the side of his face kasi hindi siya tinitingnan ni Migo. "What is this about?"
"I'm gonna..." Inggo grabs his things and goes to his room.
Hindi inalis ni Jiya ang tingin niya kay Migo. He finally turns his head to look at her, his jaw set. "You know what this is about."
"No, I don't, actually. Paki-spell out," Jiya snaps.
"I have been trying to talk to you for the past weeks," Migo says through gritted teeth. "I understood when you said you didn't want to talk about it, I understood no'ng 'di ka pa ready, okay lang 'yon, hindi ko ipipilit. Pero ang malaman ko na kay Buenca—siya kaya mong kausapin, pero hindi ako?"
Jiya's mouth opens, pero bago pa man siya nakapagsalita, Migo cuts her off. "He didn't tell me kasi it's not his place daw, pero alam mo bang nagmukha akong tanga, Valle?" He lets out an incredulous scoff, shaking his head. "Nagmukha akong tanga no'ng si Anton ang pinili mong kausapin at hindi ako."
"Migo," she says through gritted teeth, face hardening from the words coming out of his mouth. "Hindi ko pinili si Anton—he was just there, and I—"
"I was there!" Migo suddenly shouts, standing up from his seat. Jiya flinches. "I was there, Valle, pumunta ako when you texted me, I asked you kung may mali kasi naramdaman ko na meron kahit sinabi mo wala. I was there no'ng karaoke night and sabi mo ayaw mo pag-usapan, and I was there no'ng nakatulog ka dito and naglalabas ka na ng galit sa 'kin. I was there all those times—breakfast kanina, sa paghatid ko sa 'yo kahapon, sa mga lunches natin and movies. Pero you chose to go to him."
Jiya swallows thickly. "Wait, Migo," she whispers, feeling the hurt and betrayal in his voice twist themselves into her heart. "Migo, hindi sa gano'n. Hindi mo kasi maiintindihan—"
"And maiintindihan ni Buenca?"
"You have a family who loves you," Jiya snaps. "And you wouldn't understand—"
"I told you about my dad," Migo says, stepping back when she steps closer to reach for him. Shit, shit, shit. He stares at her with a blank expression on his face. "I told you about my dad kahit na alam kong hindi mo rin maiintindihan, pero sapat na sa 'kin ang maging bukas sa 'yo."
Jiya clenches her hands into fists. "Migo, hindi naman sa—hindi ko pinili si Anton, okay—"
"Sa kanya ka magtanong kung free siya sa weekend para mag-usap kayo," Migo says, grabbing his things from the table. "Besides, pumunta na rin kayong Tagaytay together."
He shuts the door to his room.
Jiya stands there for a few seconds, frozen, hands shaking. And then she finds the courage to move. Pick up her things, put on her shoes, and leave.
She spends the weekend alone and angry and hurt. Marami siyang kailangan aralin pero hindi niya kayang mag-focus sa sakit sa chest niya.
Inggo texted her yesterday.
Inggo Best Bro: ji dito lang ako :(
mahal ka ni salas, ok? if it makes you
feel any better, he's miserable, too.
Hindi niya sinagot 'yon.
Anton also texted her.
Anton: jiya, i'm sorry. are u okay?
Hindi niya rin 'yon sinagot.
On Sunday, Migo still hasn't contacted her. Swallowing her pride, she drives over and prays nasa condo siya.
Her hands can't stop shaking on the wheel. Ano sasabihin niya sa kanya? How will she explain na hindi naman niya sinadyang saktan si Migo?
Wala rin siyang naisip na masabi sa drive, pero ang alam niya is kailangan niya 'tong ayusin kasi magwawala na siya. Masyadong masakit na...na ganito sila.
In front of his unit door, she takes a deep breath and sends him a message.
migo, are you busy? can we
talk?
A minute passes. Jiya stares at her screen.
Binasa ni Migo. She almost sobs in relief, pero hindi siya nagta-type.
"Please, please, please," she whispers, pulling at her lip with her teeth. "Please, Migo."
The bubbles appear. He replies:
Pogi: nasa manila ka?
Jiya feels that sting. She feels it everywhere in her body.
oo.
Pogi: okay, puntahan kita.
nasa condo ka?
Pogi: oo pero paalis na ako
stay there, nandito na ko.
Migo reads that. And then the door opens. "Hey," he says.
"Hi," she whispers. "Um, can I come in?"
"Dito na lang," Migo says, stepping outside. He closes the door behind him.
Jiya blinks at him, her heart crawling up her throat.
Nimamadali siya ni Migo. Ayaw niya pang makipag-ayos.
She takes a deep breath and looks at her shoes. "Um, I...kamusta weekend mo?"
"Okay naman," Migo says, face blank. "Lumabas kaming blockmates kagabi. Ikaw?"
Jiya inhales shakily. "I...I stayed at home."
"Okay."
She squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her hands. "Migo, can we just—"
"Thanks for letting me crash!" a girl's voice says from inside the condo. "Alis na 'ko!"
The door opens. Naka-tube top and shorts, smudged makeup, bagong gising. Tasha's eyes widen at Jiya, and then she looks at Migo. "Hey, thanks talaga for last night. And, um, Jiya, right? Hi! I'm Tasha."
Jiya stares at her.
"Tasha," Migo says, clenching his jaw. "Jiya, my girlfriend."
"Hi!" she says, holding out her hand with a grin. "You didn't come to our party last night! I've been dying to meet you."
"Talaga?" Jiya says, voice quiet.
Tasha blinks. "Oh, wait, sorry. I got so drunk last night and patay na 'yong phone ko kaya I couldn't call my driver. Migo and Inggo were kind enough to let me crash. Don't worry, okay?" She laughs a little. "Over na kami ni Migo matagal na. Anyway, thanks again. Bye! Nice meeting you, Jiya!"
Jiya watches her hanggang sa mag-close ang elevator.
Migo runs a hand through his face. "Kung ano iniisip mo, stop. Walang nangyari, lasing lang siya ang natulog siya sa kwarto ni Inggo."
"Kaya mo ba ako ayaw papuntahin dito?" Jiya asks quietly, her voice calm, but she's seething, oh, God, she is seething. "Kasi nandito si Tasha?"
"I didn't want you to get the wrong idea," Migo snaps, shaking his head. "Nag-aaway na tayo, Valle, ano pang—"
"Hindi mo sasabihin sa 'kin if I didn't show up," Jiya says, feeling so so sick. "You wouldn't have told me."
"I would've, pero believe me when I say walang nangyari, Valle, okay, hindi siya big deal—"
She pushes his chest in anger. Migo stumbles back. "E kung magpatulog ako sa bahay ng ibang lalaki, walang nangyari din ba sa 'yo 'yon?! Hindi ka magagalit na hindi ko sinabi? Isipin mo si Luis, Migo, hindi rin ba big deal?"
"Valle—"
"Nakakapagod makipag-agawan with other people for you," Jiya whispers, stepping back. "Nakakapagod, Migo. Tangina."
She turns around, pero kinuha ni Migo kamay niya, eyes blazing. "'Wag kang aalis, pag-usapan natin 'to."
"'Wag mo 'kong inuutusan," Jiya almost shouts, yanking her arm away.
"Sa 'yong sa 'yo ako!" Migo shouts, his voice raw and desperate. "Wala kang kaagaw, Valle! Ako ang nasasaktan na pumunta ka sa iba nang nandito lang ako!"
"My parents are filing for legal separation," Jiya says flatly. "My dad is leaving the house, sinasama niya ako sa kanya para magmana ng Valle Holdings. May kabit siya. Marami. My mom drinks a lot. She wants to keep me. May kabit din siyang marami. She might only get limited visitation rights."
Migo stares at her.
"Okay na?" Jiya says. "Okay na, ah. Wala na akong utang sa 'yo."
"Valle, wait."
"No. Hindi ka naghintay para kausapin kita," Jiya bites out, looking at him through her blurry vision. "Inuna mo 'yang selos mo, inuna mo 'yang insecurity mo. Ang sinabi ko lang kay Anton is may problema with my parents. 'Yon lang."
Umalis siya. Hindi siya pinigilan ni Migo.
*
Hindi sila nag-usap.
Jiya will not be reaching out this time. Alam niyang may mali siya and she swallowed her pride to try and apologize, pero Migo has to see his mistake, too.
So sa birthday ni Inggo, hindi sila nagpapansinan.
Bahala siya. Naka-LBD si Jiya na sobrang fit parang hindi na siya makahinga, but she knows she looks good. She did her best to look good, nagkulot pa siya ng buhok, nagtitiis sa black pumps niya, and aside from the fact na hanggang kalahati lang ng hita niya 'yong haba ng dress and it's barely being held up by two flimsy straps, low-neck din.
And kahit anong gwapo ni Migo sa black polo shirt niyang naka-unbutton nang slight, wala siyang balak kausapin 'to. Manigas siyang hanggang tingin lang ang pwede tonight, hindi hinahabol ng egg ang sperm.
She will have her fun with her friends.
"Ang awkward naman!" Isco whines, clinking his shot glass with hers. "Pota, mag-usap na kayo, okay? Ako na magso-sorry para sa inyong dalawa."
"No," Jiya says, downing her shot.
Beside her, Anton sighs. "Jiya, sorry talaga. I didn't know what to say when he asked me—"
"Stop apologizing," Jiya says, shaking her head with a smile. "It's not your fault."
Buong week nang nag-a-apologize 'to sa kanya, pati na rin si Inggo sa inuwi nilang bitchesa. Totoo nga sinasabi ni Migo, natulog si Tasha sa kwarto ni Inggo, walang nangyaring iba.
Alam naman ni Jiya na nagsasabi ng totoo si Migo, e. Hindi 'yon ang issue. Bakit, wala bang mga kaibigan 'yong puta na 'yon? Kailangan sa ex? Sa boyfriend ni Jiya? Puta. Sana nakita niya yung shaver and deodorant ni Jiya sa bathroom.
She almost breaks her glass putting it down. Without another care in the world, sinamahan niya si Addie, Cas, and Van sa dance floor, nakatalikod sa booth kung saan nakaupo ang bobo niyang boyfriend.
Van puts her hands on Jiya's hips and dances with her. Jiya lets her head fall back, following the beat, kahit puta, ang sakit mag-heels, ha!
When she stumbles, either sa drinks or sa shoes, Anton is there to catch her with a worried expression on his face. His hands are on her waist. "Uy, ingat. You might hurt yourself!"
Jiya puts her hands on his shoulders to tap them in thanks. "Salamat—"
"Tanggalin mo 'yang kamay mo, Buenca, susuntukin kita," Migo's voice says from behind her. "Tanggalin mo, gago."
Anton puts his hands up, clenching his jaw. "Migs, malapit lang siya mahulog—"
Jiya keeps her back to Migo, looping her arms around Anton's neck when she stumbles again. "Ay, shit."
"Valle." Migo pulls her off, hand tight on her arm. His eyes are blazing with anger. "Lasing ka na ba?"
"Hindi pa," Jiya says. "So maghanap ka ng iba na iuuwi mo."
He stares at her, jaw tightening. And then he lets go. "Mag-usap tayo sa labas."
"Ayoko." Jiya leaves the dance floor to get another drink sa booth. Sinundan siya ni Migo. "Ilang araw kang okay na hindi tayo nag-uusap, tuloy na lang natin."
"I'm sorry about Tasha," Migo says, grabbing her glass before she can take a sip. His features are drawn together, and he clenches his fists, para bang gusto niyang hawakan si Jiya pero alam niyang wala pa siyang karapatan. "I'm sorry, I was thoughtless. I know how you feel about her and I shouldn't have agreed to let her crash, kahit sa room ni Inggo. Pero Valle." He laughs a little, but there's no humor in it. "Nakita niya lahat ng gamit mo, okay? You were there just as much as she was."
She scoffs, "Okay." Jiya pushes him away and snatches her glass. She downs it, may mga nag-spill pa sa dress niya. Jiya stands up.
Migo's eyes widen in panic. "Saan ka pupunta?"
"Sa banyo. Tapos uuwi na ako."
She makes a beeline for the bathroom. Sinundan siya ni Migo. "Valle, wait, wait lang, please."
Jiya yanks her arm away, tuloy-tuloy sa CR, when Migo grabs it. She shuts the door in his face. "Tangina, Valle, ano ba!"
He gets inside, pagod nang kakahabol sa kanya, slams open one of the stalls, pushes her harshly inside and cages her against the wall with palms on either side of her head.
He bows his head in front of her and doesn't move when Jiya pushes his shoulders.
She glares at him, teeth gritting. "Paalisin mo 'ko. Hindi mo ba ako titigilan, Migo—"
"Nasasaktan ako," Migo says quietly, exhaling heavily. Then he raises his head to look at her, and ah. Basa ang mga mata niya. "Nasasaktan ako sa 'yo, Valle."
Jiya's hands drop from his shoulders. She stares at his face. "Akala mo ba hindi mo 'ko sinaktan no'ng tinutulak-tulak mo 'ko kay Anton?"
"I felt disrespected," Migo argues, face crumpling, and oh shit, kapag umiyak 'to, wala na. Wala na. "Na you talked to Anton and not me. Ako na boyfriend mo, na best friend mo dapat. I felt offended when I asked him if he knew what was going on with you and he said yes. I felt like you were choosing him—"
"Wala akong pinipiling iba kung hindi ikaw!" Jiya shouts in frustration, voice breaking, and she stomps her foot. "Ano ba, Migo! Hindi ko mahal si Anton!"
Migo stares at her.
"Mahal kita," Jiya says in anger. Migo's mouth shuts. "Mahal kita, and na-o-overwhelm ako sa dami at sa bigat ng nararamdaman ko sa 'yo na habang binibigay ko na puso ko, hindi ko kinayang magbigay ng iba." She bows her head, tears on her face. "Nahihirapan akong ibigay sa 'yo ang lahat, Migo," she whispers, chest aching. "I'm sorry I disrespected you. Natatakot lang akong walang matitira sa 'kin."
"Akala mo ba ako hindi takot?" Migo asks incredulously. "Takot na takot din akong ibigay sa 'yo ang lahat ko pero gagawin ko kasi I trust you. I trust you. You have to trust me, too. You have to trust me to be there with you, for you, to be what you need when you need it."
"Trust mo 'ko but the second you feel abandoned, you accuse me of choosing someone else over you and you hurt me for it."
"Kasi tama ka, na-insecure ako," Migo says exasperatedly. "Mahirap hindi ma-insecure, Valle, lalo na kapag desperado ako sa pagmamahal mo. I'll—" He shuts his eyes and swallows thickly. "I'll get to the point where I don't question na ako ang pinipili mo. I'll get there, just...be patient with me."
"Be patient with me," Jiya repeats, hanging her head back. She sniffles and wipes her cheeks. "Mabibigay ko rin sa 'yo ako, Migo. Ngayon lang din ako magpapaubaya ng puso ko, maghintay ka nang konti, please."
Migo nods once, staring at her. "I thought about what you said."
Jiya stares at him, feeling the exhaustion of their fight weigh on her shoulders.
He brings one of his hands down, touching her shoulder, and her skin feels like it's on fire. Tangina, ganito ba kalala ang epekto nito sa kanya?
He rubs her skin softly and says, "If I found out pinatulog mo si Luis sa bahay mo. Or ibang lalaki. I would've...I would've gone out of my mind."
Jiya stares at him, clenching her jaw. Napupuno na naman siya ng galit. "Ayoko nang nakikipag-agawan with Tasha. Not when it comes to you. Akin ka, so you tell her to fuck off or I'll hurt her until she does. Ayoko na, Migo. Ayoko siyang makita, ayoko siyang marinig sa bunganga mo, ayoko siyang pag-usapan, ayoko siyang makitang kasama mo—"
Migo kisses her.
It's pathetic. One touch, one kiss—mali si Migo. Si Jiya ang helpless pagdating sa kanya.
She feels his desperation in his aggressiveness, and she tastes her own tears as she responds to him, knees buckling, body shaking from the missed feeling of his hands on her face, his lips on hers.
"Okay," Migo whispers, kissing her again, lips red and swollen, and he threads his fingers in her hair and cups her neck with his other hand, squeezing. "Okay. I love you. I love you. Sa 'yong sa 'yo ako."
Jiya cries harder, fisting his shirt in her hands. "Tangina mo. Siguraduhin mo lang."
He laughs a little, kisses her a little harder. Brushes her chin with his thumb, murmurs, "Go home with me?"
Jiya nods.
Nagpaalam sila sa mga kaibigan nila before leaving ("Finally!" Isco yells.) In the car, Jiya holds one of Migo's hands in between both of hers, kissing his knuckles, staring at his fingers, wondering how she got through a week without them.
Migo glances at her with a small smile. "I missed you, too."
She knows. It shows—pag-uwi nila, he has his hands everywhere—hands, hair, arms, hips, thighs, and Jiya claws at his back to hug him tighter, she needs, needs to be closer to him, natatakot siya na kapag she loosens her hold, he'll slip away. Parang naiintindihan ni Migo, kasi he puts his hands on her thighs to push her up against the wall, and she wraps her legs around his waist, desperately clinging to him. "Migo, please, please, please," she sobs out, and hindi niya maintindihan, hindi niya maintindihan how she's so starved of this, of him.
"What do you need, baby?" Migo whispers in her ear, hand on her neck to tilt it aside, and his lips travel to her jaw and her neck and collarbone and her fingers scratch at his polo. "Tell me what you want, come on. I'll give it to you."
"Touch me, do something," she breathes, hands shaking when she unbuttons his shirt. "Please, please, I need you, I need you—"
"Shit, fuck." Migo takes his shirt off and tosses it behind him. He puts her down on her feet and pushes her hips against the wall, pulling her dress up harshly. Without wasting any second, he pulls her underwear down and does as she says. Jiya threads her fingers in his hair and leans her head back, breathing heavily. "You make me crazy," he roughly mutters, slapping her thigh. "No one else touches you but me."
"You," Jiya repeats breathlessly, choking on the word, gripping his hair. "Ikaw lang."
Bago pa matapos si Jiya, Migo pulls off her and turns them around, back pressed against the wall, and pulls his jeans down. He kicks open her legs, spreading them, pulling her to him. Breathing in shakily, he pulls her to him, nails digging in her hips, and shudders when his tip brushes her. "Move," he mutters lowly.
Jiya buries her head on his neck, mouthing at this throat, and does as he says, hips moving forward and back, biting her lip and groaning at the feeling of the slide. She threads her fingers in his hair and pants. "Migo, baby, want you."
"You have me," Migo whispers roughly, guiding her rhythm on his length, groaning. "You have me, Valle—ugh, oh, God. Fuck, faster."
"Close," Jiya warns him breathlessly, scratching at his shoulders and neck, quickening her pace.
His hands travel to her chest, squeezing and pulling, grunts coming from this throat as he roughly orders, "Look at me."
Jiya does, and her thighs squeeze together as she finishes.
Migo slaps her thigh. "Don't stop, fuck me, come on."
Jiya watches his face as he leans his head back against the wall, chest rising and falling rapidly, and she does as he says, kissing his jaw.
Migo's whole body shakes when he comes, nails digging into her hips, moaning her name brokenly and Jiya loves it.
Sa kama, pagkatapos nilang maglinis, Jiya strokes his hair and kisses his head. "Migo."
He hums, sleepy, fingers lazily spanning over her thighs.
"Free ka na ba tomorrow?" she mutters quietly, massaging his scalp. "Can I take you somewhere, please?"
Migo sighs, pressing his lips to her neck in apology. "I'm sorry about what I said sa Tagaytay," he mutters. "Hindi pa tayo no'n. I was out of line."
She manages a small snort, smiling. "You were."
"I'm sorry. I'm free tomorrow," Migo whispers, scooting closer to hug her even tighter, wrapping his arms around her back. "And on Sunday."
She nods, tracing a circle on his shoulder. "Tomorrow, I want to go on a date. And on Sunday, gusto ko sanang i-date mga sisters mo. Wherever they want."
Migo stills for a moment. "They'll ask for a buffet."
"E 'di good." She leans back and kisses him slowly. Migo gasps in her mouth, and her toes curl. "Magbu-buffet kami. Spa rin. You know, girls' day."
"Sama ako."
"No, I want to gossip with them about you." She brushes her thumb on his chin. "Baby, please...please cool it off with Anton. Kaibigan natin siya."
He leans back to look at her, his face blank. There's sweat on the side of his face and his hair is gloriously messed up. Jiya can't help but kiss him again. "I know," he says, giving her a look. "Stop kissing me, I can't think."
She laughs a little. "Okay."
"I know kaibigan natin siya, pero naiilang ako kasi feeling ko he's waiting for me to screw up," he admits with a tight jaw, looking away. "And...I will. I will screw up, Valle. Maraming beses. Masyado akong nababaliw sa pagmamahal ko sa 'yo."
Hindi 'to normal. Walang normal sa ganito kabilis na relationship nila, o sa ganito ka-intense, pero naiintindihan ni Jiya ang sinasabi niya kasi she feels the exact same way.
He looks at her again and studies her face. "I screwed up when I forced you to tell me about your parents."
Jiya falls into his shoulder and shuts her eyes, exhaling shakily. "I would've told you eventually," she murmurs.
Migo sighs. "Valle, I'm sorry. What can I do?"
"Be here," Jiya says. "Ikaw lang ang kailangan ko."
Migo kisses her temple. "That's easy."
She swallows thickly. "Don't hurt me with your love, Migo," Jiya whispers, pulling back to cup his face. Migo leans into her palm, staring at her. "And I promise I will try to do the same."
He nods, and when he smiles, Jiya knows she will—she does—love this man hangga't sa kaya niya siyang saktan.
Ah, shit. Wala na. Game over.