Fuck man… people die over coffee, don't they? (I mean… I would too.)
If I ever write a novel, it would probably be, “Coffee for a better life” or “Coffee a better partner”
Cool isn't it? I was born that way ; )
Nah, I'm opening a coffee shop. “Jaemin's coffee shop.”
Too obvious.
Galaxygers (Galaxy + Rogers) cuz… Starbucks ( GET IT? :P )
Ok sorry. Gtg. Can't believe I laughed at it tho.
Too many customers today. I have a headache and I'm afraid I will be a little late...FUCKK!
Ok gtg :(
Did you get some sleep? Are you still sleeping? Oh boy, I miss you sm :(
Do you want me to get some pizza? We can watch some movies or something.
AH SAY SOMETHING, are you still asleep?
OKAY. I'M GETTING A PIZZA.
The whole weekend, I'm spending every hour and every minute with you until you get tired of me.
Okay, gtg. This is the last order… be there in 30 or 40 if the traffic is crazy.
FUCKKK. the universe hates me spending time with you.
-----------
Reading Jaemin's crisis texts seemed much more entertaining than the movie he watched. At least he helped him get over things for some minutes.
The whole coffee table was filled with those pictures and the whole room with some more pictures and binders. It seemed like he was living in filth and he had no intention to clean it.
He flinched suddenly as someone rang the doorbell. He was sure Jaemin wouldn't be here this soon. He peeked outside to find Jiya.
“I'm sorry…” she said, crying.
Jeno's first instinct was to close the door. “Go,” he demanded.
“I can't… Can we talk?”
“Oh my god...What's even left to say?” he asked. “And I intend to be mean. Please go.”
“You can scold me… I'm still here, I'm always there… I'm waiting, Jeno-ya.”
“Go,” Jeno repeated himself.
“I love you…”
“I'm sorry...but I just don't. I can't. I love somebody else… Go.”
“I can change…”
“Please do.”
“So… does that mean I get a chance?”
“What? No! Oh my god, how many times do I have to tell you that it's not you? It can never be you.”
“Why?”
At this point, Jeno was getting frustrated. “Why?” he scoffed. “Why?!” he repeated. He was fuming. “Because this isn't loving, it is why.”
“You can't say that.” Jiya laughed. “You're just different…”
Jeno wanted to laugh. “Is that how you're justifying all of this?” he asked, looking at the mess in front of him. “Secreting taking my photos, sending me letters and gifts in the creepiest way possible for years, and fucking with my head?
“Don't use that language…”
“Oh, now you're even going to judge the way I talk too? Okay, mom! I'm sorry!” he sarcastically let out. Jeno's face was getting hotter. “Why are you even here? What happened to your promise?”
“I can't stay away from you…”
“Classic.” Jeno scoffed. “But I can. Maybe... happily.”
He heard Jiya laugh and then heard a quiet bang on the door as though with her head.
Maybe Jeno should consider that option…
“Please go… if you keep doing this, I might've to file a restraining order. I'm not even kidding. Don't make me do this.”
“I know… I know it would go there, Jeno. I'm trying… I tried… I can't stop. Let me look at you please...”
Jeno dropped to the floor and leaned against the door like she did, softly saying, “I don't want to die… I don't want to be cherished in the refrigerator… I don't want you...this isn't how you love someone. Please go to a doctor...love doesn't include hurting others, stalking, or manipulations… you will be fine without me. I'm not your everything. I didn't do anything for you to deserve your everything. I have a life and so do you… our paths are never meant to collide. Please stop this. I don't want to take this to the law. Leave me alone.”
Jeno didn't hear anything from the other side for a few minutes until she was crying again. He swore he heard her laughing too. He flinched suddenly when the laughter grew.
“You didn't do anything for me? Liar! Who do you think was the reason for my happiness all these years? Baby, it was all you...your face makes me happy, that smile brings me happiness...the way you breathe makes me happy. When you eat, I'm full. And I just know when you starve, how do you think I survived all these days?”
It was Jeno's turn to cry. He gave up. “Go. Just go.”
“I can't go anywhere without leaving you… let me beg before I make any decisions...think again, you don't want to regret anything in the future…” she laughed. “Don't worry… you won't be the reason for the end of this… it will be as calm as anything else and it's going to be peaceful for both of us. Open the door, Jeno-ya…”
Jeno walked around the door, closing every other door in the house and switching off all the lights. At this point, all he cared about was himself. He locked himself in the bedroom when she started ringing the doorbell.
The sound made him crazy at this point. The stillness in the house echoed with the doorbell and her head banging against the door, yelling, “This is my Last chance...open the door. Let me look at you... everything will be alright. Please.” Jeno's phone wouldn't stop vibrating with her calls.
He covered his head under the pillow before texting "Please come home quickly... Someone" In the group chat, he was with Renjun, Haechan, and Jaemin.
--------
He didn't know how many minutes or hours he locked himself in the tiny room. But he found his life coming back when he heard Haechan's voice calling out his name. He rushed to the door to open it. And when he did, the winter breeze never felt so full of life and warmth until then.
“Are you okay?” Haechan asked with concern. Jeno shook his head on the verge of tears.
“Is she-” he asked, trembling.
“It's okay…” he said, placing his hand on his shoulder. Jeno let him come inside the house and sat on the couch while Haechan got him a glass of water.
“We took care of it. Don't worry… Jaemin informed your parents about it.”
“My parents?”
“Well… the situation kinda blew up…” he began. “We tried calling you but it was busy the whole time so we called Jaemin and he said he was almost there and when we got here, Jiya was going crazy, so uhh...one of the neighbors called the cops cuz Jesus hell she wouldn't bulge… she would scream and it was a whole mess. ”
“Oh…” Jeno could only reply. He heard the screams, he heard the sirens. It was still tormenting him.
“Yeah…so-”
“I'm dizzy…” Jeno said, holding his head.
“You wanna lie down or something?”
“Yeah… Can I go inside?”
“Of course...call me if you need anything. We are staying.”
When Jeno woke up, it was a new day. His room was empty with no soul until Jaemin walked in followed by Haechan and Renjun. It wasn't late until they began with the same old "how do you feel"
“Headache… but bearable.” Jeno retorted. “Thanks a lot. It felt like I wouldn't make it out alive.”
“Yeah. It was my first time and I was about to piss my pants the way she was screaming… god-” Haechan said.
“Your mom is here by the way,” Jaemin informed. “She was here last night and she stayed with us. She's preparing breakfast, actually…” Jaemin added.
----------
When his friends left the University,
“Can you stay?” Jeno asked his mom when
“Of course I'm staying,” she said with a smile. Jeno found a sense of comfort and warmth when resting his face on her lap while she played with his hair.
“Are you mad at me?”
“Why do you think so? You didn't do anything wrong.”
“She says she loves me...she says I'm her everything… Why doesn't she understand? I don't love her mom, I don't even want to try.”
“It's okay. You don't need to stay when you think it is toxic. You don't need to try when it's unhealthy. And I'm glad you didn't try. Because if you try, you might end up hurting yourself more. Don't feel bad for rejecting her. If she has a right to love you, you also have a right to say no.”
“She still doesn't understand… I tried to tell her… finally that it's not right...she doesn't listen. I don't know...she's probably hurt too and I tried to be mean...”
“You're hurt too.”
“Did you look at those binders?” Jeno asked after a long pause. She nodded but she didn't say anything. Instead, she asked, “You sure you don't want to come home?”
“No...it isn't the most peaceful place either…” Jeno replied with an awkward chuckle. “And right now... nothing seems like one…everything is suffocating.” he paused, adding, “What happened to her?”
“Well… she might've been given a warning, it's what your father told me last night. He was here until you woke up.”
“Would you come here frequently?” Jeno asked. She chuckled, adding a "yes".
When Renjun, Haechan, and Jaemin came home, she left to get some groceries while Jaemin filled him with the news and lectures at the university and the rest of the evening they or Jeno spent talking about last night.
“If you tell me that this bitch murdered someone, I would believe it,” Renjun whispered to Haechan.
“Wait what? You're telling me that she kept his uncle in a fridge? Like… no offense but don't you all still think a restraining order is a right decision cuz this is freaking me out.” Haechan said. “How is it not obvious for you that you needed to run?”
“She would cry… what am I supposed to do then? God, the torture used to be unbearable… I can't even explain it.”
“Restraining order! I can see all the red flags without knowing the entire story...then why couldn't you?” Haechan added.
Jeno shrugged, sadly to which Haechan let out a sigh.
“I'm sorry, I get it. It's hard to handle such people… but thank heavens for you and Jaemin cuz it would've been so horrible if you were actually in a relationship with her.”
Renjun nudged Haechan. “Thanks. Now you don't need to make him imagine other scenarios. He's already shaken.”
“Okay...but what now? Are we sure she isn't going to come back? I mean… we all are staying with you and around you for a while… I'll make sure that bitch doesn't even touch the tip of your shadow.”
-------
It's been a week since Jeno was allowed to bother about any letters or anything that would concern Jiya. Jaemin tried his best to distract him. He didn't know what happened with the letters she sent in the past, the gifts, or even the photo binders.
Two weeks passed and Jaemin was pretty good at convincing him that there were no letters whatsoever.
“You can still take some rest…” Jaemin tried to persuade him while he was handing him a cup of tea.
“It's chemistry practicals and no way on earth I'm missing one-” Jeno said but ended up dropping the tea on the ground when the doorbell rang. “Shit...I'm sorry…”
“No worries… why don't you clean up while I check who it is?”
“I'm sorry... it's just…”
“You don't need to explain… I completely get it. It takes a while.” he said, calmly.
------------
Focus. Jeno...nobody is looking at you. It's perfectly alright. She isn't looking at you.
Maybe… should I just move to the corner?
Jeno adjusted himself on the corner chair which seemed the quietest in the entire Library.
Focus. Don't look back. She's probably gone.
Maybe...Jiya sent somebody to attack me…
I'm safe...it's the University Library. I'm safe. She wasn't looking at me.
Jeno was about to look behind when he felt someone holding his shoulder. And then everything seemed as though it happened so quickly.
He felt his blood pumping to his ears and he could hear nothing but his own heart beating fast. It was as though someone was choking him.
Death. I'm dying...
Just don't die.
Staying alive.
It's not death.
Jeno found himself shaking and being conscious of the surroundings when he heard Jaemin's voice.
“It's just me…” he said. “Hey, listen to me...look at me…” he mumbled, softly. “Look at me, breathe and follow me as I do…”
He was breathing... breathing as hard as he could. As though he just ran a marathon. His hands were tightly held into fists and he was indeed breathing.
After what seemed like ages, Jaemin helped him to get out of the campus. When they got home, Jeno found himself still shaking.
“Hey…”
When he heard Jaemin quietly mumble and approach him, he broke down into tears. His chest was tightening with every cry and his vision was still blurry as though looked from a fish-eyed lens.
“Not the library again…” he heard Jaemin softly say before he was drowned into the ocean of sleep.
3 weeks of nothing from Jiya or what Jeno thought. But… There's always a goodbye letter which he found in the mailbox.
To be continued...