Everything I didn't say - 5sos
"Harry?" Selena asked, shocked to see the lad at her door. She had just answered it wondering who it could be and didn't expect to find her ex at all. "What are yo-"
He cut her off by saying, "This is everything I didn't say." and handing the dark hair beauty the box. She stood in the doorway as he walked away to his range rover, she could help but think it look as good as ever in his dark skin tight jeans and band t-shirt.
She walked inside, closing the door and sliding the lock. "Who was it?" Perrie, her roommate asked. Selena waved her off walking into her room to put the box down. Perrie being the best friend she is followed. "Who was it?" She asked again.
"Harry." The shorter one replied.
"He brought all your stuff back, finally." Perrie said grabbing the hat on the top that was actually hers and walking out. Selena rolled her eyes and sat down, she knew she should get ready and finish packing but she had to look through it. Anyways the flight wasn't until later tomorrow morning.
There was a few pictures on the top, some frames some lose. Then there was a stuff animal that Harry won her at a fair back in the beginning of senior year. Then there is her college textbook he swore he didn't have that had his band mates and his doodles all over it. Selena flipped through the pages with a small smile, every page had something on it. Some were silly insults in Lou's hand writing then there was drawings that had to be Zayn's. And Liam was apparently correcting the grammar and spelling. Then there was Niall's perverted drawings and jokes. But the best was Harry's writing with poems, quotes and compliments along with some cheesy jokes that he probably laughed at while writing them.
She set the book to the side and dug further in, there was some shirts or jeans that have been left at his place, she threw those to the side on the bed and looked in at the envelopes. Envelopes? She frown pulling them out, there was at least fifty and they were bounded with a leather strap around them.
She slipped the one on top free then opened it carefully. Harry's graceful, messy hand writing greeted her.
'Selly, I wish I could say this to you without getting tongue tied and distracted by your chocolate eyes. You were, no are, the best thing I have ever had. Wait, don't tell me Heaven is a place on earth.
I wish I could rewind all the times that I didn't show you what you're really worth. The way that you held me. I wish that I'd put you first. I was wrong I admit, numb from your kiss while you were slipping through my fingertips. I could see you drifting away.' He continued the letter with how he wouldn't make the same mistakes. And she read through the letter before reading some another and another and another.
'I'm taking every breath away with all of the mistakes I've made. I know I have made this apartment feel smaller and pressured like we were living in a tea pot. We both knew at some point one of us would scream, letting out the steam and letting everyone know we were done. But I didn't know it would end with me screaming and you just walking out without a word. I have looked over the night trying to think of something I could have done.
From all the letters that I've saved, I now know it wasn't something I could have fixed that night. I have months to fix it and I ignored it just like I ignored your feelings. But this is everything I didn't say. I wish I could've made you stay and I'm the only one to blame. I know that it's a little too late.'
"Hey are you awak- Oh you are? How long have you been up?" Perrie asked as she shoved the letters she haven't read into a book. She shrugged shoving the book into my luggage along with the clothes that was sitting on the bed from being in the box. They gave off a 'Harry' smell.
"A while, want some breakfast?" Sel asked and the pink haired one nodded. They walked into the kitchen and one went to the counter while the other went to the fridge.
"Want some tea?" Perrie asked just as the tea pot screaming with the release of steam causing Selly to pausing with her head in the cool air of the fridge. The tea pot, really?
The morning drifted on until the made it to the airport where they had to run through security, almost missing the flight. Sel is visiting her family, making Perrie come with her since she already had two tickets. Harry had been the one who was suppose to come with her. They were going to announce the engagement.
On the flight Selly waited for Perrie to fall asleep before grabbing out the book and opening one of the letters. How had she read some many of them, only a few were left. She read and read until there was one letter left. She opened it slowly, feeling nervous at this last letter. It felt like the period on the last sentence in a novel. Too final.
'Wake me up now and tell me this is all a bad dream.' was writing in Harry's cursive on the top heading of the notebook paper. It was dark from the tracing over it. He must have traced over it many times. I could see him casually on the couch with notebook in his lap as he chewed his lip, his eyebrows furrowed while his hand moved the pen over the words over and over.
'All the songs that I wrote. All the wrongs that I hoped would erase from your memory. You holding onto a broken and empty heart. Flowers I should've bought, all the hours I lost. Wish I could bring it back to the start taking every breath away with all of the mistakes I've made. From all the letters that I've saved this is everything I didn't say. I wish I could've made you stay and I'm the only one to blame. I know that it's a little too late. I hope you know, for you I'd sacrifice to make this right. Some day I'm sure we'll pass each other by. Until that time you're taking every breath away. I want to run to you and beg for forgiveness but the mistakes hold me back. I know there is nothing I can do to make it up, I ruined everything. I will always love you. I cling to the knowledge that you loved me at some point at least. So thank you for giving me your heart so completely over and over even when I messed up. I hand it back to you. Keep my heart safe, alright?'
Selly was up and banging her knees as she hurried out of the narrow seats into the aisle and too the bathroom ignoring the stewardess who asked if everything was alright. She hurried into the bathroom locking it before leaning her head on it. Her hands banged once before she slide down in a crouch against the door, silently crying.
Hours later she was still in the bathroom, but she had moved to sit on the floor her back against the wall and side against the door. Her feet were propped up on the sink as she looked numbly at her hands and the letter in them. She hadn't realized she had brought it with her. It was crumpled some but she kept fingering at it trying to flatten it against her thighs. She wanted Harry, she wanted to call him but that wasn't enough and anyways she can't have her phone on in the flight. She wanted him with her, face to face. She wanted him to pull her close and kiss her forehead, let her tug at his shirt and snuggle into his chest.
There was a knock on the door. "Taken." Sel muttered.
Perrie sighed, "Lena to plane it landing we have to be seated. What's wrong?" She asked and the dark hair girl sighed, getting up. She opened the door to peek out.
"I want Harry."
They had sat down where Selena sat looking out the window while Perrie read the final letter. Then Perrie held her best friend close as everyone slowly got off. The friends took there time getting off after that, Perrie went to get there bags from the claim as Selena found a signal and call Harry. It was almost midnight here but back in California it was probably noon.
He answered after two rings,"Sel? What wrong? The flight was fine right?" He asked in panic. From what she could tell he was at work. She could hear Louis through the glass of the studio hosting the radio station.
"I need you. Harry please. I am going on the next flight back. Will you pick me up?" She said leaning in the corner watching a small family walk by looking tired.
"What? Wait, what about your family? You can't have been there for even an hour yet." He said, from the decrease of noise she could tell he was walking away from the studio towards the elevator. Harry already had his coat and jacket. He was heading to the airport.
Harry, I can't stay h-" She started to cried but he interrupted.
"I'm coming to you. Just head home and get some rest and food." He said.
"I love you." She whispered and there was a pause and shuffle.
"I love you more." He replied before hanging up.