Tine had fantasised about this night for two months now; a little over three weeks after they had started dating.
He'd altered those fantasies when he'd finally managed to make a move, and had gotten Sarawat's pants undone and his hand around his cock.
He'd altered them further when he finally got to use his mouth to make Sarawat fall apart beneath him, and had swallowed the bitter taste of his come.
And not a single one of them had gone as horribly as this night was going.
The night had started off well enough. They'd gone to dinner at the new place downtown, and had gone for a walk around the local park before returning to the dorm to watch some shitty sci-fi movie on cable. Tine hadn't been paying a lick of attention to it, too busy mouthing at Sarawat's neck and grinning each time he moaned or made that delicious rumbling noise Tine loved so much.
Somehow, they'd managed to turn the movie off and find their way to Sarawat's bed, and things moved rather quickly from there.
Sarawat was currently paused mid-way through pulling Tine's underwear down his hips. He was completely naked himself.
"Are you ... are you sure, Tine?" Sarawat asked softly, watching Tine's face for any sign of hesitation.
Tine smiled up at him and nodded his head.
"I'm so sure that if you don't hurry up, I'm just going to have to take care of myself and leave you with blue balls."
Sarawat laughed at that, tugging his briefs down and off to the side, leaving Tine sprawled out on his bed and completely naked. He sat back, raking his eyes over Tine and biting his lip at the sight before him.
Tine could feel his face flushing bright red, even as his cock hardened a little further in interest. No one, not even his numerous girlfriends had looked at him quite so hungrily, or like Tine was the most beautiful thing they'd ever seen.
Tine wasn't so sure how he felt about that. But he was too distracted by the sight of Sarawat's naked body in front of him to give it much thought.
Sarawat's arms and chest, Tine wanted to reach out and touch them, but refrained, wanting to look first.
He let his eyes wander down across his chest, over his stomach, where a thin trail of hair pointed even further down, until he finally allowed himself to really, truly look at Sarawat's cock.
He knew it was a decent size; he'd had both his hand and his mouth on it before, after all. But as the realisation of what was about to happen sunk in, Tine began to panic a little. He wasn't so sure he'd be able to take Sarawat, should that be how this happened.
"So, uh," Sarawat finally stammered out. "How do you ... do you want to ... or me ... I ..."
Tine had to let out giggle at that, his nerves relaxing some. Sarawat was just as nervous as he was.
"I'd, uh. I'd like to bottom, if you — ah, that is, if you don't mind," Tine managed to get out, his face flaring red. Sarawat's shoulders relaxed, and he seemed to settle more into his own body at Tine's words.
"Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. Okay."
Sarawat sat there for another moment, still staring at Tine, before finally sliding off of the bed and going to rummage in the nightstand drawer. Tine stayed where he was, too afraid that if he moved, he'd lose what little confidence he had at the moment.
Finally, Sarawat came back to him, a small bottle and a silver foil packet in his hand. Tine's heart began to pound furiously as it finally, truly hit him; they were about to have actual, penetrative sex.
Tine hadn't done this, sex with a guy, just with girls, so this is going to be ... different. He's heard things from others, read that it'd be painful, but he hopes it wouldn't be like that with Sarawat.
Taking a deep breath, Tine tried to mentally prepare himself.
"Here," Sarawat murmured, pressing the foil packet into his open hand. "Hold that for a moment."
Tine nodded, watching him as he popped open the cap of the bottle, and poured a liberal amount of it onto his fingers. He rubbed them together, warming it up, and Tine could have laughed at that had he not been so terrified.
And here was where the fantasy really went wrong.
"Ready?" Sarawat asked quietly, hooking one of Tine's legs over his shoulder and pressing the other one to spread out a little wider.
"Y-yeah. Ready." Tine swallowed and took a deep breath, willing himself to relax.
In every one of his fantasies, it had never hurt like this when Sarawat pressed that first finger into him. The burn, and the immediate reaction of his body clenching around the intruding finger hadn't factored into his daydreams.
"Fuck, fuck, sorry, sorry, just —" Tine closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, forcing himself to relax his muscles and grip the sheets tightly, focusing the pain elsewhere. Sarawat waited a beat before pressing the finger in further.
It was a strange sensation, one that Tine had never known about. Sarawat's fingers were longer than and thin too and Tine had thought that that would have made it easier.
It didn't.
The second finger produced much of the same result, as did the third. Tine thought he might cry from the pain of it, his lower lip raw from where he'd been biting it, knuckles white and fingers aching from gripping the sheets so tightly.
"Hey," Sarawat murmured, leaning in to kiss him sweetly, if a bit awkwardly for the leg now pressed against Tine's body.
"Hey. You okay?" he asked, eyes full of concern as he studied Tine's face, fingers still buried in him.
"Y-yeah. Just ... Yeah. I'm okay." Sarawat eyed him dubiously, but continued on anyhow, scissoring his fingers and doing his best to stretch him out.
When he was satisfied that Tine was sufficiently stretched, he slowly removed his fingers, and the burn of them pulling out was almost worse than the burn of pressing them into him.
Tine whimpered a little when Sarawat's fingers were gone, both in relief and in pain. It was a strange sensation, being so open and stretched out in front of someone.
"Where's the condom?" Sarawat asked, nudging Tine's hand.
"Oh. Here. Yeah." Tine handed it over, surprised to find that Sarawat's hands were shaking. He opened his mouth to say something, then clamped it shut as Sarawat tore open the packet and began to roll the condom onto his cock.
Tine didn't have much time to think about it all, as Sarawat had opened the lube again and was slicking himself up. Before he knew it, Sarawat was looming over him, the head of his cock pressing against his stretched entrance.
"You okay?" he asked, kissing the corner of Tine's mouth.
"'M fine. Go ahead."
Sarawat didn't need to be told twice.
In all of Tine's fantasies, it had never hurt like this.
He had never hissed, had never clawed at Sarawat's back and whimpered as Sarawat slowly, oh-so-slowly, pressed into him. Not once had tears welled up in his eyes, nor had he had to close them to keep from outright crying.
Sarawat, for all that he'd been considerate before, didn't seem to notice too much. He was too busy kissing Tine wherever he could find skin, groaning as he stayed still, allowing Tine a few moments to adjust to the feeling.
"Am I ... can I —?" Sarawat seemed beyond full sentences.
"Yeah-I'm-yeah." Tine bit his lip again, crying out when Sarawat pulled almost all of the way out before thrusting back into him.
Sarawat was rough that night, thrusting into Tine hard and fast, panting and moaning over him.
Tine simply held onto his shoulders, digging his nails in, and whimpered and groaned in pain as Sarawat thrust into him.
It hurt, more than he had been anticipating. Sarawat, it seemed, didn't notice Tine's whimpers and the pain he was in. He was too lost in thrusting into him, oblivious to the whimpers and groans.
Even his orgasm wasn't enough to distract him from the pain as Sarawat's hips began to stutter in their rhythm, and he finally went still over Tine with a gasped out, "Fuck, Tine!"
Tine wasn't sure he was happy that Sarawat had reached his orgasm; that meant pulling out, and it was almost more painful than when Sarawat had first pushed into him.
They both laid there awkwardly, Sarawat catching his breath and Tine doing his best not to cry from the pain when he shifted his hips. Finally, Sarawat got up to go dispose of the condom, and came back with a washcloth to clean Tine's chest and stomach off.
Neither of them said much after that, Sarawat exhausted from his orgasm, and Tine focused on the pain. They fell asleep next to each other, Sarawat's hand resting possessively on Tine's stomach.
None of his fantasies had ended quite like this either.
The next few times they had sex went much of the same way. Sarawat was too rough, and Tine was too afraid to say anything.
Finally, after the fifth time, Tine said something.
"Sarawat — Sarawat stop, wait."
Sarawat stopped what he was doing, bottle of lube open and half turned over to slick himself up.
"Sarawat, you've been-um. I don't like it rough," Tine blurted out. Sarawat's brows furrowed, and he looked confused, before it finally dawned on him.
"Oh my god. Have I been hurting you?"
Tine nodded, feeling his face flushing red and his erection starting to flag.
"Yeah. But it's fine."
"Tine, I am so, so, so sorry. Why didn't you say something sooner? I didn't-Fuck, I feel like an ass-"
"Sarawat, Sarawat, love, it's okay," Tine assured him, reaching up to cup his face and pull him down for a sweet kiss. "It's okay. I was just too scared to say anything, because I know you were enjoying yourself, and I didn't want you to think I didn't want to have sex with you anymore because I do, it's just — you're too rough. Could you — could you just go slower this time? Please?" Tine clamped his mouth shut after that, his face flushing red.
"Yeah, yeah, I can. God, Tine, why didn't you say something? Honestly, I had no idea what I was doing. If you had —"
"Shh, Sarawat, it's all right." Tine brushed his thumbs along Sarawat's cheeks, trying to reassure him. "I was just scared. That was my fault. I haven't done before that I forgot how to talk to someone about it. It's not your fault at all."
Sarawat still looked doubtful, but he nodded his head anyway, turning to kiss Tine's palm.
"Okay. But tell me if I'm hurting you this time, all right? I don't — I want — I want this to be good for you too."
Tine smiled warmly at him, the look of determination and seriousness sending a wave of joy through him.
"Yeah. All right." Tine leaned up for another kiss.
The rest of the night went much smoother than before, with Sarawat pausing and listening to everything Tine told him, going out of his way to make sure Tine felt good, no matter how long it took.
That night, the sex was better than anything Tine had ever fantasised about.
When they were done, the ache in his lower half wasn't nearly as strong as before, and he was filled with a sleepy sense of contentment. That night, they fell asleep wrapped around each other, Sarawat holding him close.
After that, it was the best sex Tine had ever had, and would continue to have.