"Fearne" Jordan smirked at me, why did I get the feeling like I was walking into some kind of trap?
"He's in bed, go right up and stay as long as you'd like." He stepped aside and I sheepishly entered the house.
Jordan had Liams game on the big screen and he couldn't quite keep his eyes off the television. Only supporting his friends my ass.
"He's not going to like this." I heard Tia whisper to Jordan. I glanced behind at them timidly.
"This is what he needs." Jordan smiled cockily and nodded towards me to carry on walking.
"Well I'm gonna blame your ass when he kicks off over this. You need to stop meddling."
"Most valuable player in the game baby." She hit him and he laughed, rubbing the spot her hand had touched.
I neared the top of the stairs and hovered outside his bedroom. I could hear the loud humming of rock music, it was basically just an annoying growl rather than music. I wondered why he played this atrocious song if he had a migraine.
I lifted my fist and knocked on his door but the sound of my knock got lost under the sound of the screaming song. So I opened the door just a crack and peeked in.
"Arlo?" The drapes were drawn and the room lay in darkness but I could see a mound of human under the bedsheets laying in a heap right in the middle of the bed.
"Arlo, it's me Fearne. Can I come in?" The heap moved but otherwise didn't respond so I walked in and closed the door behind me.
Arlo's room was the messiest I have seen it yet. Clothes lay everywhere, food plates sat untouched. The room was clammy, dark, dank and the music played loud enough to not hear myself think.
"Arlo?" I tried again.
The heap of bedsheets moved on the bed but he didn't answer me. I walked over to the music and switched it off. Then I reached behind the curtains and opened the window letting in some fresh air. I got his desk chair and moved it to the side of his bed and sat down.
"Would you like me to get you anything? A drink maybe?"
"Go away Fearne."
Fearne, never a good sign.
His voice sounded low and muffled. I pushed aside the lump of bed covers to make room for me and then sat myself on his mattress carefully.
"Your dad said you had a migraine." He didn't answer but I took his own advice, just because he didn't communicate with me didn't mean he never wanted to be communicated with.
I watched the blankets rise and fall through his suffocated breathing. Every now and again there would be a sniffle coming from beneath the covers.
"So Jamie's girlfriend is in love with Liam. How twisted is that?" I attempted to make lighthearted conversation.
"She made him take lots of selfies and kept fan-girling about the coke he brought her. It was so lame."
"Please just go away Fearne, I don't want you to see me right now." His small voice pushed out after what felt like a lifetime of sitting in the dark with one sided conversations.
"I can't see you Arlo, you're hiding under the covers." I pointed out. A small splutter of laughter came from the pile of material taking me by surprise.
"Was that a laugh?" I asked poking at the mound that was Arlo. He didn't answer again.
"If you won't come out, can I come in?" I asked, gently tugging at the blankets that he was clutching onto with his dear life like they protected him from all evil.
I managed to wiggle myself underneath and lay on my side inches away from Arlo's broken stare. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy underneath. His hair was messy, those curls completely untamed in a way I had never seen before and he was sweating thanks to the heat of the blankets.
I didn't think he showered today.
Under the duvet was dark and enclosed, Arlo's little bubble of safety that I had somehow penetrated.
We sat staring at each other for a while, I didn't know how long for. His focus was so intense, like he was trying to understand me or uncover whatever game I was playing. But right now I was metaphorically holding my hands up unarmed.
A tear rolled down his cheek and I swiped it away with four of my fingers. His skin felt burning hot and sticky.
"Why are you so sad?" I whispered, he sniffed sadly.
"I have no idea." He answered with a croaky voice, more tears falling. "The flip switched and now every fibre of my being feels low and worthless." He just blinked at me sadly, like the stronger half of his personality had given up and disappeared. Leaving him alone to fight his battles.
The carbon dioxide was clogging up inside the duvet with our mingled breathing and I lifted it a little to let a slither of oxygen inside his safety net.
He pulled his knees to his chest, hugging them close and I knew it was a motion to protect his heart. I could relate to feeling the same level of vulnerability that he felt right now.
"Fearne?"
"Hmm?"
"Right now..."
"Yeah?"
"I'm naked." He breathed deeply and shyness washed over him like a tidal wave. He was wearing clothes, a dirty white T-shirt and grey boxer shorts but in this moment I knew he was feeling more exposed than he ever has around me. Stripped bare of his protection and guard.
"I know." I answered softly, letting him know it was okay. I wasn't judging him, I was only here supporting him.
He rolled over and lay in the fetal position, I wrapped my arms around him, cradling him. We lay there as hours past us by, just listening to him breathe in and out deeply. We didn't speak, we didn't need to. I just needed to be there for him.
I think maybe we both dozed off. Woke up. Changed position. Cuddled. I know I ought to have thought about my father and his opinion of me being in bed with my arms draped over a barely dressed biracial boy but I didn't. I didn't care about his views. I didn't even care if he dragged me from this bed by my hair and drowned me in the bathtub or locked me in the chamber. In this moment I only cared about Arlo and how I could make him feel better.
"Arlo, I need to leave soon." I whispered as it got really late. His whole body tensed in my arms and I knew he didn't want me to leave. "Will you be at school tomorrow?"
He shrugged. "Sleepover." His barely audible voice croaked out.
"I can't, Janet hasn't approved your parents. They have to be checked. I could lose my living position if she found out."
I glanced at the wicker basket filled to the brim of condoms. They came in small foil packets of different colours. Like a candy bowl, just for those very sexually active. Suddenly I wanted to get out of the bed.
If he hasn't bothered to shower today he probably didn't change his sheets either and last night Hattie was his booty call.
"I'm going to come back tomorrow." I promised, slipping myself out of his arms. "And every day you don't feel strong enough to face the world." He searched my eyes but I'm not sure what he was looking for.
"How am I going to face you when I come out of this?" I placed my two hands on either side of his face and used my thumbs wipe away the tears on each of his cheeks.
"Don't even think about that." Absentmindedly I leaned in and kissed his forehead but then I immediately pulled back wondering why the fuck I just did that.
He closed his eyes, not even acknowledging anything abnormal about the kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow after school." I spoke a little rapidly now and moved myself out of the bed. Arlo nodded silently and then covered his face with the blanket once more.