Chapter 31
"So, what was it that you wanted to talk about?" Julian asked me as we lay in his bed, I was wrapped up in his arms. "Did my sister say something stupid? Because she tends to do that a lot." He pressed a kiss on my forehead as if he was trying to show that there was not a single reason why I should doubt whatever was going on between the two of us. But why did it feel that there were reasons to doubt? I have a sister, I am a sister. I would never bring up any concerns about my sibling if I didn't genuinely have them. So, why did Hannah have these concerns?
I turned around in his arms to face him. "Your sister didn't say anything stupid. She just said something that made me think of some things."
"Lucy, what did Hannah tell you?"
"Let's just not do this right now, okay? I want to think about what I think of what she said first. To be honest, I wish she hadn't said a thing to you about it."
"Why are you pushing me away?" There was hurt visible in his eyes and voice. It sounded a bit less controlled and a bit rawer than his usual voice.
"Pushing you away? What are you talking about? I'm right here. Heck, if I were any closer to you we'd be having sex."
"I don't mean physically. But you're pulling away emotionally. If we want this to work between us, we need to talk about the things that play on our minds. Distancing ourselves emotionally isn't going to do us any good. And neither of us would have to guess what is going on in the other's mind."
I lay my hand on the side of his face, caressing his jaw. "Listen, I promise to tell you what's going on in my mind when figured it out myself. But you need to give me this time to process." I said. "Because talking about this when I'm not sure how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking, isn't going to do us any good either."
I could see in his eyes that he was thinking about this. That he was weighing the pros and cons of giving me the time I'm asking for.
"Do you promise that you're not going to run?"
"I promise." Which I really did. I didn't want to run away when it got hard. I haven't done it in the past, and I won't do it now.
"Okay, tell me. What do you need? What can I do?"
I pressed a kiss to his lips. This was one of the things I loved about him. I loved how he could be strong for me when I couldn't.
"Let me get dressed, kiss me goodbye, and let me go to work. And then, have dinner with me tonight? I promise we'll talk about this then. Because the last thing I want to do is to push you away or to pull away from you."
I searched his face for any sign that would tell me how he was feeling about this. Any sign of him going to fight me on this. But, like usual, I wasn't able to read him like I would've wanted to. I wanted to be able to know what he thought without him having to say it. I wish we were able to have conversations with only our eyes. It would've made things a lot easier. That's for sure.
"Fine. I'll see you tonight. Want me to cook you something? I remember my last try was interrupted by a hospital visit." A smile started to show on his face. At least he wasn't angry about this all. That's a relief.
-
The moment I stepped into the building, I wave of calm washed over me. Work is certainly not my happy place. However, it is the one place where I know where I stand, know what I need to do, and know how to feel and act. Work is a place where there is no time or space to doubt anything. It's the place where I make choices and am certain that the choices made are the right ones. And if the choice wasn't the right one, there was a way to fix it. Whether that is fixing the thing that went wrong or decide on a whole other solution entirely. Unfortunately, I wasn't that confident when it came to my love life. You can replace an investor, but I can't replace my heart.
Allison was already there, and so was my brother. They were too preoccupied to notice me coming in as they were both bent over a desk to look at something on the computer screen, probably crunching some numbers.
"I can't wait for what will happen when Lucy sees this." That sounded slightly worrying.
"Until Lucy sees what?" I couldn't keep out the alarmed undertone in my voice.
They both turned to face me, smiles wide on their face. A sigh of relief found its way out. I wasn't even aware that I was holding my breath. "Come on, Luce. You've got to come over and see this." I couldn't remember when I heard Chris this enthusiastic, ever.
"What is it?"
"You should come to see for yourself." Allison turned the screen towards me. I stepped closer to see what it was that had them so giddy and excited. But when I stepped closer and was finally able to read what the email on the screen said. My mouth dropped and a smile immediately made its way on my face.
"Is this serious?" I couldn't believe this was true. That this was happening.
Chris wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. "You did it, little duck," he said. "Mr. Greenburg sent over the contract for the investment. I checked it, and so did our legal department. All you need to do is sign the contract."
But it couldn't be this easy, right? If it was this easy, why didn't dad ever look for help? "What if he made a mistake?"
"If that's the case, and I highly doubt it, the man is a fool. But that's not our problem. A contact is a contract and you know it." He turned to me and made sure he was able to look me in the eyes. "Lucy, this man, however stiff and dull he may be, believes in this company. He believes in you and the plans we've made to improve. And that's not all, he increased his investment. We can make some serious changes here. We can pull this baby off the ledge. This is not the right time to doubt whether or not the other party made a mistake."
I knew all this. I just couldn't believe this was actually happening. I wasn't dreaming. This was real.
"Someone get me a copy so I can sign it and we can let the legal department fix the rest."
Allison, being the terrific employee that she was, already had a copy and a pen ready for me and I quickly signed the papers. No time or space to second guess this.
"Okay, now that this is done. We need to figure out where to start with the renovations. Which hotels would be most profitable if we would broaden our clientele to families and tourists rather than just businessman."
-
Allison and I were working together on our new online marketing strategy, but we both felt it was time for a break and walked over to my coffee machine to have a much-needed caffeine shot.
"So, how are things going between Julian and you?" Allison asked. Was there anything that could pass this woman's senses?
"To be honest, I don't know. We were good. Amazing really. I've never felt this way about any guy in my life. But his sister told me something last night, and I don't know if I can just shake it off, you know?" I raked my hand through my hair. Why were relationships so stressful? So scary?
Allison encouragingly smiled at me. "Come on, Luce. This is what you've done since we've met. There always comes that certain point that you'll think that it's too good to be true. Most of the time, that's also the point that you tend to make small things really big. You don't need me to tell you what to do. You're a smart woman. You know what to do."
"Which is?"
"For God's sake, Lucy, talk to the man. Tell him what's on your mind and where you're doubts are coming from. But I can tell you, he isn't here for your money, not for what you can do for him career-wise. He's here for you. Why else would he forgive you for not being honest at the start."
"Thank you! You're the best." I stepped towards Allison and pulled her in a hug. "I'll talk to him tonight. I can't screw this up before it really started, can I?"
The rest of the day went by without a hitch. We made some progress in deciding which hotels we were renovating first, and what these renovations should entail. It's a start, but we're not there yet, and we know it.
I was now on my way back home, actually excited to see Julian again and to smoothen the bump we'd hit this morning. I couldn't keep pushing him away because I was scared of getting hurt. I know this. And I need to come to peace with the fact that it's possible he feels the same, that is if what his sister told me was the truth.
Once I parked my car in the parking garage beneath my building, I rushed to the elevator and pushed the button to my floor. The elevator's walls were covered in mirrors and the sight of my reflection shocked me. I'd raked my hand through my hair so many times, apparently, that my hair was a disheveled mess. At this point, I was positive that I'd started a new nervous habit. I quickly pulled an elastic from my bag and tied my hair together in a high ponytail. It wasn't great, but at least beat the mess that it was.
It felt as if the elevator took its sweet time to bring me up to the 7th floor and I was starting to get impatient. I just wanted to go up there and be with Julian. I want to apologize for my erratic behavior this morning. I just want us to be okay.
Finally, the elevator arrived on my floor and I stepped out immediately. I walked up to my apartment and put the keys into the lock. I was greeted by a delicious scent of a home-cooked meal and Julian working his magic in my kitchen. This was something I could get used to.
I stood there for a minute and just watched him. I watched him move around the kitchen so natural, so comfortable, and confident. It made him that much more attractive.
After a few minutes, he finally noticed my presence. "Hey," I said and walked over to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.
Out of all the reactions I would've expected, this wasn't one of them. I thought we were good when I left this morning. But apparently, I was wrong. I was so, so, wrong.
Julian turned his face so my lips came in contact with his cheek and then took a few steps back, creating distance between us.
What was going on?