t.w. sexual assault
James' first Quidditch match as Captain couldn't have come at a worse time - the day of the full moon. They were all desperate to stay with their friend as he curled up in his bed all day, hardly able to string a sentence together. It was a bad one, and the guilt of having to leave him behind ate the others up.
But there was nothing that could be done, James' obsession with the sport and his unconditional love for his friends waging a war inside his head. Remus hadn't been this ill before a full moon in months, but Gryffindor needed their players, and the messy haired boy had a lot to prove this game.
He'd never worked harder towards anything, except perhaps the Animagus project, meticulously planning practices and game strategies, using all the knowledge he'd collected from watching Joseph Wood and Darren Wayne as the Captains before him. The team looked better than they had in years, and Ellie and Sirius were more than proud, willing to follow any tactic their best friend threw at them. Something new to the pair when they were used to just doing their own thing out on the pitch.
"And remember, just keep moving." James had never had to give a proper speech before, but he covered his nerves well as he finished his last-minute pep talk to his team in the tunnel, "What do the snakes do?"
"Play dirty!" The whole team chorused.
"That's right, so what are we gonna do?"
"Clean up the filth." Ellie and Sirius' enthusiastic cheers were louder than anyone's, but the team were definitely riled up.
The House Cup would be theirs this year, they were determined to make it so.
"How are you feeling, Ryder?" James called to the back of the organised line.
Antony Ryder was only a fourth year and built like a twig, and a risk had been taken in giving him Darren Wayne's old spot as Keeper. Usually, the Keepers were made like brick walls and the biggest on the team, but Antony looked like he may be knocked flying by just the quaffle coming at him too fast. However, in try-outs, he'd proved himself the best of the bunch, swift and nimble in catching the quaffle to keep it in play as opposed to being large enough to block the hoops.
"Never been better, Cap!" The fourth year called, clapping his gloved hands together as he tried to keep himself warm.
"And Longbottom?"
Alice's boyfriend, Frank, had filled the last Chaser spot now that Mable Munro graduated last year, and the three Marauders in particular had become very fond of him. He was a great team player and always had valuable insight to share from spending years studying all the Quidditch matches he'd watched. Perhaps as enthusiastic about the sport as James was, the messy haired boy hadn't had to think twice when Frank had shown up at the try-outs.
"Ready to humiliate Slytherin for sure!" He grinned, giving a confident thumbs up.
"Podmore, North, play as well as you did last year and you won't let me down." James nodded at his final Chaser and Seeker, "And children..." Ellie and Sirius were last to be addressed with the biggest smiles yet, "Make Mama proud."
"Aye, aye, Captain!" They both saluted.
The Gryffindor stands had never roared so loud when James' name was announced at the beginning of the match, and it melted all of his nerves in seconds. Arrogance and confidence took over quickly as he sped laps around the pitch, Ellie and Sirius flanking his sides as they swung their Beater's bats ready. The rest of the team all flew to their places in the air, the crowds cheering louder and louder, awaiting the Slytherins' arrival, and James made his way down to the grass where Madam Hooch stood with her whistle in hand. Ellie and Sirius continued circling, darting around each other and clashing their bats together like swords, completely unaware that their rival team had come swooping onto the pitch.
Flying in a tight formation, the Slytherin team shot out of their tunnel at top speed. They looked like nothing but flashes of emerald across the sky, weaving in and out of the stands to make the crowds go wild. It wasn't unusual for the snakes to make a scene at the beginning of their matches, attempting to intimidate the other team, and so the Gryffindors were ready for their theatrics.
James blew out long breaths from where he stood on the grass, watching the Slytherins move so swiftly it seemed like the wind didn't even affect them - he was perhaps the only one of his team that felt jittery.
There were also rumours that Slytherin had appointed a new Seeker this year, one they'd kept very secretive about. People had tried to get a name out of the other team members to no avail, and all the Slytherins had made sure not to turn up to breakfast in their robes so that nothing was given away. The messy haired boy was sure they couldn't be any better than his Seeker, Amy North, for she was extremely talented and had a couple of years playing on the new Slytherin Seeker. At least, that's what he hoped as he paced in front of Madam Hooch restlessly.
Up in the air, Ellie and Sirius were mocking the Slytherins' flying formations in front of the Gryffindor stands and making their house roar with laughter. But in all their mocking, they didn't notice the snakes swooping round to fly right by them. Ellie had to swerve out of the way to dodge one of the Slytherin Beaters swing their bat at her, and Sirius ended up right in their flight path. They all sped passed him faster than he was sure any of the Gryffindor brooms could fly, ending up in their tail winds which sent him all off balance.
Though he probably would've almost fell off his broom anyway.
He was the first to catch a glimpse at the new Slytherin Seeker, and his heart nearly stopped. Right there, at the back of the snakes, swathed in emerald green robes and games face on, was Regulus. Regulus Black who'd always refused to join the Slytherin Quidditch team because the sport was Sirius' thing.
Without hesitation, the handsome boy was racing to the ground, jumping off his broom before he'd properly gotten to the floor. He didn't so much as stumble as he ran over to where James was, his messy haired friend waving his arms around in panic.
"What are you doing?!" James screamed, "Get back in the air!"
"It's Regulus." Sirius panted, wide-eyed in panic.
"What's the bastard done?"
"The new Seeker. It's Regulus."
James paled beyond sheet white.
"Well, is he a good player?" He asked quickly.
"I don't know!" Sirius shouted, "Do you think we were allowed to play Quidditch in that fucking hell hole?"
"But could he be? What are his reactions like? His eyesight?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"Well, I mean, he's built like a Seeker. Good arms, probably light, his hair might get in his face though-"
"Boys!" Madam Hooch interrupted their floundering, "It is your own fault if you aren't prepared. Now, Black, up in the air. Go on! You can't have your feet on the ground when we begin."
The boys shared a pointed look, before Sirius mounted his broom, noticing the Slytherin Captain coming down to join them. James clapped him on the shoulder nervously before he was able to get back into the air, looking no less calm than Sirius felt.
"Don't let him shake you." James told him, though his words seemed very hypocritical, "He's probably done this out of spite."
"Wait 'till Cubby finds out." Sirius sighed, "Good luck, mate. You're the best Captain we've seen in our whole time on the team. We'll smash it."
"Love you, Padfoot." Patting him on the back, James placed a chaste kiss on Sirius' temple, but the handsome boy shoved him off with a playful grin.
"Save it for Evans!" He called over his shoulder as he flew back up amongst the other players.
Sirius tried his best to not let Regulus bother him, but inevitably his head was all over the place for the whole game. Countless times Ellie had to save his neck after he missed a particularly nasty bludger, because his eyes were constantly scanning to see where the youngest Black was. Half of him was furious that Regulus would even dare join the Quidditch team, and the other half of him reluctant to knock his used-to-be brother off his broom.
Sirius wanted to still be angry, as he was at the end of the last school year, but after summer, he now felt significantly emptier. Emptier from the absence of the curly haired boy, even if they'd never had the most stable of relationships.
Regulus moved like an emerald green shadow, just swashes of robe across the sky, so fast that Amy North didn't stand a chance. The Gryffindor Seeker was nowhere near the right end of the pitch when he finally caught the golden snitch, bringing the game to a close. There were celebrations all round from the Slytherins, the stands already chanting songs for their new prodigy of a player, but that didn't mean that the snakes had won the match.
With James behind the wheel, Gryffindor had been one hundred and sixty points ahead when the snitch was caught, for the lions never let an opportunity at a goal slip. They had the majority of the possession of the quaffle for the whole game, aided by smooth passes and tight flying formations - Ellie had also been working ten times harder due to Sirius' absent mind most of the time.
She'd been shaken by the head of curly black curls that sprung up on the pitch, but there wasn't much time to dwell on it when bludgers were flying everywhere.
After the end of the last school year, Ellie's opinions on Regulus were completely skewed for she couldn't understand how he'd let himself get entangled with his family's disgusting views. But whenever she looked at him, he was still that curly haired boy she'd always cared for. Yet, she knew that he'd picked a side, and so that left her trying to ignore his presence the whole game.
Gryffindors flooded the pitch to congratulate James Potter on his first captained match, as well as his first win. He was hoisted into the air by Frank and Sturgis, sat on their shoulders as the lions all chanted, everyone jumping and jostling each other wildly. Amy North had worried that everyone would be angry with her for being bested by a first time Seeker, but when everyone cheered for her too, her nerves settled. It didn't matter that she hadn't caught the snitch, Gryffindor had still won the match, and that was all that mattered. James had led them to victory and displayed just how competent a Captain he was. Practically born for the role.
Peter, closely followed by Lily, Mary and Alice, pushed his way through the crowds as best he could to get to his friends. He spotted Ellie and Sirius first, the pair a few steps away from the celebrations as they talked furiously between themselves. No one seemed to notice their absence, everyone's eyes on James, but it appeared they wanted it that way.
Stood so close that their chests were nearly pressed together and lips moving quickly, whatever they were talking about clearly looked serious, and Peter suspected it was probably to do with a particular curly haired boy. He stood patiently at the edge of the cheering Gryffindors until it looked like a good time to go over and tell them how great they'd played, eyes trying to decipher what words were being thrown back and forth. Peter knew better that to get involved with Ellie and Sirius when they were talking about Regulus.
"You'd think they wanted Slytherin to win." Lily Evans announced herself at his side, making Peter jump, "I expected them to be trying to snog Potter in celebration."
"Oh, no." Peter shook his head furiously, "If it's not each other, Padfoot is snogging Flora Buchanan, and I think Cubby is snogging Moony. I don't really know though, it sort of makes me queasy."
"I was joking." Lily's lips curled into a half smile when Peter made an 'oh' sound, "I guess you lot will be missing the party in the common room tonight then?"
"Yeah, the furry little problem and all. It's better for him when we help."
"Help?"
Lily had just assumed that the Marauders would keep Remus company until night fell, ditching the celebration party to be by his side and then probably sit in their dorm all night worrying. But now, it seemed like Peter might be implying something else, especially when his whole face drained of colour.
"Yeah, um, you know..." He squeaked, "Cubby cuddles and we all try and distract him from thinking about it until its time"
He hoped this would sound like a convincing enough lie, but Lily raised a quizzical eyebrow as she stared him down. Peter wasn't sure he'd be able to cope if she started questioning him more, he'd been caught off guard and let it slip, and she could not know they were illegal Animagi. Though, thankfully, just as Lily went to open her mouth to reply, they were rudely barged passed as a brunette went racing over to Ellie and Sirius.
"I'm not talking to him about-" Ellie was cut off as Flora went hurtling into Sirius' side.
"You were amazing!" The fifth year squealed, flinging her arms around him and peppering his cheeks with kisses.
"He didn't do a bloody thing." Ellie grumbled.
The pair had been arguing about Sirius' lack of presence during the match, that she'd been put in so many compromised positions which led to near misses, because his head had been all over the place. Of course, Ellie understood why, but Sirius had had a long time to process his and Regulus' break down of relationship by now, and he'd had a job to do. She'd been able to push thoughts of the curly hair boy aside as they played, and it frustrated her that he hadn't been able to as well. It was just lucky that Ellie had been focussing, otherwise she may have ended up in the Hospital Wing.
"We've just talked about this. I told you, I couldn't help it, my head was just-" The beautiful girl cut Sirius off.
"You shouldn't have let it bother you so much, we had a job to do and you left me working on my own."
"Tu n'écoutes pas. It's not my fault!"
"No, but it's your shitty relationship with him!"
The argument had escalated quickly as they went round and round spitting the same points back and forth. Ellie was just annoyed after they'd put in so much effort to all their practices, not truly meaning her harsh words, and Sirius' head was still spinning, neither of them able to calm down and discuss this maturely. It also didn't help that Flora was hanging around the handsome boy's neck, glaring viciously, for this only seemed to be winding Ellie up even more.
"You're being cruel." Sirius frowned, but he was ignored.
"It's your job to keep yourself in check. If you're not gonna be able to cope playing against him, maybe you need to re-evaluate your spot on the team."
"Watch your mouth, Gryffin!" Flora spat suddenly, getting herself involved where she shouldn't.
"Stay out of this, Buchanan!"
"Don't speak to her like that." One of Sirius' arms snaked round his girlfriend's waist as he backed them both away a little.
"Do not play the saint now." Ellie scoffed, "Where were you being all protective when I nearly took a bludger to the head? Three fucking times!" Her voice got louder and louder as she spoke, eyes wild and teeth bared like some animal, "You wanted nothing to do with Regulus anymore, so don't have anything to do with him. He wins if you're thrown every match we play against the snakes... They win."
The 'they' she was talking about wasn't the Slytherins, and Sirius knew it.
"This is nothing to do with them."
"It's to do with the hold they still have on you though."
"Ils n'ont pas- I'm free from them." Sirius hissed, "Something you'd understand better if you didn't fuck off to France all summer and leave me to figure everything out on my own!"
"I can't always sort your life out for you!" Ellie screeched and silence fell.
They stared at each other like strangers. A stormy grey hurricane against a sea green tsunami. Sirius wondered what had happened to his own personal Patronus, the beautiful girl who'd thrown herself in front of him against Walburga and always been so understanding, for the Ellie Gryffin he was looking at wasn't the one he used to know. She wasn't even the girl from his Birthday who'd giggled with him and kissed his cheeks. This girl was spitting at him with cherry red lips and had her harsh haircut braided out of her face so that there wasn't one chocolate wave in sight.
But she still had those scars, that severe one that sliced up the right side of her face and looked like an angry vein popping out of her neck. It was beautiful, Sirius would always adore her scars, but somehow they managed to now make her look even more terrifying than that unfamiliar sneer did.
Little did Sirius know, he'd been the one that had turned her so cold. She was only reflecting back at him what she'd received for the majority of the school year. No understanding, no tender love. Just dismissal and sharp words.
The pair had always been like mirrors after all.
"But you could be a tad more supportive." Flora chided, snapping the pair out of their standoff, "Come on, Siri, let's get away from her."
And Sirius went willingly with his girlfriend as the fifth year dragged him away across the pitch, glancing back at the unfamiliar girl with a sense of overwhelming loss. Ellie staring back at him as if he was walking away forever.
Flora dragged Sirius back to the Gryffindor changing room, still deserted as the team continued to be congratulated on the pitch. He was glad of being away from it all, given some room to breathe, and he sat down on one of the benches as he shut his eyes tight. All he could see was that unfamiliar girl, and it was driving him insane. Their argument had erupted so quickly that words had gotten too out of hand, and now he'd taken a step back, he was able to see that. Though, Sirius was sure that Ellie would probably be fuming still. And he too, was still stung by some of her words.
"Are you alright?" Flora asked gently, coaxing him to open his eyes as she moved to stand in between in legs.
"We never used to fight like that, but this year..." Sirius began in despair, rubbing his face, but she was quick to take a hold of his wrists.
"Hey, don't think about her. She was being selfish and not listening to the fact that you did nothing wrong." Flora pulled his hands from his face, "You said it yourself, she was being cruel. You did the right thing. Friends shouldn't speak to you like that and you did your best to put her in her place. Personally, I've always thought she had some form of superiority complex going on. Clearly, she's an extreme narcissist."
Sirius' brow screwed up.
"Cubby's not a narcissist, she just cares too much sometimes and it gets difficult to-"
"I said don't think about her." Flora interrupted, "I can distract you if you'd like..."
Her tone was overly suggestive, and Sirius should've seen her lips coming, but he was still caught off guard. Hands slipping from around his wrists and to the sides of his cheeks, Flora pulled his face up to meet hers, kissing him almost feverishly. In any normal circumstance, that probably would've been enough for Sirius to be distracted as she'd said, but not when Ellie Gryffin was so furious at him. Not when his head was still swirling with thoughts of that beautiful girl he didn't know anymore, the curly haired boy who used to be his brother, that family he escaped from.
"No, I think maybe I need to go and patch things up. We can't be arguing tonight, it won't-" Sirius tried to push Flora off, and whilst her lips detached from his, they still remained mere millimetres away as she replied.
"What will it take for you to stop thinking about her, huh?" Flora sounded sickly sweet and something about her smile felt off, "Perhaps one thing..."
Her lips were on his again in a matter of moments, more forceful and urgent. Before Sirius had even been given a chance to shut his eyes, his back was being pressed against the bench, and Flora was on top of him, straddled over his hips. Things had gotten steamy when they'd snogged before, a wandering hand here or there, pressed together in some dark alcove in the castle. But this was different. There was a desperation in the way Flora kissed him now, as if she wouldn't let him get up if he wanted to, something that was proven true very quickly.
"I'm not really in the mood..." Sirius managed to say, twisting his face away, but Flora's lips just reattached to his neck. Any and all attempts to get her to stop were futile and the fifth year's kisses just got sloppier and more forceful, her hips grinding into his. One of her hands went gliding from his face down his chest and lower and even lower, and a panic began to bubble in Sirius' throat, "Flo, get off." He tried again, struggling to get his arms free. Somewhere along the way she'd pinned him down so that he could barely move.
"You don't mean that." Flora cooed into the crook of his neck, sending shivers down his spine that churned his stomach, not set it alight with butterflies.
"Yes, I do. I need to go and talk to Cub-"
"Stop talking about her!" Flora clapped a hand over Sirius' mouth so firmly it felt like he'd received a slap to the face, "You know I can do so many more things than she can. Things you'll really like..."
She'd shuffled slightly so that he wasn't so pinned down, but before Sirius got the opportunity to push her off, that rogue hand that had been hovering at the waistband of his trousers had slipped into his boxers. Blood running cold, he shoved her off with all the strength he could muster.
"GET OFF!" Sirius roared, getting to his feet as quickly as possible, but his legs gave way. With nothing to cling onto, he slumped back down onto the bench, vision too blurry to see the way Flora was now splayed out on the floor as if she were a marionette doll that had been cut from her strings.
"You- You pushed me..." She blurted out, blinking furiously, but Sirius ignored her.
His head was spinning, and as he shut his eyes to try and steady himself, all he saw was the image of her pinning him down on his back again. All he felt was the cool of her hand gliding along his skin as she pulled the fabric of his boxers out of the way. Stomach clenching, bile swarmed at the back of his mouth, and Sirius shot to his feet as he raced to the exit. He didn't entirely feel like he was in his own body, but just uncomfortable skin over his bones. Crawling and... dirty.
"I'll tell my brother!" Flora's voice called just as he'd reached the doorway to the changing rooms, and Sirius froze stiff, "I'll tell my brother you got physical with me. Hit me. He's Head Boy and can go straight to Dumbledore. Where will that leave you?"
"I wasn't the one- the one..." Sirius didn't want to sound so shaken, so disturbed, but there was no way of hiding it.
"But who do you think they will believe?" The corners of her lips curled disgustingly, "Poor little innocent Flora who's sobbing and bruised... Or Sirius Black, known cheat, flirt, and already been punished for attacking other students before?"
"You wouldn't." Sirius tried his hardest to sound menacing, but it was difficult when he was stood there physically shaking now, breaking out into some cold sweat.
Flora simply got up from the floor like nothing had happened, brushing herself off and flouncing over to him with an exaggerated swing of her hips.
"Not if you're good to me." She whispered, pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips before breezing by, her fingertips grazing up his arm as she left, "I'll see you at the party later."
"I won't be there." He choked, still stuck like a statue in the doorway.
"Then whenever, lover boy... I've got your promise of being good, I'm going to make sure you keep it."
And just like that, Flora was gone like nothing happened, sauntering back down towards the pitch whilst she no doubt concocted a story of how Sirius had pinned her against the wall in the changing room showers.
It took Sirius all of two seconds to throw up on the floor, and when he had, he collapsed into a heap as he sobbed.
He couldn't be expelled from Hogwarts for this, it was the only place he had to go besides the Potter's, but he was sure they wouldn't take him back if he was accused of- of... He'd lose everything, and Sirius wasn't even sure what he'd done. Flora had just... She'd just touched him, and it had felt so wrong. His stomach clenched again, the stench of his vomit beside him on the floor wafting up his nose, and Sirius retched once more.
The Marauders would never be able to look at him again if Flora told everyone that he'd- Sirius couldn't even think the word. He'd been put in a compromised position, trapped in something he had no way out of, because Flora was supposed to be his girlfriend. People in relationships did that all the time, didn't they? Should he feel bad that he hadn't wanted to?
Sirius wasn't educated enough to know that he was well within his right to say he wasn't ready. To say no. He'd grown up being told by Walburga and Orion that sex was something which happened on his wedding night, with his bride, so they could hopefully produce an heir - like some form of business transaction. There wasn't supposed to be anything confusing about it. It happened then, and never before. With that one person, and that one person only. His wife. Of course, now that he was a teenager he knew, but he'd never been taught about casual sex between partners who trusted each other. He'd not known what 'safe sex' constituted as until others had started speaking about it.
And he was still unaware that consent was the first rule.
But Sirius knew how he felt now that Flora had groped him, and he never wanted it to happen again. The guarded boy had been nowhere near ready to take that step with anyone, but that decision had been snatched from him now. He'd been touched, and no doubt the fifth year that he'd been calling his girlfriend would try again, no matter how many times he told her to stop. And if he shoved her off again, she'd run away spouting lies that would ruin him.
Left feeling like he had no way out, Sirius sobbed harder than he had for a long time, bringing himself to being sick for a third time. His skin still crawled, Quidditch jersey hunched round his waist and trousers just on wrong, hair clinging to his wet cheeks and the foul taste of vomit on his tongue.
But what could he do? With nothing to his name after leaving the Blacks, no money, no home, no family to take him in, if Flora ever said anything, that would be the end. She had him completely at her mercy and Sirius felt helpless.
"Where've you been all day?!" James cried when he eventually made it back to his dorm that evening.
Scrubbing my skin raw in the changing room showers, Sirius should've replied, weaving in and out of the trees in the Forbidden Forest as Padfoot so I didn't have to feel anything.
"Did you not look on the map?" He dodged the question instead, keeping his head bowed as he went riffling through his things for clean clothes.
"Well, yeah, but it just showed you wandering around alone."
"Needed to clear my head."
"About Regulus and stuff?"
"Ouais... des trucs."
Without so much as making eye contact with any of his friends, Sirius shut himself in the bathroom to change and maybe even shower one last time. A part of him wanted to tell them what had happened, explain how he felt, but he expected them to say that he was overreacting, that it was alright because him and Flora were together. Sirius still didn't understand why he wasn't okay with his girlfriend doing that with him. And the only other person he'd want to say anything to was Ellie, but she was curled into Remus' side, not having even flinched when he came in.
That left him with his walls built sturdier than ever, defences on high alert, and completely isolated. All he wanted to do was crawl into bed, sleep and wake up to find out that this whole day had just been one new type of nightmare, but the full moon would rise tonight, and they had a job to do.
"We argued after the match about Regulus." Ellie mumbled into Remus' chest once Sirius was shut away, thinking that she was explaining the reasoning for his distant mood.
"Would you two stop doing that? It seriously ruins the group's vibe." James complained dramatically.
But as soon as Sirius remerged, dressed in his most comfortable clothes that swallowed his body whole and the drawstring of his joggers double knotted, he had his mask on. It looked as if nothing had happened, his hair falling around his face and to his shoulders in the soft waves it always did, stormy grey eyes steady. He padded across the room silently, tugging his long sleeves over his hands as he reached Remus' bed, hesitating briefly before crawling onto the bottom.
Ellie watched him intently from where she was squished into the side of the lanky boy, being careful as to not crush him and cause him any more pain, and Sirius eventually ended up nestled between them with his head on her stomach. She was sure he'd never looked so cautious with every movement, something odd but that she just assumed was because of the full moon, and Remus couldn't complain about having both him and Ellie near before his worst hours.
"I'm sorry we argued earlier." Sirius whispered, reaching one hand to grab a hold of Ellie's.
He needed one of her healing hugs, now more than ever. It didn't matter if they'd screeched at each other earlier. It didn't matter that they'd both been cruel. Sirius only cared about having her close, because being with her had always been the most secure he'd felt.
"I'm sorry too." She whispered in reply, not letting him hold her hand, but running her fingers through his hair instead. Sirius thought that was even better, "I was an arse and shouldn't have brought them into it."
"It's alright, you can be an arse, I'll still like you."
"As long as you always will."
"As long as you always keep me safe..." Sirius buried his face into Remus' duvet so that no one heard what he said.
"What?" Ellie asked gently, tracing a swirling pattern on his cheek.
"Nothing." He replied, letting her fingertips soothe him.
Because hers still felt nice. Hers were still safe. Hers weren't wandering but only ever careful with him. Hers didn't grab where he didn't want her to.
"I don't think I can come tonight." Ellie exclaimed suddenly, her hand finally reaching for Sirius' like she needed some comfort of her own, and his brow crumpled.
He wanted her by his side tonight, more than anything. More than he wanted to be by Moony's side. It felt like the only thing that would give him the motivation to drag himself out of the dorm.
"Why not?"
"Are you sick or something? You don't look sick." James interrupted, standing off his own bed and striding over.
"I'm fine." Ellie replied plainly, shuffling awkwardly as she tried to sit up a little. Neither Remus, nor Sirius would let her, both of them clutching on tighter.
"Then why can't you come? I hate to say it, but that's a bit selfish, isn't-"
"I'm on my period." She blurted quickly, shutting her eyes straight after she'd said it.
The boys all blinked a couple of times before Peter pulled a slightly disgusted expression.
"So?" Sirius frowned, starting to shuffle around awkwardly too.
Suddenly the strings pulled tight on his joggers didn't feel tight enough. It almost didn't seem fair that she could get off for something that she should be used to, when he'd been to hell and back today and would still have to go. He still couldn't let go of her hand though.
"Do you really want me to say it?" Ellie cringed, and their silence was confirmation enough, "So my blood-"
"Don't say the b word!" James shrieked, clapping his hands over his ears, but Ellie just narrowed her eyes. You all wanted to know.
"Me bleeding, hungry Werewolf, confined space... Not sounding too good, is it?"
"But when you're a dog-" Sirius began, desperate to find a way for her to be with them tonight, but he was cut off.
"It's probably best." Remus nodded as he shut his eyes, "Just in case."
"Just in case. I'm sorry, Moons."
Ellie carefully leant closer to him, peppering his cheeks with gentle butterfly kisses as she nestled her head into his shoulder. Even in his weakened state, Remus was able to flush, but luckily he could pass it off as his high temperature.
"S'alright. It won't be every time and we'll manage okay."
"I think it's quite sweet you're werewolfing at the same time. Not that the lunar cycle is anything to do with the menstrual one." James announced, ruining the somewhat tender moment.
"How would you know?" Ellie scoffed.
"Asked mum, of course." Everyone stared at him gone out, "What? Did you never ask about girls?"
Peter shook his head furiously, acting as if he wanted to burrow into his bed, whilst Remus didn't have enough energy to roll his eyes. Only James Potter would go asking about periods.
"You forget who I grew up with." Sirius commented bitterly.
"Well, I wanted to know. When Cubs woke up that morning... It freaked me out for almost all of second year after that." Ellie cringed for the second time. The morning she'd gotten her first ever period was absolute chaos in the boys' dorm, and they were all still scarred by it. After that though, the beautiful girl was sure that there was nothing more mortifying that could happen to her in front of them, "Thought it'd happen to me. We all know how I am about-"
"The b word." The other's all chorused and James shuddered.
"Well, Mama Mia sorted me out like the saint she is. What I know about the female reproductive system now." He blew out a huff of air as his eyes went wide for a moment, "Don't ever get pregnant, Cubs, I don't think it's worth it. I mean, I love kids, but I wouldn't want to be the one that's pushing it out of my-"
"I think it's time for you guys to head off, yeah?" Ellie interrupted quickly.
The beautiful girl felt unbelievably guilty as she sat in the boys' dorm alone that night. It was all made worse by the fact that she felt fine in herself, as ready as she was before every full moon, but they couldn't take any risks.
Whilst they all now knew how to keep Moony occupied for a night and keep him in check when needs be, the four Animagi could get out of their depth very quickly. It only took the Werewolf being a little bit testier or more boisterous, and only Prongs was then able enough to face him. Human blood of any kind would never be a good mix against a prickly Werewolf, and Remus had been even more ill than normal before this full moon, so no one knew how Moony was going to be.
But Ellie couldn't just sit around and wait for the boys to come back after sunrise, she needed to do something to keep herself busy, anything. Though there wasn't a prank to plan, she wasn't hungry so a trip down to the Kitchens would be useless, and every other Gryffindor would be down in the common room celebrating their Quidditch win. Ellie really didn't fancy the party, not when the boys were out risking their lives, and so she ended up splayed out on James' bed as she studied the Marauder's Map. Thankfully, the boys hadn't taken it with them, though why they hadn't she didn't know, but it was at least available to provide some entertainment.
Dumbledore was pacing back and forth in his office like he always was, there were countless couples tucked away in hidden corners of the castle, and four boys missing - it appeared that this didn't distract Ellie at all. Though one name did catch her eye, smack bang in the middle of the Gryffindor common room even though she was a Ravenclaw.
Jessica Arnell.
Ellie wouldn't have cared about her at all if it wasn't for Professor Flitwick pairing them together in Charms, and the fact she was standing right next to the dot labelled Flora Buchanan. She'd been shocked when Sirius hadn't returned with his girlfriend in tow, but clearly he must have left her in amongst the party.
Thinking maybe she'd be able to pull Jessica away, Ellie decided on talking to her about their project since she was near-by, but she didn't think that'd necessarily be possible if Flora was involved. She debated whether the frustration of having to face Sirius' girlfriend was worth it verses a night a of panic, especially when Darren Wayne and Fraser's dots joined the pair on the map. Could she face a very likely argument with Flora? Would she even be able to get Jessica to talk to her after walking out of that Charms lesson? Probably not.
But Ellie would swallow her pride for this, for anything would be better than tearing her own hair out as the night stretched on.
Not caring that she was dressed in Peter's checked pyjama bottoms and one of Remus' fraying knitted jumpers, her hair braided back in tiny plaits with strands falling out everywhere, she wandered down into the common dully. The smell of alcohol and teenager hit her in the face as soon as she got to the bottom of the stairs, being consumed by the crowds in an instant. It was all rather overwhelming when you weren't in the mood to celebrate, and the music was so loud that Ellie struggled to think straight, but she slinked her way around everyone dancing and drinking regardless.
The quicker she found Jessica Arnell, the quicker she could hopefully drag her away from the chaos.
There was no sign of Lily or Alice and Mary, or even Frank, but just as she got near the drinks table, she spotted a head of pin-straight chocolate hair very much the same colour as her own - Flora.
"Jessica!" Ellie called as she got near, still having to push her way passed people, "Arnell!"
She had her foot stamped on and someone elbow her in the side, but she only shoved back harder as she finally emerged in front of the familiar group. Jessica stood with her arm wrapped around Darren Wayne's back, chatting animatedly with Fraser as Flora tried to join in by laughing loudly. All of their faces fell when Ellie stumbled into their small circle, Flora in particular who seemed to let out an exasperated chuckle. Though she could've been laughing at the beautiful girl's outfit too.
"Ellie?" Jessica gaped, unhooking her arm from around Darren, "What are you- Yes?"
"Can I talk to you about our project? The Charms one." Ellie wasted no time on pleasantries, desperate to escape the burning glare she was receiving from Sirius' girlfriend.
"Why are you here?" Flora interrupted rudely.
"I just said, to talk to Jessica about our-"
"I mean, why aren't you busy with your friends? Siri told me that he wasn't coming to this party."
"He's not. The boys are busy."
"With what?"
"That's not really any of your business, Buchanan." Already irritated by Flora butting in, Ellie wasn't able to stay calm, but Fraser cut in before anything escalated further.
"Wait." He shook his head turning to his sister, "Are you, like, involved with Gryffin's friends?"
"Of course I am, silly." Flora flapped a dismissive hand, "Siri's my boyfriend. Everyone knows it."
"Sirius Black?" Fraser's eyes couldn't have shot wider as his face paled beyond belief, "You are not dating Sirius Black. He's- He's..."
"Fit, dreamy, handsome... Did I mention fit?" Flora cooed and Ellie had to clench her fists to stop from gagging, "We make a very good-looking couple."
"Have you not listened to anything Jess has said about- about them?" Gesturing wildly to Ellie, Fraser spluttered his words, "Black cheated on her, with two other girls! You can't expect that he's any different now."
"He's gonna treat me good, I'll make sure he does."
"I'm not here about Pad- Sirius, so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop talking shit about him." Ellie cut in, shooting daggers in Fraser's direction before turning back to Jessica, "I know you're sort of busy, but can we go and talk about this project? Please."
Jessica looked from Darren to Flora and Fraser, and then back to Ellie, clearly thinking her options through.
"Um, sure..." She replied eventually, "In your dorm?"
Ellie nodded simply as she backed away, gesturing for Jessica to follow her without saying goodbye to any of the group.
They made their way up to Ellie's dorm, both sitting down on her bed with stiff postures. There was an awkward silence for a good while as they sat staring at anything other than the person sat before them, Jessica trying to make the floorboards look interesting whilst Ellie couldn't help herself but stare out of the window - from where she was, the full moon was completely visible.
She might have asked Jessica to talk, but that didn't mean she knew what to say or even approach the topic of them having to work together. It was the last thing Ellie wanted, for this girl had slapped her and potentially even looked friendly with Flora Buchanan now as well. Two things she thought spoke wonders about the Ravenclaw's character. But there wasn't much Ellie could do, she was stuck working with Jessica upon Professor Flitwick's orders, and she got the feeling he wasn't too fond of her either, so probably wouldn't be cooperative and let her swap partners.
However, before the beautiful girl had managed to formulate what she was going to say, Jessica spoke first, catching her completely off guard.
"It thought you didn't want to work together? I was going to go and speak to Sir about swapping. Say that I'd be happy working with Pettigrew if it meant you could work with Sirius."
She blinked a couple of times, lost for words at how... civil she was being. Jessica had never been so thoughtful when she knew her as Sirius' first girlfriend.
"Oh, um, I don't know what to say." Ellie spluttered, but Jessica just shrugged.
"Well, I don't mind working together, if you don't. But after you walked out that lesson..."
"I'm sorry about that." Feeling suddenly guilty, Ellie spat her apology faster than she meant to, making the Ravenclaw flinch away slightly. Perhaps it was the look of embarrassment on Jessica's face from being walked out on in lesson, or perhaps it was her genuine kindness, but the beautiful girl felt her cheeks flush from her own embarrassing behaviour, "I guess I was a little petulant, wasn't I?"
Jessica nodded slightly before taking a deep breath, her gaze snapping to Ellie's in an instant.
"And I'm sorry that I slapped you, that I tried to slap Sirius." Her eyes were blazing, "I was angry, so angry, and I still get furious when I see him completely unbothered by it. I know it was a couple of years ago now, and that I should probably be over it because me and Darren are- Well, we're good and I really like him. But Sirius messed me about and it made me look like a fool."
Ellie really had been stunned.
"I can't defend what he did, I know it was wrong, but there's stuff that he-" She began, feeling more flustered than she ever had done, but Jessica cut her off.
"He's got baggage." She stated plainly, "It was quite clear, and it was wrong of me to act out so violently."
"You've been a bigger person than me for apologising. I just stormed off."
"Gryffindors have a tendency to be hot headed I feel."
"Yes, I guess so."
And the girls chuckled. Together. Like friends.
Ellie felt so low of a person for holding the grudge she had against Jessica, for just assuming the worst and not ever hearing the Ravenclaw out. It was clear now that she was nothing like Flora, not cruel or vicious, just scorned. Even if the fact that she'd tried to hit Sirius still sat funny with Ellie, she could understand what it felt like to be cast aside by the handsome boy for someone else. She too, sometimes, wished she could slap some sense into him.
"And your, um, face..." Jessica pointed awkwardly to Ellie's right cheek, "Darren told us you said it was a Quidditch accident, and it doesn't really look like a Quidditch accident to me, but I'm not going to ask what happened because it's not my place. But I'm sorry. For whatever did happen... You and Lupin are very brave to show off your scars like you do, I don't think I could do it."
"Thank you, Jessica." Ellie smiled that warm grin of hers that made her look positively sunny. The one that drew people in and made her look angelic, and Jessica returned it easily, "Really. If it had been the other way around, I don't know whether I would've been mature enough to apologise like that."
"I figured it was probably best, because I know how close you and Sirius are, and right now with him and Flora- I know she can be..." Jessica seemed to struggle for a word as her face contorted.
"A nuisance?"
"Well, yes." She smirked, trying her hardest not to laugh, "I don't really like her, but Fraser is Darren's best friend and she's his sister so she's around now and then."
"She keeps trying to butt her way into our group." Ellie grumbled.
"I can tell her from experience that she won't do it. You lot are tight-knit."
"We have reason to be."
"Very ominous." Jessica smirked again, and Ellie shrugged casually.
"Strange nicknames, mysterious scars, lots of secrets. It's all rather cult-like."
"I didn't want to say so..." They burst out into giggles which caught them both by surprise, and the girls found themselves questioning why'd they'd ever hated each other in the first place. Ellie found talking to Jessica as easy as talking to Lily or Marlene, and it somewhat felt like they were supposed to be friends. Not just in the way that the beautiful girl found people she liked and clung onto them tightly, but because there was a mutual respect for one and other, "Do you want to work together then?"
"If that's alright." Ellie never thought she'd be saying that, "You are the best in our class at Charms, and Flitwick isn't my biggest fan so I'm hoping you'll get me a good grade."
"I might be able to pull a few strings."
"Thank you again, Jess." Ellie reached out to grab her hand, giving it a kind squeeze before letting go, hoping that would truly show her gratitude.
"No problem." Jessica grinned, standing up off the bed, "I think we just got off on the wrong foot, and I'd like to be friends. If me being with Darren isn't weird for you?"
"I'm not his biggest fan either, nor do the boys like him, I'll be honest. But that's none of my business and I never really wanted to be with him like you clearly do."
"Okay." She nodded, "I'm going to go and re-join the party if that's okay? But we can meet in the Library or somewhere really soon to actually start the project. I don't really know what we're supposed to be doing."
"We'll figure it out." Ellie shrugged, giving her a friendly wave as Jessica bounced out of the room.
It was like a weight lifted off the beautiful girl's chest having that sorted out, knowing everything would be okay. Jessica wasn't who she thought she was, and she'd made a new friend, one she wasn't sure how the boys would react to, but a new one all the same.
Whilst her mind was instantly back to worrying now she was no longer distracted, Ellie was able to return to the boys' dorm with one less thing balancing precariously on her plate. It felt like there was one thing being thrown at her after another at the moment. Whether small petty things like difficult fifth years with ugly personalities or the fact that Cyrus had been kicked out of the Ministry, everything mounted up eventually. Being on good terms with Jessica for this project made things easier, and easier was exactly what Ellie wanted.
Though, as usual, the universe wasn't on her side.
After finally nodding, tucked under Remus' bed sheets with James' Quidditch blanket thrown over her too, she was sure she must've only been sleeping for five minutes before she was woken by crashing. Siting up abruptly in bed, her eyes took a minute to adjust as someone turned on all of the lamps in the room, other people hissing at each other in hushed voices.
Across from her, James and Peter were struggling to get a very limp looking Sirius to lie on his bed whilst the handsome boy groaned loudly, and Ellie was on her feet in seconds. His shirt torn and blood everywhere, her heart leapt into her mouth as her knees about gave way.
The last time one of them had been in such a state, Walburga had given Ellie her scars.
Sirius groaned louder when she flung herself onto his bed, sitting right next to him so she could see what had happened, her hands hovering helplessly over his torso. When his eyes fluttered closed, Ellie grabbed for his face, sweeping his hair away, and a lazy smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
"I knew you'd be here for me..." He mumbled, pressing his cheek into her touch.
Ellie looked between James and Peter, desperate for an explanation.
"Don't panic, it's only a scratch." James announced after he gagged and clapped a hand over his eyes, "We stopped by Sluggy's supply cupboard and grabbed a bottle of Dittany. Should fix him up."
"Prongs can't look. It's bleeding pretty badly." Peter added and Ellie felt a surge of frustration tear through her.
"Yeah, no shit!" She snapped, "This is not just a scratch." As careful as possible, Ellie reached to move some of the torn fabric away from the two slashes across Sirius' torso, one thick which stretched right from his left shoulder to his right side, and the other less severe. Sirius winced and she flinched away, "I think we should take you to Pop-"
"I'll be alright." He groaned, trying his best to sit up and play the pain off. He'd had worse within the walls of Grimmauld Place. But Ellie could see in his eyes how bad it was, if the wound wasn't serious enough to show it on its own.
"Give me the bloody Dittany, James. Stop being ridiculous. If you can't cope, go and sit on your bed with your back to us." She snapped again, helping to prop Sirius up with his pillows, "What the hell were you doing?"
"Moony was grumpy tonight." Peter explained, hovering awkwardly as James retreated to his bed as she'd ordered. He wouldn't turn his back on them, needing to know whether his brother was okay, but he kept his head buried in his drapes, "Seemed pissed Cubby wasn't there too."
"He got testy, looking for you I think, and he wouldn't just relax. When we tried to keep him from tearing through the walls, he tried to tear through us instead." Sirius added, watching Ellie shake the bottle of Dittany before turning back to him.
"We need to get this t-shirt off you." Pursing her lips, she set the bottle on his bedside table before beckoning Sirius to sit a little further forward. He didn't move, "Come on, Padfoot, we need to do this quickly."
"You can- Can't you just heal it like this?" He protested, suddenly more defensive than he had been, "You can see where I'm hurt, can't you?"
"Please-"
"I thought you said you needed to work quickly! Get on with it, Cubs."
Ellie stared at him for a moment before turning to Peter.
"Can you make sure Prongs isn't turning green?" She asked, and the smallest Marauder nodded once before scuttling off.
Shuffling further onto Sirius' bed, Ellie reached to pull the drapes shut and grabbed the bottle of Dittany again, shielding them from the rest of the room. She wanted to be able to be more respectful of Sirius' wishes, but in this case, it just wasn't possible. The handsome boy gazed at her with pleading eyes, and Ellie knew what he was saying, but she had to get him healed properly.
"I can't work with your shirt in the way, and I've never done this before, so I don't want to mess it up. All this blood needs to get off you too." She said gently, "If you can do it on your own, I'll shut my eyes and you tell me when you're ready."
"Alright." Sirius choked, and Ellie sent him a comforting smile before closing her eyes. She waited a moment and then he whispered, "Okay."
"Okay." Ellie echoed, opening her eyes and getting to work straight away.
She didn't allow her eyes to wander, or even meet his, but only focus on the tender flesh which now had blood congealed around the wound. Sirius winced and hissed every time another drop of the potion fizzled up in green smoke, new skin stretching over the slashes in its wake.
Ellie didn't claim to be a Healer or know anything about the profession, and it probably would've been wiser to go looking for Lily to help, but she'd watched Euphemia work countless times now, using the same potion to quickly heal grazed knees or bloodied palms from when her and James had been too boisterous playing. One time, the loving woman had even mended her son's cracked skull after he'd toppled over the banister on the stairs trying to slide down it backwards - Ellie maintained James had never been sane since, but at least he didn't even have a scar.
Sirius gripped the bed sheets as she healed the last parts of his wounds, but not because the potion stung, but for the fact he sat in front of her bare chested. Vulnerable and completely at her mercy, he couldn't help but tense, and it wasn't helping his skin knit back together.
But Sirius had never had his top off for anyone besides when Euphemia had needed to heal the scars on his back, the ones he really didn't want Ellie to see, and whilst this situation was very similar, he was still squirming. The closer Ellie got to work, the more she had to lean over him, and all Sirius could see was the chocolate colour of her hair falling out of its tiny braids. The same chocolate colour that Flora Buchanan's was. The Flora Buchanan that had pinned him down in the changing rooms and- and... just earlier in the day.
Sirius didn't want to feel so uncomfortable under Ellie Gryffin, the beautiful girl who'd always been so gentle and careful with him, but his body wasn't listening, and every time she moved just a little too sharply, he flinched.
"I like your tattoo." Ellie broke the silence that had fell over them whilst she worked, wanting to distract away from the heaving noise of Sirius' breaths.
She didn't dare touch it, nor even let her eyes linger too long, but she nodded her head toward the line of paw prints up his left side as she finally screwed the lid back on the Dittany. Only then did she let her gaze lift to meet his.
"They don't hurt to get. Not like Muggle tattoos I don't think."
Sirius was sheet white, as if he thought she might punch him, and Ellie didn't really know what to say. What could she say when he'd not wanted to take his t-shirt off for her and she'd had to force him too? The beautiful girl felt more guilty than she was expecting.
"It's gonna scar like that, Padfoot, I'm sorry." She mumbled eventually, dropping her gaze to where her hands rested in her lap, "Werewolf scratches and bites don't ever-"
"We've all got scars, it's just another to add to the long list." Sirius interrupted solemnly, "Come here..."
Ellie shuffled a little further up the bed, feeling her cheeks flush pink.
"Closer." He hummed, doing his best to push himself further upright, and when Ellie finally got next to him, she was as red as a tomato. Wincing as he leant forward, Sirius gently bumped his forehead against hers, closing his eyes, "...Persephone Eloise."
"Mmhm?" She breathed, too close to him to think straight.
"Thank you." Sirius grabbed a hold of her hand, trying his absolute hardest to shove thoughts of Flora away so they could have this moment.
"Anytime, puppy." Ellie started to grin, squeezing his hand once, "The favours been returned now for my scars."
"No, I mean thank you for- for not looking."
"Looking?"
"For not goggling or- or touching."
Sirius backed away, pointing under his bed for a clean t-shirt, and Ellie stared for a moment. She wanted to ask what he meant, a confused panic bubbling in her chest, but when he shook his head very subtly, she knew she wouldn't get an answer. His walls had gone up and he wouldn't meet her gaze again, and Ellie let it slip.
Something she'd come to regret when she got her answers far in the future.